Monday, December 13, 2010

Don't Remarry Your Narcissistic Ex-Husband

It is very tempting for some women to remarry their narcissistic ex-husbands. They review the "good times" and think that they can be re-visited and forget their ex's narcissistic traits and behaviors: deception, manipulation, chronic lying, exploitation, humiliations, constant demands, volcanic rage. In a sense these women never worked through the pain and suffering they experienced. Some of these individuals have not been able to separate from the narcissist psychologically and still cling to their roles as his spouse. They begin to idealize the ex-husband from the safety of time and distance. Fantasies create idyllic pictures of how could be so much better this time. Some ex-wives think about a second chance in life with this man, telling themselves he has changed, it was only a phase he was going through, the two of them are now wiser and more mature. Some women miss the lifestyle of being married to a highly accomplished narcissist who is revered by his inner circle. They long to be a partner again to such powerful attractive magnetic man. They fear the future alone and if there are children there is the dream they have kept alive of having an intact family once again.  With the narcissistic ex making the overtures, it is so tempting to say "yes" once more. Before you make this decision consider the true nature of the narcissistic personality disorder:
The npd is a fixed personality characterized by extreme self absorption, a complete lack of empathy, deceitfulness, chronic lying, betrayal, manipulativeness, ruthlessness,  cruelty, lack of conscience and personal boundaries. Re-marrying  a narcissist, you life, thoughts, feelings, dreams, aspirations, creativity---all that you treasure that is  singular to you as an individual.

Being married to a narcissist disrupts our capacity for individuation---that part of us that is always evolving in every way: creatively, interpersonally, psychologically, mentally and spiritually.  I communicate with those who have remarried narcissistic ex-husbands and they always say: "Don't do it."  Lead your life in freedom, wisdom and love! Visit my website: 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
The Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: and amazon kindle edition

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