Saturday, March 31, 2012

Narcissists Seek to Destroy Those Who Get in Their Way

Today we are surrounded by narcissists--in the media, entertainment, among our neighbors, acquaintances, in medicine, in psychiatry and psychology, in "spirituality", the culture of many corporations. In the years since Christopher Lasch wrote his brilliant prescient work The Culture of Narcissism (1978) we are experiencing his predictions. We have arrived----in the Narcissistic Culture. Long ago Lasch knew what would happen to many "relationships" --"Personal relations founded on reflected glory, on the need to admire and be admired, prove fleeting and insubstantial." The narcissist demands that you are a mirror of his or her perfection. Many people follow the narcissist's lead because he is holding the power, the force of personality, the delusion that you can become as overly confident, self entitled, as deceptive and exploitive as this person. We discover today that so much of career climbing to the top is based on being ruthless and amoral. This is becoming more the rule than the exception. "Work hard and play by the rules"---Really??? That doesn't fit with the narcissistic style. In so many corporate venues it is those who are very attractive physically if not drop dead gorgeous--male and female, combined with blind ambition and a willingness to let others falter and fall by the wayside, who reach the highest positions within a corporate structure. These individuals operate without conscience. If someone doesn't fit into their singular plan of victory, the narcissist will do everything possible to kick this person out of the way, even if this causes horrible distress and financial instability to them---They say to themselves: "You are weak and worthless; get out of my way. I have no obstacles, boundaries or limits. Get between me and my goal and I will annihilate you."  There are still extraordinary corporations and the people in all levels who work for them who have outstanding characters and who still work very hard and maintain the highest level of conscience and concern for the welfare of others.

On a personal level narcissists within the family--spouses, ex-spouses, mothers, fathers, siblings--are making the lives of family members miserable, unbearable and bleak. I hear many life stories of those who were trapped in a narcissistic family and who had to survive by going along with the perfect mirroring , criticisms, intimidations and complete injustice of their situations. They have suffered greatly. I don't think that most people understand, unless they have experienced the malicious face of a mother or father narcissist, know what this does to a child every single day. Know that these cruelties exist and that they are malevolent and in some cases, evil. That is not too strong of a word to describe the psychological damage sustained by many children raised by a narcissistic parent or a narcissistically abused spouse or sibling.  These victims are telling the exact truth. Believe them.

Human nature is both sublime and very dark. Narcissists dwell within the prisons of their own psychopathology and that is a tragedy. But the damage that they do to others is incalculable. Study the narcissistic personality in-depth. Understand who this person is. Forget the external image--it is fleeting and meaningless. This is the world's superficial appraisal. It is part of the delusion that has become even more prevalent than at any other time in recent western history. Facade has now become reality--That's what we are being told constantly.

Pay attention to what is deep inside of you--your intuitions and insights that come quickly with the truth. When you call upon these gifts, you cannot be compromised or vanquished. You are riding with the truth throughout your life, gaining strength, psychological stamina, spiritual steadiness and laser focus. Visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Friday, March 30, 2012

Narcissistic Spouses Make You Feel Badly About Yourself

No one can make us feel one way or the other. It is up to us to know who we are---positive and negative. This is how we evolve as individuals. When you are married to a narcissist, your life is taken over by a powerful, controlling negative personality. The spouse may be very upbeat, friendly and charming at times. He or she make plans. They tell you how much they love and care about you. These are the "good times" with the narcissist and usually occur in the beginning of the relationship. The narcissist's mood can change in a flash.  He or she can flip and become Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde at any moment. These quick changes are due to what is happening inside of the narcissist's psyche. The narcissist doesn't understand himself at all. He has massive defense mechanisms that he uses to unconsciously project his self hatred on to those closest to him--wives and children, and in some instances co-workers. Deep inside the narcissist is psychologically empty. He must constantly go out into the external environment to seek praise and adulation to feel more grandiose and superior.

Most often if you are married to a narcissist you are psychologically embattled most of the time. This person is continually telling you that you are defective, stupid, incompetent and their favorite word, crazy. Even when you know one hundred percent that you are not crazy, this kind of accusation can be very frightening. Actually the narcissist is telling us a lot about the chaos in his own mind.

If you were psychologically abused as a child or had narcissistic parents (which always means a form of abuse) you are likely to internalize these cruel comments and feel badly about yourself. Studying the narcissistic personality disorder is the beginning of your freedom and feeling differently about yourself. You will make the psychological separation from his/her psychopathology and yourself. You are not perfect--no one is--but you do not deserve to be the object of the narcissist's primitive projections. They do not belong to you. They are all about the narcissist. You will begin to unravel this puzzle and release yourself from the pain you have endured so long. I know you can do it. You deserve to live in freedom, inner peace and to use all of your unique gifts. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com  

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Don't Let Narcissistic Spouse Psychologically Detour Your Life

Narcissists are always seeking what they want and must have. They zone in on people who will get them to the winner's circle. Whether it is money, power, sexual attraction, stealing your creative ideas---the narcissist is always there to take from you. Narcissists are craven--They feed off of others. It is part of their nature to bring you into their psychological sphere with their charm, promises and allure, to use up all that you have to offer and then to disregard you. This is an all too familiar pattern. It is important to understand that no matter what they promise---whether it is material comfort, financial stability, making your dreams come true---they will in the end fail you and worse they can make your life a living hell day and night. This is as predictable as phases of the Moon. It 's only a matter of when the dark side of the narcissist will show the horrific side he has hidden from you. Often there are hints even in the beginning.  You will notice the need to control you, to want everything to look perfect--including you. You will observe the demands that the narcissist makes on other people whom he intimidates.

