The sociopathic narcissist is predictably unpredictable. If you become engaged closely with this person you are in for a wild ride. This personality disorder uses all of his/her power to take over your life. He is the master of manipulation. Once you are under his/her control it is difficult to use your free will and make your own decisions. The sociopathic narcissist moves back and forth between a dynamic magnetism and a dark volcanic rage, intimidation and threats. Just when you think you're having a lovely conversation with Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde creeps out of the shadows. He are startled by his presence, waiting for a show to drop or be thrown. These shifts remind me of the genius of Alfred Hitchcock films. He builds you to maximum suspense and terror. You're hiding behind your eyes, your nerves are stretched, your gut is roiling. When you think the shower curtain will open, the body will fall, the birds will rip flesh to a bloody pulp, the master of suspense waits just long enough for you to let down------and then he pounces. Left off guard, you scream---that exactly what Hitchcock has programmed you to do. It's one thing to have this as a movie experience on a Saturday night and another to be victimized by the Jekyll/Hyde treatment every day of your life. Sociopathic narcissists are psychological and emotional batterers. They have neither conscience nor mercy. You are either their puppet or they will find a way to disown, discard or even destroy you. Protect yourself by learning everything you can about their true nature and taking the steps to protect yourself.
First wake up and stay awake---this individual is a severe personality disorder who is not going to change---ever!!! As charming, pseudo empathic and convincing as they are, watch for their slimy underside---the shadow of an individual who purposely causes financial, emotional, psychological and even physical/health issues to others---especially spouses, ex-spouses, children, siblings. Use your powers of intuition and keen observation to recognize the sociopathic narcissist before you become ensnared by one. Walk right past the charm and empty promises, the irresistible persona, the dynamic vibration. If it looks too good to be true, it is. You will be getting constant cues about the true nature of this individual. Stay grounded within yourself. Maintain your personal power and honor your psychological boundaries. Pay attention to subliminal messages that are coming from the sociopathic narcissist. Steep yourself in solid information about the narcissistic personality disorder. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Monday, January 31, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Follow Your Vision-Not Your Narcissistic Parent
Some children know from the time that they are very young that their mother and/or and father does not have their best interests at heart. They have a prevailing feeling of dread, not being wanted, hypervigilence, fear, chronic distress, worthlessness, emptiness, always wishing and needing what never comes to them, a longing deep in the heart for someone who will hold them close, look in their eyes and say "I love you."
The narcissistic parent use his/her children like commodities that are valuable or worthless to him/her. If you are the chosen one, the parent fixates on you obsessively---telling you about your specialness, your superiority, your intelligence saying:"You are better than all the rest, even my other children. Don't tell them; that is between the two of us." "I have always dreamed to have a child like you. You are going to be a powerful person who will succeed to the very top. You are brilliant and talented. I will always be here for you every step of the way." This is the narcissist's parent dream and vision of her child. She has put herself in the place of a god who will determine exactly how this special child will fulfill all of her needs, fantasies and high ambitions. All of her energy goes into making this happen. She neglects and abuses her other children. Her husband is a fixture, a non-person. Instead of growing in a natural direction that is real and authentic, this "privileged" child is being molded in every way to meet the narcissistic parent's expectations. The parent lives through this child and in some cases has no other life of her own.
If you are not the chosen child you have had a very difficult time under the power of the narcissistic parent who is a tyrant. You are neglected, abused , dismissed, treated as unworthy. You are constantly found wanting in comparison to the perfect chosen child. You always come up short regardless of your many accomplishments, talents. Your empathy and humanity and compassion are considered weak and insignificant by the narcissistic parent. Victory---winning---vanquishing others, outwitting competitors--these are the traits that are revered in the narcissistic family. Forget conscience; it gets in the way of being first at the finish line. Caring deeply about others is an impediment, a waste of time and energy. These are the cold, cynical messages of the narcissistic household.
