Sunday, December 16, 2012

Beware-Don't Marry a Sociopath

Sociopaths live among us as "normal" individuals. Often they are exceedingly successful in the world. In the last few decades narcissists and even sociopaths, if they behave with smooth social graces and know human nature (not their own) can travel far in their careers and be considered as pillars of their communities. Much of this is caused by the veneration of material success in our current societal mode. Many people make the mistake of equating external achievements with a fine character. They have nothing to do with one another.

When you meet the man or woman with whom you want to formally share your life in marriage, be sure that you are not choosing a highly socialized sociopath. Observe carefully. Look beneath the charm, charisma and his/her intense focus on you and your perfection together with all of his extraordinary promises.

Notice how he treats those who do not possess his level of education, monetary success or social status. Is he dismissive with them? Does he humiliate them in subtle ways? Do you get an intuitive sense that your prospective spouse is restless inside. Does he insist that everything must be perfect at all times. Is he self absorbed and fanatical about his outward appearance. Is he overly self entitled? Have you caught him in dozens of lies that he cleverly covers up? Do you hear from others who warn you about his past cruelties to those in his personal life. Do you have a clear sense from time to time that he is leading a double life. Do you see rage in his eyes when you catch him making up clever stories to cover himself?  Is he nonchalant and proud of ignoring the law? Does he treat these illegal acts like some kind of game that he will always win. Is he secretive about his past and wave it off by smoothly changing the subject. Do you at times feel keenly that you don't know this man at all? Ask yourself these questions and any others that come through your wise intuition. You will get the right answers to them. Once you have made up your mind that this man/woman is a sociopath, don't marry him. Sever the relationship and do not let his circling around you to have another chance, tempt you to take it.  Visit my

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

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