High Level Narcissists Cause Psychological Devastation

There are many remarkable human beings in our current society today. They can be hard to find since much of the country is captivated by high level narcissists who are often in positions of power and worldly influence. Unwittingly, many of us make the assumption that if a person is well educated and highly successful they are a great human being. This is not true.

There are people who have built their deserving success in the outside world and are looked up to by their colleagues, friends and family members and at the same time are fine individuals with tremendous character traits: honesty, compassion, humility, fairness, integrity. These are the gems in our society but gradually they are more difficult to find.

We have many high profile narcissists who are skilled at manipulating others into believing that they are great human beings as well as successful at their work. Often these people are very confident, appear to be personable, very attractive, present an impeccable image, advanced social skills and the ability to hold others in their thrall.

High profile narcissists have large entourages of people who adore them without question. Their very presence in the case of major entertainers in movies, television, music, drama creates swarms of adoring fans. The more power and influence they command the greater their sense of self entitlement and no limits attitude. The narcissist is dizzy with his ultimate sense of self importance. He/she is the object of adoration. "What's not to adore? they ask themselves; I deserve to be venerated!".

It is within families of high profile narcissists in particular that so much psychological damage is done. In the privacy of their homes, behind closed doors that the children and spouses and ex-spouses of these Uber-Narcisssists suffer the greatest psychological damage. It is within these rooms and compounds the their victims are treated abominably. Children of narcissists are threatened, taunted, physically beaten, humiliated, constantly screamed at, vilified, told they are crazy. You name it, the narcissist has perpetrated severe levels of abuse upon those closest to him. They use cruel methods to turn one child against another, especially when the narcissist has one child who is chosen to be his perfect clone. His other kids are compared to this Golden Boy or Golden Girl and accused of not being good enough. Growing up this way, they develop a poor self image, feelings of guilt, deep inferiority and self humiliation. They blame themselves for not being "Perfect" like their narcissistic mother or father.

Those who have grown up with a narcissistic parent can heal. I have seen this happen through their courage, research and hard work to rediscover themselves, to grieve over the parent they never had, to re-awaken their unique gifts and to understand, feel and know that they are loving human beings. Some of the loveliest individuals I have known are children of narcissistic parents. You will heal and restore your life. You deserve it. The time to begin is now. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

I Will Lead My Life Not the Narcissist's

We are separate individuals, so unique and precious---Our genetic patterns, dispositions, crinkling of our noses, infectious humor, our special hugs, deep thought, creative excursions--and millions of other workings inside of us and outside will never be repeated again. Our time on the earth is given to us. We didn't ask to be here. And sometimes we wonder why we are, especially when our lives become very tough and seem impossible. This can be the case if we are involved with a narcissistic personality in a marriage, divorce, the child of a narcissistic mother or father, or a narcissistic sibling.

Narcissists cannot have relationships. They are experts at using others, manipulating them, seducing them, exploiting them and in the end, discarding them. If you have been the object of narcissistic abuse, determine that you will put this behind you. You have researched this severe personality disorder. You know that this person cannot and will not change.  He is getting all of his needs met by diminishing the lives of those closest to him.

If you were raised in a family where you always felt less then it makes sense that you would not feel worthy or entitled. That is probably why many women and men are fooled by the charm and magnetism of the narcissist who promises you everything.  Once you know who this person is, start to initiate your own plan to free yourself. From a practical point of view this can be challenging, especially if you unwittingly let him/her have charge of the finances. Nevertheless, remember that you are in charge of yourself and your reactions to this person. No one can possess you, think you thoughts, feel your feelings or be you.

Vow to lead your life your way. Value who you are and find a few people who appreciate you and can be trusted. Work to get physically strong by routinely exercising. Exercise is a practice of strengthening and freedom. It requires some discipline but becomes an essential part of our lives. We are in charge of ourselves. Learning is power. Give yourself all of the tools you need to understand the narcissistic personality in-depth. I have written over 900 blog posts on this subject.

