Monday, May 30, 2011

Step Out of the Narcissist's Delusional World Now

"The narcissist lives in an intricate world of his making dominated by inflated illusions of self importance. His style is grandiose---like some peacock or wild turkey with feathers in full display...Experiencing himself at the center of life like a sun surrounded by encircling planets, the narcissist believes that everything flows from him." (From:
Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life). You are "real" to the narcissist and defined by what you can achieve for him not who you are. The narcissist expects you to follow his lead and stroke his ego. Your independent thought is foreign to him and considered inferior.

Narcissists run cold about the feelings of others, especially spouses and children. If you are upset, never expect to be comforted. The narcissist may make a few noises in your direction but then he's off to his own pursuits. To get along with a narcissist you are expected to share his delusions of greatness at the same time that you ignore the devastating psychological effects of the harm you are enduring. Eventually, the non-narcissistic spouse may recognize that this is not a genuine relationship. Quite often there is a painful back and forth vacillation that occurs. The injured spouse decides to take the narcissist back, even re-marries him and has additional children only to find out that this person has not changed. The narcissist becomes even more manipulative and ruthless, leading to a serious personal crisis for the non-narcissist. Narcissists walk blithely away from the emotional chaos they have created. They are bored with all of the "theatrics" of their spouses, their "overreactions." Often they have someone else who has already replaced the psychologically abused spouse. Many narcissists abandon their children, figuring that it is much easier to produce some new ones with someone else.

Learn to identify in depth the specific characteristics of the narcissistic personality---their quirks, tricks, games, ruses and understand that it is not worth giving your life to someone who is absolutely incapable of emotional intimacy or empathy and will not change. If you are already in a marital situation with a narcissist that is causing havoc in your life, seriously consider severing this "relationship." Think clearly about the steps you need to take to maintain your emotional and psychological stamina. Remind yourself that you deserve to lead a life that belongs to you that gives you every opportunity to use your creative gifts, to make decisions freely, to experience inner peace and, yes, joy. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com


Saturday, May 28, 2011

Are You Married to a Golden Boy Narcissist? Protect Yourself

"In many ways, the birth of the future narcissist is a second coming, the fulfillment of all the hopes and dreams of the parents. Because they feel empty and inadequate and are often narcissistic themselves, the child is the chosen one, the answer to all of their prayers...A common message communicated by the parents is: 'Everything we do is for you---you are the center of our world.' " (From: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life)

Golden boy narcissists are standouts almost from the beginning. Handsome, highly confident, athletic, bright---they magnify us with their presence. They have a dynamic that tells us they can handle and master whatever comes along in their lives. If they are attracted to you, it won't be long before you find them irresistible. When we feel the sexual attraction and emotional pull it is very difficult to listen to any mental doubts we might have. The golden boy is a master of the chase. If he wants a particular woman by his side, he is gifted at reeling her in. Narcissists can gauge how attracted you are to them. They know just which buttons to push, how to create an aura of excitement and unlimited possibilities and put it at your feet. Their promises and the pictures they paint of a life with them are highly believable.

Within a short time you are psychologically fused with them and romantically thrilled by being the chosen woman with whom this special person will share his life. For a short time after the marriage, everything appears to be going as promised. Then, a shift takes place. You catch you spouse in lies. He denies them and is furious with you for false accusation. You question yourself, believing that you could be wrong. The idealization of the golden boy narcissist by the non-narcissistic spouse is the painful, predictable mistake that is made. Their acts are so convincing that some golden boy narcissists belong on the Broadway stage.


As time moves forward, the red flags are more frequent. Every time something goes wrong, you are blamed.Quite often it is the narcissist who is out of line. That doesn't matter. Narcissists don't make mistakes. You take the blame even though it hurts. You have invested too much of yourself to do otherwise. Then there is the narcissist's role as master controller. He dictates every phase of your life, even to the smallest detail. Narcissists monitor your thoughts and tell you that your thinking is amiss. "What's the matter with you? You're so confused. Why are you constantly over-reacting?" If you want to go through the family finances with the narcissistic, he becomes very defensive and then angry and ugly. He accuses you of not trusting him. As the marriage goes along in years, the golden boy narcissist becomes an attack dog,showing his fangs whenever you speak with independent thinking and an assertive voice. You are castigated, humiliated and verbally threatened. "You do it my way or else." That's what this so called golden boy is saying. Finally you recognize that this "relationship" isn't working. There's no warmth, no respect,no empathy--just constant stress and being on an emotional edge that is intolerable.



Learn to protect yourself from these GB narcissists. Don't buy into their lies and prevarications. They are not going to change. The narcissistic personality is a fixed. The narcissists adores himself and controls everyone else. Why should he change--he's perfect.



Often it is best to cut your loses and look to your future without the narcissistic golden boy. Listen to your intuition, the wise one inside of us. Call on friends whom you trust to be supportive and respectful of your decisions and are available when you need them. Take time to study the narcissistic personality in-depth. Don't blame yourself for what the narcissist has put you through. Look forward to a life that you deserve that is filled with creativity, affection, spontaneity and a deep peace that is waiting for you. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Friday, May 27, 2011

Narcissistic Spiritual Teachers---Causing Psychological Harm

"A pernicious type of narcissist presents himself or herself as a spiritual mentor. Attractive, bright,charismatic----these individuals...practice pseudo spirituality." (from Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life). A growing number of narcissists are putting themselves in the role of spiritual teacher. Often well educated, sophisticated, highly articulate and with compelling personalities, these fake spiritual teachers fool many people who are  looking for someone who can introduce them to a spiritual practice and a new way of living. The most successful of these fraudulent spiritual teachers are highly magnetic, savvy about human nature and appear to be both empathic and sincere.

It is alarming to discover how good people are fooled by these new age spiritual programs that are designed to keep the follower coming to expensive courses that they believe will bring them enlightenment.

True spiritual growth has no price. There are times when we seek the wisdom of those who are of high consciousness. Genuine teachers are not focused on how much money they will make and the accumulation of fame and fortune. Learning how to meditate and to create a spiritual life does not cost money. Authentic  teachers do not encourage large followings or their moment of fame. Spiritually evolved human beings help others toward higher consciousness out of compassion for them and the joy of alleviating their emotional and psychological pain.

