The sociopathic narcissist is predictably unpredictable. If you become engaged closely with this person you are in for a wild ride. This personality disorder uses all of his/her power to take over your life. He is the master of manipulation. Once you are under his/her control it is difficult to use your free will and make your own decisions. The sociopathic narcissist moves back and forth between a dynamic magnetism and a dark volcanic rage, intimidation and threats. Just when you think you're having a lovely conversation with Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde creeps out of the shadows. He are startled by his presence, waiting for a show to drop or be thrown. These shifts remind me of the genius of Alfred Hitchcock films. He builds you to maximum suspense and terror. You're hiding behind your eyes, your nerves are stretched, your gut is roiling. When you think the shower curtain will open, the body will fall, the birds will rip flesh to a bloody pulp, the master of suspense waits just long enough for you to let down------and then he pounces. Left off guard, you scream---that exactly what Hitchcock has programmed you to do. It's one thing to have this as a movie experience on a Saturday night and another to be victimized by the Jekyll/Hyde treatment every day of your life. Sociopathic narcissists are psychological and emotional batterers. They have neither conscience nor mercy. You are either their puppet or they will find a way to disown, discard or even destroy you. Protect yourself by learning everything you can about their true nature and taking the steps to protect yourself.
First wake up and stay awake---this individual is a severe personality disorder who is not going to change---ever!!! As charming, pseudo empathic and convincing as they are, watch for their slimy underside---the shadow of an individual who purposely causes financial, emotional, psychological and even physical/health issues to others---especially spouses, ex-spouses, children, siblings. Use your powers of intuition and keen observation to recognize the sociopathic narcissist before you become ensnared by one. Walk right past the charm and empty promises, the irresistible persona, the dynamic vibration. If it looks too good to be true, it is. You will be getting constant cues about the true nature of this individual. Stay grounded within yourself. Maintain your personal power and honor your psychological boundaries. Pay attention to subliminal messages that are coming from the sociopathic narcissist. Steep yourself in solid information about the narcissistic personality disorder. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Monday, January 31, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Follow Your Vision-Not Your Narcissistic Parent
Some children know from the time that they are very young that their mother and/or and father does not have their best interests at heart. They have a prevailing feeling of dread, not being wanted, hypervigilence, fear, chronic distress, worthlessness, emptiness, always wishing and needing what never comes to them, a longing deep in the heart for someone who will hold them close, look in their eyes and say "I love you."
The narcissistic parent use his/her children like commodities that are valuable or worthless to him/her. If you are the chosen one, the parent fixates on you obsessively---telling you about your specialness, your superiority, your intelligence saying:"You are better than all the rest, even my other children. Don't tell them; that is between the two of us." "I have always dreamed to have a child like you. You are going to be a powerful person who will succeed to the very top. You are brilliant and talented. I will always be here for you every step of the way." This is the narcissist's parent dream and vision of her child. She has put herself in the place of a god who will determine exactly how this special child will fulfill all of her needs, fantasies and high ambitions. All of her energy goes into making this happen. She neglects and abuses her other children. Her husband is a fixture, a non-person. Instead of growing in a natural direction that is real and authentic, this "privileged" child is being molded in every way to meet the narcissistic parent's expectations. The parent lives through this child and in some cases has no other life of her own.
If you are not the chosen child you have had a very difficult time under the power of the narcissistic parent who is a tyrant. You are neglected, abused , dismissed, treated as unworthy. You are constantly found wanting in comparison to the perfect chosen child. You always come up short regardless of your many accomplishments, talents. Your empathy and humanity and compassion are considered weak and insignificant by the narcissistic parent. Victory---winning---vanquishing others, outwitting competitors--these are the traits that are revered in the narcissistic family. Forget conscience; it gets in the way of being first at the finish line. Caring deeply about others is an impediment, a waste of time and energy. These are the cold, cynical messages of the narcissistic household.
Some children who are discarded by their narcissistic parent, despite all of the obstacles and abuse, keep the flame of their individuality alive and their vision clear. They have a fierce persistence deep within them that says: "I am not my parent. I am different. I will not give in; I will not give up. I will keep going." Your creative vision develops with you from the time of your birth. It begins with your uniqueness as individual-----mentally, physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually. As you acknowledge this to yourself and manifest it in the way you lead your life, your vision will grow, deepen, become richer. Your vision is singular to you and at the same time it is universal. Share your vision with the world. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
The narcissistic parent use his/her children like commodities that are valuable or worthless to him/her. If you are the chosen one, the parent fixates on you obsessively---telling you about your specialness, your superiority, your intelligence saying:"You are better than all the rest, even my other children. Don't tell them; that is between the two of us." "I have always dreamed to have a child like you. You are going to be a powerful person who will succeed to the very top. You are brilliant and talented. I will always be here for you every step of the way." This is the narcissist's parent dream and vision of her child. She has put herself in the place of a god who will determine exactly how this special child will fulfill all of her needs, fantasies and high ambitions. All of her energy goes into making this happen. She neglects and abuses her other children. Her husband is a fixture, a non-person. Instead of growing in a natural direction that is real and authentic, this "privileged" child is being molded in every way to meet the narcissistic parent's expectations. The parent lives through this child and in some cases has no other life of her own.
If you are not the chosen child you have had a very difficult time under the power of the narcissistic parent who is a tyrant. You are neglected, abused , dismissed, treated as unworthy. You are constantly found wanting in comparison to the perfect chosen child. You always come up short regardless of your many accomplishments, talents. Your empathy and humanity and compassion are considered weak and insignificant by the narcissistic parent. Victory---winning---vanquishing others, outwitting competitors--these are the traits that are revered in the narcissistic family. Forget conscience; it gets in the way of being first at the finish line. Caring deeply about others is an impediment, a waste of time and energy. These are the cold, cynical messages of the narcissistic household.
