Some families are so narcissistically toxic, being part of this highly dysfunctional tableau is intolerable. You have been a psychological punching bag most of your life. When one or both parents are narcissists together with one or two golden children, you are crowded out by egos so inflated that there is no room for you. As a young child you are at the mercy of these people from hell. What are you going to do? Walk out of the house at the age of five after you have been screamed out and pushed around most of your young life? You can't. You have to stay because you are too young and vulnerable. Young children who grow up under these dire conditions are always in a state of siege. Some of them learn to become invisible among their own family members. The hide in their rooms and when they are older spend many hours in the homes of their friends. Narcissistic mothers love to choose favorites--a son who is handsome, dynamic, talented, bright, cocksure of himself. He moves through the house, treating you like a slave. The scapegoated child is subject to varieties of cruelties by their parents and siblings. In some cases two siblings will get close so that they can make protect one another from constant verbal onslaughts, intimidations, jaw dropping humiliations that sear through the heart of a child.
As the abused child in a narcissistic family grows up it can be difficult to feel entitled to lead your own life, to stop blaming yourself for not fulfilling your parents' delusional demands, for being imperfect. Even if you had been perfect---this is never enough for the narcissistic personality. If you don't fit into their image that mirrors them and whom they have chosen, you can't win. So stop trying. Seek your psychological and emotional freedom from your highly dysfunctional, abusive family.
Adult children who take this step are very courageous and deserve our respect. This is not easy but it is essential to separating out of your highly disturbed family of origin. Some find that excellent psychotherapy will help them. As you stop contact with your family from hell and grow away from them and recognize and appreciate your uniqueness and your creative gifts, you will begin to sense a stillness inside of yourself. You will learn to appreciate your uniqueness and discover there are others whom you meet that enjoy your company and your authenticity. This individuality of yours is delightful. You discover your humor, your joy, your capacity for loving others and receiving this in kind. Enjoy your freedom, your lovely heart, your great creative gifts, your growing evolving self. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Monday, April 29, 2013
Friday, April 26, 2013
Married to a Narcissistic Sociopath--Learn to Place Value on YOUR LIFE
If you are married to a man or woman without conscience, who hurts others without a scintilla of concern, who demeans and undermines you, who lives strictly for himself, who treats you with psychological abuse, constant criticisms that run through your body that put you in continual states of terror, who screams in your face at the top of his lungs, telling you how worthless you are, who leads a secret life and with great cunning is secretly trying to take away your financial security by lying about his plans for the two of you, if you are being blamed for everything that he is doing (not you), if you are the recipient of the putrid flow of his toxic projections, if you are always on edge waiting for the next tirade that feels like the tectonic plates and you can't stand it one more moment, it is likely you are married to a narcissistic sociopath. The very clever and "successful" sociopath is smooth as imported silk. In the social whirl, he shines and glows. People are drawn to him. They melt like butter in his presence. They can't say "no" to him. Remember when you first met him. You were captivated by this man (woman). You may have become obsessed and he took over your mind and heart. You married him and as time passed you realized that something was very wrong. You blamed yourself and worked harder at pleasing him. That didn't solve the problem. The problem between the two of you became untenable but you wouldn't give up, thinking you could fix it if you just tried harder. He (she) betrayed you and you forgave him. He mangled you with personal crushing comments. You were exhausted, spent, done, cooked.
Finally you researched and discovered who this man (woman) really is---a narcissistic sociopath, a pathologically fixed personality that will not change. You reached out to a friend who understood the hell you were going through. Some people respond very oddly to these situations. They act "nice" but they don't want to hear it. They don't believe you and think your imagination has taken over. They write you off in their minds. "She's such a drama queen. She exaggerates everything", they say to themselves. Forget those who don't believe you. I do. I know this territory of the mind of the narcissistic sociopath and the treachery and darkness of their malevolent ways.
Your knowledge is powerful. Start Now to place value on YOUR LIFE. This often begins with severing your relationship with this person who has caused you dreadful suffering. Let your healing begin with taking good care of yourself and developing a strong sense of entitlement to lead your own life (not his/hers). Rebuild your body/mind with consistent times you take to be quiet, to meditate (in a way that is pleasant and works for you), journal and watch the words move through you. Let the river of feelings flow and know that you are healing in these precious moments. This is nature's way--a letting go, a loosening, a softening, and finally a peace announces itself inside of you. Stay here and recognize that this is the real original you that has been waiting so long to announce its lovely presence. The peace speaks inside of you and says: "This is who you are. I have been waiting for you to find me. I am always with you. I cherish you. I love you."
Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Finally you researched and discovered who this man (woman) really is---a narcissistic sociopath, a pathologically fixed personality that will not change. You reached out to a friend who understood the hell you were going through. Some people respond very oddly to these situations. They act "nice" but they don't want to hear it. They don't believe you and think your imagination has taken over. They write you off in their minds. "She's such a drama queen. She exaggerates everything", they say to themselves. Forget those who don't believe you. I do. I know this territory of the mind of the narcissistic sociopath and the treachery and darkness of their malevolent ways.
Your knowledge is powerful. Start Now to place value on YOUR LIFE. This often begins with severing your relationship with this person who has caused you dreadful suffering. Let your healing begin with taking good care of yourself and developing a strong sense of entitlement to lead your own life (not his/hers). Rebuild your body/mind with consistent times you take to be quiet, to meditate (in a way that is pleasant and works for you), journal and watch the words move through you. Let the river of feelings flow and know that you are healing in these precious moments. This is nature's way--a letting go, a loosening, a softening, and finally a peace announces itself inside of you. Stay here and recognize that this is the real original you that has been waiting so long to announce its lovely presence. The peace speaks inside of you and says: "This is who you are. I have been waiting for you to find me. I am always with you. I cherish you. I love you."
Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Monday, April 22, 2013
Being Victim of Narcissistic Generational Abuse Stops with Me
I hear from many men and woman who have endured and survived horrendous narcissistic abuse from their Narcissistic Mothers, Narcissistic Fathers, Narcissistic Siblings, Narcissistic Spouses. A number of them report narcissistic cruelties, betrayals, abandonment, scapegoating, bullying that was pathologically repeated from one family generation to the next. They speak of mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles, etc. who perpetrated every manner of psychological, emotional and physical abuse. These victims can remember how they were treated as if it was yesterday. They speak about several generations of relatives who coldly participated in a variety of cruelties including psychological and physical abandonment, maternal deprivation, the imposition of sadistic punishments, making terrified servants out of their children, the engagement of horrific punishments that caused constant terror within the household. They described that they were servants in their own homes, bowing to the whims, needs and wishes of tyrannical narcissistic family members.
Those who rise up and say No More to narcissistic abuse are courageous individuals. Despite being surrounded by members of their own families who are endangering their psychological welfare, they make the decision not to side with these cold narcissistic family members who share only their DNA and completely lack any empathy for them. Those who free themselves of narcissistic generational abuse work hard to re-stabilize themselves, to recognize that they deserve to lead a life that belongs to them and that they are not dictated by the pathological whims, obsessions and parasitic needs of their narcissistic family members. Many benefit from excellent psychotherapy. There are many healing pathways including the practice of gentle yoga with the emphasis on the breath that calms that nervous system, learning to focus on their own self care, to create an exercise program that is tailored to their needs, recognizing that they deserve to experience deep inner peace, to use their unique creative gifts, to form healthy close bonds with others who love them. You have made a very important commitment. Your identity has changed forever, moving from victim of narcissistic abuse to leading your life in independence and freedom. You are a great example to all of us. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Those who rise up and say No More to narcissistic abuse are courageous individuals. Despite being surrounded by members of their own families who are endangering their psychological welfare, they make the decision not to side with these cold narcissistic family members who share only their DNA and completely lack any empathy for them. Those who free themselves of narcissistic generational abuse work hard to re-stabilize themselves, to recognize that they deserve to lead a life that belongs to them and that they are not dictated by the pathological whims, obsessions and parasitic needs of their narcissistic family members. Many benefit from excellent psychotherapy. There are many healing pathways including the practice of gentle yoga with the emphasis on the breath that calms that nervous system, learning to focus on their own self care, to create an exercise program that is tailored to their needs, recognizing that they deserve to experience deep inner peace, to use their unique creative gifts, to form healthy close bonds with others who love them. You have made a very important commitment. Your identity has changed forever, moving from victim of narcissistic abuse to leading your life in independence and freedom. You are a great example to all of us. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Narcissists Alive and Very Well Among Spiritual Healers
The Unsuspected---A goldmine of pathological narcissism is among those you would never imagine share this disorder---"Spiritual Healers" ---those received as royalty and great holy masters through their million dollar book sales, endless rotating seminars that encompass the globe, their cds, dvds, audios, internet classes and trainings they offer. Their schedules are so full it is remarkable that they are able to move through each crowded day. But remember this is a narcissistic personality who never tires from being on center stage, viewed as superior even semi-divine, a super mentor, a saint in human form.
