Friday, December 31, 2010

Spouses of Narcissists-Addicted to the Lifestyle

Narcissists are masterful at reading you up close and personal. They know exactly what they have to do to get your undivided attention and to eventually possess you. Narcissists go all out when they are on the hunt for a man or woman who will fulfill their insatiable needs, enhance their public image, remain compliant and discreet regardless of their atrocious behavior. They are always seeking pleasure, enjoyment and escape. Psychoanalyst Dr. Otto Kernberg describes the narcissist's psychological inner (unconscious) state:"...these narcissistic patients' experience of emptiness is characterized by the addition of strong feelings of boredom and restlessness...patients with narcissistic personality...do not have that capacity for empathizing with human experience...Their social life, which gives them opportunities to obtain confirmation in reality or fantasy of their needs to be admired, and offers them direct instinctual gratifications, may provide them with an immediate sense of meaningfulness, but this is temporary. (When the narcissist cannot obtain these gratifications)...their sense of emptiness, restlessness and boredom take over." 

This is where the spouse comes in. She/he  is expected to keep the narcissist feeling splendid about himself at all times. As the spouse becomes an integral part of an upper tier lifestyle (in the case of high level very successful narcissists) it becomes more and more difficult to see through the delusion of constant distraction, material acquisition and incessant pleasure seeking. The spouse has strapped herself in for the ride of a lifetime. How could she possibly give this up. Ugly cracks begin to appear in the elaborate persona of the narcissistic spouse. Temper tantrums and menacing intimidations become more frequent. The spouse is on the receiving end of these ugly interludes. 

Many spouses are unaware that they have a choice and can wrest themselves from the narcissist. They can separate themselves and their lives from this. But they are already addicted to the lifestyle that the high level narcissist provides. Who could walk away from this set up. It's too good, too wildly self indulgent to say "goodbye."  The price the narcissist's spouse pays is with her life. It no longer belongs to her. Even her thoughts are dictated and run in tandem with the narcissist. Her previous values have faded---she has new ones--they are narcissistic--flitting from one thrilling event to the other, meeting the most important people, traveling incessantly, buying whatever she impulsively wants. (This equally applies to male partners of female narcissists). 

There are a few individuals who wake up and realize that they can no longer be a prisoner of their narcissistic spouse. They have listened finally to the steady voice of intuition that has been telling them that this is not a healthy relationship- in fact it is not a relationship. It is an arrangement, the source of narcissistic supply for their highly pathological spouse. Those who take the steps and sever themselves from this pseudo partnership, discover that despite the divorce aftermath, they are freed up on every level. Of great significance is the case of freeing one's children from the narcissist's grip. This is a great victory for you and them. 

As the western world marches ever faster in sync with the Narcissistic Style, rewarding those who are most egregious and calling them "good people" , take the other road--authenticity, inner peace, creativity, kindness, true individuality---There you will thrive and celebrate all of the blessings of the true self. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 



Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Your Narcissistic Husband/Wife is A Sociopath

A person who incessantly makes efforts to destroy you and those close to you at every turn is a sociopath. Without conscience, flying high on the manic winds of their grandiosity, there is nothing  they will not do to eviscerate you psychologically and financially without laying a hand on you. It's done with sinister cunning--- siphoning off your money through legal maneuvers, getting others to  perform the dirty work of destroying your reputation, turning your family against you, making binding agreements and breaking them when it is inconvenient for them, finding legal loopholes to jump out of binding contracts, threatening to expose a personal secret and using psychological and financial blackmail to keep their silence, fighting and winning custody of your children not because the sociopath loves them but to cause you unending emotional suffering and reservoirs of guilt and fear about their future. There are as many demonic schemes as the sociopath's imagination can conjure up. You may think that the person you married is just self absorbed and selfish. Then you identify him as a narcissist---At last you recognize the man/woman you married is an irredeemable sociopath.

Be self protective and wise. He/she is never going to change. He will continue to harm you on every level, disrupt your life and in some cases, destroy your life. 


Take the initiative. Focus on what you  need and want for your life. Gather individuals around you whom you can trust. Seek psychotherapy if that is best for you at this time. Be keenly aware that your life is taking a different and positive trajectory after extricating yourself from this malicious sociopath. Do not make contact, direct or indirect with this person. (If necessary this can be done through attorneys). Leave no trace of your contact information. Begin to breathe deeply again. You may find that some form of meditation will still your mind and calm your body. Exercise and feel your body responding, becoming more alive. Give love and appreciation to yourself. You have prevailed over a dreadful situation. Now you are expanding inwardly and in the world, celebrating a new life cycle. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 



Monday, December 27, 2010

Living with a Narcissist-Have You Had More than Enough

"Relationships" with narcissists cannot be genuine because of their true nature. A narcissist is a grandiose false self, focused completely on his/her own ego needs---adulation, praise, worldly power, subservience of others to his will. In the early stages the narcissist with his solid gold charm offensive is unstoppable to most. He/she knows exactly how to play people, almost hypnotize them to make them members of his court. He is at your service; you are indispensable; the perfect match.  Some narcissists are so clever that they can anticipate your needs, know exactly what you want and get it for you. This is the wooing and seduction phase of the relationship.