Some children who are discarded by their narcissistic parent, despite all of the obstacles and abuse, keep the flame of their individuality alive and their vision clear. They have a fierce persistence deep within them that says: "I am not my parent. I am different. I will not give in; I will not give up. I will keep going." Your creative vision develops with you from the time of your birth. It begins with your uniqueness as individual-----mentally, physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually. As you acknowledge this to yourself and manifest it in the way you lead your life, your vision will grow, deepen, become richer. Your vision is singular to you and at the same time it is universal. Share your vision with the world. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Narcissistic Older Sister Queen Bees
In many families some children get away with everything. They have a kind of power, a magnetic almost magic ability to control their parents. Other siblings are treated differently. They must tow the line or else. Or they are dismissed and neglected. They never get any attention unless it is negative. This emotional and psychological inequality is flagrant in narcissistic families.
If mother is the narcissistic matriarch, she may be inclined to choose a daughter to act as a mirror of her perfection. Sometimes it is the eldest daughter if she makes the cut--meaning she must be very attractive, even beautiful, extroverted and highly confident, bright and full of herself. Mother hand picks this child and molds her into a perfect replica of herself. The two of them are inseparable. The narcissistic mother continually praises the older daughter and belittles the other children to the point of telling them outright that they are inferior. "What can't you be more like ------? She's the one I am proud of. She's beautiful, popular, gets all A's. What's the matter with you?" Day by day and year by year this mother is hand crafting a narcissistic personality disorder like herself or even worse. As the budding narcissistic daughter grows she becomes the "holy terror" of the household. She is purposely cruel to her siblings. She makes up lies about them so that they are punished. She scares them constantly because she has become sadistic and obsessed with controlling others. The narcisssitic mother is always on her favorite daughter's side. She can do no wrong. There is no one to defend any of the siblings since often the father has abandoned the family psychologically and stays in the marriage for image purposes alone. The matriarch keeps her husband to protect her lifestyle.
I have heard life stories of children raised with a narcissistic older sister that are hair raising. Vignettes in which the sister and her friends put siblings in closets for hours, held them down and spat on them, threatened them physically and even worse are too common. The non-narcissistic siblings were too terrified to speak a word about this torture. They suffered unrelenting cruelty. They had no where to go for rescue. They simply had to keep quiet to survive.
The Queen Bee Older Narcissistic Sister goes on to the best university, marries a man from the right family with all the finest connections. They move forward to have perfect children---some of whom will be molded into another narcissistic generation.
The non-narcissistic siblings are left on their own to fend for their own educations. They go to school and work many hours a week just to survive. The narcissistic mother is happy to get rid of her "inferior children."
She only speaks to her friends about her Queen Bee Daughters.
Children who survive this psychological gulag experience tremendous emotional pain. Many have learned to deep freeze their emotions to cope. It is wise for them to sever contact with the narcissistic mother and her queen bee daughter. They are venomous. To this narcissistic duo, they represent a shameful embarrassment. They are poor relations at best. Some siblings find that alcohol and drugs ease their pain for the moment and go down this treacherous rode. Others marry and re-marry or go from one abusive relationship to the next.
Others survive and through skillful psychotherapy, the use of their mental and creative gifts and their spiritual journey, find ways to reclaim their authentic selves. It isn't easy going ---there are many bumps, ruts and detours. I have heard victorious stories of those who will not give up. They grow, deepen and expand as human beings, always learning that they can continue this endless process of becoming authentic, steady and strong. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
If mother is the narcissistic matriarch, she may be inclined to choose a daughter to act as a mirror of her perfection. Sometimes it is the eldest daughter if she makes the cut--meaning she must be very attractive, even beautiful, extroverted and highly confident, bright and full of herself. Mother hand picks this child and molds her into a perfect replica of herself. The two of them are inseparable. The narcissistic mother continually praises the older daughter and belittles the other children to the point of telling them outright that they are inferior. "What can't you be more like ------? She's the one I am proud of. She's beautiful, popular, gets all A's. What's the matter with you?" Day by day and year by year this mother is hand crafting a narcissistic personality disorder like herself or even worse. As the budding narcissistic daughter grows she becomes the "holy terror" of the household. She is purposely cruel to her siblings. She makes up lies about them so that they are punished. She scares them constantly because she has become sadistic and obsessed with controlling others. The narcisssitic mother is always on her favorite daughter's side. She can do no wrong. There is no one to defend any of the siblings since often the father has abandoned the family psychologically and stays in the marriage for image purposes alone. The matriarch keeps her husband to protect her lifestyle.
I have heard life stories of children raised with a narcissistic older sister that are hair raising. Vignettes in which the sister and her friends put siblings in closets for hours, held them down and spat on them, threatened them physically and even worse are too common. The non-narcissistic siblings were too terrified to speak a word about this torture. They suffered unrelenting cruelty. They had no where to go for rescue. They simply had to keep quiet to survive.
The Queen Bee Older Narcissistic Sister goes on to the best university, marries a man from the right family with all the finest connections. They move forward to have perfect children---some of whom will be molded into another narcissistic generation.
The non-narcissistic siblings are left on their own to fend for their own educations. They go to school and work many hours a week just to survive. The narcissistic mother is happy to get rid of her "inferior children."
She only speaks to her friends about her Queen Bee Daughters.
Children who survive this psychological gulag experience tremendous emotional pain. Many have learned to deep freeze their emotions to cope. It is wise for them to sever contact with the narcissistic mother and her queen bee daughter. They are venomous. To this narcissistic duo, they represent a shameful embarrassment. They are poor relations at best. Some siblings find that alcohol and drugs ease their pain for the moment and go down this treacherous rode. Others marry and re-marry or go from one abusive relationship to the next.
Others survive and through skillful psychotherapy, the use of their mental and creative gifts and their spiritual journey, find ways to reclaim their authentic selves. It isn't easy going ---there are many bumps, ruts and detours. I have heard victorious stories of those who will not give up. They grow, deepen and expand as human beings, always learning that they can continue this endless process of becoming authentic, steady and strong. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers Marry Narcissists
Daughters of narcissistic mothers suffer horribly as young children and adults. Many of them don't recognize that their mother was a narcissist until years into their adulthood. They believed the family story-what was told to them by mother. Mother was the center of attention in the household. She always got what she wanted from everyone, including her husband and children. When we grow up in this kind of family, it is what we believe. These daughters learn to fade into the woodwork or become their mother's 24/7 servants, always at their disposal. Some daughters of narcissistic mothers idealize them, remembering how beautiful they were. They want to emulate their mothers and become just like them. They see the kind of attention that these women attract---they are always at center stage, getting all of the attention and praise. They believe they are special and treated that way. The little daughter is willing to take mother's crumbs as long as she can maintain some semblance of a relationship with her. Often the father is marginalized very early and used as a prop for monetary and image reasons.