Those who become entrapped by the narcissistic pseudo guru are pursued to provide larger and larger sums of money to fill their coffers. They are often treated abusively when they cannot follow unrealistic rules that are arbitrary. Unfortunately, many followers are brainwashed and keep coming back for more. These spurious practices are often designed to make their followers feels humiliated and dependent. Those who leave these  groups feel emotionally lost and disoriented as a result of  the delusion of their belief that the narcissistic teacher was genuine. Those who are recovering from these cruel at times criminal schemes, suffer greatly and take time to heal. To protect yourself from these purveyors of fake spirituality, study the narcissistic personality  in depth. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my werbsite:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Ultimate Narcissistic Delusion--Believing They are Good People

"Although he (she) may be a malevolent human being, the narcissist believes that he is a "good person." (From:Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life) Au contraire! Those who have been married to narcissists or had a narcissistic parent tell a very different story. They have spent much of their lives at the mercy of the narcissist's deceptions, intimidations, exploitations and complete lack of empathy. Within the inner walls of the family the ugly truth is laid bare. Narcissists put members of their family at their mercy. They terrify their children with threats, horrific rages and innumerable broken promises. Children of narcissists are used as props for photo opportunities and public display at social and business events. Their role is to be decorative and to increase the narcissist's opportunities to boost his ego. Narcissists luxuriate in their bragging rights about their golden children. It isn't enough for them to be talking about how wonderful they are every moment. They extend this activity to the child/children they have chosen to make them look even more superior.

Despite all of their transgressions as human beings---a complete lack of loyalty to spouses, the perpetual personal betrayals, the lives they have destroyed with their lies, the people they have psychologically maimed and stepped on to get to the top, they believe and convince many others that they are Good Human Beings.
They play this part so expertly that many in their personal and professional circles believe them. And to make it even worse, they blame those who have been victimized by the narcissists, including his own children. Current and ex-wives who are maligned by the narcissist are put on the "she's a nutcase list". If children don't tow the line they become personas non grata and are ejected from the family tableau.


To protect yourself from narcissists and take the upper hand with them, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 


Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

First Born Narcissistic Daughter's Reign of Terror

In some dysfunctional families, mother and father are not narcissists. They want the best for their children but one or both of them make the mistake of allowing their first born daughter to control them from early on through her temper tantrums, battles of will, her sneering disregard and demeaning of her young siblings. In many instances the father has capitulated his power to the mother. Some of  these mothers are psychologically weak, feel inadequate, tend to give in to stronger personalities. I know of several family constellations where the oldest narcissistic daughter is ruling the household by the age of four. Mother is so intimidated by her that there are no limits placed on her behavior. This budding narcissist is very willful and overwhelms her mother.

The first born narcissistic daughter is frequently cruel and brutal with her young siblings. She makes fun of them, telling them they are stupid. Mother does not correct her out of control child. She, the adult, is afraid to say anything because she fears a full screaming fit by her older daughter. I have seen younger siblings suffer horribly under the reign of terror of these narcissistic Queen Bees. These wars continue through adulthood with the parents bending to the will of their narcissistic, unempathic cruel, controlling daughter.

If you were in this stressful, demeaning role as the sibling of a narcissistic older sister, it is time to recognize that you deserve to be respected as an individual even if your parents are too psychologically weak to speak the truth---that their oldest daughter is a cruel narcissist. You may have to sever your relationship from your older sister. She is simply impossible and very toxic to you.  The singular goal is to end this hurtful relationship to lead your own life. Free yourself to use all of your creative gifts, set your spontaneity loose,  develop intimate emotional relationships,work toward achieving pychological wholeness and deep inner peace. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Child of a Narcissist-Never Had a Parent

"The child of a narcissist must endure that he never had a real or loving parent. The mother or father that they revered and cherished was a counterfeit: on the surface, beautiful, handsome, charming, bright; on the inside, cold disingenuous, enraged, empty. Many children of narcissistic parents struggle throughout their lives to obtain the love and acceptance their mother and/or father failed to provide.  They suffer from the endless flicker hope that now or tomorrow or next year this mother or father will be different---capable of love." (Quote from: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life)

Children of narcissists are searching for the love they never received from their parent(s). Many blame themselves that they weren't perfect and therefore were unable to obtain the nurturing that they needed. They feel inadequate inside and incapable of  moving forward. These adult children don't have access to their unique creative gifts because their time as children was taken up by the narcissist parent who siphoned off all of the energy and attention for himself. Children of narcissists are often distrustful of others and tend to isolate socially. Some are too trusting and needy and end up becoming involved with narcissistic personalities. Children of narcissists often choose the wrong partners or spouses, repeating in their current lives what they have suffered as children in the past.

Learn to recognize that your life has intrinsic meaning. You are not responsible for having narcissistic parents. You have survived and this is a great achievement. I have been in communication with many children of narcissistic parents who are highly empathic individuals. Work on your healing---looking down the road at the life in front of you.  This destiny belongs to you. Take it in your hands and reach high, deep and wide. Recapture your life, appreciate your lovely uniqueness. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com


Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com


Monday, May 23, 2011

Scapegoated Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers and Narcissistic Daughters

We would expect that a child would feel safe in her home. This is not the case with a child who has been put in the victim role by her narcissistic mother. Narcissistic mothers are completely absorbed with themselves. Many of them have children to enhance their image of having a perfect family. The work of raising, nurturing and protecting one's child is expected and essential. The narcissistic mother often turns her daughter(s) over to babysitters or nannies when the child is very young, even an infant. She makes sure that friends and acquaintances believe that she is a devoted mother. She talks about her daughter, pretending that she is emotionally invested in her child. This is not the case. If  one of her daughters has been chosen by mother as the special one, her treatment of this child is completely different. This daughter is privileged from infancy.Mother is fixated on this child who holds the promise of being a perfect replica of herself. Narcissistic mothers choose this special little girl for various reasons; physical beauty, mental brilliance, charm and magnetism that win people over.

Narcissistic mothers often rule the family. Father is present in name only. He is a fixture in his own house. Some of these fathers are workaholics and prefer to be away from home than to deal with the cold harsh  temperament of this woman. 

The narcissistic mother deals with her unconscious fury by projecting it on to a daughter whom she has picked as a scapegoat.  It is not unusual for the victim to be a highly sensitive little girl. She has no defense against the ridicule, demeaning verbal assaults of these highly disturbed mothers. This situation can become more traumatic if the narcissistic mother and her narcissistic daughter join forces in the taunting and humiliation of this child. I have heard from adult daughters scapegoated in this manner. Their stories are heartrending. Many of them survive by entering the world of books, art, uses of the imagination. Some are fortunate to have a special friend whom they can visit often enough to take the psychological pressure off of them for short times.

Adult daughters who survive the narcissistic mother wars are incredible psychological warriors. Many of them experience symptoms of post traumatic stress syndrome and spend  years in the aftermath of these traumas and their efforts to heal. Individuals who have been through such a prolonged ordeal need our understanding and compassion. Many of them find their way to healing through support groups, participate in psychotherapy, work with healing modalities--gentle yoga, walking and sitting meditation, The deeper our understanding of the true nature of narcissistic mothers the better we are prepared to help ourselves in the process of healing from these highly pathological family constellations. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissist-Ultimate Controller

Narcissist King is in his castle; Narcissist Queen is in her castle. Some narcissists build monuments to themselves that represent their power and perfection. In business they succeed by surrounding themselves with compliant individuals who are answerable only to him or her. They have no mind of their own.

At home the narcissist is Chief Intimidator. he barks out the orders. The non-narcissistic spouse has no say. If she speaks up, watch out for the eruption of volcanic rage. A child with a stronger personality is these families is going to be psychologically abused and discarded. The narcissistic father uses this child as an example of what can happen to the others if they don't obey without question.


If you grew up with a narcissistic mother/father tyrant you have suffered psychological wounds that require healing. Know what you deserve---to be treated as a unique individual who is respected and valued. Don't repeat this dysfunctional pattern. Many of these children marry narcissists! Find healing practices that work you, including gentle yoga, meditation, quality psychotherapy. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com


Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Narcissistic Sociopaths-Preying on the Most Vulnerable

Narcissistic sociopaths have no respect for anyone. They feel entitled to do whatever they want to those whom they choose. For them people are disposable objects, nonpersons, who can easily be discarded. Often highly educated and intellectually bright, and acutely cunning, they convince most people that they are of fine character. With the highest academic and professional credentials they move on the fast track to the highest levels of success in their fields. Narcissistic sociopaths are "gifted" at presenting themselves as persons of integrity who can be trusted and are above reproach. They appear,even to those who know them very well, to be dedicated to their families.

If they are in positions of the highest power in corporations, the government, international business, etc. they are surrounded by people who work for them and worship them simultaneously. This is their charmed circle of true believers who will defend them at all costs.

When no one is watching the narcissistic sociopath adroitly takes a 180 degree turn and acts out on his primitive impulses. He is a dual personality. These individuals cause harm to those who are most vulnerable--often women in particular who are without formal education, family or financial security. Many of them are single mothers who must support their minor children. This entire burden is up to them since many of them have been abused and then abandoned by their spouses or boyfriends. Women in these vulnerable positions are legion. They are the silent, uncounted, often forgotten victims in our society. Most people don't think about them. There are narcissistic sociopaths who routinely victimize women in this category. Very often they get away with various levels of sexual assault, going the full range from inappropriate touching, to forcible acts that are serious felonies. The victim is often too traumatized and terrorized to defend herself.

The perpetrator, surrounded by the worldly powerful and those with great financial means, make sure that nothing untoward will happen to someone who has committed these horrendous felonious acts.  It is essential that the legal system be followed to protect the rights of the accused and at the same time, treat the victim with fairness and understanding.

Narcissistic sociopaths (predominantly male although there are some females who fit this category) must be identified---regardless of their power in the world, their professional reputations, their global connections, their wealth, their elaborately layered personas---and treated like any other human being. If men like these are guilty they must be prosecuted and taken out of society to protect those whom they have victimized and prospective victims. Often these men have perpetrated these kinds of crimes hundred of times and gotten away with it.

There are no excuses for these perverse, destructive behaviors. No one is entitled to victimize another person. Don't every be impressed with a person's professional accomplishments, their titles, their power and reach in the world.

Educate yourself about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic sociopaths. The better informed we all are and the demands we must make to ensure respect for and security to the most vulnerable among us, the more advanced our consciousness and the deeper our empathy for each unique individual. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com








Thursday, May 19, 2011

High Profile Narcissists--Getting a Pass for Their Destructive Patterns of Behavior

When I speak of high profile narcissists-men and women-I am talking about those who hold powerful positions in the business world, government, entertainment, media, etc. Current society rewards horrendous narcissistic behaviors if the person(s) who has caused suffering, stress, shock and any number of catastrophes to others, wields power and influence. Why is it that so many people are so impressed even mesmerized by those whom they perceive as the greatest successes, are allowed to cause pain to those whose social class is not up to their level. We are all human beings. No one is any more important than anyone else. Yes, there is an outside world where important decisions are made by a few individuals or groups. That does not mean that someone who has achieved a high status financially, politically or any other way has the right to exploit, denigrate and damage another human being. We cannot continue to give these so called special people a pass every time they commit a malevolent act. Many of these perpetrators act out a cycle of psychological, emotional and even physical violence repeatedly. When they are caught---this is very likely not the first time these behaviors have been occurred. I hear people saying: "He/she is too important, indispensable." "There is no one to replace this genius." "We have to remain focused on all of the invaluable things he/she has done for the company, government, organization, etc. "  This thinking is highly delusional.

