Protecting Yourself from Irresistible Narcissists

When a very handsome man or woman walks into a room, heads still turn. Image matters too much. But it is palpable and effects our psychophysiological reactions. If this person is a narcissist the magnetic pull is so great that we keep looking at this person, hoping we will be chosen. In addition if he is highly successful with full command of himself, we are drawn with an increasing pull. This is all part of being human. Beauty and extraordinary handsomeness pull us strongly. Don't be surprised when you r--aleact this way. Don't blame yourself. But learn how to identify who this person really is---Could he be a narcissistic personality. I know of individuals who have been drawn into relationships with narcissists too many times to count. They have suffered immeasurably but they continue their cycle of pain.

Each narcissist has his own style--a label, a patina, an imprint. The grandiose very successful narcissist is extroverted, fully confident. He knows how you are reacting to him and continues his penetrating looks at you. He verbally and nonverbally tells you he wants you. He makes promises that you believe. He casts his spell and you feel drawn in as if you are in a light trance or slightly tipsy. It is so easy to leave that part of you that cautions: "No" "Wait" until you know this person better. Be aware of how you react to these individuals and become savvy about your vulnerabilities. Learn to step back, do your research on the classic narcissist.

The narcissistic personality has become ubiquitous in our current society---almost the norm in some circles. Beneath it all the narcissist is a sham, a fraud, a false self. You are genuine and have real feelings. The narcissist is a fine actor that knows how to imitate feelings. The only feelings he has are those of his perfection, superiority and extreme self entitlement. The time always comes when the narcissist shows his shadow side, that part of him that is filled with volcanic rage, tells as easily as he breathes, demeans and humiliate others (that will eventually include you) and takes everything for himself and without conscience, never looks back.

Become very familiar with this personality. It is worth all of the research. You will avoid a lot of emotional and psychological pain. Learn to appreciate who you are---your empathy, creative gifts, your kindness and tenderness, the long road  you have travelled to seek the truth. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists---Perfected Image--Inner Emptiness and Rage

Narcisssists are always working on their external image---their faces, clothing, accessories, homes, cars, etc. Part of this image that they constantly announce to the world is the perfection of their wives and children. After all they must be on display as a mirror of the narcissist's perfection. Children who are attractive, talented and bright are highly prized by the narcissist since they are indicative of his/her superiority and extraordinary image in the world. Narcissists are about the surface of reality not the internal meaning. They are clever at manipulated other people, especially their spouses and children, but this is their extreme cunning not any intellectual, psychololgical or emotional depth. The narcissist suffers from an unconscious psychological emptiness. This is often demonstrates in his frequent bouts of vituperative rage. Narcisssists are famous for their volcanic rage which flows out of them and on to their spouses in particular with great fury. This noxious rage is projected on to spouses like an attack of snake venom. What is happening here is that the toxic contents of the narcissist's unconscious are vomited out on to the victim---spouses, ex-spouses, children.  The outer world gives the narcissist a pass especially if he is very successful and prominent. The other reason is that the narcissist plays his good guy, magnetic hero to the hilt in public, including church, in business and socially. When a spouse complains to anyone, she is considered to ungrateful or psychologically unbalanced. The narcissist fools even more people during this current narcissistic age in which everything is externalized---life is a performance. What we wear, where we live, the kinds of investments we have, the brands of our clothing, our shoes, the jewelry we wear, the dewy youthfulness of our faces-----This what matters to so many in the current public mode. The media creates stars out of people who look physically gorgeous and extremely handsome. Many people are so deluded that they believe that how you look and act is the real you---They are WRONG! Trust in your true inner self. Do your research on the narcissistic personality disorder. You are meeting them every day. Recognize them quickly so that you can be self protective. You can say to yourself: " I know who you really are. You can't fool me or control me. I know that you project your venom on to others---Don't try that with me. It won't work!" To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Ending Your Relationship With a Toxic Narcissistic Spouse

You have spent years building and working a marital relationship that you believe is solid. The bottom line is that you have been making excuses and blaming yourself for the outrageous behaviors of a spouse who is a narcissistic personality. When he shouted at you and flew into a explosive rage---you told yourself that he was under a lot of stress and couldn't help it.  When felt ill and needed him, he was too busy at the office. You accepted this reason and took care of yourself. When the children came you took charge of them completely because he was deluged with work. He played father but didn't have an emotional investment in his children.  This narcissistic man is uncommunicative (except when he is in your face screaming)  and unempathic. He is highly critical of everything you do. He expects you to be at his disposal day and night. You tell him you are exhausted and he says; "Stop complaining. Buck up and do it. I don't want to hear your excuses!"

You have an ulcer, chronic back pain, migraine headaches, varieties of symptoms you've never experienced before. The sound of his thundering  voice sends your nervous system into full alarm. Is continuing this "relationship" worth giving up your health, your peace of mind, your creativity, the meaning of your own life? This appears to be the case with many women married to narcissistic men; it is most unfortunate and in some cases, tragic.

It is your decision to remain in this toxic stew or to separate or obtain a divorce. Couples therapy with a narcissistic partner does not work. The narcissist plays a skillful game and pretends he is cooperating. In some cases he psychologically flips the therapist and sways this professional person on his side.

As you move through the process of making a decision, take excellent care of yourself. Some spouse find that high quality psychotherapy is helpful to them. Interview a couple of therapists before you make the decision to choose one. Good therapists can be difficult to find. Turn to one or two friends who care deeply about you and will keep you communications with them confidential.  Healing practices like gentle yoga and meditation can help you to move to the parasympathetic nervous system of calm and welling being. Cardiovascular exercise--the kind that appeals to you-- is excellent for reducing stress, increasing endorphins and facilitates good healing sleep. Study the layers of the narcissistic personality disorder in depth. Knowledge of this disorder is powerful and will help you tremendously. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 


Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book:amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, widely distributed as books and e-Books
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com