It isn't surprising that as these daughters grow up and begin to find romantic partners that they would be beguiled by the narcissistic men. These charmers are masters at captivating women. As they speak their lines they are clever method actors who believe what they are saying. This is their role and they are playing it to the hilt. Many daughters of narcissists repeat the pattern of becoming deeply involved with another narcissist---a spouse. This is a psychological pattern of unconscious repetition. We go back to the familiar, what we learned early in our lives and normalized. I have communicated with many daughters who have repeated this pattern and awakened to see what they were doing---repeating the psychological abuse that was heaped on them as children. Many of these daughters recognize what they are doing, feel the full force of its negative psychological effect on them, educate themselves about the narcissistic personality and make the necessary break with the narcissistic spouse. As painful as a divorce can be and often is, they have decided that they will do anything they can to reclaim themselves and their lives. Now they are free to be emotionally and psychologically independent for the first time. They are taking full initiative with the direction of their lives, their relationships, the use of their creative gifts and the direction of their spiritual goals. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website, www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Psychological Ambush by Covert Narcissist
Many of them go unnoticed at social events. They appear to be self effacing with a low grade ego. Meet the covert narcissist---that individual who is a narcissistic personality disorder without the elaborate persona. The covert narcissist seems to blend in like a chameleon. They fool a lot of people with their practiced pseudo empathy and fake humility. Covert narcissists are low key but watch their moves. They are highly competitive, manipulative, intensely secretive and willing to mow you down to get what and whom they want like their
grandiose cousins. Covert narcissists like to play the role of "ordinary" or "don't make a fuss about me" or I'm not important; you are." That's another one of their ruses. They put themselves at your feet, at your service. Their motive is to win you over and gain your trust. Watch out---you're about to be ambushed.. You think you have a genuine relationship with one of these individuals. You have confided in them. You trust them. Then you find out that they have spread your personal information like a virus. Covert narcissists are exceedingly envious of those whom they view as rivals. They cunningly whisper rumors about "your past"---spreading downright dirty lies about your character. They often get away with this because they appear to be impeccably innocent and perpetually unsuspected.
Learn to tune into the cues of this type of narcissist. If you sense an effusiveness toward you, be wary. Using your powers of observation and your keen intuition will always lead you to the truth about a person's intentions toward you. Be ready for the psychological ambush---this is a signature tactic of the covert narcissist. They are friendly, helpful, your biggest cheerleader, etc. You let down your guard and wham--You get the rude inquiries: "How are you doing with your stocks?""How much money do you have invested in the market?" "Do you have a pension plan?" "I thought you inherited money from your family--Is that true?" "How old are you?" "Do you rent or own your home?" These are only a few of the thousands of questions that fling out of the mouths of covert narcissists. These questions are designed to put you off balance, to humiliate you, to make you feel anxious and unable to think clearly. The bottom line is that the covert narcissist feels superior at your expense. It is difficult not to overreact to outrageous questions and comments that are not only rude and impolite but purposely structured to fracture your composure, leaving you feeling helpless and inadequate.
To protect yourself from the covert narcissist, study every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder. Remember that these individuals are false selves filled with rage, highly manipulative, duplicitous, cunning, psychological stalkers of those whom they sense are vulnerable. Covert narcissists get a thrill out of disturbing your sense of peace. They revel in putting you in an emotional tailspin. They are hardened to their own feelings, incapable of empathy and seek to weaken your sense of self.
You can learn how to deal with covert narcissists by understanding every aspect of their psychopathology. Become keenly aware of their game playing. Learn to detach yourself so that you will not overreact to them. That's what they're waiting for you to do. Meditating regularly is one of the many ways that you can still the mind and body. As a result of this practice your concentration is honed, your focus on every detail in the moment is clear and your nervous system is calm despite nasty verbal volleys thrown at you.
You are in charge of yourself and your reactions to others. You don't owe anyone an answer to his/her question. You are no one's possession. You are a unique human being who will never be replicated. Knowing this and renewing your promise to be faithful to your true nature, keep peace and stillness inside of you. They are your touchstones. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
grandiose cousins. Covert narcissists like to play the role of "ordinary" or "don't make a fuss about me" or I'm not important; you are." That's another one of their ruses. They put themselves at your feet, at your service. Their motive is to win you over and gain your trust. Watch out---you're about to be ambushed.. You think you have a genuine relationship with one of these individuals. You have confided in them. You trust them. Then you find out that they have spread your personal information like a virus. Covert narcissists are exceedingly envious of those whom they view as rivals. They cunningly whisper rumors about "your past"---spreading downright dirty lies about your character. They often get away with this because they appear to be impeccably innocent and perpetually unsuspected.
Learn to tune into the cues of this type of narcissist. If you sense an effusiveness toward you, be wary. Using your powers of observation and your keen intuition will always lead you to the truth about a person's intentions toward you. Be ready for the psychological ambush---this is a signature tactic of the covert narcissist. They are friendly, helpful, your biggest cheerleader, etc. You let down your guard and wham--You get the rude inquiries: "How are you doing with your stocks?""How much money do you have invested in the market?" "Do you have a pension plan?" "I thought you inherited money from your family--Is that true?" "How old are you?" "Do you rent or own your home?" These are only a few of the thousands of questions that fling out of the mouths of covert narcissists. These questions are designed to put you off balance, to humiliate you, to make you feel anxious and unable to think clearly. The bottom line is that the covert narcissist feels superior at your expense. It is difficult not to overreact to outrageous questions and comments that are not only rude and impolite but purposely structured to fracture your composure, leaving you feeling helpless and inadequate.
