Narcissists Take Your Life Away

"The narcissist is a master at extracting the pulp and juice of others-their time, talent, creative ideas, energies-to serve his purpose alone...All relationships with narcissistic individuals are exploitive..." (From: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life).

The narcissist's charm, the way he zeros in on you, appears to read your mind and knows exactly what you want and need is truly remarkable. Narcissists are gifted at the chase. Once they decide they want you in their lives it is very difficult to say "no". You have no idea what will happen to you down the road because you have been hypnotized by his charm, his focus on you, the way he makes you feel.

There is the real narcissist beneath the irresistible facade--the highly developed false self. Eventually if you stay with a narcissist long enough----marry one, have children with them--you will encounter the dark side just beneath the surface. Here there is seething rage, criticisms that cut to the bone, demands that can never be met, humiliations that no one should ever endure, threats to take away your children and to ruin you financially. Yes, that is what is waiting beneath the seductive smile that promises you everything.

(This post refers to male and female narcissists).

Ultimately, staying with a narcissistic spouse means that you are eclipsing your life. Some spouses make this agreement and decide that they have gone down this road so far that they cannot turn back. The lifestyle is what attracts and sustains them. However, they become psychological prisoners of the narcissistic spouse.

Your life is not your own even if you are able to emotionally detach from the narcissistic spouse. He is always on your mind. There is no real solitude or peace. You deserve to lead your own life despite your marriage or partnership. One road to your freedom is to study the narcissistic personality in-depth. This will reveal a very different story and wake you up. You are entitled to use all of your creative gifts, to expand you individuality not contract to fit someone else's vision.

Get Out of the Narcissistic Spouse's Clutches

Some narcissists remind me of carnivorous creatures who are called ambush predators. They ingeniously use camouflage to blend into their environment. The stone fish lies on the ocean floor and takes on the look of a rock. Fish swim too close by him and are bitten and inflicted with deadly toxins.

The narcissist is filled with psychological toxins that are dangerous to everyone, especially those who are vulnerable to his charm, grandiose promises, fulfillment of old dreams of being adored and taken care of. It is difficult for many of us to acknowledge that we have been waiting to be rescued. As children many individuals are neglected, discarded, made scapegoats, and severely abused. It is not unusual when we look at these life histories to understand how someone can so easily become enraptured by a narcissistic personality and become trapped by leading his/her life not their own. The narcissist takes you as a possession. Everything belongs to him. He/she decides the trajectory of your life. I have seen very capable and accomplished women drop their creativity, talents and drive to seek and find a man who will take care of them in every way. They are willing to eclipse their lives because of these early deep psychological needs.
As time moves forward the spouse of the narcissist either deludes herself that she is very happy to be waited on and taken care of and have whatever she wants or she begins to recognize that she is trapped with a very demanding, overwhelming, enraged man who views her as his possession.

Those who wake up and realize that they are imprisoned and that their lives are eclipsed, have strong misgivings about their marriages to narcissists. The fairy tale has faded. It has become tawdry, painful --" full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." (Shakespeare, Macbeth) Recognizing that this person is controlling your life has hit you in the face. You know that you must get out of his/her clutches.

You deserve to lead a life that is free, creative, loving and unencumbered by the cruel delusions of narcissists. Find the help that you need. Some individuals free themselves in various ways: highly skilled psychotherapy, gentle yoga, regular exercise that works for you, times of solitude, finding your own creative pathway, meeting people whom you can trust and who are genuine and have empathy.To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com