This is an opportunity for all of us to become highly educated about the narcissistic personality disorder. Learn to identify them quickly and to deal with them and when necessary sever your relationships with them. Remember, you are important and unique. You will stop giving narcissists a pass; they will not be able to take advantage of you; you will be the master of your life. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Narcissistic Men-Fulfilling Every Sexual Desire

Narcissists are always hungry for narcissistic supplies. One great focus for them is finding new and exciting sexual partners, despite the fact that they are married. That doesn't enter their minds. They will get what they want, no matter what. They give into their impulses---They are entitled to fulfill every wish and desire. A narcissist may look like a family man, presenting the perfect picture of the great husband and father. But this is part of the elaborate image that he projected on to the world to protect his perfect persona. Narcissist don't have a conscience. They are restless people who are always on the hunt for greater excitement.  Many of them are great risk takers in the sexual department--it's all very thrilling for them. In their minds if they feel like having an affair, a brief fling, or a mistress, one night stands on the side, that's their business even if they are the father of minor children. After all they show up for some of their children's school and social activities. And their attitude toward their wives is: this woman is lucky to have me. I make her life so much better. I provide her with the best lifestyle--a great home, trips, fantastic social events. What else could she want. She has her career and I have mine. The narcissist man compartmentalizes his life especially if he is an addictive womanizer. Without a conscience and no basic respect for or concern that he will psychologically damage his wife and children, the narcissist feels free to act on his sexual impulses and satisfy his appetites. He is so arrogant he knows he will never get caught. He's too smart for that. Besides, life is very boring, sharing it with one woman. The male narcissist knows he is entitled to having as  many women as she chooses. When a particular girlfriend no longer appeals to him, he discards her like an inanimate object. She is removed from his life to make room for the next wave of women who will satisfy his sexual and psychological needs.

Narcissists are infantile, psychologically regressed. Current society is fascinated by these philanderers and if they are famous, some in their audience are envious of their sexual exploits. Narcissistic men never think about the dreadful emotional consequences to their children of this reckless, promiscuous behavior causes. Narcissists are too preoccupied with themselves to think about these matters.Narcissists are like feral animals in the physical form of adults. When they are caught, the narcissist may say that he is sorry if he has caused emotional pain to his family. This is not true. He is simply mouthing words to protect his image. Narcissists are loyal to no one---only themselves. They cannot be trusted on any level. They will not change. Narcissists have severe personality disorders that are fixed and intractable. To protect yourself and learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Monday, May 16, 2011

Don't Let Narcissists Exploit You---Take Charge of Yourself and Your Life

It is easy, almost automatic to be impressed with individuals who have the full package--confidence, affability, smooth social graces, a convincing act that they are genuinely interested in you. I am speaking about narcissistic personality disorders who are on the fast track to power and success. They are so clever at attracting the exact people they need to make them successful and powerful. Many of them begin by marrying a person who has all of the right qualities and connections that will lead them to their highly ambitious goals.

Many individuals are ensnared in the narcissist's net. They are enchanted by this unique human being who has no sense of limits, who conjures up large concepts, who is fearless and supremely confident. Many remain under the spell of the narcissist despite the control he/she places on their lives. Narcissists create a magic around them that fools most of those close to them. They are famous for making big promises that often don't come to fruition. If you live with a narcissist you are being exploited. Your time is not your own. The narcissist is making continuing impossible demands on you that create overwhelming stress. Your life is being used by the narcissist to exploit every aspect of your person. These individuals attempt to take over your life and in many cases they succeed. Some spouses falter physically and psychologically under the constant demands, manipulations, outrageous intimidations that are laid at your feet by the narcissist. The narcissist is basically communicating to his partner----either you do it my way or you're out of the picture. I can easily find someone else. Some of those who communicate with me feel as if the narcissist is trying to steal their soul or what they call the most sacred part of themselves.

Remember you have alternatives. Regardless of the number of years you have been captive to the narcissist, you have the option to sever this pathological relationship and take charge of your own life. You are entitled to lead a life that is full of hope, serenity, use of your creative gifts, spontaneous self expression, laughter and joy. I have heard some heartening stories from those who have taken these steps. They are grateful that they took back their lives as individuals. They are unencumbered and free. They feel greater emotional security, hopefulness about the present and future and deep inner peace. Visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com



Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists Use Shock to Control You

Narcissists are predictably unpredictable. Even clinicians who have researched and studied the narcissistic personality disorder for years, at times find their outrageous tactics to be shocking. There are no limits to the emotional, financial and psychological chaos that they purposely cause. Just when you think you have a handle on a particular narcissist, he/she will give you the shock treatment. You think a divorce is final after fifteen yours. The papers are signed, the judge has gone home, the witnesses have retired, you are exhausted ---guess what? They're back! With another demand, accusation, recrimination, filthy bag of lies. The more you learn in depth about the narcissistic personality disorder the less you will be dismayed, disappointed and hurt by the narcissist's disgusting trickery.

One of your best offenses is to develop a strong sense of yourself as separate from this individual and psychological boundaries that must be respected at all times. Learning to quiet the mind through walking or sitting meditation is an excellent way to gain a sense of detachment from the constant dramas that these individuals initiate. You are in charge of your life. You are no longer dancing to their tune. You don't jump when they speak nor are you afraid of the narcissist anymore. Become accustomed and appreciate the real you that has always been there. Give yourself credit for this transformation. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Narcissistic Vengeance Has No Boundaries

Narcissists are very different from those who do not suffer from this personality disorder. On the surface, in social and business settings they appear to be competent, sociable, even brilliant and innovative. Most people are fooled by narcissists. There is a dark side of the narcissist that is concealed from his public image and act.
This appears most often in private with his spouse, children and other family members. His fangs also come out with business associates who have gained on him. He/she will do anything to maintain and enhance his his power and financial moves up to the headiest levels, This can mean that he will purposely defame, create whole cloth lies about an associate's private life that smear his personal reputation and cast doubt on his mental and psychological adequacy. If the narcissist has access to the prospective victim's superiors and is convincing in his lies to those at the top, there is a good chance that he will threaten the associate's current professional position and jeopardize his opportunities in the future.

Narcissists often seek revenge, especially in marital situations that have gone sour. They will insist on having full custody of children they don't love and never wanted in the first place because they are furious with the other spouse. They want revenge and find the cruelest ways to perpetrate these psychological crimes. A narcissist will use their court fights for custody of their children to emotionally harm their spouses.The narcissist is merciless in his willingness to instigate lies, destroy reputations, taint your personal life so that he can get back of you. He wants to continue to use his children to demonstrate that he is a perfect, responsible father who is the better parent.  Mediators, attorneys, judges and therapists in some instances are duped into believing the narcissist's lies and accusations. Find the best attorney you can. So often women are sabotaged by choosing a lawyer who is not up to this level of battle and the toxic quality of the deceit that the narcissist is willing to use against his now enemy.

