Say No to Narcissistic Ex over the Holidays

The holidays are an emotionally charged time for most people There are so many memories--happy, sad, tragic, nostalgic that lead to powerful feelings. It is so tempting to give in to our many impulses, including renewing our previous romantic relationships. We feel a longing to be back with a person who was very special to us. We idealize this individual in our minds, remembering the great times we had with them. Our vision of the past becomes very rosy and we want to grab our phone or text or email and connect with this individual again.

If this man or woman is a narcissist, this is a very bad idea. First, the narcissist, regardless of the time that has passed, has not changed. These personality disorders are fixed; he or she has not changed. They know how to put on a perfect act and how to draw you in psychologically and romantically. Ultimately, you will be hurt again. Remember what made this man or woman an "ex" in the first place. You discovered that this person has severe problems with extreme self entitlement, complete lack of empathy, total self absorption, deception, chronic lying and manipulation. Refresh your memory before you walk through that door again. This is not easy especially if we are feeling lonely and sad. Be kind to yourself about your feelings. Do not be judgmental about them. But also be clear with yourself about the true nature of your narcissistic ex. You cannot go there again.

You made the separation and break with them out of your own best interests. You have freed you life up to be the evolving, creative, strong individual that you are now. Your intuition is telling you that you have moved too far ahead to regress backwards. Have faith in yourself and give yourself tremendous credit for the progress along the new road toward renewal you are traveling. Have a wonderful holiday. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Covert Narcissist Siblings Beat You Up--Then Call to See How You Are Doing

Covert narcissists are highly competitive in very sneaky ways. If you are a sibling of a covert narcissist it can be confusing due to their circuitous back and forth behavior and attitudes toward you.  Covert narcissists have their roles down so masterfully that it is easy to slip back into trusting them. They effect a phenomenal replication of pseudo empathy. They may dramatically call to ask how you are and convincingly pretend to care. They don't. Perhaps for that moment or a short period of time they play the heroic role but that is very time limited.
Covert Narcissists are always playing the game of who's up and who's down. A competitive narcissistic sibling will do everything he/she can to bring you down and keep you there. They call you from time to time to make sure that you are in the doldrums, that you are experiencing a very tough personal and economic time. The narcissistic sibling blames you for your  misfortunes. You are weak; you made a lot of mistakes; you need to try harder.At the same time, they point out--working on your last nerve--that they have succeeded by working hard, being prudent and smart. Part of the reason that they are doing so well is that some aspects of success are based on luck and the business and personal contacts a person has and uses. Covert narcissists name drop about all of the important people that they know and are part of their power circle. They let you know how much power they wield in the world and the brilliant investments they have made. Nothing has f                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          
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