Some children who are discarded by their narcissistic parent, despite all of the obstacles and abuse, keep the flame of their individuality alive and their vision clear. They have a fierce persistence deep within them that says: "I am not my parent. I am different. I will not give in; I will not give up. I will keep going." Your creative vision develops with you from the time of your birth. It begins with your uniqueness as individual-----mentally, physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually. As you acknowledge this to yourself and manifest it in the way you lead your life, your vision will grow, deepen, become richer. Your vision is singular to you and at the same time it is universal. Share your vision with the world. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
The narcissistic parent use his/her children like commodities that are valuable or worthless to him/her. If you are the chosen one, the parent fixates on you obsessively---telling you about your specialness, your superiority, your intelligence saying:"You are better than all the rest, even my other children. Don't tell them; that is between the two of us." "I have always dreamed to have a child like you. You are going to be a powerful person who will succeed to the very top. You are brilliant and talented. I will always be here for you every step of the way." This is the narcissist's parent dream and vision of her child. She has put herself in the place of a god who will determine exactly how this special child will fulfill all of her needs, fantasies and high ambitions. All of her energy goes into making this happen. She neglects and abuses her other children. Her husband is a fixture, a non-person. Instead of growing in a natural direction that is real and authentic, this "privileged" child is being molded in every way to meet the narcissistic parent's expectations. The parent lives through this child and in some cases has no other life of her own.
If you are not the chosen child you have had a very difficult time under the power of the narcissistic parent who is a tyrant. You are neglected, abused , dismissed, treated as unworthy. You are constantly found wanting in comparison to the perfect chosen child. You always come up short regardless of your many accomplishments, talents. Your empathy and humanity and compassion are considered weak and insignificant by the narcissistic parent. Victory---winning---vanquishing others, outwitting competitors--these are the traits that are revered in the narcissistic family. Forget conscience; it gets in the way of being first at the finish line. Caring deeply about others is an impediment, a waste of time and energy. These are the cold, cynical messages of the narcissistic household.
Some children who are discarded by their narcissistic parent, despite all of the obstacles and abuse, keep the flame of their individuality alive and their vision clear. They have a fierce persistence deep within them that says: "I am not my parent. I am different. I will not give in; I will not give up. I will keep going." Your creative vision develops with you from the time of your birth. It begins with your uniqueness as individual-----mentally, physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually. As you acknowledge this to yourself and manifest it in the way you lead your life, your vision will grow, deepen, become richer. Your vision is singular to you and at the same time it is universal. Share your vision with the world. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Narcissistic Older Sister Queen Bees
In many families some children get away with everything. They have a kind of power, a magnetic almost magic ability to control their parents. Other siblings are treated differently. They must tow the line or else. Or they are dismissed and neglected. They never get any attention unless it is negative. This emotional and psychological inequality is flagrant in narcissistic families.
If mother is the narcissistic matriarch, she may be inclined to choose a daughter to act as a mirror of her perfection. Sometimes it is the eldest daughter if she makes the cut--meaning she must be very attractive, even beautiful, extroverted and highly confident, bright and full of herself. Mother hand picks this child and molds her into a perfect replica of herself. The two of them are inseparable. The narcissistic mother continually praises the older daughter and belittles the other children to the point of telling them outright that they are inferior. "What can't you be more like ------? She's the one I am proud of. She's beautiful, popular, gets all A's. What's the matter with you?" Day by day and year by year this mother is hand crafting a narcissistic personality disorder like herself or even worse. As the budding narcissistic daughter grows she becomes the "holy terror" of the household. She is purposely cruel to her siblings. She makes up lies about them so that they are punished. She scares them constantly because she has become sadistic and obsessed with controlling others. The narcisssitic mother is always on her favorite daughter's side. She can do no wrong. There is no one to defend any of the siblings since often the father has abandoned the family psychologically and stays in the marriage for image purposes alone. The matriarch keeps her husband to protect her lifestyle.
I have heard life stories of children raised with a narcissistic older sister that are hair raising. Vignettes in which the sister and her friends put siblings in closets for hours, held them down and spat on them, threatened them physically and even worse are too common. The non-narcissistic siblings were too terrified to speak a word about this torture. They suffered unrelenting cruelty. They had no where to go for rescue. They simply had to keep quiet to survive.
The Queen Bee Older Narcissistic Sister goes on to the best university, marries a man from the right family with all the finest connections. They move forward to have perfect children---some of whom will be molded into another narcissistic generation.
The non-narcissistic siblings are left on their own to fend for their own educations. They go to school and work many hours a week just to survive. The narcissistic mother is happy to get rid of her "inferior children."
She only speaks to her friends about her Queen Bee Daughters.
Children who survive this psychological gulag experience tremendous emotional pain. Many have learned to deep freeze their emotions to cope. It is wise for them to sever contact with the narcissistic mother and her queen bee daughter. They are venomous. To this narcissistic duo, they represent a shameful embarrassment. They are poor relations at best. Some siblings find that alcohol and drugs ease their pain for the moment and go down this treacherous rode. Others marry and re-marry or go from one abusive relationship to the next.