There are individuals of high consciousness who truly help people to heal: physically, psychologically, emotionally, spiritually. These people have their egos dropped, are not after a money motive. They charge fees that are fair. Some of them are very successful and do produce books and seminars and dvds that sell very well. I am not talking about these individuals. I am speaking about pathological narcissistic personality.
Today many people are looking for a quick mystical fix. They want an instant miracle, a tectonic shift in their lives--right now. The pseudo narcissistic healer cunningly offers that tantalizing potion through his charisma, charm, clever magic words in a well rehearsed presentation. After someone is hooked by him or her, the seduction is complete. It's like opening up your heart and giving it away, opening up your wallet and bank account and saying: "Take what you want.", breaching your mind and psyche and saying, "I believe you; I will follow you." The pseudo spiritual healer practices a form of brain washing that is very effective with a substantial segment of human beings.
Narcissistic spiritual healers ensnare the most vulnerable--those who are fresh from a personal tragedy or loss, the very lonely who have been abandoned by family or spouses, those with intolerable feelings of anxiety, those who feel depressed and depleted by the burden of their lives, the dependent ones who are always looking for someone to cling to because they cannot tolerate another moment of their raw unrelenting pain of psychological emptiness.
Learn how to identify these pseudo spiritual con artists. Listen to their sweet talk pitch, the eyes that appear to melt with your sorrow, the nonverbal cues that reach out to console, the vacant promise that you will be completely healed and your life will be resurrected (if you sign up for thousands of dollars of course sessions). Watch how much money you are being asked to invest in this "spiritual" project. Is it multi-level? Will there be other courses required? How much are you being cleverly pressured? Listen to the voice of your intuition first in a whisper, then like a mighty wind that cries: "Don't do it!' "Don't sign up!" "These people are parasites exploiting you." "Back away." "Say "No" now."
Identifying the narcissistic spiritual healer before you take the bait is highly empowering. If you have fallen for these tricks and ruses in the past, don't blame yourself. Now you are wise to the game. You are in charge, walking your own path, listening to the wisdom that flows through you. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
There are individuals of high consciousness who truly help people to heal: physically, psychologically, emotionally, spiritually. These people have their egos dropped, are not after a money motive. They charge fees that are fair. Some of them are very successful and do produce books and seminars and dvds that sell very well. I am not talking about these individuals. I am speaking about pathological narcissistic personality.
Today many people are looking for a quick mystical fix. They want an instant miracle, a tectonic shift in their lives--right now. The pseudo narcissistic healer cunningly offers that tantalizing potion through his charisma, charm, clever magic words in a well rehearsed presentation. After someone is hooked by him or her, the seduction is complete. It's like opening up your heart and giving it away, opening up your wallet and bank account and saying: "Take what you want.", breaching your mind and psyche and saying, "I believe you; I will follow you." The pseudo spiritual healer practices a form of brain washing that is very effective with a substantial segment of human beings.
Narcissistic spiritual healers ensnare the most vulnerable--those who are fresh from a personal tragedy or loss, the very lonely who have been abandoned by family or spouses, those with intolerable feelings of anxiety, those who feel depressed and depleted by the burden of their lives, the dependent ones who are always looking for someone to cling to because they cannot tolerate another moment of their raw unrelenting pain of psychological emptiness.
Learn how to identify these pseudo spiritual con artists. Listen to their sweet talk pitch, the eyes that appear to melt with your sorrow, the nonverbal cues that reach out to console, the vacant promise that you will be completely healed and your life will be resurrected (if you sign up for thousands of dollars of course sessions). Watch how much money you are being asked to invest in this "spiritual" project. Is it multi-level? Will there be other courses required? How much are you being cleverly pressured? Listen to the voice of your intuition first in a whisper, then like a mighty wind that cries: "Don't do it!' "Don't sign up!" "These people are parasites exploiting you." "Back away." "Say "No" now."