Once you are in his possession, the mask starts to crumple and the other side of the narcissist's personality is revealed. This is a perfectionist, manipulator, deceiver, chronic liar, exploiter of everyone, especially those whom he has chosen as a partner. Many individuals marry narcissists against their own better judgment. They say to themselves: "He is so special and brilliant, so charming; this ugliness is temporary, it will pass with time." Another rationalization is: "I know he will change and I am the one he can count on to make that transformation." A self destructive belief: "There must be something the matter with me. He/she is so successful and revered by many people. I need to give him a chance. I'm being too sensitive."

Eventually the full weight of the psychological devastation perpetrated by the narcissist comes down upon you. He is in constant rages, blaming everything that goes wrong on you. You are incompetent. Some suffering partners take the blame upon themselves, never reflect that it is a pernicious psychological projection on the part of the narcissist. Once volleys of rage have bruised and beaten you down, you begin to wonder if you can take it any more. The ongoing verbal abuse and the absence of the smallest
  shred   of empathy have wearied and beaten you down. How much more will you take? Is it worth your psychological or physical well being? He much longer will you throw you life away and have it siphoned off by the narcissist's insatiable ego needs? At some point in this recurrent pain, many decide to leave the narcissist and reclaim their lives. This is a tough challenge, especially if he/she has control of the finances. There is no perfect time to leave the narcissist. One thing you can count on for sure is that this personality disorder is not going to change. In making you calculus close consideration must be made if you have children with this person. Narcissists have devastating psychological effect on their children. They are incapable of parenting and in some cases, their progeny become narcissists.

Making the decision and following through can be very tough but well worth the effort and perseverance.
After the break and you have renewed your psychological equilibrium, you will finally breathe become the author of your life. Good psychotherapy, support groups and communication with trusted friends may all be part of your healing process. Now you observe and follow the new trajectory of  your life, the inner peace that you have awaited so long  and the renewal of hope and creativity. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality and how to deal with these individuals, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Marriage from Hell-Narcissistic Man Marries Borderline Personality Woman

Narcissistic men are looking for  women who will adore them,  provide them with adulation, capitulation of self and total compliance.  Narcissists never admit their mistakes but are obsessively finding criticisms and launching humiliation on their borderline personality spouses. The greatest fear of the borderline is psychological abandonment and feelings of annihilation. The borderline personality fuses psychologically with others and has great difficulty maintaining boundaries. The borderline is easy prey or the manipulations and cruel deceptions of the narcissist. The narcissistic man is the opposite of the borderline woman. He is extremely demanding, always gets what he wants, supremely self entitled, superior, has no conscience and doesn't give how he devastates others emotionally. 

Borderline personalities have suffered great trauma in childhood. They have no sense of entitlement, feel worthless and empty and can't make it on their own. The cruelty perpetrated on them in the marriage to the narcissist mimics and is a repetition of the painful patterns of childhood. 

Narcissists know when they will discard their borderline spouse for a new fresh, younger model. The narcissist moves on with no regrets, no stricken conscience, in some cases only a blur of memory that this woman had a role in his life. To learn to protect yourself from the narcissistic personality disorders and assert your own life as unique and valuable, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Narcissistic Mothers Devalue Their Daughters

Some narcissistic mothers appear to have subtle ways of giving a hallowed place to her golden boy son, including constant attention and adulation. Although there is not much greater equality between men and women professionally, we still have have the pull of the patriarchal view within our culture. I see many families where the eldest son is the star of the family from the beginning. He is bright, very attractive, confident and socially smooth. Mother clears the way for him through her adulation, almost veneration. This special son is molded by the mother as a chosen person. She puts all of herself into this child, viewing him as perfect. He is the fulfillment of the mother's dreams. 

A daughter who comes along as second to the star brother is treated differently. Often these behaviors are subtle. Mother is already psychologically fused with the golden son. Almost every waking moment is taken up thinking of him and his magnificence. For many of these narcissistic mothers the daughter is a disappointment. This is especially the case for the daughter if the father has been taken out of the picture by the dominating narcissistic mother. Slight differences can be seen in the animation that the narcissistic mother displays when talking about her special son; the sacrifices she makes for him with her time. The daughter is secondary in her attention and mind. These daughters have a painful legacy. Often they do not feel worthwhile, knowing that they can never measure up to the stardom of the older brother. They feel secondary, second rate. 

These adult can benefit from excellent psychotherapy. The learn to recognize that the narcissistic mother give her birth and the imprint of her dna. These daughters find ways to separate and individuate out of the family of origin. As they move forward these daughters develop loving friendships with those who appreciate them as unique and valuable human beings. The narcissistic chosen brother will never become authentic. He is a false self (although he may be very powerful in his world). Daughters who live in these family constellations and continue to heal themselves move forward and grow throughout their lives as authentic strong individuals. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Some Children of Narcissists are Psychologically More Vulnerable

Dr. Elaine Arons  introduced the concept of the highly sensitive person as a result of her extensive clinical research. She tells us that it is vital to understand certain characteristics about these individuals: "Your trait is normal. It is found in 15 to 20% of the population." "It is innate." "You are more aware than others of subtleties. This is mainly because your brain processes information and reflects on it more deeply." "You are also more easily overwhelmed." "You are naturally going to be overstimulated when things are too intense, complex, chaotic, or novel..."

A highly sensitive child of a narcissistic parent is inclined to have a more difficult and traumatic experience. With a parent who is insensitive to the feelings and perceptions of others, who is emotionally distant, incapable of empathy, highly manipulative, living each day in this psychological environment is extremely challenging and painful. Some sensitive children learn to protect themselves from the narcissistic parent through their deep intuitive sense. They learn to keep a safe emotional distance from this parent and some fortunate children discover that there are others in the family environment from whom they can obtain feelings of security and acceptance. Some children wall themselves off emotionally and use their minds to escape into their private worlds of the imagination. There are children who have no where to go---they feel imprisoned by their narcissistic parent. They become the receptacle of the narcissist's aggressive, cruel projections. From early childhood they take in these criticisms and humiliations and believe that there is fundamentally flawed deep within them. I hear life stories of many of these adult children of narcissistic parents. Their nightmarish tales wrench your heart. Often their suffering is protracted and continues through much of their adulthood. With many adults of narcissistic parents, there comes a time, often during a time of crisis, when these survivors recognize that they separate human beings who are intrinsically good and worthwhile. Most of all, these children realize that they are neither mother nor father but unique individuals. Many are helped toward healing of these specific childhood wounds through quality psychotherapy, meditation and hatha yoga. They step out of the painful identities imposed on them by the narcissistic parent and reclaim their lives. A new cycle of life has begun for them. We celebrate their tremendous victory.  Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Sociopathic Narcissists are Big on Suffering-They Cause Too Much of It

One sociopathic narcissist set loose causes suffering that is beyond our imaginations. I hear from those who suffer under the cruel tyranny of these individuals. There are generations of families of narcissists who cause incalcuable pain to their family members, spouses, siblings, in-laws.  Sociopathic narcissists don't suffer deep emotional pain. They are too shallow and very busy, greedily taking what they must have to fulfill their inflated ego needs. There is no real communication or relationship with a sociopathic narcissist. They are tyrants and control freaks. Some are psychologically sadistic and find pleasure in watching others suffer under the weight of their oppressive tactics.

Ultimately the sociopathic narcissist can help us to define who we are. Rather than being on the defense with them, walking on pins and needles,waiting for the next shoe to drop, hiding in their shadow, use your  direct exposure to them and the pain you have suffered as powerful motivators to launch an offense. By now you know how these persecutors operate--They are shamelessly ruthless, chronic liars, dark exploiters, psychological bottom feeders. They not only must win but if that means taking you down in the process, they will not have a quiver of conscience. Conscience is a vital part of the sociopathic narcissist that is missing. At some point when you know them well, have studied their personality characteristics and have had enough, you will take a stand and say: "No more!" " I'm resetting the start button on my life."  Appreciate your individuality, mental and artistic gifts and the part of you that cares deeply about the welfare of others. You are an authentic, strong human being. Identify and remove the sociopathic narcissists from your life. You will celebrate this move by leading your life fully. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Children of Narcissistic Parents - Moving Beyond Your Personal History

I receive some of the most painful and touching communications from children of a narcissistic mother or father. In some cases, these individuals were surrounded by narcissistic family members, including parents and several narcissistic siblings. I hear from adult scapegoated children who were grew up with golden child siblings. There life stories are emotionally wrenching. The cruelties perpetrated on them were chronic and unmerciful. While the narcissistic parent constantly made outrageous demands on the non-narcissistic child, she/he picked one or two other children in the family who were found to be superior, unblemished almost godlike. The scapegoated child was constantly humiliated and treated as an inferior person. Unrelenting cruelties and verbal and in some instances physical abuse were thrust upon these children.