Others survive and through skillful psychotherapy, the use of their mental and creative gifts and their spiritual journey, find ways to reclaim their authentic selves. It isn't easy going ---there are many bumps, ruts and detours. I have heard victorious stories of those who will not give up. They grow, deepen and expand as human beings, always learning that they can continue this endless process of becoming authentic, steady and strong. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
If mother is the narcissistic matriarch, she may be inclined to choose a daughter to act as a mirror of her perfection. Sometimes it is the eldest daughter if she makes the cut--meaning she must be very attractive, even beautiful, extroverted and highly confident, bright and full of herself. Mother hand picks this child and molds her into a perfect replica of herself. The two of them are inseparable. The narcissistic mother continually praises the older daughter and belittles the other children to the point of telling them outright that they are inferior. "What can't you be more like ------? She's the one I am proud of. She's beautiful, popular, gets all A's. What's the matter with you?" Day by day and year by year this mother is hand crafting a narcissistic personality disorder like herself or even worse. As the budding narcissistic daughter grows she becomes the "holy terror" of the household. She is purposely cruel to her siblings. She makes up lies about them so that they are punished. She scares them constantly because she has become sadistic and obsessed with controlling others. The narcisssitic mother is always on her favorite daughter's side. She can do no wrong. There is no one to defend any of the siblings since often the father has abandoned the family psychologically and stays in the marriage for image purposes alone. The matriarch keeps her husband to protect her lifestyle.
I have heard life stories of children raised with a narcissistic older sister that are hair raising. Vignettes in which the sister and her friends put siblings in closets for hours, held them down and spat on them, threatened them physically and even worse are too common. The non-narcissistic siblings were too terrified to speak a word about this torture. They suffered unrelenting cruelty. They had no where to go for rescue. They simply had to keep quiet to survive.
The Queen Bee Older Narcissistic Sister goes on to the best university, marries a man from the right family with all the finest connections. They move forward to have perfect children---some of whom will be molded into another narcissistic generation.
The non-narcissistic siblings are left on their own to fend for their own educations. They go to school and work many hours a week just to survive. The narcissistic mother is happy to get rid of her "inferior children."
She only speaks to her friends about her Queen Bee Daughters.
Children who survive this psychological gulag experience tremendous emotional pain. Many have learned to deep freeze their emotions to cope. It is wise for them to sever contact with the narcissistic mother and her queen bee daughter. They are venomous. To this narcissistic duo, they represent a shameful embarrassment. They are poor relations at best. Some siblings find that alcohol and drugs ease their pain for the moment and go down this treacherous rode. Others marry and re-marry or go from one abusive relationship to the next.
Others survive and through skillful psychotherapy, the use of their mental and creative gifts and their spiritual journey, find ways to reclaim their authentic selves. It isn't easy going ---there are many bumps, ruts and detours. I have heard victorious stories of those who will not give up. They grow, deepen and expand as human beings, always learning that they can continue this endless process of becoming authentic, steady and strong. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers Marry Narcissists
Daughters of narcissistic mothers suffer horribly as young children and adults. Many of them don't recognize that their mother was a narcissist until years into their adulthood. They believed the family story-what was told to them by mother. Mother was the center of attention in the household. She always got what she wanted from everyone, including her husband and children. When we grow up in this kind of family, it is what we believe. These daughters learn to fade into the woodwork or become their mother's 24/7 servants, always at their disposal. Some daughters of narcissistic mothers idealize them, remembering how beautiful they were. They want to emulate their mothers and become just like them. They see the kind of attention that these women attract---they are always at center stage, getting all of the attention and praise. They believe they are special and treated that way. The little daughter is willing to take mother's crumbs as long as she can maintain some semblance of a relationship with her. Often the father is marginalized very early and used as a prop for monetary and image reasons.