Identifying the narcissistic spiritual healer before you take the bait is highly empowering. If you have fallen for these tricks and ruses in the past, don't blame yourself. Now you are wise to the game. You are in charge, walking your own path, listening to the wisdom that flows through you. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Narcissistic Mother Chooses Narcissistic Princess over Other Daughter
Narcissistic mothers are unjust, unfair and downright brutal. When this non mother has seized on the child who is the answer to all of her deepest needs and wishes, she has no interest, let alone a disgust for her other children. One common scenario is the older daughter turned "Princess" versus the young daughter. From babyhood NM chooses the older daughter as her favorite. The sun rises and sets on this child. She is never corrected for her impulsive mean behaviors. When the younger daughter comes along and the budding narcissist pinches her baby sister, the NM pays no attention at all or she waves it all off as if it never happened. In fact NM may find it amusing to hear her baby cry or watch her wince. In this case "mother" is highly sadistic and dangerous to her little one. There are many occasions when the older blooming narcissistic daughter terrorizes the little child without any witnesses. She pretends like she is playing a funny game and rushes out of the shadows and scares and startles the baby who reacts with crying. Mother is annoyed: "What's the matter with this kid ? All she does is whimper and cry." "Why can't she be like her older sister, calm and composed?" This situation is horrific for the victimized baby, young child and growing sibling who is subject to this malicious abuse. Dad never finds out about these horrors because he is purposely left in the dark. In some cases he is out to lunch and doesn't want to be involved in any meaningful way with his family.
After growing up under these abusive conditions, victims of narcissistic sisters suffer greatly. Some of them feel that they are obligated to maintain relationships with the ones who tortured them. Well, I am telling you, you don't. The family may not understand or believe you. But if this previous abuse by your NM and NS is continuing to interrupt the positive trajectory of your life, sever the relationship. The NM and NS are not going to change. They will continue to deride you, disdain you and psychologically injure you.
What is best for you is self care and beginning the process of psychological and emotional healing. This begins by knowing that you are entitled to lead your own life, to feel deep inner peace, to feel safe and secure inside, to use your creative gifts, to learn to trust only those who are worthy of it. You can and will heal. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
After growing up under these abusive conditions, victims of narcissistic sisters suffer greatly. Some of them feel that they are obligated to maintain relationships with the ones who tortured them. Well, I am telling you, you don't. The family may not understand or believe you. But if this previous abuse by your NM and NS is continuing to interrupt the positive trajectory of your life, sever the relationship. The NM and NS are not going to change. They will continue to deride you, disdain you and psychologically injure you.
What is best for you is self care and beginning the process of psychological and emotional healing. This begins by knowing that you are entitled to lead your own life, to feel deep inner peace, to feel safe and secure inside, to use your creative gifts, to learn to trust only those who are worthy of it. You can and will heal. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Monday, April 15, 2013
Stop Seduction Cycle with Narcissistic Men
Before you find yourself romantically obsessed with another narcissistic man, think clearly and review the pathological character traits of these irresistible charmers. Beneath the smile, the eyes that never stop glancing at you, that rivet you with their allure, the seductively clever talk that stirs all your senses--- remind yourself that deep inside the narcissist is psychologically running on empty. His internal world is bleak and he is filled with self loathing. He is not capable forming true intimate reciprocal relationships.
The narcissist lives to fulfill his wishes and desires. If you fit his plan he might choose you to play a role in his life. Narcissists are incapable of loyalty so they are unable to make a genuine commitment to another human being. He is a chronic convincing liar who is so good at perfidy that he has many women believing him. That's how fine a method actor he is.
Grandiose narcissists love to create drama and excitement. This keeps their egos inflated. Their extreme sense of self entitlement soars. They make promises to you and spin tales that are hypnotic.
This time you will not be ensnared because you are highly informed about the true nature of the narcissist and have learned from your previous emotionally painful life experiences. During this process, practice self care. By this I mean learn to respect yourself and your own sense of entitlement to be treated as a worthy person of integrity who deserves respect. Developing a routine that makes yor stronger physically (through a form of exercise that you enjoy) and psychologically grounded will help you immeasurably to see right through a narcissistic man who begins to make overtures to you. You will recognize the verbal and nonverbal signals that tell you that this fellow is trouble. Detach yourself from the external image and watch carefully. Expand your powers of observation and objectivity. You will be surprised at how accurately you make the appraisal that this man is a narcissistic personality disorder. You will be able to say "No" to him with certainty and grace. Give yourself a lot of credit for changing this previous pattern of being taken in by these infantile, self absorbed men that do not and never will have one of the greatest human traits---Empathy. This is the jewel in the crown of character traits. You now know that it is worth aligning yourself with those who are capable of compassion, genuineness, warmth, humor and who and who recognize you as a unique individual with whom they want to share their true selves. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
The narcissist lives to fulfill his wishes and desires. If you fit his plan he might choose you to play a role in his life. Narcissists are incapable of loyalty so they are unable to make a genuine commitment to another human being. He is a chronic convincing liar who is so good at perfidy that he has many women believing him. That's how fine a method actor he is.
Grandiose narcissists love to create drama and excitement. This keeps their egos inflated. Their extreme sense of self entitlement soars. They make promises to you and spin tales that are hypnotic.
This time you will not be ensnared because you are highly informed about the true nature of the narcissist and have learned from your previous emotionally painful life experiences. During this process, practice self care. By this I mean learn to respect yourself and your own sense of entitlement to be treated as a worthy person of integrity who deserves respect. Developing a routine that makes yor stronger physically (through a form of exercise that you enjoy) and psychologically grounded will help you immeasurably to see right through a narcissistic man who begins to make overtures to you. You will recognize the verbal and nonverbal signals that tell you that this fellow is trouble. Detach yourself from the external image and watch carefully. Expand your powers of observation and objectivity. You will be surprised at how accurately you make the appraisal that this man is a narcissistic personality disorder. You will be able to say "No" to him with certainty and grace. Give yourself a lot of credit for changing this previous pattern of being taken in by these infantile, self absorbed men that do not and never will have one of the greatest human traits---Empathy. This is the jewel in the crown of character traits. You now know that it is worth aligning yourself with those who are capable of compassion, genuineness, warmth, humor and who and who recognize you as a unique individual with whom they want to share their true selves. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Narcissistic Spouses Busy Shattering Your Self Confidence--Demeaning You--Leading a Double Life
Narcissists are exceedingly ruthless human beings. They move through life racing toward their goals:complete control over others, the assertion of their perfection, psychologically destroying all of those including spouses, children, siblings who get in their way, creating narcissistic tintypes of their children, having multiple series of affairs, secretively putting joint monetary assets in their names and creating financial entities that protect their illegal deeds. When they are behind closed doors and no one from the outside can hear them, they dress you down like a naughty child. You are humiliated and demeaned constantly. Whatever you do for them is never enough and you are always accused of making mistakes even if you performance is perfect. God help you if you are a business partner with your narcissistic spouse. This is nightmarish since the narcissist spend his days lambasting you for everything that goes wrong--even the tiniest mistake. Often these errors are his fault. He adroitly shifts the blame on to you, screams ugly epithets in your face. Your reaction inside is intolerable psychological and emotional pain. In front of your eyes you are experiencing a monster, a man or woman who has morphed into the consummate charmer in public to an absolute fiend in private. Eventually the narcissistic spouse wears down your confidence in yourself. You feel emotionally depleted, deflated, spent. That is the deleterious effect of these toxic spouses. They don't give a damn; they don't have a conscience. If you don't perform for them exactly as they wish, they will eventually dispose of you. They already have someone in mind with whom they will replace you (probably several).
Never underestimate the cold maliciousness of the narcissistic personality. Within him or her are the remnants of gruesome characters of the great atavistic themed novel "Lord of the Flies". This Darwinian tale is an archetype of the most primitive core of mankind. Within the narcissist we feel and experience this "lets rip everyone to shreds" attitude. Much of our current society today shares these "values." They may do it quietly with elegant manners but the effect is the same. They have gutted out your life and left you with nothing.
