Thursday, September 27, 2012

Raising Compassionate Children--Non Narcissists

Today we live in a society surrounded by narcissists. Many of them are highly successful in the world and they get what they want by stepping over the needs and vulnerabilities of others. I have seen the psychological and physical health of many undermined by the narcissists in their lives--at home and at work. This is a disgrace. Those who sit by and watch this happen and approve of it quietly are part of the problem. There is a narcissistic style "It's all about me."  "Grab what you can get." "That person is a failure because he or she didn't go to the right schools." "She is so unattractive. What's the matter with her.She needs to lose weight." (This is an indication that this person is defective because she doesn't look perfect.) This is all part of a current mind set that is present in much of our society today. Becoming more powerful by hurting others has become absolutely acceptable in many corporate circles. In fact it is accepted as the only way to function is a ruthless world. The ruthless inherit the earth---I hope not. This cold, cruel disgusting way of treating other people must be stopped by those who see through the delusion of the narcissistic way of life.

This begins with the way we raise our children. Manners and consideration count. This begins early. Parents teach their small children that the feelings of others matter, that those around us--family, friends and those we meet must be treated with respect. I have had experiences and I'm sure you have where an impudent child has blatantly made unkind remarks to me to my face in front of his/her mother. The mother made no correction. She didn't even flinch. In this case the child pointed out some flaw on my face---Was it a pimple, a line, a lack of symmetry. I don't remember. But I was outraged by this total lack of respect and manners on the part of this child who was no longer a baby. This is the mother's fault. She believes that her children are perfect. She is the narcissist, raising children who will carry the imprint of her serious character disorder.

First, we are parents who are aware of others---not just ourselves. Awareness is the key as is compassion. Little children are capable of empathy. We need to tap in to this ability in our children when they are very young. Our children watch us and learn from example but we are required to do more. When they step out of line and are inconsiderate and unkind, this must be pointed out in a reasonable and civil way so that our children learn to always consider the needs of others. As they teaching moments accrue, understand and caring deeply about the feelings of others is internalized in our children. This is a great gift to them that they will carry all of their lives. They will bring this warmth of heart and empathy to everyone who crosses their path.  To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

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