If you stay with the narcissist you are in some way taking a detour from your own life. Some spouses manage to create a zone of detachment around themselves for protection. But is this an authentic, loving relationship?
Those who decide that they must lead their own lives, grow psychologically and emotionally on their own terms and expand their creative gifts in freedom, take the step toward divorce. This can be daunting since narcissists are very clever with hiding assets, blaming everything that went wrong with the marriage on you, and telling every relative and friend, outlandish lies about you. Nevertheless, I have seen many partners make this decision and move through the process of freeing themselves. They have endured and prevailed. They are now directing their own lives and discovering that they are moving forward toward greater individuation and the use of their creative gifts. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com


If you marry a narcissist you are in for a very bumpy ride----eventually. Some spouses are willing to make this part of their life destiny. They have decided that it is worth the misery to put up with such a disingenuous, enraged, duplicitous human being. In most cases the non narcissistic spouse doesn't know whom she has married. Narcissists are at the top of their game when they are reeling you in. Don't blame yourself if it takes a long time to see through their games, traps and ruses. When you discover that you spouse is a narcissist, it is your decision whether to stay in the "relationship" or sever it. This can be very complex, especially when there are children involved.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Stop Making Excuses for Narcissistic Spouse's Abominable Behavior

Many people repeat the traumas and horrors of childhood by marrying individuals who are highly abusive, explosive, cruel, cold, manipulative and duplicitous. Those who survived the wars of abusive childhoods don't always escape from this gross mistreatment in adulthood. Many start the cycle again by marrying a narcissist. Eventually, despite his charm, allure, accomplishments and smooth talk, you will be faced with the real nature of the narcissist you have married. He will start critically picking at you for no reason. One moment he is telling you how wonderful you are. In the next he is pointing the finger at some small mistake or oversight or better yet, inventing terrible character flaws that you have that exist only in his deluded mind. You are confused; you take the blame. You are confused. You might even think that you are mentally unbalanced. Narcissists love to tell their spouses that they are not thinking clearly. It is a clever cruel accusation. There is something about being told that we are not in our right minds that strikes a chord that has a mighty charge. Narcissists are incapable in introspection but they know like a great predator just when and where to strike. Narcissists are dirty underhanded players. They constantly lie to their spouses. They convince you they are loyal and they have their eyes all over the place. They tell you they are flat broke and they have bulging hidden bank accounts. They tell you they are spiritual and they spend most of their time, cheating other people. In fact the narcissist cheats you out of your life.

If you are a kind person your tendency is to make constant excuses for the narcissist. Many spouses are terrified of being on their own. Others expect the incoming fire of abuse since they have been accustomed to this since childhood---It is all too familiar. When we have been in a constant psychological war of survival since birth, there is a tendency to repeat this pattern in other relationships.

There comes a time for many victims of marital narcissistic abuse---a reckoning--when the spouse can no longer and will not take it any more. It is over. The fork in the road has come. The deep intuition of the victim has been telling the abused spouse over and over again to sever the relationship and finally the message has been heard. Many spouses listen and follow up on this knowledge. It is not easy; it is challenging but they make the break from the narcissistic spouse. This is a great victory, a necessary and positive change in a life that now begins anew. I have seen this happen many times. It is different for each individual. The freedom of mind and heart and the creativity that springs forth and the making of new friendships and other real relationships is waiting at the end of this process. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Choose Wholeness and Healing after Surviving Narcissistic Family

Growing up in a narcissistic family is one of the toughest life pathways. When we are very young we don't know exactly what is wrong. We feel insecure and unhappy and frightened much of the time. Some children in these families feel isolated surrounded by their narcissistic families. These are families in name only. Narcissists are incapable of genuine relationships. Children are used as narcissistic supplies that provide a powerful enchanted image for the narcissistic parents. If the children are attractive, bright, have talents, these can all be used as a source of  powerful narcissistic supply for the parents. Many narcissistic parents no no effort to raise their children. They can't be bothered. They are too busy with their careers, social lives, traveling, having parties and keeping their physical image at a high state of perfection. Looking great takes a lot of time, especially if we insist on being impeccable and that is what many narcissists focus on--how beautiful, flawless, elegant they appear. Narcissists do absolutely no work on their inner selves. They have no conscious access to their person. They are incapable of having an internal life. They will never know themselves. Rather they spend tremendous energy impressing people about how superior and wonderful they are.

Children who survive the narcissistic family are to be commended. They have achieved a harrowing journey and come through as real individuals. What a feat!. After you extricate yourself from this toxic family allow yourself time to heal. Some adult children participate in high quality psychotherapy which helps them to re-orient themselves and recognize what they have been through and who their family really is---highly narcissistic and toxic. They do the work of healing and begin to individuate from these pathological people who are parents and siblings in name only. Be patient with your healing. Many find that forms of meditations, gentle yoga, tai chi, your choice of exercise as well as creative pursuits and finding great friends is all part of the healing process that brings you into your own. Now you are free to define yourself, to recognize that you are a loving human beings capable of empathy and capable of emotional intimacy. You find friends and a support system who help to support you. You are evolving toward becoming your real self. Celebrate your great achievement. To learn about the narcissist in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation:United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Friday, March 23, 2012

One Notorious Narcissist--Taking Down Many Lives

Whether it's within a family or a work environment----one narcissist can disrupt and destroy many lives. I have seen this happen too many times. Most people can't believe that a human being could be that venal, cunning, toxic and white hot destructive--all inside of one person. Many  look at you in disbelief when you tell your story of being pulled down emotionally, psychologically and physically by your personal relationship with a narcissist. When these individuals are particularly poisonous and easily cross legal and ethical boundaries they enter the heart of darkness called sociopathy.

It is chilling to watch a narcissistic sociopath rip people's lives apart.and get away with it. This doesn't happen once or twice. It is a way of life for these people. I have never seen them pay for perniciously predatory behavior. In fact some of those who are magnetic sociopaths have devoted followers who want to be just like them. They are enshrined and venerated due to their material success and the level of power they wield in the world---their social and business connections. Everything is fixed for them. They can get anything they want done by making a phone call or sending a text. Some come to their defense and say: "Oh they must be suffering!" Really!!!! That is not possible without conscience, empathy or human decency. They cause hurt and pain to those around them, especially if individuals targeted are highly sensitive and vulnerable individuals. Spouses and children of these narcissistic sociopaths are devastated by their control, cruelty and sadism.

There are individuals who wake up and recognize that they have been horribly victimized, that they must rescue themselves from this ongoing hell. Fortunately, many of them do research on the narcissistic personality and sociopathy and come to terms with their singular value as a human being. You sever your "relationship" and begin the road to healing. It is extraordinary how these survivors re-discover their lives, creativity, mental stamina and independence. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

You Are Not Crazy---Narcissistic Spouse is Projecting His Venom

We all project unconscious feelings, thoughts and impulses at various times. If we are self aware we are capable of acknowledging at least to ourselves that what we said to someone was more about what was coming out of our unconscious then about them. We made a flip or cruel remark that spontaneously ejected out of our mouth on to them When we can catch these projections, acknowledge them to ourselves and to those on whom they are aimed, then we have made great progress in becoming more aware, more awake.

The narcissist is in a constant state of projecting in various forms. He/she is grandiose, telling us in every way how wonderful he is. This is the positive side of the projection. Narcissists always have one way non conversations--monologues on their decorative stages. In many cases, if they are highly successful and magnetic they garner quite an audience.

In private in particular narcissists are continually spewing their nasty projections on those closest to them. They are unstoppable. They have completely tuned you out. You don't exist and if you do you are only one of their possessions. Listening to one of these individuals day and night as a spouse is intolerable. Some wives and husbands blame themselves for these verbal assaults. What's the matter with me? I must be kinder, more patient, more helpful and on and on. That is not what is happening. The narcissist uses primitive unconscious projections to rid himself of the toxic contents of his psyche which he cannot bear. Beneath the surface of the perfect facade, deep within, this person is empty, full of rage and self loathing. But he is not consciously in touch with this. You Are----because you are with him or her behind closed doors. Others in his circle of business and personal acquaintances never see this Mr Hyde presentation. He must protect his image above all.

Remember that when you think you are going crazy while your narcissistic spouse is on one of his tirades and accusation runs----it is what he or she is doing, not you. You are the unfortunate recipient of this verbal excrement. Protect yourself by learning about the narcissistic personality in-depth. Take good care of yourself. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com


Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Stop Your Narcissistic Mother from Haunting You

Narcissistic mothers are ubiquitous and that is a mild comment about them. When we are little they either ignore us completely, devastate us with their cruel comments (worse than a slap in the face) undermine our imaginations by destroying all of our spoken words and making us prisoners of their ever-inflated egos. After we grow up they are still on our minds. When will they "pop' in on us and start the interrogation about our most private lives. When will the criticisms and accusations begin. How will we defend ourselves against the barrage of abuse that they throw at us unrelentingly. They answer is never----as long as we maintain contact with them. Narcissists never stop their efforts to bring us down unless we are their golden children that they turn into narcissists--these are false grandiose selves who go on to hurt every person in their lives.

Even after mother has died many still suffer as if she is a living presence. There are the memories of her countless cruelties; the opportunities that we had that she destroyed; the way she dashed our hopes and dreams when we were children; the way she betrayed us with our fathers (who loved us but were too weak emotionally and too afraid to buck her).

You can stop the haunting by your narcissistic mother---Only you can do this. It is not easy since mothers for good or ill have a profound impact on the development of our psyches. But remember, you are an individual although her DNA runs through your blood. You are not your mother and you are not a narcissist. That is what I tell so many people who contact  me. They believe that they are narcissists. That is most likely  untrue.

As long as you hold on to the "relationship" with mother you cannot be yourself--completely. That is one of the goals of our lives--to manifest our individuality with our unique gifts in this lifetime. We cannot wait for a magical shift to take place. Time is going by. You are not your mother. You are not responsible for what she did or didn't do for or to you. When you were very little you were a prisoner of the NM. This wasn't your fault; it was something that happened to you. You cannot change that. What you can do is understand this serious personality disorder and recognize that you re a separate human being of great value.
There are many ways of getting in touch with your real self. Learn how to go inside with brief meditations. Be as consistent as you can. Be nonjudgmental. If you miss a day or a week or a month,you can always get back to your practice. It is waiting  for you. Some people use spontaneous writing as a way to use their imaginations and to be with themselves in a special way. Be sure to exercise--dance if you can or walk --Do what you can to take advantage of the endorphins that flow and are part of the calming parasympathetic nervous system of healing.

Don't be judgmental--be self kind and patient. When you hear the negative self talk, take a breath and a break. Give yourself credit for the human being you have become. To learn about every facet from the narcissistic personality, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life.
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Covert Narcissists---Doing their Dirty Work in Secret

When we think of narcissists the grandiose, man or woman of the hour, magnetic figure comes into our minds. Certainly there are many highly successful narcissists who fit this description.

There is another kind of narcissist I call covert whom most people would never think possesses the same fixed and destructive psychopathology as his extroverted relative. Coverts are always under cover. They appear to be meek. We see them blending into the background--always at our service. Some of them drip with compliments to us. They become instant followers. They are full of compliments They ask us questions that make us look very smart. Their body gestures are humble and self-effacing. They appear to be embarrassed by their own presence.

Covert narcissists are very sneaky. They get as much inside personal information they can about you.. They put this in their back pocket so they can use it on you later when they decide to make a power move and wipe you out. They thread themselves closer and closer into your life. This happens in many romantic relationships. The CV has done some research and realizes quickly that you are a great catch---short or long range--a week, a month or even a marriage. Coverts like to see their plans become successful. This is all done with deliberately. Narcissists don't love anyone--always remember, they are incapable of any real real feelings for another human being that denotes affection, love, caring, etc. With their quiet ways, they draw you in. You may even feel sorry for the CV who is making a play for you He or she is awkward and you think this is innocent and charming. Finally you fall hard, especially if the intimacy card is well played.  If you are just coming off of a painful divorce and breakup, all the better for the CV. You are very vulnerable.

The CV treats you like royalty--Anything you want honey? I'm here for you 24/7.  This is so appealing to most women. "What a selfless kind person this is?" "Finally, someone I can trust." None of this is true but you don't know that yet. Months go by and everything is wonderfully intense and exciting. Not long and the marriage plans are made. After you have been together for a while you start to notice that the sarcastic remarks are pointed at you more frequently, the accusations are coming more rapidly; you see his lips curl more often. But then he's all sweetness again and you are thrown off. He tells you a story that you believe. He has been having a rough time financially---some  bad breaks due to unscrupulous people that took advantage of him. You believe him and give him access to your private  bank accounts. They are placed in both of your names. He has already researched your family's monetary worth and becomes very chummy with your parents. They trust him completely as well. Time moves forward but the nature of the narcissist does not change. You are being betrayed and keep making excuses for his lack of attention to you, his dismissiveness. One day when you least suspect it, he decides you are causing him too much stress and the answer is a divorce. You can't believe it but it is true. You have been set up all of this time. He hires a very tough attorney and fights you cunningly. As a result he ends up with half of all the assets. Weeks later in the aftermath while you are wiped out from the horror of this experience, he has flown out of town on the winds--of course with the goods he intended to take from you minutes after he met and seduced you.  This happens frequently with CVs. They have such great cover and a masterful act. To protect yourself from the covert narcissist, research the narcissistic personality. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International

Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Friday, March 16, 2012

High Level Narcissistic Sociopaths---Are You Married to One?

The worldly power of High Level Narcissistic Sociopaths is growing. The narcissistic style has become the norm among different "in" groups withing the society. It is perfectly ok if not expected to be ruthless to succeed. If you are not ruining someone else's career so that you can get ahead, then you are not living up to your potential. This is the real attitude (not openly discussed) in many corporations. Those who make crucial decisions without regard to clients or co-workers is becoming all too common today.

Are you married to one of these individuals? Is your spouse lacking empathy, feel superior to everyone else, is dismissive and critical of you, humiliates you and waxes superior about his accomplishments? Is he grandiose and extremely self entitled? Are you being used by this person to enhance his image and persona. Is there a genuine lack of affection and caring when you need support? Narcissistic sociopaths as I define them do not harm people in a direct physical way. However, they purposely disrupt the lives of others due to their ruthless insistence of doing everything their way without taking your life into account. These selfish individuals always come first even if you have been married to them for decades. Some spouses stay with the narcissistic sociopath because they are very successful and can provide an opulent and very comfortable lifestyle. You are being criticized and dismissed. The narcissist is wearing you down. Your creative gifts are being squandered. Research the narcissistic personality and you will find out if your married to one of these people.
If your spouse is a narcissistic sociopath, your life no longer belongs to you. This individual is possessive and is dictating your life's destiny. You can make the decision to take back that life that you deserve. No other person can tell you what to think, what to feel and how to use your unique gifts. Learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality,  Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Your Finely Tuned Intuition Protects against the Narcissist

Intuition is an instantaneous knowing of the truth. It is faster than rational thought. You cannot study or analyze the truth that comes forth from intuition. To get in touch with your intuition it is essential that you are in touch with your parasympathetic nervous system that part of us that represents the calming healing part of ourselves. this is both scientific and mystical. Everyone can learn to tune in to his intuition if you become receptive to this great gift.
Deep breathing through the nostrils that is done through yoga asanas is one of the ways to get in touch with your parasympathetic nervous system. Gentle yoga poses using nostril breathing calms the nervous system and puts us in a state of restoration. The more often we are consistently in this state the stronger our capacity to heal. Powers of intuition are enhanced by calming the body and the mind.

The narcissist overwhelms everyone in his environment. He is the powerful one, the ruler and controller of everyone's life. When you grow up with or are married to a narcissist, your life does not belong to you. the narcissist has chosen acolytes. It is not unusual for narcissistic parents to pick one or two children whom they  mold into perfect replicas of themselves. These individuals are conditioned to becoming false grandiose selves that develop into narcissistic personalities.

Those who are married to narcissists often wake up and realize that they are being abused, that their lives are narrowing, their options diminishing, their gifts are faded memories, their energies are sapped. They have reached a turning point. They start studying the narcissistic personality everywhere they can get this material. They open their eyes and recognized sometimes for the first time that their parents are narcissists and that they are married to a narcissist or that they have narcissistic siblings or an entire narcissistic family. They are at a decision point pivotal to the rest of their lives. They now know they can no longer live as a prisoner of the narcissist. They move step by step toward detaching themselves psychologically from this toxic individual. Some find help with skilled psychotherapists who understand the true nature of the narcissist and can form a strong therapeutic alliance that will provide them with support and insight. Developing your deep intuition is part of the freedom process. Use the techniques that work for you to become more and more receptive to your intuition. It is waiting for you to ask for assistance. The more often you use this great gift the more powerful and natural to you it becomes. Intuition is very real and can be highly developed with consistent work. It is part of your pathway to freedom and protection from the narcissist in your life and opens the doors to healing and the reclaiming of your real self. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and Intenrational
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Adult Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers---Healing is Your First Priority

The truth about being raised by a narcissistic mother has not been sufficiently exposed. It is vital that we all understand the horrific experiences these daughters endure throughout their childhoods and into adulthood. Narcissistic mothers are cold, dismissive and completely self absorbed. When we need them the most they reject us, are unavailable and preoccupied with their own lives. They make fun of their daughter's feelings, calling them "cry babies" "spoiled brats" and "demanding brats."
Many of these daughters cannot remember ever being held or kissed by their own mothers. Daughters report that they did everything they could to get mother's attention and care. Some narcissistic mothers literally push their children away. They refuse to hold them, listen to them or provide them with any affection.  Narcissistic mothers don't have conversations with their children. They indulge in endless monologues about themselves.  They talk about their superiority, their accomplishments, how they are admired, how people admire them. Narcissistic mothers are often competitive with their daughters, especially if their child is very attractive, a superior student or has specific talents.  While she tells everyone how exceptional in public (this is part of the narcissistic mother's ego image) she works away at her child's emotional stability by telling her she is selfish, doesn't have a lot of friends and that she will never be able to reach her life goals.These mothers are jealous of their daughters. They are the ones who feel "less than" but this is played out in their unconscious.

As you grow up and leave your narcissistic mother's house, the pain of having such a person as a parent is still very much in your mind. You may wonder if mother was right and there was something fundamentally wrong with you.. Eventually many of these daughters decide that their contact with mother has become deleterious to their psychological and emotional health. It is taking a great toll on them. They sever the relationship and seek no contact with the narcissistic mother. This is very difficult for many daughters since they had always hoped they would have a real mother. After moving through this period of loss, often in psychotherapy, the adult daughter recognizes that she is a separate person who has been set free and no longer has to give up her life for a selfish narcissistic woman who has abused her all of her life. These daughters discover that they have many talents, that they are strong individuals capable of making their own decisions. Some of them develop a practice of quieting the mind through yoga or meditation. This is very helpful to the healing process. They now know that they can be and deserve to be loved for themselves. Their creativity and sense of purpose moves forward and they don't look back. They have made their lives their first priority. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Dealing with Your Narcissistic Siblings' Cruel Projections

People project all of the time. It is very rare that a person is able to recognize his projection and own it. This is part of the path toward self awareness and higher consciousness.

Narcissists project their noxious psychological detritus on to others, especially family members. It is particularly  miserable if you have narcissistic siblings who are taking cruel swings at you all of the time. You may have spent your childhood at the mercy of an older narcissistic brother or sister. Most often parents of these children are dismissive of these cruel maneuvers. In fact if these are golden children they have free rein to activate their superiority at the expense of their siblings The parents have chosen these special kids that will provide them with narcissistic supplies. They will forever have bragging rights that their kid(s) is brighter, more attractive, more sociable, more studious than all others. These parents teach the budding narcissist that they do not have to regard others with respect, even their brothers and sisters. Those on the receiving end of these verbal assaults suffer horribly under the siege of the narcissist. One of the best ways of handling this is through your knowledge of the true nature of the narcissist, recognizing that this is a false grandiose self that your brother or sister has a severe personality disorder that will not change. Put you attention on to your growth and the use of your many gifts. Learn to separate out the narcissist's projections from yourself by detaching emotionally from these individuals. If this doesn't work for you, then you can make the decision to sever the relationship with the narcissistic brother and/or sister.  Sometimes this is necessary. When a sibling has crossed the line of decency and respect for you too many times, seriously consider ending what was never a true relationship. Narcissists are incapable of caring about anyone but themselves. They are ruthless, harsh, and you will never find them to be kind or understanding.
As you grow up and recognize that you have been treated dismissively and abusively, you begin to realize that this pattern is highly pathological. At some point you will draw the line and know that you no longer must or should tolerate this dreadful treatment you have suffered for many years by the narcissistic sibling.   I have known of many individuals who have made this break and who now are leading a life that they are steering in directions of their own choosing. We are here to use our creative gifts and  to reciprocally love other human beings. When you finally free, you will thank yourself that you took a different pathway. Your horizons are unlimited.  To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com 
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Sunday, March 11, 2012

How Many Times will the Narcissist Recycle You---Never Again

Many women and some men speak about their traumatic and turbulent marriages to narcissists. Some of them have been married to these individuals for decades and continue to return to this abusive environment. The narcissistic spouse makes empty promises often after one of these egregious blow-ups. He might even cry and tell you what a horrible person he has been. Now he is so sorry and  he desperately wants to change. He will even go into therapy to get professional guidance. ( If a narcissist goes into therapy it is for a very short time and changing himself is not the motive.)

Narcissistic spouses stray frequently and find various partners--often more than one at a time. Wives often suspect this but put it out of their minds as too painful to acknowledge. They rationalize and say---"It's just my imagination--it couldn't be true." "I know he loves me."

If you don't go by the narcissist's stringent rules, he/she will punish you and if you refuse to bow to his will, he will threaten to leave you and take all of the assets. This is enough to scare a lot of spouses,especially if they have been married to one of the pariah's for a long  period of time. In some cases there has been physical abuse perpetrated by the narcissist. Mostly it is a constant barrage of criticism, humiliations, barked orders, perpetual disappoint with you because you are not perfect like him. At times the narcissist goes his own way and threatens divorce, leaving you alone for weeks at a time while he is on business trips. When he returns, you are still walking on pins and needles, wondering if he is serious about a separation. Women who are financially independent often have great difficulty deciding to sever the relationship with their narcissistic spouse. They have become accustomed to the abuse. Sometimes it is a familiar reprise of their victimization as children. Beneath it all, they don't feel worthy of someone who is empathic and kind to them.

There comes a time for many non-narcissistic spouses when they make the decision that they cannot and will not play the back and forth recycling game of the narcissistic spouse. This time they have had more than enough. They quietly make their plans without revealing them to the narcissistic spouse. They make sure that their personal finances are in order and plan their separation from this non-partner. Some of them fair well with skilled psychotherapy, the help of their friends and family and finally a focus on their own lives-- professional and personal. They realize that they deserve to be respected, to live with inner peace and to utilize all of their creative gifts to the utmost. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Scapegoat to the Narcissistic Parent No More

Many children of narcissists have played the scapegoat role in order to survive childhood. This is chronically hurtful, painful and demeaning to a child. When other siblings are representing a narcissistic supply to the parent, these kids are shoved in a corner, told they are worthless, even that they were never wanted and should have been an abortion---Yes I have heard this more than once---It is despicable.

Surprisingly, many of these children find their way. They survive by keeping out of target range. Some of them spend large amounts of time with the families of friends. Others engage in solitary activities---spending time in the library, fantasy games, spending healing time with Nature, creating imaginary friends, drawing, painting, computers, writing, etc. They have creative gifts and are using them.  They still take the blows of their dreadful "parents" and the budding narcissistic brothers and sisters who torture them with cruel words and threats. If this child is fortunate he has a brother or sister who protects him by communicating that he loves this person and will always be there for him.

One of the greatest days is the one when you decide you are a victim of your narcissistic parent no more. You will take no more abuse no matter what the consequences. Some young adults leave their home, go it alone and find their way. It is very difficult and frightening to be by oneself without resources but they are scrappers who are determined to make it on their own. As they grow into adulthood they recognize that they were placed into the middle of a psychological cesspool. They have left the toxic stew of the narcissistic family. We congratulate them. They have left a dreadful prison. Those set free spend time healing themselves psychologically. Many find help from excellent therapists. (A piece of advice--Be very discerning about the therapist you choose---Some psychotherapists are narcissists and will project their unconscious feelings and thoughts on to you. It's worth taking the time to find a great therapist).  Standing at the top of the hill, you have won the battle. You are strong despite the scars of your wounds. Feeling those old scars is empowering. Don't expect other people to understand where you are coming from unless they have been through life and death battles of their own.  Most individuals are in deep delusion and only want to hear "happy talk", phony superficial chatter. You are on a road less traveled. Celebrate!!!  To learn about the narcissist personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissitinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Seductive Narcissistic Women---Tearing Families Apart

Narcissistic women are always in overdrive. They know exactly what they want and go after it.  Once they have revved up their engines, they are unstoppable. They have neither shame nor conscience. They are master connivers and play multiple games at once. They pit one family member against another. One of their favorite schemes s to seduce a brother-in-law. They will betray their own sister to get a man whom they think is hot. Many women have a sexual edge over men. , including married men. In fact for the seductive narcissistic woman, this is even more exciting and intriguing. What a thrill to take and possess your sister's husband. Doing what is forbidden gives these women a sexual and psychological boost. It makes them feel even more invincible. Besides if they have always envied a sister and want revenge, this is one of the best ways of getting it.

There are so many different devious plans of action. These women know how to plot and when to be spontaneous--- when to flirt and when to pull back---when to play the "I need your help" role with the brother-n-law and when to use her sexuality to clinch the deal. Have you ever seen one of these women work a room? They know which men are the hungriest for them, whom they will avoid, who is a prospect and who is the man of the hour that they will seduce on the spot.

These days there are a lot of seductive narcissistic women, married and unmarried who are looking for action.
They have no compunctions about having an affair with your man and disrupting your marriage and family. I have seen women of this kind move in on a married man, hypnotize and seduce him and convince him to leave his wife and children. In some cases the husband is an excellent catch. The couple has been married for a while and this gorgeous seductive narcissistic woman looks too irresistible to this guy. He is willing to throw everything away for her. That's how determined narcissistic women are. Another common scenario is the my best female friend seduced my husband routine. This occurs quite often. The narcissistic women maintains the "friendship" with the wife while she is carrying on an affair with her husband. These life stories do not have happy endings.

To protect yourself from SNW study the narcissistic personality. Be observant and use your intuition to recognize these conniving, cunning women quickly. Sometimes you have to let them know directly that your husband is off limits, period. If you maintain a close loving relationship with your spouse this is much less likely to happen. However, never underestimate the power of these harridans over men. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 


Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email:lmlphd@thenarcissstinyourlife.com

Friday, March 9, 2012

Narcissistic Grannies--Ruling the Roost-Wrecking Your Life

Some families have generations of narcissists who seem to pop up everywhere. There is no narcissistic gene but it is amazing to discover how they proliferate in some families. Those of you who have been emotionally and psychologically abused by narcissists in your family understand all to well.

You think of a grandmother as a loving, open and helpful person. Someone who extends herself to take care of your children--a person of great integrity--someone who can always be counted on. Enter the narcissistic grandmother and watch out. Narcissistic grannies are on a power trip that won't stop. They may be deep into their seventies or eighties or even older but that doesn't stop their malevolent deeds. Besides they have an advantage--they can play the super senior call. "Why would anyone pick on me. I've given my life to this family and what do I get, a lot of damn abuse--ungrateful children and grandchildren." This is grandma's skillfully honed act. (Most grandmothers are terrific. Many of them are raising their children's kids. They are kind, highly competent, strong and have great wisdom. Many of them have important careers and many accomplishments). I am talking about the highly pathological narcissistic grandmother who runs everyone into the ground, except her pet people who are her followers and servants.

Many of  these grandmothers are holding the purse strings--they control the family assets that have been accumulated. So family members feel beholden to them to get their share of the monies and properties during Grannie's life and afterward. Children and grandchildren are treated like servants in Her Presence. Everyone is expected to be highly differential to this woman of stone or else you  will be cut out of the will or lose face in the family and be exiled forever. NGs set one generations against another, brother against brother, sister against sister by telling cascades of lies constantly. She is the puppet master--a sinister trickster--playing games with the emotional and psychological well being the members of her family. Many members are in for the long haul despite all of the abuse they must take. How can they be sure that this unempathic cruel woman will ever do anything for them. After all, she plays favorites all of the time. These grannies love play "unpredictable" and causing apprehension and fear. They glory in watching everyone jump when she opens her mouth.

You have a choice with a narcissistic grannie. You can sever the relationship or let your life be eclipsed or even ruined by this prevaricating ruthless sadistic human being. You might say:"She will mellow; she is getting older." Oh, contrarie! As narcissistic grannies advance in age they tighten up their hands and absolutely will not help or give. They must have everything for themselves and their favored children and grandchildren. For them a relationship is about money and property not feelings, love, loyalty, kindness, devotion. These words are not part of their vocabulary.

You have a decision to make. You can stay part of this ugly play written by NG or you can sever the relationship with this malicious narcissist. Leaving these family arrangements even the worst of them is difficult but not impossible. A time will come when you realize that you cannot let someone --a cold narcissist to trample on your life or your children's or spouse. The game is over for you. You know that you have great individual worth inside yourself. You are genuine and have integrity. You will make the break despite what the rest of the family thinks of you. What matter is how you measure yourself, your growth, creativity and the genuine relationship you have with your close family. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and InternationalBook: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Narcissistic Matriarchs--Escaping from the War Zone

It is remarkable that some extraordinary individuals survive their narcissistic families. With a narcissistic mother as matriarch and a favorite narcissistic daughter who is her top lieutenant, it becomes impossible for the other children to have the psychological space and peace to grow and become accepted for themselves. Non-narcissistic brothers and sisters are both dismissed and severely punished. Behind the closed gates and doors of the narcissistic family, horrible deeds occur. The narcissistic mother exploits her children--That is the "relationship". Those who are favored by mother are adored, indulged and given no limits--including physical and emotional abuse they perpetrate upon the younger children. A budding narcissist in this kind of perverse family constellation is often highly sadistic--taking pleasure from the pain he/she inflicts on a brother or sister. In some egregious situations, mother narcissist joins in on the abuse, even laughing and making fun of a child who is being terrorized, who is hysterical and being hurt both physically and emotionally. In some cases there is an unspoken pact between the favorite narcissistic child and the mother that cannot be broken. This union is highly pathological and represents a crime against the children who are victims. Children who grow up in these environments learn to survive by going along with the horror occurring inside of their homes every day. Often the father is psychologically weak and will turn a blind eye to the abuse perpetrated on his children by the narcissistic matriarch. These ugly confrontations by the narcissistic mother and the golden children occur frequently.  Children victimized are terrified of going home. They dread what will happen to them when they close their front door and are in the midst of a chamber of horrors when anything can happen. With some children--violence begets violence and some of the brothers and sisters become physically and psychologically abusive to the other children. Everything is kept secret from the public image of the narcissistic matriarch. She is well respected in her social or church group. Her neighbors look upon her favorably. The narcissist is a consummate actor who publicly waxes sublime about how much she loves her children. She brags about how brilliant and special they are. She plays the role of devoted mother to the hilt. And most people believe her---This is astounding but true.

For many children of narcissistic matriarchs the time of reckoning comes. These children feel themselves faltering. They can no longer take the extreme abuse, the constant lies and accusations, the beatings in some cases, the unending humiliations. They make the decision to leave this very sick family. Some of them marry to escape the war zone. Others simply leave the hell home and struggle to find their way to become independent and free of this mire of psychopathology. Some children never escape and spend their lives as victims of the sadistic narcissistic matriarch and her cruel narcissistic adult children.

Those who save themselves are to be deeply commended. You have made the break. You have changed your life path. You have prevailed as an individual. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Narcissistic Spouses--Your Money and Your Life

There is a common thread that runs through many marriages to narcissists, especially when rumblings of a divorce are in the air. Before the lightening strikes it is not unusual for the narcissistic spouse to have taken all of the joint assets and whisked them away. The other partner is shocked that the narcissistic husband/wife claims that he doesn't have any money. The non-narcissistic spouse on the other end of this dreadful dilemma is left with confusion and anxiety. The spouse who has cunningly spirited away the financial assets is a  master of control who knows where every penny is. This, despite the fact that he/she may be making a huge amount of money. Narcissists love to brag about their wealth but when it comes down to sharing it, forget it. They dole out small sums of money to the spouse, telling them how lucky they are to be leading such a fine lifestyle. They complain if you spend even a few dollars over what you are "allotted." Some narcissistic spouses will tell their wives that they will just have to sacrifice because times are rough. Meanwhile, the narcissistic spouse is indulging himself in every way--the more the better. Narcissists are chronic liars and betrayers---This is immutable. You cannot change these characteristics and don't try to discuss these matters with them. They will go into projection mode and blame everything on you. Every horrible thing that ever happened to them is your fault. You don't want to stir this up. You might not even need to stir--narcissists are projecting their venom all of the time.

Besides the financial matters, the narcissist is psychologically and emotionally eclipsing your life. With constant irrational demands, volcanic rages, criticisms that cut you to the quick and phoney crying jags--why would you waste the rest of your life with this person. Your vitality is  sapped; your creative gifts are lying fallow; your sleep is disrupted. You have no inner peace. 

If you decide the marriage is no longer working with the narcissist (and they don't) create your own plan well in advance of any statements about a separation or a divorce. Make sure that you have access to all of the information about your shared finances. I have heard too many times about women in particular that have  been married to a narcissistic man for decades and who didn't know how much money was coming in from her spouse's wages, investment or properties. Many women are financially independent today and that is terrific. But in so many instances I hear very sad stories about women who are left with no means of support. They have a few rough choices. They can remain in the hellish marriage to the narcissist or they can leave with a paltry sum of money and start all over. Many of these women are well up in age and it would be very difficult for them to find a job that will sustain them. Be wise. Beat the narcissistic spouse at his/her own game. When you have hints or intuitions that the marriage is going south, start doing your research into the finances. Before that make sure that you have as much access to community property as your narcissistic spouse. Narcissists are cunning; they can "smell" divorce papers coming. So be clever, wake up, create your plan of action in detail. Talk with an expert attorney who knows how these conniving individuals operate and how divorce law works. Become highly informed. This way you have an edge on this man or woman who will leave you (and your children) with nothing as he moves on to his next big business deal and another woman (or man) whom he will engage in the same treacherous dance.

Recognize your value as an individual. Keep yourself healthy--physically, psychologically and emotionally. Don't wait for the narcissist to change. That is not going to happen---ever. These folks are great actors and they are clever at drawing you back in. Don't buy it. Once you know who the narcissist is, decide if you can tolerate sharing your life with this person or if it is time for you to make the move to sever the so-called partnership. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Don't Let Your Narcissistic Mother Take You Down Again

Narcissistic mothers have more than nine lives. When they convince you they are weak and vulnerable and you are so worried about them that you can't sleep at night, that's when they strike. If you go to visit them to bring whatever they must have, they look at you dismissively as if to say: "Why are you here?" or "You never come to visit me. What do you want from me this time?" No matter what you do for a narcissistic mother it will never be enough. Even when you are the child in the family who has been most devoted toward her with your actions that take away you time and energy when other siblings will not share the burden, these narcissistic mothers will talk behind your back to her other children. They are so cruel. This is because they have a severe personality disorder that you can't cure. They are not going to change. You can find ways to cope with them if you can remain psychologically detached. This is a tall order and takes a lot of training and discipline. When you were a child it was hellish growing up with your narcissistic mother screaming at your dad all of the time. It broke your heart to watch him cower with fear like a small child himself. But he kept coming back for more. Growing up with a narcissistic mother carries a pain all of its own. If you haven't experienced it, it is hard to explain. There is neglect, abuse, control, rage, dismissiveness and the absolute knowledge the child has that she/he will never be good enough to meet mother's standards.

After going through these battles for so many years and paying the price---psychological, physical health issues, marital problems of your own caused by these dynamics, it could be time to say:"Enough" I will not let her pull me back down again into this intolerable inner place. I don't deserve this. My focus needs to be on healing and becoming individuated from my mother---psychologically separate from her. This can be done. It is not easy. Sometimes contact has to be severed. In other cases there is minimal contact with rules that involve being treated with respect. 


In the aftermath of making this change in your life, whatever form it takes, begin to look up rather than down. Begin with small steps--allow yourself to enjoy something each day that you love to do. Got out into your yard or look at the birds that inhabit the spaces around you. Take a walk with a friend. Develop a few relationships with people who are capable of hearing you and helping you make this transition of movement toward separating from mother. Look at all of your creative gifts. Start to use them now. Begin without being judgmental. Learn to quiet the mind through meditation or gentle yoga. Some form of aerobic exercise helps in these transitions. Aerobics makes you strong and increases your endorphins and aids sleep. Write down your thoughts and feelings. This is a freeing experience and a very creative one. Be patient with the healing process. The self is always in the process of growth. Take the obstacles out of the way and it will happen. Have faith in yourself to do this. Don't be judgmental. Give yourself the warmth and tolerance you are always giving to others. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenaricssistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Narcissistic Men---Love the One You're With

Well there's a rose in a fisted glove  
And the eagle flies with the dove  
And if you can't be with the one you love, honey 
Love the one you're with  
You gotta love the one you're with  
You gotta love the one you're with...
(Crosby, Stills and Nash)


Narcissists make you believe that they love and adore you when you first meet them if they are attracted or if you meet the specifications for a gigantic narcissistic supply. High level narcissists are extraordinary actors. They can be absolutely irresistible. It is impossible for most people to say  "no" to them. Many women cannot disconnect from the narcissist despite all of the psychological pain. Some of them become addicted to the lifestyle if the guy has money. In other instances the abused woman is psychologically deluded by her partner. Narcissists are purveyors of empty promises. The abused woman keeps telling herself that next time---the following week, month---this spouse or boyfriend will have changed. Narcissists have a severe fixed personality disorder that does not change. Besides, why should they? They ruthlessly get whatever they want.  They cajole, threaten, intimidate and exploit anyone they have to to win- Winning is everything to narcissists and if it takes revenge, it tastes sweet in their mouths. 

Narcissistic men have many compartmentalized "relationships." They are married in name only. It is not unusual for them to juggle several women at once. They are addicted to the next new thing and often that is a new woman---they are loving the one they're with. Actually they are incapable of love or genuine caring. Narcissists are shallow and psychologically empty.

Protect yourself from the narcissist who is giving you the full push toward him. ---Don't become the next woman playing the role of  Love the One You're With. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com  



Narcissistic Unempathic Therapists

It doesn't matter how many degrees a psychotherapist, psychiatrist, counselor or psychoanalyst has on his or her walls. Completing internships and residences at the highest level institutions does not make an individual an excellent therapist. The degrees and licenses tell you that the person has complete a specific course of study and has passed the exams. You do not know what is deep inside this person until you start interacting with them. Even with excellent referrals, you may find that a therapist is competent but  his temperament and disposition is not the right fit for you.  

There are narcissistic psychotherapists who put on their act of treating clients. They are after the money and prestige badges. The pretend that they care about your psychological pain living with a narcissistic spouse or family member. It becomes clear that at times they don't believe you. They will impose their perspectives on to you and start blaming you for the pain that you are experiencing. The client feels hurt and confused. Narcissistic psychotherapists project their unconscious feelings and thoughts on to their clients. They are highly controlling. When you leave their office you feel you have been put down and demeaned. Many clients continue to blame themselves for the tact that they are not making progress--in fact they feel worse than they did before the start of the therapy. Actually this is not psychotherapy. It is the imposition of the narcissistic psychotherapist's will upon his/her client. If the person who has come for help is at a very low ebb this process can continue for some time. The client believes that the therapist is the authority and continues to attend sessions due to their desperation. They have always felt that they are wrong and defective. The further projection of these ideas on to the client victim reinforces their feelings of worthlessness. The client is paying to be punished by an incompetent, punitive narcissistic professional who is a fraud.

Protect yourself from narcissistic psychotherapists. Interview therapists very carefully in addition to checking their formal credentials. Pay close attention to how you feel in this person's presence. Is it welcoming, nonjudgmental and does it put you at ease. Does the therapist listen to you intently. You will have an intuitive sense that this individual possesses genuine empathy. Do you suspect a control or money issue in this individual? Does the therapist talk about himself during the session, take telephone calls, lack good eye contact, appear angry and irritated with you? Is the therapist gouging you for the sessions?

You will find a psychotherapist who is not narcissistic. Be willing to take time to interview several therapists and learn about the narcissistic personality. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Friday, March 2, 2012

Narcissistic Unempathic Psychotherapists

It doesn't matter how many degrees a psychotherapist, psychiatrist, counselor or psychoanalyst has on his or her walls. Completing internships and residences at the highest level institutions does not make an individual an excellent therapist. The degrees and licenses tell you that the person has complete a specific course of study and has passed the exams. You do not know what is deep inside this person until you start interacting with them. Even with excellent referrals, you may find that a therapist is competent but  his temperament and disposition is not the right fit for you.  

There are narcissistic psychotherapists who put on their act of treating clients. They are after the money and prestige badges. The pretend that they care about your psychological pain living with a narcissistic spouse or family member. It becomes clear that at times they don't believe you. They will impose their perspectives on to you and start blaming you for the pain that you are experiencing. The client feels hurt and confused. Narcissistic psychotherapists project their unconscious feelings and thoughts on to their clients. They are highly controlling. When you leave their office you feel you have been put down and demeaned. Many clients continue to blame themselves for the tact that they are not making progress--in fact they feel worse than they did before the start of the therapy. Actually this is not psychotherapy. It is the imposition of the narcissistic psychotherapist's will upon his/her client. If the person who has come for help is at a very low ebb this process can continue for some time. The client believes that the therapist is the authority and continues to attend sessions due to their desperation. They have always felt that they are wrong and defective. The further projection of these ideas on to the client victim reinforces their feelings of worthlessness. The client is paying to be punished by an incompetent, punitive narcissistic professional who is a fraud.

Protect yourself from narcissistic psychotherapists. Interview therapists very carefully in addition to checking their formal credentials. Pay close attention to how you feel in this person's presence. Is it welcoming, nonjudgmental and does it put you at ease. Does the therapist listen to you intently. You will have an intuitive sense that this individual possesses genuine empathy. Do you suspect a control or money issue in this individual? Does the therapist talk about himself during the session, take telephone calls, lack good eye contact, appear angry and irritated with you? Is the therapist gouging you for the sessions?

You will find a psychotherapist who is not narcissistic. Be willing to take time to interview several therapists and learn about the narcissistic personality. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Narcissistic Spouses Destroy Family Relationships

Narcissists are always pushing for the top---that usually means money and power for them and of course control over everyone, especially their spouses. They never have enough. If they are worth five million, they have to have ten or twenty or one hundred million. The quest is endless. They let the psychological blood flow as they march aggressively forward to get what they want despite whom it destroys. One of the most egregious situations occurs when a marriage to a narcissist turns ugly (and this is predictable) and the spouse's relationship to her family is destroyed by his innuendos, lies, gossip and treachery. I have seen this happen too many times. The narcissistic spouse uses his persuasive skills and clever lying to convince her parents that their daughter is a bad person, that she has deceived him and is irresponsible with their children. These scenarios have played out too many times when the truth has been turned upside down. There are men and women who are the objects of scorn and have been abandoned by their families of origin as a result of heinous lies told by the narcissistic spouse.The lesson here is to never put anything past a shameless, conscienceless narcissist. They go beyond the limits of human decency all of the time and get away with it. They leave the psychologically betrayed and abused spouse abandoned and traumatized. To protect yourself from the narcissistic personality, learn about this serious disorder. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com