Learn as much as you can about the venal nature of the narcissistic personality. Once you have seen the horror and darkness of their core structure you will muster the courage to break away and escape from your imprisonment. Remember who you were before you encountered the big N. If you have people around you that you can trust, form a support group even if it is one other person. The knowledge that you have about the true nature of the narcissistic personality is powerful. Now you know that you are not to blame, that you deserve respect not psychological battering and sadistic humiliations. Create a plan to gather all of your resources together to sever your toxic relationship with your narcissistic spouse.
You are not alone. There are countless others who have broken the bonds and are proceeding with their lives. Develop a strong sense of self entitlement. Learn to still your mind so that you think clearly and have access to one of the greatest gifts---your intuition. You are going to win back your peace, sense of control over your life, your confidence in your self, feelings of emotional security and the beautiful smile you have deep inside that is struggling to come to the surface. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Never underestimate the cold maliciousness of the narcissistic personality. Within him or her are the remnants of gruesome characters of the great atavistic themed novel "Lord of the Flies". This Darwinian tale is an archetype of the most primitive core of mankind. Within the narcissist we feel and experience this "lets rip everyone to shreds" attitude. Much of our current society today shares these "values." They may do it quietly with elegant manners but the effect is the same. They have gutted out your life and left you with nothing.
Learn as much as you can about the venal nature of the narcissistic personality. Once you have seen the horror and darkness of their core structure you will muster the courage to break away and escape from your imprisonment. Remember who you were before you encountered the big N. If you have people around you that you can trust, form a support group even if it is one other person. The knowledge that you have about the true nature of the narcissistic personality is powerful. Now you know that you are not to blame, that you deserve respect not psychological battering and sadistic humiliations. Create a plan to gather all of your resources together to sever your toxic relationship with your narcissistic spouse.
You are not alone. There are countless others who have broken the bonds and are proceeding with their lives. Develop a strong sense of self entitlement. Learn to still your mind so that you think clearly and have access to one of the greatest gifts---your intuition. You are going to win back your peace, sense of control over your life, your confidence in your self, feelings of emotional security and the beautiful smile you have deep inside that is struggling to come to the surface. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
No One Believes You--Psychological Damage Caused by Narcissistic Parent
There is a theme that runs through responses that I receive from children of a narcissistic parent(s). The child is subjected to unbearable levels of ongoing abuse--scalding criticisms, withering humiliations in front of other family members and alone, routine secret physical beatings and other horrendous acts of brutality including psychological and literal abandonment. When the child lets family members know what is happening to him, this person is not believed. When the victim of a narcissist tells the truth about his dreadful pathological parent, he is not treated with kindness or understanding. The family is shocked; the victim is treated with disdain and often told he/she is the sick one or that this is all lies to get attention. The narcissistic mother or father gets a complete pass. A masterful coverup takes place and remains ongoing. The child victims become family pariahs. Often the suggestion is whispered that they belong in a psychiatric institution or are in need of intensive psychotherapy.
In some cases the narcissistic abuse has been so severe that the victim needs to work with an excellent psychotherapist to deal with the painful aftermath of surviving a narcissistic parent. The child of the narcissist is doubly abused---Once throughout childhood and another round when he or she tells the truth about the narcissistic parent. After all the entire family must keep the secret intact especially if the narcissist is highly successful, has a high profile, is generous monetarily with certain family members or cravenly sets one child against the other. Does the narcissistic parent feel any guilt about what he has done to his children. Certainly not! He does not have a conscience. If the marriage and the kids don't work out, he/she moves on to the next opportunity. What about a younger prettier wife with whom he can make more perfect children? Whom does he think he is? a god? The answer is Yes! These individuals are despicable especially when they disrupt and in some cases destroy their childrens' lives.
Many children of narcissistic parents do survive although they have suffered horribly. They are courageous individuals who never give up even when they feel like they can't go one more step. They learn the lessons of survival well. Many of them become hypervigalent and suffer from anxiety and depression. Many benefit from highly skilled empathic psychotherapy and other healing modalities: gentle yoga, a form of meditation that works for you, journaling, exercise that you enjoy and spending time with Nature.