Prepare for these circumstances by understanding every facet of the narcissistic personality. Know that they are unlimited in the tricks and deceptions that they will pull. Be ready for them with your knowledge. Practice centering yourself through yoga, meditation and having a special support group. Interview as many attorneys as you need to so that you will choose someone who is up to this battle. This professional must be masterful at family law but also have a deep understanding of how narcissists operate and know that there isn't anything they will not pull. The attorney must be contained, composed, highly professional with excellent people skills as well as keen intuition. He or she must be fair to you in charging what is fair. That tells you about the quality of his/her character.

Strengthen yourself on every level with cardiovascular exercise, walking, gentle yoga, meditation practice, other forms of healing modalities. Be positive and ask for internal guidance, especially the power of your intuition. Remain steady. Be kind to yourself. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com


Friday, May 13, 2011

Narcissistic Makeovers-Do Not Be Fooled

I have heard many stories about the fabled professional deaths and resurrections of narcissists. After they have burned all of your bridges, stolen hours of your life, created maximum stress that leaves you in a chronic fight or flight mode, you hear that the narcissist who completely disrupted your life and almost stole your soul is now flourishing once more---another resurrection. He or she has changed the image once more. Now the narcissist is more low key, looking better physically, more disciplined. He/she appears to be more considerate and oriented toward the needs of others. This is pure act--another ruse, a phony reincarnation that is designed to wipe out his misdeeds, betrayals and pure destruction to others in the past. Freshly born, the narcissist is ready for another opening night. Many of his associates of the past who have lain on their swords and been burned are ready to go back into the trenches with him. Such is the force of the narcissistic personality and the proof of his cunning. With their complete lack of introspection and no clues about their inner selves, the narcissist knows exactly how to produce the right bait for those whom he plans to reel in. He is creating another empire--the greatest of all and everyone want to be on board for the next unveiling. This is narcissistic delusion. This bodes ill for those who throw their destinies in with him once more. He/she will snatch what he wants and must have, even if he has to steal it and impoverish the lives of others. When the curtain falls and everyone things he is toast, the narcissist rises from the ashes-a malicious phoenix. To learn to protect yourself from the ruses, exploitations and malevolent behaviors of narcissists, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

May-December Narcissistic Couples

There are many perfect narcissistic couples. I'm talking about the way these individuals perceive and define themselves. The are often very attractive physically, well educated, successful professionally and have a special circle of ' "important friends and social connections."

One of the common patterns of couplings is between the middle aged narcissistic man (over fifty) and his very youthful narcissistic wife (early twenties). From the narcissistic point of view this could be seen as an excellent arrangement. The young woman is entranced with her sophisticated  mature very successful spouse. The male narcissist is thrilled to present his young dewy flawless wife to everyone near and far. She represents an image of youthful beauty and prime sexuality that enhances the narcissist's image in his world. It proves that he is very desirable and reinforces his perception of consummate manliness.

The narcissistic spouse when he chooses just the right young woman can mold her in the the perfect image that he requires as part of his persona. He shows her off in his social and public life like a gorgeous living object. She bears the promise within her of prospective children. He may have several wives whom he has discarded and grown children but this is irrelevant to him.  For the middle aged narcissist this represents a new beginning that is exciting---a new project in human form that he can manipulate and use for his purposes. The young narcissistic bride has her advantages. She believes that this guy adores her. Her flesh is smooth; her face is unlined and perfectly taut; her eyes like her breasts are sensually lifted naturally due to her youthfulness. If she plays it right, she will control and manipulate this man sexually and gain power over his financial resources. She will share a lifestyle she has drempt about most of her life.

These marriage between narcissists are not  genuine even though they may be dripping with romance, allure and excitement. This mutual admiration is not going to last. Narcissists are incapable of giving and receiving love. God help the children they produce--mother and father narcissists!

This partnering speaks so loudly about the narcissistic males fear of aging. This is the ultimate nightmare for these personality disorders. They are incapable of introspection or change of any kind that is internal and thoughtful. To prove that he is not aging, these men find young wives that keep them looking youthful from a cosmetic point of view. Many of them have extensive plastic surgeries to ensure that they have a refreshed young appearance despite their chronological years.

These marriages are based on superficial values and delusional beliefs. These partnerships are like spun sugar-sparkle on the outside---empty on the inside. As the society becomes more narcissistic we will see more of these May-December  pairings. Fortunately there are innumerable marriages and partnerships that are authentic, devoted, compassionate and committed to a shared love and deep respect for one another. They will always go the distance and beyond by their actions and loving-kindness to demonstrate each day that this person they call spouse or partner is dear to them in the most profound ways. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: Amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Stop the Narcissistic Roller Coaster-I'm getting off

Narcissists take us on a perilous ride, especially if we are married to them. After the initial months with the narcissist who acts like a perfect partner, you begin to notice deepening cracks in the magnetic charm and "I adore you' scripts. On stage in his professional and social life, the narcissist is pure perfection. Some narcissists fulfill this role for themselves by hosting elaborate parties, soirees and small intimate dinners. These narcissists are very grandiose extroverts.  The cuisine is often very elaborate with many intricate courses. These parties are like stage productions in which the narcissist can show off his residence to the best advantage. Every object--furnishings, finishings, art work, landscaping has been designed and executed at the highest level of craftsmanship. Often these narcissists are in a constant whirl of re-doing and perfecting a home that is already outstanding. This obsessive improvement behavior is a way the narcissist can let all of those who visit that he/she is superior in his daily lifestyle.

There is a dark side to this opulent picture. When all of the guests have left and the narcissist is alone with his spouse, the underside, the negative unconscious makes its sinister appearance. Sometimes it is fueled by the narcissist's excessive alcohol intake. The verbal pounding begins with one criticism on top of the other. The volume turns up quickly--the recriminations begin and never end. The narcissistic spouse has turned on you with full fury. He may get close to your face and threaten you. "You were bored with my stories. I saw the ugly expressions on your face." "You were a dreadful hostess tonight with no energy. I know that our guests sensed that you were preoccupied." "Why can't you dress with more style. I knew I should have picked out your outfit." "By the way, you've gained a few extra pounds around the middle and it is absolutely disgusting."