In many cases the narcissist parent was an instigator in turning her budding narcissistic children against the victimized son or daughter whom she viewed as second rate and defective. All of the mother's/father's primitive aggressive projections were projected upon these targeted children. Many courageously learned to survive in creative ways. Some scapegoated children become hermits within their own home and play the role of being invisible. They are frequently left to their own devices, unprotected by the narcissistic parent, learn how to fend for themselves. Some of these children are already living on their own before the age of eighteen. I have known of children who have left theses homes of horror before legal age in order to be free from the constant taunting, cruel games, harsh criticisms and constant fear and anxiety.

The narcissist is never going to change regardless of your hopes, wishes, sacrifices, kindnesses. These are losing propositions when dealing with a narcissistic parents.

Those who free themselves from narcissistic parents build a life that is beyond their personal history. This is challenging, takes perseverance and unrelenting purpose and focus. You are not your narcissistic parent. You are a unique human being of great value. It is not your fault that your narcissistic parent has a severe personality disorder,  is cruel and deceptive and has attempted continuously and purposely to disrupt, interrupt and devalue your life. Those who free themselves form narcissistic parents, find friends whom they can trust.  Another route is to establish a practice of  stillness in the form of meditation, gentle yoga or other modality. By consistently practicing these forms of stilling the mind, we communicate with the part of ourselves that cannot be touched or harmed by our early traumatic conditioning. These practices can fit into a spiritual belief used in a non-spiritual purpose to improve and steady our nervous systems, increase our focus and concentration. Many benefit from high quality psychotherapy.

Getting in touch with the innermost parts of yourself where you will find peace and acceptance is well worth the consistent practice that it takes. When we learn to separate and individuate out of our family of origin we have begun to see ourselves as we are, using our own lens, writing our own unique history.  We are a work in progress throughout our lives. Each day we have a new opportunity to become more authentic, to activate our creative gifts, to fulfill our many potentials, to practice giving and receiving love and affection. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Narcissists-Making Others Do Their Dirty Work

Narcissists beneath it all are cowards and phonies. Despite their psychological shallowness they perpetrate tremendous damage on other human beings---emotional, financial, mental.  Pernicious lying, deceptions and manipulations are part of their psychological dna. For most narcissists their image is uppermost in their minds at all times. How they appear to others, how many followers they are accumulating, how much praise and adulation they are receiving and how wonderful people believe they are---these are their touchstones. I have communicated with many of those who were married to narcissists who were stunned by their partner's ability to maintain a pristine public image while privately causing severe trauma, emotional distress and even terror to members of his/her family, business partners, etc.

Narcissists who succeed in the world preserve their pristine images by having favored members of their tight inner circle do their dirty work. Whether it is bringing down a business competitor by stealth and intimidation, using corps of attorneys to break down a former spouse who is asking for child support and custody arrangements, narcissists find the best follower, the most devoted---to carry out their malicious goals. I have had contact with many of their victims, especially their discarded and broken spouses, partners and children. The damage that they do is immeasurable. Part of the insidious problem is that the current culture rewards narcissistic behaviors--"I've got mine; the hell with you." The narcissistic style of acting superior, being over-entitled and a laser focus on outward appearance and "image" has become pervasive in many stratas of our culture today.

Those who have survived the narcissist and are prevailing by moving forward with their lives despite all of the pain they are suffered, deserve our deep respect and empathy. These individuals are real. They come without facade, artifice or hidden agendas. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com  

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Narcissists-Incapable of Emotional Intimacy

Emotional intimacy occurs when we are capable of sharing ourselves deeply with another human being. There is a requirement of mutual trust in order to feel completely secure with another person. Narcissists do not have this capacity. Some narcissists are gifted at pretending that they are emotionally invested in you. They are often very attentive in the beginning, idealizing you, offering to meet all of your needs and then some. It is easy to take this kind of bait. Narcissists can appear to be exceedingly sincere.

