Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Hellish World of Narcissistic Mother-in-Law

Women who marry the man they love who has a narcissistic mother need to be prepared. They have run right into the sites of the Matriarch from Hell. When you first met your husband's mother you could not have known that this woman was determined to run your life and make you miserable. Many of these narcissistic mothers are psychologically fused with their sons. This started when the child was very young. In some cases the mother substitutes her son for her husband who becomes a footnote in her life. When her darling son decides to get married the alarm goes off. The narcissistic matriarch is willful, ruthless and determined that she will forever possess her son and he cannot be shared with anyone, including his own wife.

The narcissistic mother-in-law sabotages her daughter-in-law, talking about her in highly negative tones. "This is not the right woman for my son. She seems to be superficial. I suspect that she is ultimately after our money. She has her hooks into him and won't let go." These statements are shared with other members of the family in a convincing way that turns them against the newly married daughter-in-law. The NM-in-law throws the full force of her ruthlessness and treachery into her goal---the destroy this marriage. In some cases this works. The wife gives up. She has been isolated, demeaned, lied about, dragged through every texture of mud possible. I have heard of narcissistic mother-in-laws who had the nerve to contact their daughter-in-law's work to tell outrageous lies about her daughter-in-law. It is remarkable what these dangerous, highly disturbed narcissistic mothers are capable of doing and pulling off.

Many daughter-in-laws take the showers, the oncoming mortars of abuse continuously. They become weary, exhausted, depressed, anxious. Some of them develop PTSD as a result of this severe level of abuse.

My advice to daughter-in-laws who have tried everything to keep peace and to compromise but have been chronically attacked as a result, should consider the possibility of severing the relationship with her husband. The spouse needs to choose between his disturbed fused relationship with his mother and his wife. If the son cannot individuate from the mother, then there are no alternatives than to make the separation. In some cases the husband wakes up and realizes that his love for his wife and his become a separate individual from his pathologically possessive mother takes precedence. The daughter-in-law should not blame herself if she has made repeated efforts to make peace and comes to the realization that she is dealing with a classic narcissistic mother-in-law. You are not to blame. Honor and respect yourself. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

5 comments:

  1. Been there done that. Now I am dealing with the damage done to my grown children in the wake of my ex-'s death. I didn't know she was a narcissist and I didn't know to set boundaries. 20-20 hindsight.

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  2. Ha ha, reading this is amazing! I grew up with a narcissistic mother...I cut her out of my life when I met my husband because she made me choose, and the choice I admit, was rather an easy one!! I have never looked back....a few months before our wedding we found out my husbands mother is a narcissist, no wonder I had been so unhappy with her for the past 3 years, you expect after living with it all your life to notice it in a blink but alas we did not...I always knew her relationship with my husband was wrong, he was "her" husband and she would manipulate him constantly...my problem is I kept quiet and ate it up for 3 years, and then exploded, and boy did it feel good....you do not need to take the rubbish that these women say about you! Stand up for yourself and your husband! It took my husband 3 years to see how unnatural his relationship with his mother was. I had the patience to know that attacking him for her behavior was not right and that one day he would realize....in my mind I gave him until or wedding, and if by then he had still not opened his eyes, I would not have tied myself as a third wheel into that relationship. My husband and I now have no contact with his mom, and she is in the processes of divorcing my father in law, how that man stuck it out for 34 years, I will never understand! 10 gold medals to him!! as a last resort to hurt us, she announced her divorcing my father in law 2 weeks before our wedding, and then proceeded to bad mouth me to my husbands aunt the day before our wedding and at our wedding whilst completely ignoring my husband and I (whilst also telling the whole family that I was the reason for the divorce because one day I would show my true colors and I had stolen her son....also I was apparently to involved in her relationship with my father in law, I stopped her hitting him in a fight)..... still not entirely sure why she came to the wedding? but the best part was to see her disappointment at how happy we were even though she tried to ruin it for us! Girls/Women take a leaf out my book, and don't eat up your mother in laws Sh*t...it is not necessary and you do not need to put yourself through that trauma just because she is your husbands mother and you have to respect her, respect calls for respect...never lose your dignity, civility costs nothing! but your don't have to let her walk all over you! Be sure though that you are not out of line, be really sure you know what you are dealing with before you flip your lid, a narcissistic-mother-in-law is not just your mother in law that you don't get along with and have a row with every now and then...no, she is sly, and vindictive, and 9 times out of 10 she is so good at manipulating that you think that you are always at fault and you are the bad person! stop it now, before it goes to far and ruins your marriage, be prepared for a tidal wave and stand strong, what is the worst she can do to you?

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    Replies
    1. Good For You.... :).. You have to have a Happy Normal life... She Nneds Help.. As Alot of others Do, With This crazy personality Trait... It Is Very sad...

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