"The narcissist is a tyrant who controls the world that he/she creates...The iron grip of the narcissist's control extends to all the significant people in his life: spouses, partners, children, ex-spouses, siblings...Those under his control are not free to lead their own lives, to make decisions and mistakes, to use their talents and energies, to have their own dreams." (From: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life).
I hear from individuals who are married to narcissists--They can't win. They are too afraid to divorce their captor and in the other case, terrorized through each day, year, decade of confinement. Some spouses have identified with the aggressor and told themselves that they have it "good" with the lifestyle and all of the entitlements that come with it.
Children of narcissists are savagely trapped, especially when they are young. Where can they go? They are surrounded by the enemy--the narcissistic parent. Often the mother or father married to this person will not psychologically and emotionally support the child due to intimidation. The non narcissistic spouse caves in and "abandons" the child out of fear and denial.
The controlling narcissist will do whatever it takes to remain in charge. He/she will lie, threaten, verbally, psychologically and emotional abuse whoever is standing in his way. Retribution is sought and paid if you defy a narcissist and even think and share your own thoughts. Narcissists squelch any joy or feeling of comfort in the home environment. It is living in a war zone or being in captivity behind enemy lines and the military forces are not coming to save you.
The need to control on the part of narcissists speaks of their unconscious fears of losing power and influence. At their core beneath the steel defenses they feel worthless and empty.
When you recognize and identify the true nature of the narcissist, you are further along toward liberating yourself from their iron grip. Remember, you deserve to lead a separate life and experience inner peace, the full use and enjoyment of your creative gifts and energies. Take charge of your life and your entitlement to lead a good one that is unfettered by fear, intimidation, control, deceit or tyranny. Move into the zone of freedom where you belong. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: Intnernational
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life