The narcissist has an uncanny ability to discern when another person is emotionally and psychologically vulnerable to them. Knowing nothing about themselves other than how wonderful they are (this is the false grandiose self) they are predatory in their capacity to size you up and extract what they need and want from you. They come on with well rehearsed charm. They surprise you with their attentiveness. They know what will please you the most. You cannot put them out of your mind. They tell you that you are indispensable to them in a variety of ways. They make endless promises--some fulfilled, others left fallow. Narcissists always know whom and what they want. If you are recently divorced, have ended a long relationship, are going through a personal crisis, they appear like your best friend and potential intimate to fill the gaps in your life. This is very tempting and many people are caught up in this narcissistic web. If you are or have been, don't blame yourself. You could not have known how clever and devious and artful narcissists are at their craft---deceiving people for their own gain.
Learning about the narcissistic personality and studying this psychological profile that defines our current society will be invaluable to you.
If you have been hurt by a narcissist--give yourself a break. Do not be judgmental or self recriminatory. Work through the process of your healing, viewing it as a new cycle in your life. Some individuals benefit from excellent psychotherapy. Do your homework and choose someone who is highly qualified and empathic. (A warning---There are narcissistic psychotherapists.) You will recognize them and leave them in the dust.) Your healing is your first priority. Pay close attention to your intuition. Learn to quiet the mind through meditation or some form of gentle yoga or any practice that you can do consistently by yourself that brings you peace. This can mean being in the garden, listening to the birds, chanting, keeping a journal where you write spontaneously. You will find out what works for you. Your healing has begun. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life