I want you to know that I Believe You. I know what you have endured. You are courageous. You deserve to lead the life that was given to you originally. Keep healing. You are taking the path less traveled--the one with fewer travelers, the way that has deep meaning. Here you will find the peace that you have sought all of your life. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
In some cases the narcissistic abuse has been so severe that the victim needs to work with an excellent psychotherapist to deal with the painful aftermath of surviving a narcissistic parent. The child of the narcissist is doubly abused---Once throughout childhood and another round when he or she tells the truth about the narcissistic parent. After all the entire family must keep the secret intact especially if the narcissist is highly successful, has a high profile, is generous monetarily with certain family members or cravenly sets one child against the other. Does the narcissistic parent feel any guilt about what he has done to his children. Certainly not! He does not have a conscience. If the marriage and the kids don't work out, he/she moves on to the next opportunity. What about a younger prettier wife with whom he can make more perfect children? Whom does he think he is? a god? The answer is Yes! These individuals are despicable especially when they disrupt and in some cases destroy their childrens' lives.
Many children of narcissistic parents do survive although they have suffered horribly. They are courageous individuals who never give up even when they feel like they can't go one more step. They learn the lessons of survival well. Many of them become hypervigalent and suffer from anxiety and depression. Many benefit from highly skilled empathic psychotherapy and other healing modalities: gentle yoga, a form of meditation that works for you, journaling, exercise that you enjoy and spending time with Nature.
I want you to know that I Believe You. I know what you have endured. You are courageous. You deserve to lead the life that was given to you originally. Keep healing. You are taking the path less traveled--the one with fewer travelers, the way that has deep meaning. Here you will find the peace that you have sought all of your life. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Pathological Regressions of Narcissistic Spouse Pulls You Down
When you are married to a narcissist you are subject to the whip lashing mood swings. One moment they are manically high on their grand new vision that will bring outlandish success. The next moment they are verbally striking you in the gut. Restless, ruthless, completely self absorbed, the narcissist is taking you along for the ride while you suit his needs. When you cease to inflate his enormous ego, serve him in every way that he demands and swallow his abuse, he will dispose of you and find others who will better fulfill your role. No spouse is indispensable. Narcissists often choose a man or a woman as a partner because he/she has the right social/business connections, family background and large monetary and property assets.
The narcissistic spouse can be highly secretive.The narcissist is always in a state of psychological regression despite his professional or work achievements. Deep within he/she is very infantile. The narcissistic psychic structure is fixed and unchangeable. This individual is psychologically regressed at the developmental age of two or even younger. The psychic structure of the real self has been severely damaged and overwhelmed by a false self that creates the illusion of grandeur and superiority. Essential to the NPD is the external image that he assiduously crafts and maintains. As his spouse you are the victim of a highly regressed damaged real self full of rage and secret paranoia. You continue to be psychologically injured by your narcissistic spouse through non stop verbal battering, gaslighting, lies and deception.
How long do you deserve to be treated like this? How much more can you take? Is he/she making you feel physically ill? Are you waking up in the middle of the night with a pounding heart? With rage? With terror?
How long will you tolerate the horrific effects this treatment has on your nervous system, immune system, quality of life? It is time to say No to him/her--Yes to Yourself. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
The narcissistic spouse can be highly secretive.The narcissist is always in a state of psychological regression despite his professional or work achievements. Deep within he/she is very infantile. The narcissistic psychic structure is fixed and unchangeable. This individual is psychologically regressed at the developmental age of two or even younger. The psychic structure of the real self has been severely damaged and overwhelmed by a false self that creates the illusion of grandeur and superiority. Essential to the NPD is the external image that he assiduously crafts and maintains. As his spouse you are the victim of a highly regressed damaged real self full of rage and secret paranoia. You continue to be psychologically injured by your narcissistic spouse through non stop verbal battering, gaslighting, lies and deception.
How long do you deserve to be treated like this? How much more can you take? Is he/she making you feel physically ill? Are you waking up in the middle of the night with a pounding heart? With rage? With terror?
