Although many years and decades have passed since you grew up with your narcissistic sibling, there are painful memories etched on your psyche. You remember the pain and feel it keenly--all of those times when you were treated deceptively by a narcissistic brother or sister--the taunting, baiting, bullying, even sadistic cruelties--they crowd your memory. You try to distract yourself but the scenes replay in your mind.
In order to heal childhood memories it is important to acknowledge that they happened. Many individuals remain suspended in disbelief or complete denial that they were treated so cruelly by a member of their own family--someone who was supposed to love them. Denial is not you psychological ally. Rather, it is in facing what you know happened to you, the true reality, that is the beginning of the healing process. Don't expect other family members to understand the truth about your narcissistic sibling, especially if he or she was the chosen one. Mother and/or father or other siblings will immediately come to his defense. You will be the only family member who knows and holds the truth. This is a very difficult position that you hold but the truth is powerful and essential to you and always has been. This knowing is a manifestation of your authenticity and your precious unique individuality. These are great gifts that flourish inside of you.
Allow yourself to feel sadness and regret for the brother or sister you did not have--the parent(s) who did not protect you from them and the little child you were who was subjected to horrible undeserved pain.
Hold yourself close and know that you have survived and are prevailing. Remember, none of this was your fault. You are not to blame. You were an innocent child. Love that dear child inside of you and comfort him/her.
As you move forward, one of the most powerful tools is in finally putting yourself and your welfare first--for the first time and the rest of your life. Create a program of recovery that includes eating nourishing food, getting the sleep that you need, exercise that you like or can tolerate, doing some form of quieting the mind--this can be guided meditation, relaxing music that you love, journal writing done freely. Pay attention to the intuitive messages that you are receiving---These are gifts from the unconscious that are always guiding us, helping us to evolve, create new directions in our lives. Don't let anyone dissuade you from you forward momentum. Take no detours, even if a narcissistic charmer finds you irresistible.
Your striving each day is part of healing those old memories and creating new ones. Have faith in this process and give yourself enormous credit for following this pathway of higher consciousness and recovery. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultations: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life