It isn't surprising that as these daughters grow up and begin to find romantic partners that they would be beguiled by the narcissistic men. These charmers are masters at captivating women. As they speak their lines they are clever method actors who believe what they are saying. This is their role and they are playing it to the hilt. Many daughters of narcissists repeat the pattern of becoming deeply involved with another narcissist---a spouse. This is a psychological pattern of unconscious repetition. We go back to the familiar, what we learned early in our lives and normalized. I have communicated with many daughters who have repeated this pattern and awakened to see what they were doing---repeating the psychological abuse that was heaped on them as children. Many of these daughters recognize what they are doing, feel the full force of its negative psychological effect on them, educate themselves about the narcissistic personality and make the necessary break with the narcissistic spouse. As painful as a divorce can be and often is, they have decided that they will do anything they can to reclaim themselves and their lives. Now they are free to be emotionally and psychologically independent for the first time. They are taking full initiative with the direction of their lives, their relationships, the use of their creative gifts and the direction of their spiritual goals. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website, www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Psychological Ambush by Covert Narcissist
Many of them go unnoticed at social events. They appear to be self effacing with a low grade ego. Meet the covert narcissist---that individual who is a narcissistic personality disorder without the elaborate persona. The covert narcissist seems to blend in like a chameleon. They fool a lot of people with their practiced pseudo empathy and fake humility. Covert narcissists are low key but watch their moves. They are highly competitive, manipulative, intensely secretive and willing to mow you down to get what and whom they want like their
grandiose cousins. Covert narcissists like to play the role of "ordinary" or "don't make a fuss about me" or I'm not important; you are." That's another one of their ruses. They put themselves at your feet, at your service. Their motive is to win you over and gain your trust. Watch out---you're about to be ambushed.. You think you have a genuine relationship with one of these individuals. You have confided in them. You trust them. Then you find out that they have spread your personal information like a virus. Covert narcissists are exceedingly envious of those whom they view as rivals. They cunningly whisper rumors about "your past"---spreading downright dirty lies about your character. They often get away with this because they appear to be impeccably innocent and perpetually unsuspected.
Learn to tune into the cues of this type of narcissist. If you sense an effusiveness toward you, be wary. Using your powers of observation and your keen intuition will always lead you to the truth about a person's intentions toward you. Be ready for the psychological ambush---this is a signature tactic of the covert narcissist. They are friendly, helpful, your biggest cheerleader, etc. You let down your guard and wham--You get the rude inquiries: "How are you doing with your stocks?""How much money do you have invested in the market?" "Do you have a pension plan?" "I thought you inherited money from your family--Is that true?" "How old are you?" "Do you rent or own your home?" These are only a few of the thousands of questions that fling out of the mouths of covert narcissists. These questions are designed to put you off balance, to humiliate you, to make you feel anxious and unable to think clearly. The bottom line is that the covert narcissist feels superior at your expense. It is difficult not to overreact to outrageous questions and comments that are not only rude and impolite but purposely structured to fracture your composure, leaving you feeling helpless and inadequate.
To protect yourself from the covert narcissist, study every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder. Remember that these individuals are false selves filled with rage, highly manipulative, duplicitous, cunning, psychological stalkers of those whom they sense are vulnerable. Covert narcissists get a thrill out of disturbing your sense of peace. They revel in putting you in an emotional tailspin. They are hardened to their own feelings, incapable of empathy and seek to weaken your sense of self.
You can learn how to deal with covert narcissists by understanding every aspect of their psychopathology. Become keenly aware of their game playing. Learn to detach yourself so that you will not overreact to them. That's what they're waiting for you to do. Meditating regularly is one of the many ways that you can still the mind and body. As a result of this practice your concentration is honed, your focus on every detail in the moment is clear and your nervous system is calm despite nasty verbal volleys thrown at you.
You are in charge of yourself and your reactions to others. You don't owe anyone an answer to his/her question. You are no one's possession. You are a unique human being who will never be replicated. Knowing this and renewing your promise to be faithful to your true nature, keep peace and stillness inside of you. They are your touchstones. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
grandiose cousins. Covert narcissists like to play the role of "ordinary" or "don't make a fuss about me" or I'm not important; you are." That's another one of their ruses. They put themselves at your feet, at your service. Their motive is to win you over and gain your trust. Watch out---you're about to be ambushed.. You think you have a genuine relationship with one of these individuals. You have confided in them. You trust them. Then you find out that they have spread your personal information like a virus. Covert narcissists are exceedingly envious of those whom they view as rivals. They cunningly whisper rumors about "your past"---spreading downright dirty lies about your character. They often get away with this because they appear to be impeccably innocent and perpetually unsuspected.
Learn to tune into the cues of this type of narcissist. If you sense an effusiveness toward you, be wary. Using your powers of observation and your keen intuition will always lead you to the truth about a person's intentions toward you. Be ready for the psychological ambush---this is a signature tactic of the covert narcissist. They are friendly, helpful, your biggest cheerleader, etc. You let down your guard and wham--You get the rude inquiries: "How are you doing with your stocks?""How much money do you have invested in the market?" "Do you have a pension plan?" "I thought you inherited money from your family--Is that true?" "How old are you?" "Do you rent or own your home?" These are only a few of the thousands of questions that fling out of the mouths of covert narcissists. These questions are designed to put you off balance, to humiliate you, to make you feel anxious and unable to think clearly. The bottom line is that the covert narcissist feels superior at your expense. It is difficult not to overreact to outrageous questions and comments that are not only rude and impolite but purposely structured to fracture your composure, leaving you feeling helpless and inadequate.
