Friday, December 27, 2013

Narcissistic Doctors Don't Care About Your Health

There are excellent, dedicated physicians who work hard to keep their patients well. They are your partner in health. When a patient becomes ill, fine physicians go the distance to help you get well. I am not talking about most of our doctors in this article.

I am addressing narcissistic doctors who purposely go into specialties where they can gain the most prestige and make the most money. I hear from my readers about some of these individuals and the stories are disturbing. Some doctors over test patients and run up the bill on purpose. There are unnecessary medical procedures performed by narcissistic physicians that cost tremendous amounts of money and don't result in helping the patient to heal. Most people are still afraid to question a physician. They see him or her as the ultimate authority. My experience and that of others is that a fine doctor welcomes intelligent questions on the part of the patient. Becoming healthy again and staying healthy is a collaborative experience between doctor and patient. It is essential that the individual stays informed about his/her health matters.

Narcissistic doctors are going through the motions. They are completely self absorbed like all narcissists. Many of them are very smooth, highly confident, attractive and know how to win over their patients and maintain their trust. Some patients view doctors like mini gods. We can be grateful and very impressed by the skill and knowledge and training of a physician. The good and great ones deserve our respect and confidence in them.

Know what to watch for in narcissistic doctors:

Do you sense that the doctor has a money motive?

Is the physician disrespectful (putting you down, criticizing you) as a patient?

Is the physician forceful and do you get a sense that he/she is insisting on procedures that will not be helpful and could be harmful to you?

Does the physician invade your personal boundaries with intimate questions and sexual  innuendos?

Does the doctor become highly defensive, angry even enraged when you ask him/her questions?

Does the physician talk about himself incessantly and his importance, prestige, life style, etc. instead of focusing on you and your medical issues?

Does the doctor make disparaging, cruel remarks about your appearance?

Does the doctor have an abrasive, rude, sadistic bedside manner. For example, I know of a hospital patient who was unceremoniously awakened in the middle of the night and told: "You have had a stroke" and then had the nerve to ask the patient how he was feeling. The narcissistic doctor's manner was brusque and cold. It frightened the patient and caused needless fear and distress.

There are excellent physicians who are not narcissists. Do your research and find doctors who are highly trained, professionally excellent, patient oriented and empathic. Visit my

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers--Treasure Your Intuitive Gifts

Intuition is a knowing of the truth that strikes faster than the speed of light. It comes through us automatically like the exhalation of a breath or the blowing of the wind or the crack of a branch of a tree in the forest. Intuition is part of our human nature although most people are unaware or not in touch with their intuition. Some individuals receive intuitive messages but discard them as irrational or strange.

I have known many daughters of narcissistic mothers who, despite all of the painful psychological and emotional issues associated with being the child of a narcissist, have access and use their intuitive gifts. For many it is what allowed them to survive a childhood of maternal deprivation and verbal abuse. Deep inside this small child knew that something was very wrong with her mother's lack of feeling, cold non connection and cruel behaviors. Some of these daughters blame themselves and believe they are lacking when the psychopathology lies with the narcissistic mother.

Using one's intuition is a gift that deepens and strengthens throughout life. Intuition communicates in a special form to each individual. Some of us get a gut feeling and know we have hit upon the truth. Others hear a voice that gives them messages of truth, warning, inspiration, creativity. Intuition can be activated by someone with whom we are strongly connected. Intuitions come through when we are in a peaceful state of relaxation, meditation or involved in a creative project. Intuitions are always coming through. They never stop making attempts to get our attention.

Intuition warns us about the narcissist we have just met. We sense this person and know instantly that he or she is not right for us. We feel the powerful sway of the narcissist's irresistability like an errant tide that is pulling us out to sea. Yet there is a voice (nor our own) that is saying: "Stay away from this person. He/she will cause you pain and trouble. Step away now."