To protect yourself from the covert narcissist, study every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder. Remember that these individuals are false selves filled with rage, highly manipulative, duplicitous, cunning, psychological stalkers of those whom they sense are vulnerable. Covert narcissists get a thrill out of disturbing your sense of peace. They revel in putting you in an emotional tailspin. They are hardened to their own feelings, incapable of empathy and seek to weaken your sense of self.
You can learn how to deal with covert narcissists by understanding every aspect of their psychopathology. Become keenly aware of their game playing. Learn to detach yourself so that you will not overreact to them. That's what they're waiting for you to do. Meditating regularly is one of the many ways that you can still the mind and body. As a result of this practice your concentration is honed, your focus on every detail in the moment is clear and your nervous system is calm despite nasty verbal volleys thrown at you.
You are in charge of yourself and your reactions to others. You don't owe anyone an answer to his/her question. You are no one's possession. You are a unique human being who will never be replicated. Knowing this and renewing your promise to be faithful to your true nature, keep peace and stillness inside of you. They are your touchstones. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Friday, January 21, 2011
Narcissists-Not Getting their Just Desserts
If you are married to a narcissist, the adult child of a narcissist or a sibling, you understand the emotional pain that you experience as a result of the relationship. The narcissist is always watching out for himself alone. He or she may find someone whom they fancy to provide them with much needed ego enhancements. They may have children with this person. That doesn't mean that this individual will become a permanent fixture on their stage set. Some narcissists choose partners who are wealthy and compliant, willing to go along with their empty promises and the romantic rush they cannot resist. As long as the money is plentiful and they have access to its flow, the narcissist is pleased to maintain what appears to be a close relationship. There is no real commitment here, only a lucrative arrangement that gives him access and control of the finances and social and business connections.
I have been in contact with many who are still suffering from the narcissist's financial and emotional exploitation. In many instances narcissists have committed fraud, neglected their financial obligations, lied about and concealed their net worth and been sued. Despite all of this, they find ways to wiggle out of and escape justice. The courts move very slowly especially if a person without conscience hires high powered attorneys to use delay tactics, barrages of continuances, endless depositions. If a narcissist has sufficient monetary staying power he can spend years fending off and stonewalling those who who have been harmed and whose lives have been severely disrupted and in some cases, devastated. In the meantime the narcissistic has adroitly found willing pawns who are sucked into his latest vision and are happily writing checks.
The best justice with a narcissist is how you lead your own life. Being psychologically and emotionally free has no price. It is invaluable. Don't wait for the narcissist to come to the seat of justice and be fairly tried and sentenced. In most cases, this does not happen. I am very sorry about this but it is the reality.
You will start healing. Some days will be rough, remembering everything you have been through, even thinking of the good times and your fantasies of how it could have worked out. First of all, don't blame yourself. You have been dealing with a severe fixed personality disorder that does not change. You have made a courageous decision to leave this individual and keep him out of your life. If you have minor children with him, you can work to find ways to interact with the ex-spouse so that is supportive of your children and their psychological well being. Skilled psychotherapy can be very helpful in the transition. Support groups are also a source of growing strength and movement toward greater emotional independence. Discover what you love, what animates you. Explore your creativity. Practice healthy routines--good nutrition, regular exercise, meditation, yoga that create balance and steadiness in your life. You are moving ahead. Congratulate yourself. Dynamic life awaits you. Answer its call. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
I have been in contact with many who are still suffering from the narcissist's financial and emotional exploitation. In many instances narcissists have committed fraud, neglected their financial obligations, lied about and concealed their net worth and been sued. Despite all of this, they find ways to wiggle out of and escape justice. The courts move very slowly especially if a person without conscience hires high powered attorneys to use delay tactics, barrages of continuances, endless depositions. If a narcissist has sufficient monetary staying power he can spend years fending off and stonewalling those who who have been harmed and whose lives have been severely disrupted and in some cases, devastated. In the meantime the narcissistic has adroitly found willing pawns who are sucked into his latest vision and are happily writing checks.
The best justice with a narcissist is how you lead your own life. Being psychologically and emotionally free has no price. It is invaluable. Don't wait for the narcissist to come to the seat of justice and be fairly tried and sentenced. In most cases, this does not happen. I am very sorry about this but it is the reality.
You will start healing. Some days will be rough, remembering everything you have been through, even thinking of the good times and your fantasies of how it could have worked out. First of all, don't blame yourself. You have been dealing with a severe fixed personality disorder that does not change. You have made a courageous decision to leave this individual and keep him out of your life. If you have minor children with him, you can work to find ways to interact with the ex-spouse so that is supportive of your children and their psychological well being. Skilled psychotherapy can be very helpful in the transition. Support groups are also a source of growing strength and movement toward greater emotional independence. Discover what you love, what animates you. Explore your creativity. Practice healthy routines--good nutrition, regular exercise, meditation, yoga that create balance and steadiness in your life. You are moving ahead. Congratulate yourself. Dynamic life awaits you. Answer its call. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Children of Narcissists-Exposing their Narcissistic Parents
I often hear from adult children of narcissists. Their stories are painful and long, often overshadowing entire decades of their lives. Children of narcissists carry guilt about not being "good enough" and living up to parental expectations. If your parent is a narcissist there is nothing on earth you can do to please him/her if you are not the chosen one, that special sibling the narcissistic mother or father picks to be the star and icon for the entire family.
At the end of a very long road there are adult children who finally cannot tolerate the verbal abuse, accusations, emotional coldness and all out rejection and pernicious psychological projection and evil revenge----They must speak the truth. I hear from them and read about it in many blogs. Some have been sent packing, losing everything, including material possessions, opportunities to be secure financially and to be part of a family.
Narcissistic families are not families at all. They are business arrangements negotiated by the narcissist to benefit him/her alone or a favorite of his. The matriarch or patriarch of the family makes all the rules. He or she comes first, even if that is psychologically devastating to other family members. Some narcissistic parents bring in people who are not family members and "adopt" them because they are very attractive, bright, creatively gifted and venerate the narcissist and know just how to play up their egos. In some cases the father or mother will eventually "dump" the other spouse and develop a romantic relationship with this once outsider and marry him or her. You can imagine the horrendous emotional upheaval this kind of irresponsible and callous behavior causes the narcissist's children. Can you see the wedding party--the young bride who is a decade younger than the narcissist's children, who was picked to supersede them and in some cases will inherit everything the narcissist owns. I have witnessed these scenes and they are very distressing.