Gather hope inside from your knowledge. Take time each day, even a few minutes, to check in with yourself. Take a few deep breaths in and out through the nostrils and you will feel the relaxation start to flow. Learn to enjoy your own company. Activate the creative part of yourself in whatever form it takes. There is no judgmentalness here, only freedom and the excitement of discovery. You are growing, living, thriving within yourself. The original self is getting stronger each day. Look inside and smile. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists Don't Stop Tryiing to Destroy Others

Narcissistic personalities have no psychological brakes. They have no sense of limits. If they want something and are compelled to go after it, they will pursue their goal even if it disrupts entire families, marriages, children, in-laws, etc. Narcissists are ego-driven not conscience driven. They don't develop a full conscience. Their idea of right and wrong is based on whether they will get caught or not. When narcissists are crossed they become particularly vindictive and vengeful. If you are in the middle of a divorce they might call, text or email you 40 times a day or more to get your attention or to intimidate you.
They despise the happiness and peace of others. They are very restless people and determined to step over any number of "bodies" to reach their goal. If a male or female narcissist is sexually drawn to a married man or woman even if the spouse is their best friend, they will plunge into the liaison without blinking an eye. It is a thrill for them to have possession of this person whom they want with such passion. In the end they discard this person and move on to someone else.
Protect yourself from the narcissist by learning about them in detail and depth. Learn about your own vulnerabilities to them. Become so skilled that you can pick them out quickly no matter how attractive or irresistible they appear to be. You can become immune to these severely disordered individuals.
The narcissist is never going to change but you can and will. You will prevail by doing research, strengthening yourself psychologically and emotionally, paying close attention to your intuition and become more self entitled to a life of inner peace, the full use of your creativity and all of your other gifts. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife..com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Courageous Individuals Are Great Gifts to Us

The past few years I have met some extraordinary individuals. When I speak of them I am not talking about those who won a Nobel Prize, are famous for being famous or rambling tongued geniuses displaying their  superiority. No, these came along quietly without portfolio or entourage. I have met and spoken with many who have been through horrendous suffering--years of physical, psychological and emotional pain of every sort imaginable. I have been awestruck by their endurance, equanimity, steadfastness and grit. I have listened to those who suffered so early and long. In return many have put themselves in the role of giving back through their many kindnesses and various forms of healing others. These lives have not been smooth or easy. Rather their roads have been bumpy, deeply rutted and in some cases overloaded with the steepest grades and endless switchbacks. I have seen and felt empathy in their smiling eyes and through their tears. Some have apologized for crying. I tell them not to hold back--that I understand that is what they must do--it is natural and necessary. The expression of deep emotions binds us to other people in a special way. We share our humanness: the individual tragedies, the fears that linger, the regrets, the remnants of self reprisal, poignant memories that stir throughout the body/mind.

Be open to those whom you feel a connection that is special and giving. Your intuition will lead the way. Trust this knowing. The grace of these encounters enriches our lives as evolving selves. We take these gifts with us as we encounter others and sprinkle their gentle magic on to another in an eternal chain of warmth, healing and beauty. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 
 

Focus on Your Self Renewal throughout the New Year

This is going to be your year for clearing out all remnants of narcissistic abuse from your life. Yes, you can do this. Narcissists eventually eclipse our lives in the most malicious ways. They take away our feelings of hope, creativity, spontaneity, sense of beauty, psychological strength and a grounded sense of self.

Make a determination that you know who the narcissist in your life is an was---a mother, father, sibling, current spouse, ex-spouse. This highly pathological person is never going to change so give up on that concept. You cannot get around these people. They are always overstepping our boundaries and insinuating themselves upon us. They are dictators who rule by intimidation and use a series of carrots and sticks to keep us in place. They know our emotional vulnerabilities, especially our fear of abandonment and lack of assertiveness to stand up for ourselves against their bullheadedness. 

Don't share your plan with the narcissist. Keep it quietly and safely protected in your own thoughts. There it will grow as you become stronger. Becoming physically stronger and healthier in whatever ways you can is very important. Eat the right foods and exercise in a way that makes sense for you. Take time to be by yourself whether that is reading a book, watching a special delightful video, going to a movie, writing a few sentences each day unedited. Feel yourself being transported by music as you enter a  world of  beauty that quiets the nervous system. If you like yoga do a few gentle poses each day to remain limber and strong. Doing poses breathing through the nose, you learn how to focus your attention in a quiet but powerful way. You also become familiar with living in your body and appreciating its design.

Conversations with friends either in person or on the phone can be very entertaining and informative. Texting is also a great source of playful distraction and respite.