Use your intuition to heal from your narcissistic mother. Intuition provides us with many ways of separating and individuating from the narcissistic non mother. Ask for healing and listen to the messages that lead you along a different path where you will find your true self more and more each day and through it deep inner peace and the use of your creative and spiritual gifts. Visit my website:

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Narcissistic Siblings Steal Your Psychological, Emotional and Financial Inheritance

One of the most painful familial situations is to be the brother or sister of a narcissistic sibling. From the beginning they "have it in" for you as the old saying goes. I have heard from so many of their victims. The stories told are hair raising. Even in early childhood there are memories of being pinched, squeezed, shamelessly slapped. All of this is perpetrated with impunity. The parent(s) of the victimized child is often a narcissist and gives the special , golden holy terror free reign in the household. There are no rules for this brat turned tyrant. The embattled child is always in fight or flight mode. There is no letting down, no relaxing of hypervigilence, no rest or freedom to express oneself authentically in this family constellation.

In some instances in adulthood the narcissistic sibling far in advance plots how he or she will deceive the parent (s) and gain full control over the family finances or trusts. This is shocking but it happens more often than one would think.

There are cases in which the golden narcissistic sibling intimidates brothers and sisters into taking his/her side against the scapegoated children. These battles become very ugly and can eventually rip families apart.

Rather than live in these dreadful circumstances many siblings break completely from their family of origin and move into a no contact mode. This is often painful since it is difficult for some to believe that a sibling with whom we share our DNA could be so treacherous. Coming to terms with this reality is essential to the healing process.

Learning about the psychological core and dynamics of the narcissistic personality recognizing their specific traits and the naked truth about them is the beginning of healing.

Acknowledging and appreciating your authenticity, the fact that you survived this series of hells is a huge step toward becoming whole. You went through these wars since childhood and have survived into adulthood. You deserve tremendous credit and acknowledgement for this achievement. So many of these survivors are among the kindest, most empathic and intuitive individuals I have every known. Here is to your continuing healing, your triumph as an individual and the unbounded use of all of your creative gifts. Visit my

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Healing from Your Narcissistic Mother--Be Compassionate with Yourself

I have had conversations spoken and written with a number of daughters of narcissistic mothers. It has been eye-opening to meet so many women "raised" by exc narcissistic "mothers' who are highly empathic.
They suffered so much growing up with a mother who was cold, distant, often emotionally abusive and for some, physically cruel. Often the narcissistic mother was extremely jealous of her daughter and created psychological ambushes for her child. Constant criticisms and humiliations were part of the daily fare for  these daughters. Many of them grew up thinking that there was something fundamentally wrong with them, even that they were intrinsically bad human beings. Time after time they were blamed for simply being born and making an effort to be an individual. What the narcissistic mother demanded could never be achieved because it was always a set-up, a trap, a road to nowhere.

These daughters grew up, often raising themselves and helping with their younger siblings. Another source of psychological pain was the brother or sister who was "golden", chosen by the narcissistic mother as the absolute favorite who would fulfill mother's need to have a  living facsimile of her "perfection."
Growing up with a narcissistic mother and golden narcissistic sibling is exceeding difficult and that is an understatement. 

Some narcissistic daughters report that they learned to keep their heads down from oncoming fire meted out by the cruelties and deprivations projected on to them. Some of these women describe creating entire worlds of the imagination in which they lived. Some escaped into books. Many hid in plain sight and became very quiet to hide and deflect from the frequent bursts of psychological venom projected by mother on to

For many of these daughters there comes a time of reckoning, of knowing that they can and will no longer take the maternal narcissistic abuse. They decide that they must be free to lead their own lives. This can involve a complete no contact break with the narcissistic mother. Other family members who have no understanding of the cruelties sustained by these daughters will often interfere and criticize them for their decision to separate from mother and become free to lead life on their terms. Relatives of this kind will never comprehend what these daughters have decided to do to reclaim their lives and this is none of their business and they deserve no explanation. Besides many of these relatives are incapable of seeing through the delusion, the false mask of their narcissistic relative.

