You notice the smooth talk that focuses on you alone, the penetrating gaze, the over-confident vibe, the irresistible physicality. You were seduced in style. He anticipated everything you always wanted. You never thought you would deserve such a catch. The sexual chemistry was incendiary. Like the pull of a strong tide, you couldn't move away from him. In the first minutes, he had you. Your thoughts swirled and went askew. A small voice kept saying: this is too fast, be careful, watch out. But this voice is a tiny wail in a thunderous ocean of sound. Your temple pulses rush; your legs wobble. There is quick rising pleasure as you acquiesce to his presence. He want to take you out. You say no at first, followed by your confusion and then Yes. This is the beginning of a relationship that seems magical--out of this world but will turn worse than ugly.
The courtship is fast and dizzying, a wild giddy ride of sensual appetites satiated and thrilling promises. You get married and know that this is the best moment of your life. For a while life is a living fantasy of having every need and want fulfilled. As the days move into months you notice subtle shifts in his behavior toward you. He becomes less attentive. He finds your questions about him intrusive and you hear the sharpness in his tone of voice. He spends vast amounts of time with his "investments". You don't know about his career other than something vague about a private investment fund that he owns and runs for clients. Clint spends less and less time with you. He is out late and doesn't call. On occasion he is gone all night. "I had to meet an important client at the airport and it got to late." That's the kind of excuse he gave. You swallowed them but there was a doubt in your mind now. "I don't think you can trust this person" it kept saying.
One night very late, he comes home and he is very pissed off. One of his deals fell through and he is in a fury. You try to help him talk through it. He grabs you by the arm, digging his fingers sharply and painfully into you. "This is none of your business. Shut up!" "If you keep talking, I'll slam you against the wall, I promise." You are shocked and terrified. Keep quiet, the frightened child's voice says to you. Clint becomes more evasive and absent from home. He gets telephone calls late at night. He moves into the other room so you can't hear him. One day you notice that he has withdrawn $50,000 from your bank account. You have put his name on your private account. Clint glibly makes excuses and promises to pay you back in a week. This never happens. Now you are very suspicious but afraid to confront him. After months of this destructive pattern of his behavior and your misery and horror (you can't sleep at night and have headaches constantly) you tell a friend what is really going on. Fortunately, she helps you find a good therapist. The therapeutic work is painful but healing. You finally recognize that this man whom you have loved is highly disturbed---a sociopath. You discover with research that he has a long history of taking advantage of women financially and sexually. You choose an excellent attorney and make a detailed plan to leave. You don't give a clue to Clint about your plans. During a weekend when he is heavily into a "Business Deal" you leave without a trace. You have chosen an excellent divorce attorney. All communications take place through the attorneys. One fine day the divorce is final. You have extricated yourself from an ultimate nightmare marriage to a sociopath. Not all life stories of marriages to sociopaths end as well as this one. Learn everything possible about the sociopathic personality and the narcissistic personality. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life