Focus on studying what you love---regardless of the subject. I recently watched a lecture by the great physicist Richard Feynman and was blown away by his enthusiasm and love for learning. His joy was absolutely intoxicating. He had no limits to what he was seeking and wanting to learn. He is truly inspiring. After his death he lives on in the brightness of his eyes, his grin, his joy at being alive and his indomitable spirit and unlimited intellectual curiosity. Get in touch with these facets of yourself and appreciate what is inside of you--an endless source of creativity, fascination with learning and a thirst for experiencing beauty in every form. Pay attention to what speaks to you alone. You will get an answer from your intuition.

Be patient with yourself. After so many years with the narcissist(s) be kind and don't make self judgments. Give yourself time and space. Self renewal takes place at your pace. If you find yourself slipping, know that you will come back and continue along your new pathway. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Healing From the Narcissist--Restarting Your Life

When you arrive at the truth about the narcissist who has taken so much from you---psychologically and emotionally--whether it is a mother, father, sibling or an entire family, you have come to a fork in the road of your life. The next steps follow the path of self healing. First, you are entitled to be whole and healthy and to live peacefully inside of yourself. You leave the constant fear, apprehension and dread behind and wonder to yourself: "What is is the next step?"  As you tune into your intuition the steps toward your new life will unfold. You realize that for years and decades you have wanted to pursue a creative path. This take innumerable forms: writing, sketching, journaling, gardening, photography, singing, journeys into Nature, dancing, yoga, tai chi, meditation in a form that appeals to you, walk, strolling. Everything is open to you now. It is helpful to write down what you love best. Don't worry about the order of things---just write and let your imagine go skipping along.  Be as open as you can without editing. 

Get into the habit of devoting some time each day in quiet and solitude, even for five minutes. This is your time. Practice self care for the first time since you have left the narcissist behind. Appreciate the beauty of moments--watching the sky, laughing with a baby, smiling at a stranger, savoring a delicious bite of your favorite food, bringing color into your life, dressing to please yourself, allowing yourself to rest when you are tired, slowing down your pace so that you are more aware of living each moment, laughing freely and openly, developing rituals which you enjoy. Slowly these actions will become habits and form the new fabric of your life. As you go along you will bring people into your life whom you can trust and with whom you can communicate. You decide who you want to be in your life. If it is not comfortable and easy, don't let that person in. You have already seen that picture show. Stop pleasing everyone if that has been your old mantra. Learn to appreciate your own company in a way that is appealing to you. Your restart has begun and you are moving forward with greater confidence in yourself, a sense of your creative gifts and an renewed openness to the dynamic flow of life.  Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Protect Your Psychological and Physical Health from Narcissistic Mother

From the time we are born narcissistic mothers pick away at us bit by bit. Some take the direct primitive route and slap us across the face and hit us whenever they feel the mood strike them. Others are more subtle and insidious, making small digs about our weaknesses and imperfections. This is especially painful if there is a golden boy or golden girl sibling in the household who is adored for simply existing.

The drip, drip drip of criticisms, humiliations and embarrassments is overwhelming. A young child subjected to this kind of abuse by a narcissistic mother has too much to bear. This child is filled with fear and apprehension--always in a state of suspended fright. "What is going to happen to me next?" "When is mother going to start screaming at me again and saying I am stupid and worthless?" "Will she shove and hit me again?"  These questions thunder through the child's nervous system and set up a pattern of fight or flight and resonates throughout the entire body. There is nowhere inside or outside to feel safe. Sometimes the other parent can be a source of comfort but often the narcissistic mother marries a man who thinks little of himself and whom she can completely control. Some siblings get very close and make an effort to protect themselves against mother's constant rages.

Those who have grown up in these highly chaotic and stressful family's often suffer from a variety of psychological and physical symptoms: headaches, stomach aches, free floating anxiety, anxiety attacks, emotional numbing, various depressive states, etc.

Recognizing that you mother is a narcissist and that  she has the psychopathology---not you-- is the beginning of severing a relationship with someone who has made your life miserable and frightening. She has worn you down and eclipsed your opportunities to grown as an individual with many unique gifts and to experience feelings of calmness, protection and emotional security.

As a child you were her prisoner. As an adult you now can make the decision to be free of her  now. Don't wait for her to change. That is never going to happen. When you leave this psychological gulag you will discover that your physical, mental and emotional energy increases and your creativity flourishes. The real self is always moving toward healing. We have to learn to be receptive to this process throughout our lives as we become whole and eventually feel our spontaneity grow, our humor blossom and our loving heart grow in warmth and compassion. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com