These seizures of rage can go on for hours nonstop. The extreme stress these behaviors have on the non-narcissistic spouse is devastating. In some cases it affects the physical health of the partner, can cause sever depression and anxiety attacks.



This roller coaster emotional stress cycle with the narcissist becomes intolerable. Remembers, these individuals have no sense of limits. They dish it out---You are expected to take it, even if you feel like you are going in implode or explode from the torment of these constant volleys of abuse. Some spouses stay on the narcissistic roller coaster.Others decide they must get off. They have had enough and are willing to walk away even if they are risking leaving some financial assets on the table. This decision is a wise one for those who are finally compelled to lead their own lives and become separate, independent and free of the narcissistic psychopathology of their spouse. I hear positive reports from those who have gotten off of this insane ride and are now the authors of their own lives. They have reclaimed their real selves, are thriving in mental freedom and psychological inner peace. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com 



Linda Marinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com


Monday, May 9, 2011

Narcissistic Men-Psychologically Seduced by Narcissistic Mothers

Narcissistic men are always on the prowl, the search for the perfect woman. She must be beautiful, even ultra-gorgeous, adoring of him, compliant and willing to be manipulated and follow his orders. There are many women in this category who have made this decision to put their lives and destinies in absolute alignment with a narcissistic partner. The psychological truth about the nature of narcissistic men and their attitude toward women is the reverse from the image that is perpetuated.

When the narcissistic mother chooses a son as the perfect child, the answer to all of her dreams, this is fateful for her child's life and for every woman with whom this budding narcissist will have a partnership or marriage. There is a deep psychopathology between narcissistic mothers and their chosen sons. Although there is no literal seduction of the son, the narcissistic mother is erotically and psychologically fused with him. In these family constellations, the husband has been neutered by the narcissistic wife. These women keep their spouses around for image purposes and the lifestyle and secure financial arrangements. 




The narcissistic mother at times fuses psychologically with her son. She does not make a distinction that he is separate from her. She possesses him like an indispensable object. Frank Lloyd Wright's mother referred to her son as her Prince. This is the classic role of the chosen narcissistic son. The enmeshed son is flattered by this form of adoration and feels an enhanced ego as a result of his mother's extraordinary attentions. Unconsciously, the narcissistic son despises the woman who gave birth to him for her fusion which she will not break. Beneath the surface the narcissistic son despises his mother for harnessing him to her. Another byproduct of this use of the son as an object of adoration and psychological imprisonment is the narcissist's hatred of women in general which originates from their fear of women. Much of this comes from the primal narcissistic mother's pulling the puppet strings of her narcissistic son's life. He has become her creation. Deep down he is a false grandiose self.

Inside these narcissistic sons are empty, feel restless, enraged and worthless. They have never been allowed to develop as authentic human beings. The psychological seduction by the narcissistic mother foments a  hatred of her that lies deep in the unconscious of the narcissistic son.The narcissistic mother never allows her son to become a real man.  She eclipses his manhood with her erotic promise of psychological fusion. This is devastating to the narcissist. The emasculated narcissistic son spends his life taking advantage of women--wooing them, seducing them, discarding them--one right after the other. He cheats on women, treats them with disrespect, uses them as objects and eclipses their lives. The narcissistic mother's damage to her son lives long after her in the ravaging effects the narcissist has on every woman that he brings into his life. Learn to identify and deal with narcissistic men (and women). Visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Narcissistic Mothers-Missing a Heart

The narcissistic mother is a special breed. Each narcissistic mother is unique as an individual but their characterlogical traits are commonly identifiable. Outstanding traits include emotional coldness and distance, a complete lack of empathy, extreme sense of entitlement, faulty psychological boundaries which mean a disrespect for the individuality of their children, highly controlling and manipulative. Some narcissistic mothers remind me of military field commanders---shouting out orders, making constant demands, humiliating those who don't jump to the sound of their voice.

The infant and small child thrives in an environment of affection, warmth, tolerance and acceptance. The essential beginnings are what is called a holding environment in which the baby is physically and psychological held. Mother is attuned to his needs on every level. She is preoccupied with her infant. Psychoanalyst D.W. Winnicott,coined the term "maternal preoccupation" to describe the necessary attention and ministration that a "good enough" mother (or mother surrogate) must pay to the infant in order for this person to thrive physically, emotionally, neurologically and psychologically.

With a narcissistic mother there is neither maternal preoccupation nor an adequate holding environment. The narcissistic mother is incapable of these roles. She may go through the motions but her attention is elsewhere (on herself and her needs and desires). She is bored, restless, distracted, annoyed, emotionally distant, aggravated with a helpless creature that is constantly making demands on her attention. In some cases there is a nanny, aunt, or other family member who sufficiently fulfills this role for the baby. I have heard from children of narcissistic mothers who have told me that their real mother was a nanny or babysitter. In some cases an older brother or sister with a compassionate heart will play the mother role sufficiently to fulfill the infant's needs. In other instances the father steps into the void to "mother" his baby.

Children of narcissistic mothers grieve for the mother they never had. The mother wound is cuts deep and painfully. Some adult children numb out their feelings of loss and deprivation. There is a place inside of them that cannot feel, that is anesthetized because the original mother wound was so devastating.

Some adult children of narcissistic mothers seek to know the truth of their pain and follow it to the source. They grieve their loss of the mother they could have had and mourn the mother they got. Some of these children work through these maternal deprivations through psychotherapy, the development of a meditation practice, use of their creativity and other healing modalities.

There are adult children who continue to struggle with the fact that they cannot believe that they had a mother who was missing a psychological heart. Others learn to mother themselves and to appreciate their true natures and gifts. There are adult children who help to heal the psychological wounds of others---to give them back their lives. 

We were born from the parents we got but we are molded and refined out of the crucible we made with our minds, hearts, guts, and souls to work through the past to become open, receptive and fully present every moment.Visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com


Friday, May 6, 2011

Narcissist's Projections are Psychologically Abusive

A projection is an unconscious defense mechanism in which the  individual ejects aggressive, negative feelings and thoughts on to another person. Most people are unaware of their projections. If they get upset or angry they simply let it spew out on those closest to them---children, spouses, business associates, siblings.

