Narcissistic Older Sister causes Weeping and Gnashing of Teeth

The narcissistic older sister is despised in her home by her victims, especially brothers and sisters. Her wretched cruelties from childhood cannot be counted. From the moment she was old enough, she screamed at the top of her lungs if she didn't get exactly what she wanted. She was checked and there was no medical condition; she was pronounced normal. Her parents complied with her demands. The louder and more irrational she became the more intimidated they felt and acted accordingly. Rather than recognizing that this young child was taking over their authority and that she was without any psychological boundaries, they continued to bend to her will. It is most unfortunate that this narcissistic autocrat didn't get clinical professional help in her earliest years. From the time she was little she bullied her younger brothers and/or sisters even as infants, pushing them down, pinching them, teasing them mercilessly, scaring them to death, calling them hurtful names---dumb, ugly, weak, stupid, etc. I know of family situations in which this reign of terror continues well into adulthood. The parents cower at their daughter's demands, are humiliated by her criticisms. They are afraid of her. She is the dictator and ruler over her parents. This family constellation is highly detrimental to her siblings. They are constantly psychologically abused by the narcissistic older sister. She threatened them in secret. They live in constant fear of her. The other children know that the parents will not stand up for them because this tyrannical daughter has them under her control and intimidation as well.

Children who grow up in these homes suffer horribly. Sometimes one or two siblings band together to protect one another. Often these kids fade into the background and spend a lot of their time away from home to avoid their explosive narcissistic sister. The parents are so consumed with their narcissistic daughter's constant demands and manipulations that they don't have time or energy to pay much attention to their other children. In fact they are no longer in charge and haven't been for a number of years.

Adult children raised in these pathological families finally recognize that their older sister is a severe narcissistic personality disorder. A real relationship with this person is not possible since she is incapable of being genuine or empathic. In many instances they sever their relationship from the narcissistic older sister and maintain their support of one another. It is difficult for some of the children to maintain a good relationship with the parents who are under the control of their narcissistic daughter. The children who keep a distance from the narcissistic older sister are wise. She takes every opportunity to cause chaos between her siblings and in their relationship with the parents.

The toxicity of the narcissist is so great that it is wise and psychologically healthy to keep your distance from them even if they are members of your family. If other siblings choose to associate with the tyrannical sister that is their decision. This is an opportunity for you to assert yourself and refuse to be the recipient of pernicious psychological and emotional abuse. Study the narcissistic personality in-depth. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and Consultation
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, well distributed in regular book stores on online stores
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyorulife.com

Rampaging Narcissistic Matriarchs

Narcissistic mothers are tough enough to take. When you add over the top rage, extreme self entitlement, treachery and large sums of money to the mix you have a disaster on your hands for anyone who will stand in this woman's way or question her. No one can over-emphasize the psychological damage that they do to entire families of many generations. Stories about them area legion. You cannot overstate their rapacious treachery. These women have unlimited energy, plotting how they will control their adult children. One heinous method is to turn sibling against sibling, encouraging one to gang up on the other. Often the matriarch has a special child who is her clone and will enforce whatever cruel plans she has laid down. These matriarchs take pleasure in watching  the clashes that occur among her children. They love being in the center of the battle---the ultimate five star general. They send their lieutenants out to do the real dirty work. Often the cloned child---a blooming narcissist--decided very early to get access and control over money and property that is owned by his/her aging mother. Little by little she is courted by her golden child. This child knows how to inflate mother's ego to the max. The GC tells outright lies about the siblings he wants out of the  way. Words like" unstable, overdoing medications, involved with questionable people who can't be trusted, having poor judgment" endless litanies of negative profiles of siblings are "confidentially" put into the mind of the narcissistic matriarch with perfect timing. When other siblings get wind of these betrayals all out war is threatened. Sadly, the most sensitive, caring and non-narcissistic siblings are left behind. They have very few options. Some of these victimized children find their singular way out of this nightmare. They study hard, use their creative gifts, take initiative and remove themselves from this pathological snake pit as soon as possible.

