Each time many spouses go back to their narcissistic spouse they know that this person has a chance of changing. They hold out that small candle of hope that this time it will be different because I am going to love him enough. This pattern is repeated, sometimes for decades, over and over again with highly painful, stressful and in some cases catastrophic results. It isn't your fault that you keep returning to your narcissistic spouse. However, one great option to avoid the plunge this time is to learn everything you can about this personality disorder of our times---the narcissistic personality disorder. You can change yourself and you keep trying but you cannot change them.
Begin your psychological and physical and emotional separation from him (or her) by learning perhaps for the first time, how to take very good care of yourself. Become entitled to the essentials: good sleep, a form of exercise that you either like or can tolerate, listening to music that you love, eating healthy food, doing a form of quieting the body/mind like guided meditation, simple hatha yoga with emphasis on breathing through the nose, tai chi, dance in a form that you enjoy, creativity---painting, sketching, spontaneous writing, photographing, being in Nature--even watching the birds in the park or a small space near you is a lovely interlude. You will think of many more ways to calm yourself, to learn to be alone with yourself and at peace.
As you grow stronger psychologically you will find that you are perceiving your narcissistic spouse more objectively. This person is constantly projecting his/her psychological venom on to you. That is abusive.
Your narcissistic spouse is regressed at the age of about the terrible two's regardless of worldly success, education or intelligence or talent.
Pay close attention to you intuition as it leads the way to your final liberation from this individual who has caused you so much pain on every level. You will continue to grow and evolve. I have seen this happen so often. I applaud every effort you make. Don't be judgmental on yourself. You deserve freedom, deep inner peace and the use of all of your many gifts. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Telephone Consultation: International