People have many ways of communicating with us. We listen to their words and think that is the message. A friend of mine always says: "Listen to the music behind the words." This is excellent advice, especially with regard to the narcissist. Narcissists are often very persuasive and articulate. They have the talent to sell anyone anything----even when it is worthless and harmful to you. Watch the narcissist's nonverbals. The gestures, body posture, eye messages give the narcissist away if we are skilled observers. Notice repetitious patterns of behavior that are insensitive at best and cruel, ruthless and destructive at worst. Narcissists stop for no one. They are always moving forward, running through barriers of conscience and humaneness to reach their goals. This is all that matters to them. They treat people like objects that can be seduced for their ego enhancing purposes, used to create valuable social and business connections if you have them, sell you out financially if that benefits them, or throw you into the ditch when you have lost your luster for them and are of no further use in providing them with the narcissistic supplies that they need at the moment. Narcissists always find others to replace the role played by you. It was never yours in the first place. Whether it's six weeks or six years, eventually most narcissists know that there is a time certain when you will become a part of his/her forgotten past. Narcissists do not ruminate about what they have done to cause pain to you. This thought would never occur to them. From their point of view you were fortunate to be in their presence, their special vibration. You benefited from just knowing them. Whatever you contributed to their lives or how you sacrificed yours is of no consequence to them.
Narcissists telegraph their intentions. In the beginning we are swooped up, mesmerized by a euphoria of the promise of lifelong fulfilled dreams and excitement. To think that this irresistible man or woman is becoming part of our lives and that we have been chosen by him/her is intoxicating. We have drunk the sweet nectar from the cup of delusion. Narcissists live in an unreal world of delusion. They believe that they truly are superior to everyone else--brighter, more clever, talented, entitled. Narcissists pull you into their lives to fulfill a specific goal. They know just when to move your strings, tap into your emotional vulnerabilities, inflate your ego and become so entranced with them that there is nothing you can say but "yes."
To protect yourself from the narcissist's duplicitous games and cunning traps, become highly skilled at identifying this personality disorder. It is worth your time and effort to study the narcissistic personality in every detail possible. At the same time, get to know yourself better. Locate the psychological triggers that lead you into relationships with these emotional vampires---Are you a pleaser? Are you afraid to say "no" to someone because they will be disappointed in you? Are you in a pattern of letting others dictate the narrative of your life? Strengthen and reinforce your authentic solid self by becoming psychologically more independent and trusting your intuition and wisdom to know the truth about another individual. Begin a practice of learning to center yourself whether this is a form of meditation, yoga, mindfulness. Develop an appreciation for your own inner wisdom. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition