Narcissists have a sinister side, especially if they want something that you have and you refuse to comply. This becomes very ugly during the severing of a marital relationship. Many non-narcissistic spouses who have been treated abominably still want to believe that when it comes to ending the marriage, the narcissist will be fair and amenable to negotiation in good faith. Be clear here----Absolutely Not! They ensure their victims them bring on the army of shark-toothed lawyers and go for the jugular. To protect yourself, study and research in-depth the true nature of the narcissistic personality including examples from real life. Get to know this personality profile intimately. It will be a strong reminder when you start to bend or buckle to the narcissist's tricks, tactics, strong arming techniques and charm offensive.
Another dark ploy is that narcissists or their doubles, contact your relatives, in-laws, friends and anyone who will listen to broadcast blatant lies about your character. This doesn't happen in all instances but it is remarkable the lengths these malicious individuals exceed to trash you, putting you at fault and even leading others to believe that you are "crazy." Even people whom you have trusted ---family members---can be flipped to the narcissist's side, especially if he has influence where you have lived and deep pockets.
To successfully deal with these complex and stressful situations as you move toward divorce, be sure you hire an attorney who is not only an expert in family law but who is exceedingly savvy about the ruses, tricks and ploys of the narcissistic personality disorder. Your attorney needs to be highly professional but fearless in facing this relentless cruel and destructive individual. An excellent attorney in these situations must be like ultra-marathon runners. Regardless of any obstacle placed in front of them by the narcissist, they are undaunted. Their perseverance is golden.
A narcissist (male or female) will wage a custody battle for the sole purpose of trying to psychologically and financially decimate the former spouse. For the narcissist, revenge is sweet. It's where they live in their delusional treacherous minds.
Surround yourself with individuals whom you can trust completely and who believe and understand the horrible ordeal you are going through. Be good to yourself. Know that you hold the truth. You are very wise. If some others around you don't believe your life story, don't associate with them. Don't talk about your personal life. Be protective of your privacy. Another dirty offensive is to make you look "crazy" . This is so cruel and sadistic. Know that you are the sane one who is holding the truth. You are entitled to be treated with respect. You deserve it. Pay close attention to your intuition. It will always reveal the truth to you and help you to maintain a sense of steadiness and calm. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, Online stores, etc.
Email:lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
I am the youngest of seven, a female, with a sister who is 15 years older. She left the house at age 14 for reasons I don't need to go into, and married her way to wealth (after 6 marriages, and she "divorced well"). She always appeared to be rich, even when she wasn't; however, she is VERY wealthy now. She is in her glory, especially since the old husband died. She has had about 10 years without him, rules the family who follow her blindly (since she has money and is very bossy). She occasionally pretends to care about me, the youngest of the group and a female, but when I go to visit she belittles me, my clothes, my weight, my hair...nothing I can do is good enough. I am far more educated with her, but my family appears to be interested only in the outside looks of a person. I have two very loyal adult sons, one is like me and the other is more like her (dresses very well and is a hard worker so he deserves the good things he gets, is impressed with wealth, but he has a good, kind heart so I would think he is not narcissistic). He helps other people, something my sister only does if she gets the credit. However, my son is very impressed with my sister, who he told me he realizes is narcissistic, who is now planning wedding #7 and wants EVERYONE to come to the wedding! I have no interest in going, but my son is going (he is treated very well by her and the family as he is in his prime, dresses well, has a good job, etc., and is accepted). I was accepted when I was younger, had a great job, and in better shape, but now have had health issues, need surgery, and have gained weight. That is NOT acceptable to my sister, yet she wants me to come to her wedding, so she can tell me how to improve myself and how much I should change. My son wants to go, I do not. In fact, I am not. I was feeling guilty, but I'm going to let that go. I'm happy she is doing well financially, although don't understand why she is so haughty about it since she definitely married the man for his money (not the first time). She is quick to advise others about money issues, which I find unusual considering how she obtained hers. I do not intend to subject myself to her put downs and criticism anymore; none of my family understands, but my sister is the biggest gossip about all of them during the rare time we speak on the phone, so I know she does that to me with them as well. I'm done with that sister relationship.
ReplyDelete