Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Children of Narcissists Learning to Heal

One of the most difficult roles in life is to be the child of a narcissistic parent or parents. From the beginning this child is living with parents who have an agenda. Narcissistic parents have many styles of dealing with their children. Often one narcissistic parent will choose a child whom she perceives as a perfect reflection of herself/himself. This child is groomed from infancy to be the special one. He/she is revered over the other children in the family and given free rein. The narcissistic parent is creating a living narcissistic supply for himself/herself. The blooming narcissist is allowed to wrest control over all of his siblings, treating them with cruelty and constant intimidation. Even when the children are grown the narcissistic golden child continues to create chaos and dread within the family. Adult children of narcissists continue to suffer from their pathological families.

At some point there are adult children of the narcissistic family who decide that they must assert themselves and heal from their narcissistic parents and other family members. The recognize that they are individuals first who are entitled to lead their own lives without the constraints and tyrannical control of narcissistic family members. They learn to establish clear psychological boundaries between themselves and narcissistic family members. Another step is in their own individual healing. One of the essentials in this process is learning how to quiet the mind. This can be a form of meditation that works for you. Meditations takes many forms. It can be a sitting meditation, walking meditation, sitting quietly outside listening to the sounds of nature, listening to soothing music, chanting,  Find the form that works for you. The essential factor here is consistency. The amount of time you spend doesn't matter as much as your making this time of solitude a habit. Another factor is your attitude toward yourself: Do not be judgmental---There is no such thing as a bad meditation. You are making the effort and that is what matters. Exercising, moving your body is all part of the healing process. Choose a form of exercise that you enjoy or that you can tolerate. Not everyone loves to exercise. I can tell you that the payoffs are tremendous. Some people discover that gentle hatha yoga with its emphasis on breathing through the nose, quiets the nervous system and that gentle poses keep the muscles supple and the body systems stimulated but relaxed. For many, spontaneous writing each day is part of their healing process. Take some time for yourself to write down your thoughts, feelings, fantasies, reveries--whatever is on your mind. You will find this to be a surprising exercise. When you face the page you never know what insights, observations or gifts will be coming through to you. This process is self powering. The writing flows through you. It is not coming from narcissistic parents; it belongs to you. It is your special voice, your creation and your voice. We are always moving toward wholeness and healing. Visit my

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

No comments:

Post a Comment