We learn to be emotionally intimate when we are very young. It begins with a steady, loving attachment to a parent(s). The child who feels securely attached is free is express his/her feelings openly without shame or fear. The parent is receptive and tuned into the small child, able to comfort him when he is frightened, confused or angry. The child learns that he is solid inside as a result of consistent positive psychological needs being met by a "good enough" parent. D.W.Winnicott, the brilliant psychoanalyst  spoke about the child's need for a "good enough" mother. This is a person is allows her child to be genuine from the beginning and supports his uniqueness and at the same time provides a secure emotional environment for her infant and small child. Mothers of narcissists are not "good enough." They reward the child whom they perceive as special and superior as long as he or she is molded in the parental image. These children are highly praised and prized in the narcissistic family not for who they genuinely are but for their fulfillment of the wishes and dreams of the narcissistic parent. As a result the narcissist from early childhood never learns to become emotionally intimate. As much as he is considered superior and has no rules or boundaries, he/she is not treated with warmth and affection. He is not loved for being his genuine self. As a result the narcissist never learns to relate to himself/herself on a deep emotional level nor can he reciprocate any real affection or love for another.

Children of narcissists experience great emotional and psychological pain, recognizing that their mother couldn't be a real parent to them--the one they could go to with their fears, worries, dreams and all of the feelings closes to their hearts. Many children of narcissists benefit from good psychotherapy that helps them to heal and reconstitute their sense of self. Those married to narcissists suffer in a different. Often they remain married to a narcissistic spouse for many years, hoping that he or she will change or that they are the ones who are confused and even "crazy". Many of these spouses hold on to these highly dysfunctional marriages at a great price to themselves. Others finally recognize that they most step out of the bonds of the narcissist's psychopathology, that he will never be capable of emotional intimacy and that they are entitled to move forward, seeking those with whom they can find emotional intimacy, respect, affection, and  the freedom to use their many gifts and talents as they were born to do.  Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon. com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com  

Thursday, December 16, 2010

When the Narcissist Tells You Who He/She is---Believe Him

People have many ways of communicating with us. We listen to their words and think that is the message. A friend of mine always says: "Listen to the music behind the words." This is excellent advice, especially with regard to the narcissist. Narcissists are often very persuasive and articulate. They have the talent to sell  anyone anything----even when it is worthless and harmful to you. Watch the narcissist's nonverbals. The gestures, body posture, eye messages give the narcissist away if we are skilled observers. Notice repetitious patterns of behavior that are insensitive at best and cruel, ruthless and destructive at worst. Narcissists stop for no one. They are always moving forward,  running through barriers of conscience and humaneness to reach their goals. This is all that matters to them. They treat people like objects that can be seduced for their   ego enhancing purposes, used to create valuable social and business connections if you have them, sell you out financially if that benefits them, or throw you into the ditch when you have lost your luster for them and are of no further use in providing them with the narcissistic supplies that they need at the moment. Narcissists always find others to replace the role played by you. It was never yours in the first place. Whether it's six weeks or six years, eventually most narcissists know that there is a time certain when you will become a part of his/her forgotten past. Narcissists do not ruminate about what they have done to cause pain to you. This thought would never occur to them. From their point of view you were fortunate to be in their presence, their special vibration. You benefited from just knowing them. Whatever you contributed to their lives or how you sacrificed yours is of no consequence to them.

Narcissists telegraph their intentions. In the beginning we are swooped up, mesmerized by a euphoria of the promise of lifelong fulfilled dreams and excitement. To think that this irresistible man or woman is becoming part of our lives and that we have been chosen by him/her is intoxicating. We have drunk the sweet nectar from the cup of delusion.  Narcissists live in an unreal world of delusion. They believe that they truly are superior to everyone else--brighter, more clever, talented, entitled. Narcissists pull you into their lives to fulfill a specific goal. They know just when to move your strings, tap into your emotional vulnerabilities, inflate your ego and become so entranced with them that there is nothing you can say but "yes."

To protect yourself from the narcissist's duplicitous games and cunning traps, become highly skilled at identifying this personality disorder. It is worth your time and effort to study the narcissistic personality in every detail possible. At the same time, get to know yourself better. Locate the psychological triggers that  lead you into relationships with these emotional vampires---Are you a pleaser? Are you afraid to say "no" to someone because they will be disappointed in you?  Are you in a pattern of letting others dictate the narrative of your life?  Strengthen and reinforce your authentic solid self by becoming psychologically more independent and trusting your intuition and wisdom to know the truth about another individual. Begin a practice of learning to center yourself whether this is a form of meditation, yoga, mindfulness. Develop an appreciation for your own inner wisdom.  Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Monday, December 13, 2010

