Take Hold of Your LIfe by Healing from the Narcissist

In a mysterious way we can expand and deepen the meaning of our lives when we successfully leave the narcissist (spouse, mother, father, narcissistic family), sibling, mother-in-law) . There are many steps involved. It is a painful but highly valuable process and journey. Recognizing that you are married to a narcissist and the frequent recipient of his/her abuse is the beginning of your healing. This is a tough time. There can creep in the temptation to go back to this man or woman who has occupied large portions of your life. You may have even become accustomed to his outrageous demands and criticisms. And if you have been on board for the heightened lifestyle, this decisive move away from him/her is usually difficult. For some spouses they have been waiting for decades to make the break on the end of the high platform ready to dive into the new waters of life. "What a relief! I am free now to be myself." 

There are as many avenues to healing as there are individuals. Some find that high quality psychotherapy is very helpful. Forming a therapeutic alliance with a therapist who is clinically knowledgeable and highly empathic creates a healing bond that many need during this tough time. Become informed by interviewing several therapists. Some of them with all of their education and training are motivated by the business money driven aspects of their practice. Some therapist dabble in their practices and are not completely committed to helping their clients heal. Do your homework. It will serve you well.

Some individuals find that healing modalities like gentle yoga with emphasis on the breath and focusing the mind alleviates their stress and accesses the parasympathetic nervous system--the calming aspect of the body/mind. Others discover their budding creativity in the form of writing, painting, gardening and many other pursuits.Listening to music you love, learning how to dance in any form, walking  or going to the gym are represent many different ways that you can begin to heal. If you have a friend that you can trust and call upon at any time is a source of  strength. You are not alone, remember that. Some turn to meditation in the form that works for them. Short meditations are very effective in calming our errant thoughts. Don't be judgmental when you meditate. It is all about making the effort.

Be kind to yourself. You have been through a series of ordeals as the daughter, son, sibling, husband, wife of a narcissistic personality. To learn about the narcissistic personality  in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Mothers Damage their Daughters' Psychological and Physical Health

I cannot emphasize enough the horrific life stories that are communicated to me from daughters of narcissistic mothers. It is difficult to imagine that these dreadful non-mothers could be so cruel. Some of them have tortured their daughters for decades. There is a sub-group of narcissistic mothers who are highly sadistic and gain pleasure from causing their daughters extreme mental, emotional and in some instances severe pain and injury. All of this is kept secret within the confines of the family. On the outside these mothers are considered as models that others should follow. They even participate in their daughter's school activities. Other mothers are never available, except when it is time to humiliate their child in from of the entire family. Often these mothers are married to very weak men who might as well be young children themselves.

It is vital that we begin to recognize the criminality of these acts perpetrated by narcissistic mothers on their daughters. It affects many of them throughout their lives. They have nightmares, can't sleep, chronic anxiety, depression, somatic complaints, headaches, etc. Some of these daughters are unable to leave this pathological fusion and spend most of their lives tethered to their treacherous narcissistic mothers. Those who finally perceive their mother's destructiveness, find a way to break free. It can take some time to come to the realization that your mother, the person you were entitled to trust, is a very disturbed and uncaring human being who has completely undermined your life. After severing the non-relationship with mother some of these daughters go through an adjustment period. Many of them grieve for the mother they never had. Others are very angry about all of the years they have missed as a result of their psychological imprisonment. Some benefit from finding an excellent psychotherapist. Healing modalities like gentle hatha yoga, different forms of meditation, being a part of Nature, finding friends that are understanding and kind, are some of the ways that they begin the healing process. When we provide the conditions for healing and feel entitled to live with inner peace and self respect together with the use of all of our gifts, transformation occurs. Life begins once more. As the seasons are renewed, we too can be re-born and thrive. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com