These atrocious behaviors are occurring more often than most people can imagine. If you are the adult child of a narcissistic parent, learn to identify this fixed personality disorder by study and research. Protect yourself from their venomous projections. You may have to go no contact. This is very difficult for many adult children. You cannot change the narcissist---this is a severe fixed disorder that usually had its beginnings in early childhood. Focus on your own self entitlement--your right to think in freedom, the express your feelings, to appreciate your authenticity, to maintain your physical and psychological health and to continue to grow as a valued individual. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life.
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
At the end of a very long road there are adult children who finally cannot tolerate the verbal abuse, accusations, emotional coldness and all out rejection and pernicious psychological projection and evil revenge----They must speak the truth. I hear from them and read about it in many blogs. Some have been sent packing, losing everything, including material possessions, opportunities to be secure financially and to be part of a family.
Narcissistic families are not families at all. They are business arrangements negotiated by the narcissist to benefit him/her alone or a favorite of his. The matriarch or patriarch of the family makes all the rules. He or she comes first, even if that is psychologically devastating to other family members. Some narcissistic parents bring in people who are not family members and "adopt" them because they are very attractive, bright, creatively gifted and venerate the narcissist and know just how to play up their egos. In some cases the father or mother will eventually "dump" the other spouse and develop a romantic relationship with this once outsider and marry him or her. You can imagine the horrendous emotional upheaval this kind of irresponsible and callous behavior causes the narcissist's children. Can you see the wedding party--the young bride who is a decade younger than the narcissist's children, who was picked to supersede them and in some cases will inherit everything the narcissist owns. I have witnessed these scenes and they are very distressing.
These atrocious behaviors are occurring more often than most people can imagine. If you are the adult child of a narcissistic parent, learn to identify this fixed personality disorder by study and research. Protect yourself from their venomous projections. You may have to go no contact. This is very difficult for many adult children. You cannot change the narcissist---this is a severe fixed disorder that usually had its beginnings in early childhood. Focus on your own self entitlement--your right to think in freedom, the express your feelings, to appreciate your authenticity, to maintain your physical and psychological health and to continue to grow as a valued individual. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life.
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Monday, January 17, 2011
When Sociopathic Narcissism Becomes Evil
Despite our understanding of the psychopathology that produced the narcissistic personality disorder, we turn our attention to the sociopathic narcissist, a disorder that is growing in numbers in our current societal climate.
Pathological narcissism is a continuum. At it farthest reach we are dealing with individuals who are more closely aligned with the anti-social personality----those who eclipse and even destroy the lives of others.
There is a dark persistence to the narcissist's attempt to control and manipulate others. If you are a family member and share their private lives (out of the glare of their public image) you face the ugliness of their ongoing perverse intimidations, enraged outbursts, and damning humiliations very day. If you were to tell those who work for and with him/her, that this person is simply dreadful in private, these individuals would label you as highly delusional and a candidate for intense psychotherapy, psychotropic drugs, even psychiatric hospitalization. The narcissist's seamless facade is so convincing that they often fool the most psychologically sophisticated people.
Sociopathic narcissists are chameleons who change their colors and stripes, their facial expressions, tone of voice, gestures, even their walking gaits as they smoothly transform into the person everyone wants to talk to, swap stories and eventually do a business deal. The narcissist himself is so convinced by his act that he can make it real as it is occurring. He has been in the wings rehearsing his lines since babyhood.
There is a point at which the repeated treacherous acts of the sociopathic narcissist becomes evil. This is particularly the case when they throw away their children if they don't fit the bill of perfectly mirroring the narcissistic parent. Some children of narcissists, if they are chosen early to be the successful golden ones, go along with the grandiose delusion and become budding narcissists. They are so impressed with what dad has achieved, regardless of his unethical and illegal means, that they want to become just like him. Their model from early childhood has been a person of no conscience who has succeeded with irresistible charm, overwhelming pressure, limitless control over others, constant intimidations and threats and extraordinary feats of cruelty that prey on the vulnerabilities and weakness of their own family members in an attempt to break them. In many cases these sociopathic narcissists succeed in dissembling the lives of their siblings psychologically, emotionally and financially. This poison that they spray that penetrates the lives of those close to them repeatedly-----is evil. I don't believe in the devil but I have felt evil around me many times, smelled its foul breath and felt the gravitational pull of the dark whirlpool and undertow of its dynamic.
These human devils wear many wardrobes--they are articulate and charming, seductive and gifted in their lies and manipulations. They know exactly how and where to press our need and vulnerability buttons. They plot on how they will corner us like a lion on the Serengeti stalking the tall grasses for the gazelle who is faltering. In the case of animals, this is inborn nature. In the case of sociopathic narcissists, this is psychopathology which adds evil to the mix.
To protect yourself and prevail over the sociopathic narcissist, take the time and delve deeply into knowing yourself and all of your own dark corners. Study and learn about the childhood beginnings, psychodynamics, common games and malicious plots of the sociopathic narcissist. Work on your psychological boundaries, bolster your intuition, stay in touch with your solid self that cannot be put off track or mesmerized by anyone. Visit my website; www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Pathological narcissism is a continuum. At it farthest reach we are dealing with individuals who are more closely aligned with the anti-social personality----those who eclipse and even destroy the lives of others.
There is a dark persistence to the narcissist's attempt to control and manipulate others. If you are a family member and share their private lives (out of the glare of their public image) you face the ugliness of their ongoing perverse intimidations, enraged outbursts, and damning humiliations very day. If you were to tell those who work for and with him/her, that this person is simply dreadful in private, these individuals would label you as highly delusional and a candidate for intense psychotherapy, psychotropic drugs, even psychiatric hospitalization. The narcissist's seamless facade is so convincing that they often fool the most psychologically sophisticated people.
Sociopathic narcissists are chameleons who change their colors and stripes, their facial expressions, tone of voice, gestures, even their walking gaits as they smoothly transform into the person everyone wants to talk to, swap stories and eventually do a business deal. The narcissist himself is so convinced by his act that he can make it real as it is occurring. He has been in the wings rehearsing his lines since babyhood.