To protect yourself from the covert narcissist, study every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder. Remember that these individuals are false selves filled with rage, highly manipulative, duplicitous, cunning, psychological stalkers of those whom they sense are vulnerable. Covert narcissists get a thrill out of disturbing your sense of peace. They revel in putting you in an emotional tailspin. They are hardened to their own feelings, incapable of empathy and seek to weaken your sense of self.
You can learn how to deal with covert narcissists by understanding every aspect of their psychopathology. Become keenly aware of their game playing. Learn to detach yourself so that you will not overreact to them. That's what they're waiting for you to do. Meditating regularly is one of the many ways that you can still the mind and body. As a result of this practice your concentration is honed, your focus on every detail in the moment is clear and your nervous system is calm despite nasty verbal volleys thrown at you.
You are in charge of yourself and your reactions to others. You don't owe anyone an answer to his/her question. You are no one's possession. You are a unique human being who will never be replicated. Knowing this and renewing your promise to be faithful to your true nature, keep peace and stillness inside of you. They are your touchstones. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Friday, January 21, 2011
Narcissists-Not Getting their Just Desserts
If you are married to a narcissist, the adult child of a narcissist or a sibling, you understand the emotional pain that you experience as a result of the relationship. The narcissist is always watching out for himself alone. He or she may find someone whom they fancy to provide them with much needed ego enhancements. They may have children with this person. That doesn't mean that this individual will become a permanent fixture on their stage set. Some narcissists choose partners who are wealthy and compliant, willing to go along with their empty promises and the romantic rush they cannot resist. As long as the money is plentiful and they have access to its flow, the narcissist is pleased to maintain what appears to be a close relationship. There is no real commitment here, only a lucrative arrangement that gives him access and control of the finances and social and business connections.
I have been in contact with many who are still suffering from the narcissist's financial and emotional exploitation. In many instances narcissists have committed fraud, neglected their financial obligations, lied about and concealed their net worth and been sued. Despite all of this, they find ways to wiggle out of and escape justice. The courts move very slowly especially if a person without conscience hires high powered attorneys to use delay tactics, barrages of continuances, endless depositions. If a narcissist has sufficient monetary staying power he can spend years fending off and stonewalling those who who have been harmed and whose lives have been severely disrupted and in some cases, devastated. In the meantime the narcissistic has adroitly found willing pawns who are sucked into his latest vision and are happily writing checks.
The best justice with a narcissist is how you lead your own life. Being psychologically and emotionally free has no price. It is invaluable. Don't wait for the narcissist to come to the seat of justice and be fairly tried and sentenced. In most cases, this does not happen. I am very sorry about this but it is the reality.
You will start healing. Some days will be rough, remembering everything you have been through, even thinking of the good times and your fantasies of how it could have worked out. First of all, don't blame yourself. You have been dealing with a severe fixed personality disorder that does not change. You have made a courageous decision to leave this individual and keep him out of your life. If you have minor children with him, you can work to find ways to interact with the ex-spouse so that is supportive of your children and their psychological well being. Skilled psychotherapy can be very helpful in the transition. Support groups are also a source of growing strength and movement toward greater emotional independence. Discover what you love, what animates you. Explore your creativity. Practice healthy routines--good nutrition, regular exercise, meditation, yoga that create balance and steadiness in your life. You are moving ahead. Congratulate yourself. Dynamic life awaits you. Answer its call. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
I have been in contact with many who are still suffering from the narcissist's financial and emotional exploitation. In many instances narcissists have committed fraud, neglected their financial obligations, lied about and concealed their net worth and been sued. Despite all of this, they find ways to wiggle out of and escape justice. The courts move very slowly especially if a person without conscience hires high powered attorneys to use delay tactics, barrages of continuances, endless depositions. If a narcissist has sufficient monetary staying power he can spend years fending off and stonewalling those who who have been harmed and whose lives have been severely disrupted and in some cases, devastated. In the meantime the narcissistic has adroitly found willing pawns who are sucked into his latest vision and are happily writing checks.
The best justice with a narcissist is how you lead your own life. Being psychologically and emotionally free has no price. It is invaluable. Don't wait for the narcissist to come to the seat of justice and be fairly tried and sentenced. In most cases, this does not happen. I am very sorry about this but it is the reality.