How long will you tolerate the horrific effects this treatment has on your nervous system, immune system, quality of life? It is time to say No to him/her--Yes to Yourself. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Friday, April 5, 2013
Narcissistic Sister-in-law Infiltrates Your Family
There is a type of narcissistic sister-in-law who is both intrusive and destructive to members of your family. She can be highly flirtatious with your husband, causing a lot of strain, embarrassment and high stress. These gals never give up; they always have their motors running. They are without conscience or psychological boundaries, know what they are after and go for it. They are unconcerned about the relationships that they ruin or the families that they destroy. Narcissistic sisters-in-law are often money hungry. They cultivate close relationships with the family matriarch, befriend her and become her confidante because she is the keeper of the family monetary largess. They cleverly isolate the older woman, gain her trust, become indispensable and make the strategic moves to convince her that she is the neutral party who can help the older woman handle the financial affairs. This is especially the case if the matriarch doesn't have a husband and the other family members have been sufficiently fooled by the SIL's smooth method acting. The narcissistic SIL cleverly plays a game of divide and conquer through well placed lies about the siblings. In many cases the SIL plays the "holy innocent" card, She is never suspected of the treacheries she commits that alienate family members from one another. She bides her time waiting for the demise of the family matriarch whom she has secretly pressured into turning all of her monetary resources over to the greedy narcissistic infiltrator. By the time she has vanished with all the assets, it is too late. The narcissistic SIL moves on to more fertile human fields where she can continue to work her dark destructive magic. Learn to recognize in-laws who reveal themselves as narcissistic personalities so that you will not be victimized by them. Visit my website:thenarcissisticinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Start Healing Now from Narcissistic Ex-Spouse
Many of those who have suffered psychological and emotional abuse at the hands of a narcissistic spouse report that even after the divorce they still feel the deleterious effects of their mistreatment. It lingers with them. Some even wish for the "good days" when life with the narcissist was exciting. They remember the highs not the horrendous lows of those times. In some cases the recipient of narcissistic abuse has endured a chronic pattern of trauma and deprivation in childhood. This individual expects to be demeaned, criticized and humiliated. This is familiar, the norm. It is not unusual for a person who has been abused to move from one abuser to the next in an unending cycle. When you divorce a narcissist you have an opportunity to redefine yourself as a person who deserves to be treated with deep respect. As you finish the formal process of divorce promise yourself that your healing has already begun. Going through a divorce from a narcissist is a great achievement in itself.
The growing self is always in a process of moving forward. You have suffered more than enough. You are entitled to feel differently about who you are and how you are treated.
You can begin by learning how to calm your body and mind. Taking yourself out of the day to day presence and toxic vibrations of the narcissist is an opening step. Learning how to quiet the mind with a form of meditation that works for you, performing simple yoga poses with emphasis on the breath, journaling your thoughts, feelings, inspirations, poems and insights allows you to let go and become uncensored to yourself. You have held yourself in check for so many years, turning yourself inside out to please the narcissist, you will be amazed at the power that you have to find a calmness and freedom that you have been waiting for. Taking time regularly to immerse yourself in nature whether through gardening, hiking, watching and listening to the birds near you, sketching outside---is an enormous source of healing the body, mind, emotions and psyche.
Develop a solid healing relationship with yourself. For so long you have been overshadowed by the narcissist. He has stolen your light and eclipsed your creative ideas, your sense of optimism and hope, your life dreams. Vow that no one will ever do this to you again. You are the author of your own life. Seize your sense of self entitlement and deep inner peace. The time to re-start your life is now. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
The growing self is always in a process of moving forward. You have suffered more than enough. You are entitled to feel differently about who you are and how you are treated.
You can begin by learning how to calm your body and mind. Taking yourself out of the day to day presence and toxic vibrations of the narcissist is an opening step. Learning how to quiet the mind with a form of meditation that works for you, performing simple yoga poses with emphasis on the breath, journaling your thoughts, feelings, inspirations, poems and insights allows you to let go and become uncensored to yourself. You have held yourself in check for so many years, turning yourself inside out to please the narcissist, you will be amazed at the power that you have to find a calmness and freedom that you have been waiting for. Taking time regularly to immerse yourself in nature whether through gardening, hiking, watching and listening to the birds near you, sketching outside---is an enormous source of healing the body, mind, emotions and psyche.
Develop a solid healing relationship with yourself. For so long you have been overshadowed by the narcissist. He has stolen your light and eclipsed your creative ideas, your sense of optimism and hope, your life dreams. Vow that no one will ever do this to you again. You are the author of your own life. Seize your sense of self entitlement and deep inner peace. The time to re-start your life is now. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
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