There is a point at which the repeated treacherous acts of the sociopathic narcissist becomes evil. This is particularly the case when they throw away their children if they don't fit the bill of perfectly mirroring the narcissistic parent. Some children of narcissists, if they are chosen early to be the successful golden ones, go along with the grandiose delusion and become budding narcissists. They are so impressed with what dad has achieved, regardless of his unethical and illegal means, that they want to become just like him. Their model from early childhood has been a person of no conscience who has succeeded with irresistible charm, overwhelming pressure, limitless control over others, constant intimidations and threats and extraordinary feats of cruelty that prey on the vulnerabilities and weakness of their own family members in an attempt to break them. In many cases these sociopathic narcissists succeed in dissembling the lives of their siblings psychologically, emotionally and financially. This poison that they spray that penetrates the lives of those close to them repeatedly-----is evil. I don't believe in the devil but I have felt evil around me many times, smelled its foul breath and felt the gravitational pull of the dark whirlpool and undertow of its dynamic.
These human devils wear many wardrobes--they are articulate and charming, seductive and gifted in their lies and manipulations. They know exactly how and where to press our need and vulnerability buttons. They plot on how they will corner us like a lion on the Serengeti stalking the tall grasses for the gazelle who is faltering. In the case of animals, this is inborn nature. In the case of sociopathic narcissists, this is psychopathology which adds evil to the mix.
To protect yourself and prevail over the sociopathic narcissist, take the time and delve deeply into knowing yourself and all of your own dark corners. Study and learn about the childhood beginnings, psychodynamics, common games and malicious plots of the sociopathic narcissist. Work on your psychological boundaries, bolster your intuition, stay in touch with your solid self that cannot be put off track or mesmerized by anyone. Visit my website; www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Friday, January 14, 2011
Narcissists-Cruel Custody Battles
Narcissists discard other human beings when they have squeezed out and stolen their energy, stamina, creative gifts and sense of self. They are incapable of real relationships. The narcissist writes the script and directs the roles that those within his inner circle will play, including spouses, children and other family members.
One of the most painful aspects of divorcing a narcissist is when he or she decides to fights for custody of his children. Some of the most heartbreaking cases that I hear concern the victimization of the non-narcissistic spouse and the children of this marriage. In some cases the narcissist decides for spite, image and power plays that he will fight for custody of his children, not because he love them. The purpose of these long hateful battles is to wear down and exhaust the psychological and financial resources of the injured spouse. The courts often play into the hands of the narcissist, especially if this individual has extensive financial resources. I have known of prolonged cases over custody that have taken over a decade to resolve. The narcissist psychologically tortures the ex-spouse by purposely dragging out the process, making outrageous accusations about the mental and psychological fitness of the ex-spouse, cunningly convince judges that he is an honest and dedicated parent who is only looking after the welfare of his children. Protect yourself an d you children by making informed decisions about becoming married to and having children with a narcissist. If you already are divorcing a narcissist, make sure that you have a very astute attorney who understands the ruthless treachery of narcissistic personality disorder. The better you are informed the greater your chances of avoiding a marriage with a narcissist and having children with them. If you already have children with a narcissist and are in the middle of a custody battle, do your homework and learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
One of the most painful aspects of divorcing a narcissist is when he or she decides to fights for custody of his children. Some of the most heartbreaking cases that I hear concern the victimization of the non-narcissistic spouse and the children of this marriage. In some cases the narcissist decides for spite, image and power plays that he will fight for custody of his children, not because he love them. The purpose of these long hateful battles is to wear down and exhaust the psychological and financial resources of the injured spouse. The courts often play into the hands of the narcissist, especially if this individual has extensive financial resources. I have known of prolonged cases over custody that have taken over a decade to resolve. The narcissist psychologically tortures the ex-spouse by purposely dragging out the process, making outrageous accusations about the mental and psychological fitness of the ex-spouse, cunningly convince judges that he is an honest and dedicated parent who is only looking after the welfare of his children. Protect yourself an d you children by making informed decisions about becoming married to and having children with a narcissist. If you already are divorcing a narcissist, make sure that you have a very astute attorney who understands the ruthless treachery of narcissistic personality disorder. The better you are informed the greater your chances of avoiding a marriage with a narcissist and having children with them. If you already have children with a narcissist and are in the middle of a custody battle, do your homework and learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Narcissistic Greed-Narcissistic Emptiness
Narcissists are extraordinarily greedy. Greed is an extreme desire and pursuit to obtain more than what needs, especially with regard to material wealth. They are never satisfied with what they have and are very competitive with other narcissists. They always must be at the very pinnacle, the top of the mountain, the guy who takes home all of the marbles (even if he steals them from others). In our current narcissistic society narcissistic greed has become very acceptable to many people. In fact there are many individuals who look up to narcissists who continue to acquire more material possessions (that they don't need and will probably not use). High level narcissists surround themselves with a charmed circle of people who provide him/her with unending narcissistic supplies: praise, adoration, continuous kudos, even worship. These individuals are obsessively loyal to the narcissist as long as they can fuse with his grandiosity, extreme self entitlement and delusional world.
Deep inside the narcissist experiences himself/herself as psychologically empty. These powerful feelings are unconscious to the narcissist. The narcissist projects these vituperative feelings of self loathing on to others, particularly spouses, children and siblings. At the core the narcissist is full of self loathing, living as a false self, unable to be real, to reciprocate feelings of affection or love. Emotionally he is shallow and incapable of creating or sustaining any authentic human relationships. Raise as a false grandiose self, the narcissist is an empty shell, surrounded by an outer shell that is fraudulent, shallow and disingenuous. The narcissistic emptiness in many ways drives the narcissist's obsessive greed. Unconsciously feeling emotionally empty and unworthwhile, the narcissist is psychologically hungry for the narcissistic supplies that he voraciously needs. This includes finding and even possessing individuals who will adore and mirror him perfectly. Narcissists do not change. This is a very fixed personality disorder. Narcissistic greed will persist as long as the current society continues to reward pathological narcissism as it so handsomely does in our current societal climate.