Don't Remarry Your Narcissistic Ex-Husband

It is very tempting for some women to remarry their narcissistic ex-husbands. They review the "good times" and think that they can be re-visited and forget their ex's narcissistic traits and behaviors: deception, manipulation, chronic lying, exploitation, humiliations, constant demands, volcanic rage. In a sense these women never worked through the pain and suffering they experienced. Some of these individuals have not been able to separate from the narcissist psychologically and still cling to their roles as his spouse. They begin to idealize the ex-husband from the safety of time and distance. Fantasies create idyllic pictures of how could be so much better this time. Some ex-wives think about a second chance in life with this man, telling themselves he has changed, it was only a phase he was going through, the two of them are now wiser and more mature. Some women miss the lifestyle of being married to a highly accomplished narcissist who is revered by his inner circle. They long to be a partner again to such powerful attractive magnetic man. They fear the future alone and if there are children there is the dream they have kept alive of having an intact family once again.  With the narcissistic ex making the overtures, it is so tempting to say "yes" once more. Before you make this decision consider the true nature of the narcissistic personality disorder:
The npd is a fixed personality characterized by extreme self absorption, a complete lack of empathy, deceitfulness, chronic lying, betrayal, manipulativeness, ruthlessness,  cruelty, lack of conscience and personal boundaries. Re-marrying  a narcissist, you life, thoughts, feelings, dreams, aspirations, creativity---all that you treasure that is  singular to you as an individual.

Being married to a narcissist disrupts our capacity for individuation---that part of us that is always evolving in every way: creatively, interpersonally, psychologically, mentally and spiritually.  I communicate with those who have remarried narcissistic ex-husbands and they always say: "Don't do it."  Lead your life in freedom, wisdom and love! Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
The Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Friday, December 10, 2010

Protect Your Psychological Boundaries from the Narcissist

Narcissists have no respect for the needs, suffering and wishes of others. They are disinterested in other people---fascinated by every thing "me."  When they appear to be intrigued with an individual it is because they have decided that this person can do something for them. A handsome man or beautiful woman can enhance the narcissist's image.For the narcissist, image is reality. If this chosen person is attracted strongly to the narcissist, all the better. The narcissist has found a compliant living narcissistic supply who will help to keep his ego inflated.

Children learn very early to develop personal psychological boundaries from their parents. Psychological boundaries are essential to our solid sense of self and to the integrity of the individual.  Each person is entitled to be treated with respect for his feelings, thoughts and privacy. The narcissist doesn't grow up with a sense of boundaries particularly if he or she is a golden child, the chosen one in the family who is believed to be so special that he/she doesn't have to live by any rules. The parent(s) allow this child to have free reign in the household. There are neither rules nor limits. The golden child is permitted to be rude, cruel and intimidating to his/her siblings. From the parent's point of you, he can do no wrong--this child viewed as perfect and impeccable, untouched by any rules. As a result these individuals are often cruel and ruthless even with parents and other adults. The parent of this child constantly makes excuses for this inappropriate out of control behavior. The parent believes that this child is the perfect replica of what he (the parent) has always wanted to be---a perfect human being.

Most spouses of narcissists have difficulty drawing clear lines of differentiation between their requirements for self respect and privacy because the narcissist is so convincing and intimidating.

You can learn to command respect from others who try to invade your personal space. First, you need to be convinced that you are worthy and have unique value and deserve to be treated with deference. Knowing and believing this about yourself, you will feel more detached from the narcissist who attempts to override your psychological boundaries. Narcissists often ask very rude and insensitive questions---You are not compelled to answer any question at any time. Don't be thrown by the narcissist's convincing or aggressive manner or the pressure of those inside his golden circle who try to force you to respond to an inappropriate question or demand.

Learn how to ground yourself psychologically through practices of stilling the mind through meditation, visualization or other modalities that quiet and clarify the mind. With this practice comes a valuable kind of emotional detachment combined with an ability to immediately see through what the narcissist is trying to achieve---invade your private psychological space. The narcissist believes that he/she can achieve ultimate control over you. When you know yourself intimately and are able to separate yourself from the narcissist's many clever ruses, you will see through him very clearly.

When the narcissist knows that he cannot shake you up, react to his lies and innuendos and that you are detached, separate and individuated, the narcissist will walk away from you to find another prospective partner, devotee, acolyte or psychological slave whom he/she can use. Maintaining psychological boundaries and deciding with whom to share our deepest selves is a sacred right as human beings. We never have to give any part of ourselves away to another human being. We are born in integrity and grow with reciprocal respect, honoring ourselves and others who deserve our trust. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

You Are Evolving---The Narcissist is Regressing

The narcissist with his/her elaborate image of smooth self confidence, excessive self entitlement and an ability to manipulate others to bend to his will, appears to moving ahead in life at full speed. Continually in movement, making one business deal after another, influencing social and professional associates to invest in his projects, having a list of followers who admire and praise him, one would think that he/she is progressing at warp speed.
If we judge the narcissist by his level of activity, it appears that he is always accelerating toward greater success.

Inside the narcissist's psyche, this individual is a false deluded self. The real self of the narcissist is regressed back to early childhood. When we observe the narcissist at very close range, we are aware of this profound regression.This is evident from their attitudes and behaviors. The narcissistic rage that pours forth from them, the lack of psychological boundaries that overstep respect for others, the ruthlessness to obtain what he wants and must have at great price to others, the complete lack of empathy, the constant acts of deception, the lack of conscience---all of these traits tell us about the narcissist's true nature. The narcissistic personality is a fixed personality disorder that is most unlikely to changed. At their core they are incapable in getting in touch with their authentic selves and therefore of evolving and moving forward toward psychological growth.

Those who have been involved with the narcissist---as children of  a narcissistic parent, siblings of narcissistic brothers and sisters, married to and divorced by narcissistic spouses---have experienced a horrendous long ordeal at the mercy of the narcissist's psychopathology. As you move each day to heal yourself, you are freed to grow and thrive in every aspect of your being: psychologically, mentally, physically and spiritually (in the way you define this concept) You have fought to maintain an authentic sense of self. The path ahead without the narcissist is welcoming you to now move ahead with your life with renewed purpose, the flowering of your unique gifts, the freeing of your emotional expression, a sense of mental spaciousness and inner quietness. You are growing, moving forward every moment. Your horizons are expanded and open to every possibility. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers-Learning to Mother Yourself

Daughters of narcissistic mothers have a great challenge in their lives. Many of them don't realize that their mothers are narcissistic until they are adults themselves. Many daughters knew right away that mother was cold and distant, not hugable, didn't pay real attention to them, was preoccupied with her own life and that was all that mattered, was too psychologically fused with her husband to make room for her and the other children. These daughters go through a tremendous ordeal recognizing and then struggling to redefine themselves as individuals who are authentic and separate. I have communicated with many daughters who have prevailed and have re-found their true selves. This is a great victory.

Adult daughters of narcissistic mothers can go through a process of healing, a time of individuating from the narcissistic mother. There is a psychological blooming that takes place. One of the first steps is acknowledging that you deserve to be treated with respect and empathy. Another is self care, rediscovering your creative gifts, learning to still the mind through meditation, gentle yoga and other practices that foster inner peace. Finding your own expression of creativity in the form that appeals to your inclinations is very freeing, especially for daughters of narcissistic mothers who were so controlling and manipulative. Along the way, nurture true friendships of trust that are reciprocal. A deep authentic friendship helps us to see our inner and outer world in a new way and to nourish ourselves. Practice the art of becoming less judgmental. Enjoy your spontaneity and the uses of the imagination as well as your delightful sense of humor. Humor saves us every time. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com  

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Don't Capitulate to the Narcissist---You Are Whole and Strong

You are and were meant to be whole and strong human beings. Many of you have had a very rough ride in life, often too much to bear. I know of those who have been almost at the breaking point with narcissists'  deceptions, betrayals and horrendous cruelties. Their secret psychological tortures are performed out of public notice when no one but the victim is their target. Even children don't suspect how horrendous and overwhelmingly painful a non-narcissistic spouse has suffered under unspeakable pain and chronic distress---But we must talk about them---these narcissists who are becoming normalized by our current society---bring them out into the open, pin them down, wriggling, with the truth of our words and our lives.

The narcissist is a clever deceiver. Most people believe him/her, even professional psychotherapists, judges on the bench, and too many of those in authority who wield the power to make life changing decisions. (custody of children for starters) Too often those who sit in judgment favor the narcissist's twisted stories, packs of well constructed layered lies and traps that they lay for those whom they plot to ensnare and vanquish. Each one of us---victims of narcissistic cruelty--daughters and sons of narcissists, spouses of narcissists, siblings of narcissists, family members can start by learning in detail as much as they can about the ways these individuals operate beneath the radar (when they are off stage), the family dynamics that mold these clever impostors, the many ways that today's society accepts this severe personality disorder and discounts the emotional and psychological devastation of other human beings that narcissists always leave behind them. That is the tragedy that we must face, acknowledge and start to communicate directly so that the voices of the victims of narcissistic abuse are heard through every medium possible. The Internet is a powerful source for truth telling and the global distribution of vital information----instantaneously. I communicate with too many of those who have suffered too much for too long and are still at the mercy of narcissistic abuse in their daily lives or through past cruelties that still resonate within them.