Some children of these matriarchal nightmares are still  feeling psychological injury and deep emotional wounding into adulthood. Some of them finally recognize that they cannot obtain genuine love and understanding from their own parent. This individual suffers from narcissistic personality disorder, a pathology that does not change. Some find help working with an excellent psychotherapist who can help them move through the grieving process of never having a real mother. Many of these adult children learn how to mother themselves by recognizing the lovely child who is deep inside of them and who is worth and deserving of respect and leading a rich and meaningful life. If you are from one of these families, be patient and kind with yourself. You have been through a horrendous ordeal. You are strong and solid. Always remember that you are a valuable unique human being. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, large distribution of traditional books and e-books
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Spouse is a Dark Shadow in Your Life

Romantic relationships start off so beautifully. They are almost magical. You find the man or woman you have been waiting for. This is especially the case if you are ending a painful marriage. If you have been dumped and abused, you are feeling desperate and suddenly a person you have known for some time begins to fill the role of romantic partner and rescuer. You breathe a sigh of relief and become quickly intimate with this person. You think you know him---maybe you have know this person in a different context for a number of years. This cycle of magic moves with warp speed. Soon you are sharing the same home. You are making plans for the future while still enthralled with the psychological and sexual attraction you share. After a few months you begin to notice hints here and there of inappropriate bursts of temper. He is blaming you for something you didn't do. He is picking away at your absence of perfection. He sits you down and berates you over nothing. You think that he is moody, having problems with  work. You try to make him feel more comfortable. You become his protector and  healer. Some partners recognize that something is very wrong with this relationship. You watch the self absorption, the phony fancy facade, the volcanic rage that erupts out of nowhere, the complete control of your life----like a giant shadow that is making you feel immobilized.

What happened to the real you who could think her own thoughts and express her feelings.At some point often after a particularly ugly episode many spouses wake up and realize they cannot and will not take the abuse any more. They recognized the psychological and emotional damage this highly disturbed individual has
0n their children. They are tired of being the target of the narcissist's toxic projections, Many spouses take the initiate to leave the narcissist's dark shadow by severing the relationship permanently. They assert themselves and heal through quality psychotherapy and the practice of quieting the mind through meditation and gentle hatha yoga. They form support groups with a few others who have dealt with this pain in the past and have now recovered. They are rediscovering themselves. They are answerable to themselves, filled with a new creative optimism, and celebrating a renewed identity. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, widely distributed online and in stores
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers---Begin Your Healing Now

Daughters of narcissistic mothers learn early that something vital is missing from their lives. They may live in a household that appears to be normal. Everything is organized. The children are fed and kept safe. But where is the affection and warmth that they need so desperately from their mother. That is the missing piece that causes such horrible distress to each daughter of a narcissistic mother. In some instances the father is able to compensate for the mother's lack of understanding and empathy. He is warm; he listens; he keeps his promises. He plays with his children and listens to them. Some daughters have aunts who take on the role of mother or even a grandmother or grandfather. There are some daughters who have to depend on themselves. Some of these children know very early that they must fend for themselves and they do this with great courage. This takes place against the barrage of criticisms, sarcastic remarks and dismissiveness  of the narcissistic non-mother. These daughters become intellectually independent very young. Despite all of their efforts and accomplishments, the narcissistic mother wound is still there.

Adult daughters long to heal. In communications with some of these brave women I hear that they have taken their own pathway. Some have benefited from quality psychotherapy. Others find inner peace and a sense of belonging in a consistent practice of meditation. They discover that as the mind is quieted they get in touch with the deep inner loving part of themselves and feel their own warmth and compassion. This is a powerful process that transcends who we had as a mother or father. As meditation deepens as a practice it can become a pathway toward deep inner healing. Gentle hatha yoga is an excellent companion practice with meditation. Here the emphasis is on the breath. Focusing on the breath in the moment as each pose is done, quiets the nervous system, focuses the mind and gets you in touch with that serene vibration of love within you. This is who you really are. Embrace yourself. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com


Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, Widely distributed
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Sociopaths in High Places

There is a term that describes certain kinds of individuals who are very successful in the world, have many admirers if not adorers, have access to social/business connections we might all envy whom I call bloodless sociopaths. I use this term because they are without conscience, completely lack empathy, are among the cruelest and sadistic human beings but literally don't draw blood. They commit numerous crimes throughout their lives and don't get caught. That's how well they have mastered their act. Often they have a high intelligence quotient and have achieved superlative marks throughout their schooling. From the time they are very young these sociopaths know that they are superior to everyone, including their parents, that there isn't anything they can't do or have. The world and people in it exist to be manipulated by them.

With the narcissistic style taking over much of our world today and becoming fully acceptable---self absorption, obsession with appearance, being in the A list social circles, coldness and disdain for those outside of this magic bubble---it becomes easier for the sociopath to move in and out of business and social circles undetected as a dreadful human being. We have narcissistic sociopaths who run some of our prestigious corporations. We have some members of the branches of government who fit this definition. When you look at some of the dirty deal making that takes place, the rip-offs of those who are without power or money, and the pure greed involved you find that many in the corporate, entrepreneurial, entertainment, media and government that fit this definition. No one wants to talk about sociopaths in high places. Most people have a problem believing that a person with such prestige and power who is given the highest respect and deference and even lionized could be so predatory.

Their family members may not be aware of their levels of criminality. They have become so deluded and accustomed to leading privileged lives that they close their eyes to anything that disrupts the perfect insular world they have created. There are plenty of spouses and children of narcissistic sociopaths who will tell you horror stories about their private lives. Family members describe themselves as prisoners, unable to make their own decisions, forced  to follow their parent(s) commands to the letter. They view ugly violent scenes between their parents that are re-enacted frequently and put them in a chronic state of anxiety and apprehension. Spouses who willfully stay married to these reprehensible individuals put the lives of their children in psychological and emotional jeopardy. If you are the spouse of one of these individuals and finally recognize all of the damage that has been done, wake up and prepare to sever these pathological relationships if not for yourself for your children.

Narcissism and sociopathy in its bloodless form are becoming more acceptable in the society at large. You don't notice many high level narcissists doing perp walks or losing court cases when they are clearly guilty or going out of business because they have been defrauding their business partners and clients for years.

To protect yourself, study the narcissistic personality disorder and the narcissistic sociopath so that you recognize them quickly and know exactly how they operate. Visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, numerous online bookstores
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Covert Narcissist--Don't Let Him "Get the Drop on You"

There's an old expression about letting someone get the drop on you. Your enemy is waiting for you in the dark in your favorite chair as you innocently enter your apartment, thinking you are alone. He's patient; he knows your schedule. He has accessed your apartment several times before this evening without leaving a clue. This isn't a scene from a Dean Koontz novel. This is real life. A feeling of dread snakes up your spine and adrenaline rushes thunder through your body. These are the feelings we get when we are suddenly confronted by a covert narcissist.

In the beginning we didn't know he/she was psychologically dangerous. He appeared as a friend, even a confidante, like a member of your family--someone who can be completely trusted. Covert narcissists are talented at getting into people's heads. They know your deepest needs and vulnerabilities, even your secrets (despite their complete lack of self insight or the capacity for introspection). Some convert narcissists play the role of  at your service servants. They are your 24/7 rescuers. They have come  to save you from a painful dark period in your life. You have confided in them (They appear to be great listeners) and they are at your side ready to do anything that will ease your pain. This is their MO. It works so smoothly. They customize their style to fit each individual they will corner in their web. In the beginning phases the covert narcissist is there with the surprise gift, the "comfort" phone call, the art print you've dreamed about.