You will start healing. Some days will be rough, remembering everything you have been through, even thinking of the good times and your fantasies of how it could have worked out. First of all, don't blame yourself. You have been dealing with a severe fixed personality disorder that does not change. You have made a courageous decision to leave this individual and keep him out of your life. If you have minor children with him, you can work to find ways to interact with the ex-spouse so that is supportive of your children and their psychological well being. Skilled psychotherapy can be very helpful in the transition. Support groups are also a source of growing strength and movement toward greater emotional independence. Discover what you love, what animates you. Explore your creativity. Practice healthy routines--good nutrition, regular exercise, meditation, yoga that create balance and steadiness in your life. You are moving ahead. Congratulate yourself. Dynamic life awaits you. Answer its call. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Children of Narcissists-Exposing their Narcissistic Parents
I often hear from adult children of narcissists. Their stories are painful and long, often overshadowing entire decades of their lives. Children of narcissists carry guilt about not being "good enough" and living up to parental expectations. If your parent is a narcissist there is nothing on earth you can do to please him/her if you are not the chosen one, that special sibling the narcissistic mother or father picks to be the star and icon for the entire family.
At the end of a very long road there are adult children who finally cannot tolerate the verbal abuse, accusations, emotional coldness and all out rejection and pernicious psychological projection and evil revenge----They must speak the truth. I hear from them and read about it in many blogs. Some have been sent packing, losing everything, including material possessions, opportunities to be secure financially and to be part of a family.
Narcissistic families are not families at all. They are business arrangements negotiated by the narcissist to benefit him/her alone or a favorite of his. The matriarch or patriarch of the family makes all the rules. He or she comes first, even if that is psychologically devastating to other family members. Some narcissistic parents bring in people who are not family members and "adopt" them because they are very attractive, bright, creatively gifted and venerate the narcissist and know just how to play up their egos. In some cases the father or mother will eventually "dump" the other spouse and develop a romantic relationship with this once outsider and marry him or her. You can imagine the horrendous emotional upheaval this kind of irresponsible and callous behavior causes the narcissist's children. Can you see the wedding party--the young bride who is a decade younger than the narcissist's children, who was picked to supersede them and in some cases will inherit everything the narcissist owns. I have witnessed these scenes and they are very distressing.
These atrocious behaviors are occurring more often than most people can imagine. If you are the adult child of a narcissistic parent, learn to identify this fixed personality disorder by study and research. Protect yourself from their venomous projections. You may have to go no contact. This is very difficult for many adult children. You cannot change the narcissist---this is a severe fixed disorder that usually had its beginnings in early childhood. Focus on your own self entitlement--your right to think in freedom, the express your feelings, to appreciate your authenticity, to maintain your physical and psychological health and to continue to grow as a valued individual. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life.
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
At the end of a very long road there are adult children who finally cannot tolerate the verbal abuse, accusations, emotional coldness and all out rejection and pernicious psychological projection and evil revenge----They must speak the truth. I hear from them and read about it in many blogs. Some have been sent packing, losing everything, including material possessions, opportunities to be secure financially and to be part of a family.
Narcissistic families are not families at all. They are business arrangements negotiated by the narcissist to benefit him/her alone or a favorite of his. The matriarch or patriarch of the family makes all the rules. He or she comes first, even if that is psychologically devastating to other family members. Some narcissistic parents bring in people who are not family members and "adopt" them because they are very attractive, bright, creatively gifted and venerate the narcissist and know just how to play up their egos. In some cases the father or mother will eventually "dump" the other spouse and develop a romantic relationship with this once outsider and marry him or her. You can imagine the horrendous emotional upheaval this kind of irresponsible and callous behavior causes the narcissist's children. Can you see the wedding party--the young bride who is a decade younger than the narcissist's children, who was picked to supersede them and in some cases will inherit everything the narcissist owns. I have witnessed these scenes and they are very distressing.
These atrocious behaviors are occurring more often than most people can imagine. If you are the adult child of a narcissistic parent, learn to identify this fixed personality disorder by study and research. Protect yourself from their venomous projections. You may have to go no contact. This is very difficult for many adult children. You cannot change the narcissist---this is a severe fixed disorder that usually had its beginnings in early childhood. Focus on your own self entitlement--your right to think in freedom, the express your feelings, to appreciate your authenticity, to maintain your physical and psychological health and to continue to grow as a valued individual. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life.
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
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