Know that you will heal. The human psyche, mind and soul is always in the process of healing. This is a vital aspect of human nature and all of life. When we are receptive to the deepest parts of ourselves and can attune to the stillness, the straight truth that speaks directly to us, we become aware of the forces of healing that are waiting for us to say: "Yes, I am whole, free and strong"! Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com  

Friday, December 3, 2010

Psychological Devastation One Narcissist Can Wreak

Narcissists cause multiple psychological train wrecks in the lives of others, particularly family members---spouses, ex-spouses, children, in-laws.Always on the hunt for narcissistic supplies which includes a feverish search for people they can exploit, the narcissist can deleteriously affect a wide swath of people including close family members, business and social circles. Exploitative, duplicitous, at times treacherous, highly manipulative, dangerously secretive, the narcissist never stops his hunt for the ultimate narcissistic supplies: praise, adulation, social status, wealth, business connections, spouses and partners that will enhance his/her image of perfection.

I have seen families decimated in the aftermath of the narcissist's vicious, repeated dark deeds. Having neither shame nor conscience, a narcissist, particularly a sociopathic narcissist thinks absolutely nothing of leaving an ex-spouse and his children with no financial support or security while he or she moves on with a new fresh partner to marry again and begin a new family. Narcissists don't stop. Just when you think that they have mellowed, changed or slowed down, they will surprise you with finding another way to obstruct your life. If you share custody with a narcissistic ex you understand how exhausting, anxiety provoking and exasperating, these individuals can be. They want everything for themselves. If they have to deplete psychologically, emotionally, mentally and physically in the the meantime, that is your problem. You are taking life too seriously. Narcissists will never take responsibility ever for the damage that they do. Never wait for an apology or reparations from them. They view themselves as perfect--You have the problem.

Become highly informed about the narcissistic personality. This is a powerful offensive to bring into your life. Today we are surrounded by narcissists. Much of society give them a wink and a nod. Often they are praised and emulated. It is time to become knowledgeable and assertive. You will become a master of this subject and narcissists will be quickly identified, dealt with and out of your life. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Narcissistic Psychotherapists-Identify Them and Keep Your Distance

There are many excellent psychotherapists who help individuals, couples and families to identify, work through and resolve psychological and emotional issues in an ethical and competent manner.

In this post I am speaking about narcissistic psychotherapists---including psychiatrists, psychologists and various counselors who have narcissistic personalities and can cause psychological and emotional harm to their clients. This is  particularly the case if the client is in a chronic state of crisis, emotionally dependent, lives in continual fear of abandonment and has severe symptoms of clinical depression and/or anxiety. Some clients live in a state of mental confusion and are delusional in their thinking. These people are particularly vulnerable in the outside world. There are narcissistic therapists whose major goal is to create and expand their business empire. For them only the bottom line that matters---how many patients will pay them at the highest fees possible for their services. Some therapists keep clients for monetary gain over periods of years rather than referring them to a professional or group that can be helpful. .

To protect yourself from narcissistic psychotherapist, watch for these character traits and behaviors in your psychotherapist:
Poor eye contact. The therapist is distracted and restless.
Taking telephone calls or initiating them during a session.
Constant self reference--therapist talks about himself and his family rather than focusing on his patients
Pattern of changing appointment times
Therapist displays behaviors of grandiosity and extreme self  entitlement
Therapist does not listen and is not attuned to the client's feelings, thoughts, fantasies, fears, worries.
Therapist does not make himself/herself available during times of crisis
Argumentativeness and defensiveness--The therapist is always right; the patient is always wrong.
Therapist's lack of empathy.

It doesn't matter how many degrees, clinical internships, books authored or prestigious universities a psychotherapist has attended. With all of the perfect credentials a psychotherapist can still be a narcissist especially if this is a smooth well rehearsed convincing role.

To protect yourself from narcissistic psychotherapists, do your homework. Referrals from professional people whom you trust is important. This does not guarantee that this is the right therapist for you. Pay very close attention to your intuition. If you are getting the impression that this therapist has narcissistic issues, regardless of his/her educational and clinical experience, listen carefully to this message. Don't respond to any pressure a psychotherapist places on you to enter treatment. Interview several therapists. You are hiring someone to work with and help you. You are in charge of this decision. There are many excellent psychotherapists who are highly competent, knowledgeable, clinically and personally fit and highly empathic. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book:amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com



                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  ]


































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]successful in their practices are high level narcissists. For many clients, they appear to be genuine and empathic. They appear to be attuned to you and your emotional pain. They seem to be listening. Other narcissistic therapists are obviously disinterested and bored with seeing patients. It's like a routine that they have repeated so many times. They have it down pat.
Their motive or seeing clients is predominantly financial. Some narcissistic therapapists foster a deep dependency on clients to keep the "therapy" going indefinitely and as a result, their paid fees mounting. When clients are extremely dependent, anxious and depressed there is a tendency for them to surrender their powers of judgment on to the therapist. They psychologically fuse with this professional person, making him/her the focus of their lives.