As you experience the breath of freedom and feel your nervous system quieting for the first time, think about what you have done. You have survived despite all of the pain and  deprivation, as a unique bright talented kind and compassionate individual. This is huge! Now move forward with self care and compassion directed to yourself. Love that little child within you that kept faith with herself. Talk to her and cherish her loveliness and beauty. Take time to be with yourself  each day to quiet the mind in any way that works for you. It can be prayer, guided meditation, going into Nature. Follow your intuition as you allow yourself downtime, sleep, food that nourishes you and that you can savor, being around people that appreciate you and where there is a genuine exchange and warmth. Your creative gifts will move within and you will be surprised by their abundance. Feel the ease and grace within you and the inward smile that warms your lovely heart.
Visit my

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultations: International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

Monday, December 9, 2013

Stop Getting Off and On the Torture Ride with Narcissistic Spouse

Each time many spouses go back to their narcissistic spouse they know that this person has a chance of changing. They hold out that small candle of hope that this time it will be different because I am going to love him enough. This pattern is repeated, sometimes for decades, over and over again with highly painful, stressful and in some cases catastrophic results. It isn't your fault that you keep returning to your narcissistic spouse. However, one great option to avoid the plunge this time is to learn everything you can about this personality disorder of our times---the narcissistic personality disorder. You can change yourself and you keep trying but you cannot change them.

Begin your psychological and physical and emotional separation from him (or her) by learning perhaps for the first time, how to take very good care of yourself. Become entitled to the essentials: good sleep, a form of exercise that you either like or can tolerate, listening to music that you love, eating healthy food, doing a form of quieting the body/mind like guided meditation, simple hatha yoga with emphasis on breathing through the nose, tai chi, dance in a form that you enjoy, creativity---painting, sketching, spontaneous writing, photographing, being in Nature--even watching the birds in the park or a small space near you is a lovely interlude. You will think of many more ways to calm yourself, to learn to be alone with yourself and at peace.

As you grow stronger psychologically you will find that you are perceiving your narcissistic spouse more objectively. This person is constantly projecting his/her psychological venom on to you. That is abusive.
Your narcissistic spouse is regressed at the age of about the terrible two's regardless of worldly success, education or intelligence or talent.

Pay close attention to you intuition as it leads the way to your final liberation from this individual who has caused you so much pain on every level. You will continue to grow and evolve. I have seen this happen so often. I applaud every effort you make. Don't be judgmental on yourself. You deserve freedom, deep inner peace and the use of all of your many gifts. Visit my

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Telephone Consultation: International

Friday, December 6, 2013

Narcissistic Bridezillas--Honor Your Boundaries to Them II

Brideszillas are here to stay in our current narcissistic culture. Their tyrannical hold on entire families causes emotional chaos, disruption and psychological pain. From the smallest detail to the grand delusional vision of their royal role as "Bride" and Queen they are controlling and manipulative to the max.

Before the wedding you can know that you are dealing with one of these highly pathological individuals. Their level of civility and manners is thin and transparent. The smile is forced. The unblinking eyes tell you: "I am in command. You must do what exactly what I want or else."

Narcissistic bridezillas or not--Learn to practice self care. You might not have had anyone in your life who helped you to internalize a sense of entitlement to deep inner peace, to respect your thoughts and feelings, to treat yourself with gentle kindness. It is essential that we admit when we are wrong but to not continue to castigate ourselves. Learning to appreciate your individuality and your unique gifts is one of the most important realizations of your life. Part of self care is getting rest and sleep,having downtime when you can use your imagination, go deeply into the music you love, write spontaneously, dance and sing to music and do anything that brings you joy. Sometimes the smallest acts are the most profound from hugging our pets to speaking to friendly strangers, to covering ourselves with a favorite sweater or blanket.

If the narcissistic bride to be is part of your family, this is a special challenge. First, you cannot control the decision the couple has made to become wed. You can take charge of your internal and external behavior. Knowing who this woman really is will help you all along the way. Do not spend time with her completely alone if you can avoid it. When we are solo with any narcissistic personality, they find this opportunity to assault us with their negative primitive projections. Make every effort to stay out of that orbit. You don't deserve this kind of treatment; it is not about you. This is her psychopathology.

You are growing and becoming whole each day. Honor yourself and appreciate your authenticity. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Telephone Consultation: International