Narcissists are constantly projecting feelings that they cannot tolerate out rather than turning inward, identifying that they are projecting and owning what they have done. The narcissist creates his own world. Everything revolves around him/her. He believes that he is the initiator and master of his personal and professional domain. Everyone has a role and that is of serving him and his specific purposes. This characterlogical structure is not going to change; it is rigid and unyielding. Besides the narcissist is never wrong. He automatically blames others when anything goes wrong. It is very stressful to be the recipient of narcissistic projections. The sheer force of the narcissist's accusations and recriminations are stunning and disorienting. No one deserves to be accused, demeaned, humiliated and treated like an inferior human being.
When we are children and have a narcissistic parent we have no choice and must learn how to survive these abusive conditions. As adults we have a choice. We can confront the narcissist in a civil manner and communicate that we have personal boundaries and that this person has stepped over them. In expressing these thoughts it is important to remain emotionally detached from the narcissist's reaction. He/she is waiting for you to cower when he comes back with a counter-attack.

It is vital that you learn to protect yourself from narcissistic abuse. You are in control of your reaction to the narcissist. You cannot change his/her personality structure but you are capable of stating clearly that you deserve to be treated with respect. You expect nothing less. Narcissists feel so entitled and would never believe that you would disagree with them. They are so delusional, thinking that they are superior to everyone else, they know that you will cave in to their demands and threats of recrimination.

Respond to the narcissist's psychological abuse by practicing ways  to remain calm, separate, mentally clear and discerning and focused in dealing with these individuals. Consistent meditation practice is a form of keeping the mind calm and strong. The practice of yoga is another way of deflecting narcissistic abuse. The discipline of these practices builds a flexible, grounded, intuitive and compassionate human being. You are a solid separate human being. You stand on the ground of your authenticity. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation:United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Healing from A narcissistic Sibling

You may have spent your childhood trying to get the respect and affection of  one of  your siblings. With an older brother or sister, the younger child often looks up to this individual as a model. The small child wants to be just like their older sibling. Some parents encourage this kind of veneration, especially if the parent(s) are grooming the older child as a golden boy (or girl) narcissist. This child is looked upon as superior. This is often the case if the selected individual is very bright and the parents idolize academic achievement. In these homes getting the highest grades and honors is considered absolutely essential in these families. There is an obsessiveness about academic achievement and professional success that begins when children are very young. Even in the womb some mothers are already planning where their child will attend college and what are the best professions for him/her to pursue. Physical attractiveness is another inherent trait that is revered by narcissistic parents and along with this the child who is magnetic, outgoing and confident. As these golden siblings grow up they are treated differently from the other siblings. They are treated with great deference. Parents believe that they are so special that they don't have to follow the rules required by their other siblings. They can treat brothers and sisters with great cruelty and get away with it. There is  a no limits attitude--do what you want, dear, attitude that pervades in these households.

Sharing your life with a narcissistic brother or sister or two siblings can be hellish. The non-narcissistic siblings feels very isolated. This child is often very sensitive and intuitive. He or she is not understood by the narcissistic parents. No one is interested about their thoughts, feelings, creative ideas. If they are fortunate they form positive relationships with good teachers and classmates with whom they can share their insights. 

At home the non-narcissistic sibling is victimized---always being put down, laughed at, , in some cases, threatened with physical abuse. In some cases the narcissistic sibling routinely subjects his younger brother or sister to physical blows and then swears this terrified child to secrecy or there will be horrible revenge.
The narcissistic sibling often turns the other siblings on the scapegoated child and everyone, even the parents, chime in to demean, humiliate and even laugh at him/her. These chronic patterns of abuse are very traumatic. The child has no one to turn to, to speak with , to comfort him. These victims often grow up to be anxious adults who feel unentitled and insignificant.

You would think that the adult narcissistic sibling would grow up and start treating his brothers and sisters with affection and respect. This is not the case. They keep getting their digs in, reminding you that you are inferior and less than.

You don't deserve to be treated with humiliation and cruelty by anyone, especially your siblings. If you have been chronically abused in one of these family constellations, you can free yourself of this dysfunctional psychological system.

Acknowledging and appreciating that you are a unique human being is the beginning of your healing. Your life has intrinsic value. You can take the reins of your destiny and choose new directions at any age. You don't have remain stuck in a pathological family pattern. Learn to relax your mind and body. This boosts your physical, emotional and psychological health. Some people do a meditation practice consistently. This provides tremendous capacities for thinking mindfully and developing deep insights. Consistent meditation allows us to detach psychologically from what we have suffered as children and to put our live in perspective.
Surround yourself with a small support group of people who care about you and are empathic. Stretch your creative muscles; use your imagination, listen to your intuition. Learn to appreciate you spontaneity and be sure to appreciate your delightful sense of humor. to learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website:thenarcissitinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com




Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Narcissistic Rage-from Deep Freeze to Volcanic Eruptions

Living with a narcissist there is no psychological climate control. The narcissist seethes at different temperatures. Talk about the cold shoulder, narcissists put you in the deep freeze, ignoring that you exist or giving you the drop dead glare. Some slam doors, thunder like a wildebeest on the bathroom floors. You have done something wrong, very wrong and you're due for punishment. That's what these very disturbed individuals believe. They demand perfection from their spouses and if you don't deliver (and even if you are impeccable in your performance) it's time for retribution. Narcissists rage in Mount St. Helen's style, blowing their tops. This doesn't bother them at all. They can return to their magazine or paper or work as if this eruption never happened. This leaves you shivering with adrenaline rushes and a roiling gut or roaring headache.

Narcissists never think for one moment about the deleterious effects they are having on their spouses or children. Children are terrified by these vituperative outbursts or having to tiptoe around the house when mom or dad is giving everyone the ice treatment. These deep freeze periods can go on for weeks while everyone else in the house is holding  his breath and trying to be invisible.

Many spouses conclude that they cannot be tortured any longer and that their children are being traumatized by these pathological behaviors. They make the decision to end the marriage. I hear positive reports from those who have made the decision to permanently end the marriage to the abusive narcissist. Going through the process of divorce isn''t easy but the end result is restoring yourself and your children to a life of freedom.
The psychological and emotional temperature has reached a healthy, consistent range. Here, inner peace is possible, creativity blooms and faith in the present is restored. You can now lead you life on your terms-----Fly-glide----enjoy the glorious view. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Narcissists-Greedy-Greedier-Greediest

Greed is an unquenchable desire---a bottomless pit of wanting that never ends. Narcissists ruthlessly strive, plan and connive for what they want and must have. They will destroy the professions and lives of other human beings, including members of their own families, to reach their goals. When a narcissist fulfills some of his/her desires--- professionally, romantically, financially through ruthlessness and cunning, he is satisfied briefly. But the compulsion to have more takes over and his obsession awakens. This occurs in situations when he/she is striving to roll over others to reach the highest levels of power and influence. The narcissist will betray anyone--spouses, siblings, their own children, treating them like objects who have neither value nor feelings.

Deep inside the unconscious, the narcissist is psychologically empty. No matter what he attains materially or the power he wields, or those who adore him, or whom he can intimidate---the narcissist, beneath it all is always desperate and hungry. He cannot be fully human because he/she lacks empathy and compassion. Learning about the narcissistic personality in depth will help you to identify and deal with the narcissists you encounter. Visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com






Narcissists-Big Hypocrites Concealing their True Natures

Most Narcissists are obsessed with their image---impeccable physical appearance, professional reputations,  societal standing, important connections, their superiority and their need to have others look upon them as wonderful human beings. Narcissists put on such convincing acts that they deceive professional observers like psychotherapists, attorneys and judges.

I have been in communication with family members of narcissists who are shocked at split in the narcissist's presentation of himself in the world and in his private life. Those inside his charmed circle and cheering circle are entranced with this man or woman who appears to be capable of achieving anything he puts his mind to. These accomplishments are often built up by the narcissist, putting himself in the role of leader and hero. Narcissists are gifted story teller. They can spin yarns that are full of holes, exaggeration and made from whole cloth and  audiences will be hanging on their every word. Narcissists often take credit for the achievements of others.

In private narcissists act with malicious cruelty, withering ongoing criticism and a steel fist attitude about controlling their family members. Some spouses, siblings and  children of narcissists are treated with great disrespect. Many of them are never home and lead secret lives with their mistresses and girlfriends.

After years of  leading a very stressful life with a narcissists many partners simply cannot carry on this charade. When you awaken and discover that you are married to an ultimate hypocrite who is incapable of loving anyone but himself. Even if you have known this person for years , he is still criticizing you constantly, wearing down your nervous systems and your will and any sense of optimism,  This is absolutely not the truth. The narcissist turns reality inside out.

If you want to be free of this dreadful hypocrite, you have a decision to make---to stay or leave. This individual is never going to change. You can change your life and make it a lot better by letting go of the burden of sharing your life with this impossible individual. You now know that these individuals are hypocrites to the max. You are genuine and authentic and deserve to lead a life free from this rigid, deeply pathologically personality disorder. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Monday, May 2, 2011

Divorce the Sadistic Narcissist for the Sake of Your Children

Being married to an abusive partner, particularly a narcissist puts you in a constant siege of stress, emotional siege and fear. Your thoughts, imaginations and feelings are constricted by sharing your life with a narcissistic personality disorder. Some narcissists turn sadistic when they don't get their way and become angry when you have disappointed them. This means all of the time since the narcissistic has insatiable demands. Being married to a narcissist represents  a diminishment of your life, which is very sad and depressing. However, when you add children to this mix, we are talking about much more serious ramifications. Narcissists cannot love anyone. They allow children to be born because they are the ultimate narcissistic supplies whom they can brag about. They represent an expansion of their image as a good father or mother. They can be photographed, presented at family events and shown as perfect replicas of themselves. Living in a delusional world of the narcissist is a disaster for a child. It doesn't work psychologically for children. The child is often very intuitive. He or she knows whether he is truly loved for himself. He understands there is some kind of secret game going on and he is expected to play a part. When the ugly arguments start to fly between the parents, this creates a corrosive atmosphere for the children.

If you cannot decide to divorce your narcissistic spouse because you fear losing the secure financial arrangement and are concerned about your future, that is understandable. But when you have children, they must come first. Some spouses go back and forth making this decision. It is a difficult one for many men and women. I have communicated with many spouses who have struggled to make this decision. Most of them have decided they no matter what they can no longer subject themselves and their children to the sadistic narcissistic parent. They see the psychological harm this is doing to their children. With great courage they move forward, choose a highly skilled attorney. Some enter psychotherapy to see themselves through this process, build up their loyal support system and look forward to freeing themselves and their children of this psychological imprisonment. I hear many reports of success and personal transformation. These spouses are very grateful that they put their children first regardless of the fear of any other consequences. It takes courage and stamina to move forward in this way. But it is essential for the life that you and your children deserve.
Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Narcissistic Mothers-Where are the Grown-Ups

Some narcissistic mothers want to remain forever young even when they have daughters who are in their forties and fifties. I'm not talking about working to stay healthy, agile and strong. I speaking about physical appearance only. Narcissistic mothers are often jealous of how their teenage and young adult daughters are attracting a lot of men. With the aid of plastic surgery and many other youth enhancing procedures, it is possible for mature women to look as much as twenty years younger than their chronological age. Often I see mothers and daughters out together and it is very difficult to tell  who is the grown-up. Narcissistic mothers often dress inappropriately young for their age and role. They wear provocative clothing that is inappropriate in order to draw attention to themselves and away from their daughters. There are occasions when narcissistic mothers seduce their daughter's boyfriends--a horrible betrayal of trust. This is to prove that she is sought after sexually and that her daughter cannot win, not even a boyfriend whom she had trusted. The narcissistic mother often treats her daughter as an acquaintance of the same age. There are extremes in which the daughter plays the part of mother to her own mother. This is profoundly sad and highly pathological.  

Daughters subjected to this kind of abusive treatment throughout their lives find it impossible to continue these sick relationships. They often leave the family, become independent of the narcissistic mother and find their own way .  They have recognized that the narcissist cannot mother--love, protect, cherish, be proud of, her own child. This is a very sad realization that needs to be acknowledged and mourned. In the process of healing these daughters recognize their value as individuals and are grateful to be intact after growing up with such serious psychopathology.

These daughters are moving forward to embrace their lives as mature, empathic, productive and loving individuals who deserve all of the credit for doing the hard work of becoming the person they were meant to be. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com