Covert Narcissists Target the Most Vulnerable

Covert Narcissists need to be exposed. They are difficult to identify. They blend in with great skill in business and social circles. They are all eyes and ears about what you are saying. Most people feel comfortable with them because they appear to be genuine. This is not the case. The covert narcissist is one of the most psychologically dangerous of all the narcissistic types. It is because of his/her disingenuous camouflaged real self which is hateful and conniving.

The covert narcissist often uses the ploy of being someone you can always count on. They move seamlessly into your life. They appear to make things easier for you. They anticipate your needs. It can be a small thoughtful gift or an errand run without being asked. At first there is no indication that they are grandiose or self absorbed. Their major interest appears to be their laser focus on you as a special person. This is the reverse of the grandiose, larger than life narcissist that we recognize readily. Covert narcissists are highly secretive They are smart psychological poker players.

If you grew up in a family with a covert narcissist it may have taken some time for you to realize that a parent or sibling was disparaging you, demeaning you, competing with you all of this time. When you look back you see the fierceness of the covert narcissist's drive to win at all costs and beat you out of the running.

Covert narcissists like to talk behind your back. They do their dirty work of attempting to destroy your reputation in the shadows with innuendos, the tone of their lie laced stories, the nonverbal complicity with someone else who is gossiping about you.

Once you have been hooked and are wiggling in the wind with a covert narcissist, they are as merciless as any grandiose narcissist. In many ways it is worse because the tendency is to want to forgive for their cruelties and let them back into your life and begin to trust them again. This is disastrous. They are insinuating themselves back in order to assert more control, to abuse and degrade you. If  you are a sensitive human being you have put yourself in the hands of an enemy. A covert narcissist is in disguise except when they bare their fangs. Believe me they will bite down and draw blood. At their center the CN is just as ruthless, deceptive, vituperative, manipulative and exploitative as all the other narcissists.

To protect yourself, study the narcissistic personality disorder. Pay attention to your intuition. If someone finds you too fascinating too soon, pay attention and make a mental note. What do you have that this person wants. If the individual is very saccharin and you hear the voice of intuition to go slowly, listen carefully to this wise part of yourself. Learning to quiet the mind and calm the nervous system through a form of meditation that works for you or the use of gentle yoga and other healing modalities can be of immense help deepening your powers of attention and concentration, These skills assist in remaining detached and of maintaining a steadiness within yourself. This way you can make an accurate assessment if this individual is a covert narcissist. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, widely distributed as books and ebooks
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Covert Narcissists---Their Sadistic Drive to Psychologically Injure You

Covert narcissists are so verbally adept. Know that when they call you something is up. They rehearse their lines. Actually, they have been deceptive for so long that trying to get the best of you is natural to them. Covert narcissists can be so subtle that if you tell someone else that you are being worked over by one of these vipers in disguise, they won't believe you. Don't wait to get agreement or even support from many people. They cruise about saying:"Oh, she is such a nice person; you must be exaggerating" or "Just ignore it. She doesn't mean it" or "You're overly sensitive. Toughen up. Don't take things so seriously." I hear from those who have been chronically victimized and shoved around psychologically by covert narcissists. I believe them---exactly what they are saying.

There are a number of covert narcissists and a growing number of narcissists sprouting every day in this superficial cultural environment. Many are just looking at the externals: how attractive is this person, are they making lots of money, how well educated are they and did they go to "right" schools, are they bright, are they popular. Responding in the correct way to these questions is often the measure a person takes of your value as a human being. How absurd and cruel!  Becoming keenly aware how to identify and deal with the covert narcissist will help you to protect yourself from them, to maintain clear boundaries from their toxicity and to independently go forward with your life, goals, relationships and personal growth.

Covert narcissists are control obsessed. They are masterful at the art of conversation, especially if they are trying to impress you or if they want something from you. If  you catch them off-guard the conversation can be very ugly. They will snipe away at you, pecking away bit by bit until they draw the psychological blood they have been seeking. They happily feed off of others. Don't become a victim of these bloodsuckers and below the belt punchers. Remember, they only live for themselves and those whom they have chosen for their inner circle of admirers. Admirers are brainwashed to believe that this covert narcissist is a close friend and confident. The covert narcissist glories in his/her circle. He controls them with the velvet glove----offering and fulfilling many of their wishes to keep them feeling good and to deepen their dependence on this person. This is like a small cult of personality. The members of the circle look to the covert narcissist as the leader and authority figure. For the covert narcissist this is an incredible source of narcissistic supply.





Regardless of their charm, their golden words and the favors they do for you, always remember that they are narcissists-----cold, calculating, ruthless, completely lack empathy, deceptive, clever liars, very secretive, exploitative.  If you get on their wrong side, watch out---they are filled with a roiling chasm of volcanic rage that never ends. They know how to wound and keep wounding you. Learn about covert narcissists in-depth. When you identify them, be fore warned. No matter how lovely, charming and magnetic they are---this is all a very convincing act. Keep you distance. You cannot have any kind of relationship with a covert narcissist.

Put the emphasis on your own psychological and spiritual (as you define it) development. Expand and deepen your creative gifts. You will find individuals who are not narcissists and are capable of deeply caring about and appreciating you as you are. Pay attention to your intuition---It is the source of truth. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com



Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
TELEPHONE CONSULTATION: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, etc.
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com