All the time they're working you. You've been psychologically anesthetized. As the "relationship" gets closer you trust this individual more. If it's a romantic relationship, it won't take long to become a marriage. The covert narcissist has already checked you out thoroughly and knows you are his solid gold ticket to a much better life. Some covert narcissists bring you along to become members of their elite circle. You have high level connections, talents, a great resume---a pedigree that reflects perfectly on the narcissist's self image. 

Eventually the dark side of the covert narcissist is revealed in all of its putrid ugliness. You find them picking away at you. Then all of a sudden they lunge for a frontal verbal attack. You can't believe this is the person whom you love and trust. You are confused and hurt. Maybe it is your fault: they are having a bad day; you need to be more understanding---None of the above. This is a covert narcissist who has finally bared his canines and is taking a bite out of you. Feel the pain and know this is not fiction. The narcissistic core is now fully exposed and you are on the receiving end of highly primitive toxic projections. It is better to cut your losses now than to try to convince yourself that this is some fluke and this individual can be changed. Narcissistic personality is a fixed disorder that does not change. Narcissists even covert narcissists beneath the phony humility and pseudo empathy are completely devoted to themselves, what they can get from you, take from you----no matter what harm it causes. They are as ruthless and treacherous as their grandiose cousins.

Research and study the narcissistic personality disorder so that you learn to recognize them quickly. If someone comes on too treacly, too 24/7 at your service, pay attention to what is going on beneath the surface. If you are in a vulnerable emotional state---be especially self protective. If necessary research and find an excellent therapist who can help you through this painful cycle. Check out several therapists if necessary. There are therapists who are narcissists. Use your intuition in choosing the right professional. The practice of gentle yoga, meditation in a form that works for you (meditations can be short 1-2-3 minutes) and other healing practices. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, very well distributed online
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Married to a Narcissist---Is is Worth Your Psychological and Mental Health

Most women and men are unaware that they have married narcissists. These individuals are so clever at disguising their dark side in the beginning. We fall in love with their facade--an elaborate mask of charm, magnetism, brightness, optimism--that lifts us up and makes us believe in magic. Before the marriage there may be hints of the true personality lying beneath the surface---flashes of temper, drumbeats of criticisms here and there, misstatements rather than the truth. Under the powerful sway of the narcissist these significant clues are overlooked. The marriage takes place and for a while it seems to be working. Then the emblematic narcissistic traits come to the surface. Classic narcissistic rage (over non-issues) bubbles forth and spews out onto the spouse. Many spouses automatically blame themselves rather than looking at the narcissist's inappropriate behavior. Then, the spouse becomes more and more aware of the narcissist's chronic lying. Catching a partner in lies is exceedingly painful each time it happens. The narcissist covers with another more convincing lie and never fesses up. Narcissists don't have a fully developed conscience. They only care about not getting caught. Then there are the put-downs, manipulations and humiliations that come next.

After months of years of these barrages, the non-narcissistic partner is psychologically confused and exhausted. She tells herself that it will all change if she is more understanding and patient. This tactic doesn't work and some spouses are in a constant state of duress often for years even decades wondering what they can do to make the relationship better. It can't improve because narcissists are incapable of forming real relationships. They only relate to themselves and their incessant demands. Some spouses develop chronic anxiety, insomnia and depression as a result of these marriages. The narcissistic spouse is spewing out psychologically poisonous venom at you every day. How much can you take? Are you willing to endanger your physical health? Are you aware of what this kind of toxic acrimonious environment is doing to your children?

Some spouses stay married to these severely disturbed individuals because of the financial security and lifestyle. Is it worth it when you cannot have one moment of peace, your stomach is always in knots and you are afraid that one of your children will become a narcissist? Making the life decision to sever your relationship from a narcissistic spouse is not easy. It is complex and the divorce process has many turns. Once your recognize that your life has value, that you deserve to pursue your creative gifts and make your own life decisions. There is good news from those who have severed their relationships with narcissistic spouses. Some of them wonder why it took them so long to develop a strong enough sense of self entitlement and healthy self regard to make this decision. Now freed, these individuals are freed up and grateful to reclaim their lives. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, large distribution online stores
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com