Those who are not narcissists have access to gifts that are much more valuable: the capacity to give and receive love, deep empathy and implementation of ways to help others, a sense of deep inner peace, an authentic sense of self that is solid, steady and rich with integrity. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Deep inside the narcissist experiences himself/herself as psychologically empty. These powerful feelings are unconscious to the narcissist. The narcissist projects these vituperative feelings of self loathing on to others, particularly spouses, children and siblings. At the core the narcissist is full of self loathing, living as a false self, unable to be real, to reciprocate feelings of affection or love. Emotionally he is shallow and incapable of creating or sustaining any authentic human relationships. Raise as a false grandiose self, the narcissist is an empty shell, surrounded by an outer shell that is fraudulent, shallow and disingenuous. The narcissistic emptiness in many ways drives the narcissist's obsessive greed. Unconsciously feeling emotionally empty and unworthwhile, the narcissist is psychologically hungry for the narcissistic supplies that he voraciously needs. This includes finding and even possessing individuals who will adore and mirror him perfectly. Narcissists do not change. This is a very fixed personality disorder. Narcissistic greed will persist as long as the current society continues to reward pathological narcissism as it so handsomely does in our current societal climate.
Those who are not narcissists have access to gifts that are much more valuable: the capacity to give and receive love, deep empathy and implementation of ways to help others, a sense of deep inner peace, an authentic sense of self that is solid, steady and rich with integrity. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Monday, January 10, 2011
Lost in the Narcissist's Shadow
Psychological childhood abuse can set up an environment for marrying a narcissistic spouse. In order to survive the child has to normalize the abuse he/she is experiencing. They crawl into a shell, duck for cover and pray that they will live through another day. Some of these children grow up believing that they are unworthy of love and being treated with understanding and empathy. When an individual with kind of background meets a narcissist, he/she is dazzled, almost hypnotized by this extraordinary person who is so confident, magnetic, brilliant, focusing on you like a laser beam. At this point the narcissist has his eye on you because he has a plan how you will fit into his life. Narcissists make plans; they are constantly plotting on how they will control others.
A common pattern is for adult children who have been psychologically abused who meet and are swept away by the narcissist, become emotionally malleable in their hands like a piece of clay. For many who become their victims, they play the role of the narcissist's shadow. They mirror the narcissist perfectly, constantly providing praise and adulation to enhance his ego, are willing to do anything the narcissist demands. In exchange many of them are treated to a sterling life style, high level social connections and material largesse. In exchange for their individuality, their solid sense of self, use of their creative gifts, freedom to make their own decisions and to think their own thoughts without disruption, they are now lost in the narcissist's shadow. Many of these spouses never come into the light or psychologically separate from the narcissist. They are trapped in a state of delusion and emotional fusion with their spouse. They are frozen in time. They have stopped their opportunity to grow, expand and become a separate authentic human being.
If you understand the narcissistic personality in detail and study these individuals with care, you will recognize them early and not become entangled with them. If you have to deal with them, you will remain separate from them psychologically, respecting your own boundaries and treating yourself with entitled respect. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Narcissistic Siblings-Stealing Your Financial and Psychological Inheritance
Narcissists disrupt everyone in their lives, especially those whom they should cherish and protect the most, family members. If they are the vaunted golden child, the savior of the family, the other siblings suffer horribly. In some instances, there are several narcissists. I have often seen a pattern in which a golden boy or golden girl is top dog and another narcissistic sibling is psychologically fused with him/her. The parents give the most praise to the "best in show"----their crowning achievement---the child who is the most handsome, beautiful, intellectually superior, socially skilled and cleverly ruthless. The less empowered narcissist is like an echo of his glorified brother or sister. Early on you observe tremendous cruelty in these narcissistic families. In some cases there have been generations of narcissists that come down through the family tree although we have not found a narcissistic gene. This is all part of the parental conditioning that takes place over time combined with the current acceptance---almost an expectation on the part of today's society of Success at any price--even if it destroy other human beings. You see this every day in the news. To the most ruthless, secretive, cunning, treacherous, non-conscienced---goes all of the spoils. They get their wrists ritually slapped once in a while but this is meaningless. The chaos and dissembling of lives that they cause continues.
On a smaller but not less significant or devastating scale, you can follow the destruction wreaked by narcissistic siblings from their toddlerhood to their final days. Most of them are never stopped; they never pay for the psychological and financial crimes they have committed. I have communicated with large numbers of those who have suffered for decades at the mercy of their narcissistic brothers and sisters. If the top dog narcissists wield the financial power to continue to hire attorneys to fight you and undermine you with the threat of counter suits, you have little redress in this arena. You can disengage from the sibling's pathology by severing the relationship. (This is a relationship in name only; narcissists are incapable of empathy, caring, respect, trust---They are inhumane at the core.)
It is tragic that those so close to us in blood could be so reprehensible, even evil. But this is often the truth. Most people cannot deal with the truth these days. They make excuses for those who are destroying others if the person whom they are defending is powerful in the world, has high level connections and the heft of tremendous wealth. You are worth so much more. You didn't create the narcissistic family into which you were born. You don't and never did deserve to be treated with such cruelty from the time of your birth to the present. The die was cast when the parents (often narcissists themselves) created their golden narcissist and continued their adulation, praise, no limits, no boundaries, raising of him. They were never there to protect their other children. They even cheered and spurred on the naked cruelties perpetrated on their other children.
No one can possess you , control you or destroy your life. You are here for many purposes: to separate and individuate out of your family of origin, to use your singular creative gifts, to give and receive love, to help others who are suffering, to grow spiritually in the way that you understand this term. I hear many stories of breaking free from narcissistic siblings. These individuals have rediscovered themselves. They now breathe freely in mental spaciousness, creative endeavors that they could never have imagined in the past and are surrounded by others who seek the truth beyond narcissistic delusion. They have come home to themselves.
Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
On a smaller but not less significant or devastating scale, you can follow the destruction wreaked by narcissistic siblings from their toddlerhood to their final days. Most of them are never stopped; they never pay for the psychological and financial crimes they have committed. I have communicated with large numbers of those who have suffered for decades at the mercy of their narcissistic brothers and sisters. If the top dog narcissists wield the financial power to continue to hire attorneys to fight you and undermine you with the threat of counter suits, you have little redress in this arena. You can disengage from the sibling's pathology by severing the relationship. (This is a relationship in name only; narcissists are incapable of empathy, caring, respect, trust---They are inhumane at the core.)
It is tragic that those so close to us in blood could be so reprehensible, even evil. But this is often the truth. Most people cannot deal with the truth these days. They make excuses for those who are destroying others if the person whom they are defending is powerful in the world, has high level connections and the heft of tremendous wealth. You are worth so much more. You didn't create the narcissistic family into which you were born. You don't and never did deserve to be treated with such cruelty from the time of your birth to the present. The die was cast when the parents (often narcissists themselves) created their golden narcissist and continued their adulation, praise, no limits, no boundaries, raising of him. They were never there to protect their other children. They even cheered and spurred on the naked cruelties perpetrated on their other children.
No one can possess you , control you or destroy your life. You are here for many purposes: to separate and individuate out of your family of origin, to use your singular creative gifts, to give and receive love, to help others who are suffering, to grow spiritually in the way that you understand this term. I hear many stories of breaking free from narcissistic siblings. These individuals have rediscovered themselves. They now breathe freely in mental spaciousness, creative endeavors that they could never have imagined in the past and are surrounded by others who seek the truth beyond narcissistic delusion. They have come home to themselves.
Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Friday, January 7, 2011
Sociopathic Narcissist-Leave Before the Violence Begins
Each narcissistic is unique in his or her own way. Despite this, they have fixed characterlogical traits: lack of empathy, ruthlessness, obsessive lying, exploitation of others, chronic deception, delusional grandiosity, self absorption, lack of conscience. The seeds of these personality traits are sown in early childhood. There is a spectrum of narcissism that includes the sociopathic narcissist. These individuals are even more destructive to others, including their own children, spouses, ex-spouses, partners, siblings. They leave no one spared when they decide to make their hostile, ruthless moves. If you are in their way they will use treacherous methods to psychologically and financially trample you like a herd of wildebeests. They are toxic to all human beings, even those within their adoring golden circle. They play dirtier than most people can imagine. I frequently hear from their victims. In some instances the early warning signs is extreme verbal abuse, violent rages and horrific intimidations. Their victims have a difficult time and are ashamed of revealing that there was physical violence involved---a shove here, a slap there, an attempted strangle (where the narcissist says "Oh, I was just playing a game" or "Don't take this seriously; you know you are the only one for me." Verbal abuse is a form of violence--that needs to be emphasized. When you have a sociopathic narcissist screaming at the top of his lungs every day, promising to bury you, who calls you a nutcase and poisons all of your friendships, leaving your isolated. Do not wait for the clenched fist, the head slammings against the wall, bloody teeth in your hand, a pillow that stops your breathing.
Watch carefully at the beginning of your acquaintance with a narcissist. He/she will always give themselves away if you pay close attention. When you get that creepy feeling in your gut or the short hairs on the back of your neck stand at attention, you know whom you are dealing with---a violent out of control sociopathic narcissist.
Leave this person now before the violence escalates and your life is endangered and there is no return. You deserve to feel secure, solid, peaceful---free to use all of your creative gifts, to form trusting loving relationships and to fulfill all of your aspirations. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.
Watch carefully at the beginning of your acquaintance with a narcissist. He/she will always give themselves away if you pay close attention. When you get that creepy feeling in your gut or the short hairs on the back of your neck stand at attention, you know whom you are dealing with---a violent out of control sociopathic narcissist.
Leave this person now before the violence escalates and your life is endangered and there is no return. You deserve to feel secure, solid, peaceful---free to use all of your creative gifts, to form trusting loving relationships and to fulfill all of your aspirations. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Narcissistic Spiritual Teachers Fool Most People
At a time when narcissists are thriving, it is not surprising that those who assume the golden throne of spiritual teacher receive unending ego enhancements: free flowing adulation, idealization, veneration, lucrative compensation for being adored. Today's narcissistic spiritual teachers are masters of communication. They know how to spin a tale--they are phenomenal method actors who are easily believed. The first act is the charm offensive combined with an impeccable physical appearance. Although this narcissist may appear to be humble by stating that he/she is, they come across with confidence that is off the charts. They like to use riveting eye contact and are masters of voice control and gestures that magnetize their followers to them. They have sufficiently studied their subject, whether it is Christian, non-Christian, New Age, Buddhist, Hindu to convince those who are watching and listening that they have mastery of their topic.
Highly accomplished narcissistic teachers know how to hypnotize their audiences. Their tone of voice, the clever nuancing of their gestures, word emphasis are an integral part of their winning performance. These teachers promise instant spirituality. There is no need for discipline, dropping the ego, being concerned about the welfare of others. Many of them emphasize the connection between feeling good and reaching high levels of spirituality. A corollary to this belief is the alignment of becoming rich and being holy. Pseudo spirituality purveyors travel the world, expanding and monetizing their "credentials of holiness."
Say it, believe it and you are transformed. This kind of thinking appeals to many who live in this age of short attention spans and instant gratification. Pseudo spiritual narcissists..."will always be with us, as long as we believe and follow those who promise us peace and enlightenment as if it is a package of instant pudding---add milk and stir." (from Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life, pg. 59)
Growing spiritually is neither instant nor easy. It can be a bumpy ride of many tests. Sometimes we wonder why we went down this road less traveled. Those who take this pathway arrive at a point where they cannot turn back. They see clearly through their own delusions and those of others. They feel the vibrations of inner peace, their heart core has opened. As they heal themselves, they heal and comfort others. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Highly accomplished narcissistic teachers know how to hypnotize their audiences. Their tone of voice, the clever nuancing of their gestures, word emphasis are an integral part of their winning performance. These teachers promise instant spirituality. There is no need for discipline, dropping the ego, being concerned about the welfare of others. Many of them emphasize the connection between feeling good and reaching high levels of spirituality. A corollary to this belief is the alignment of becoming rich and being holy. Pseudo spirituality purveyors travel the world, expanding and monetizing their "credentials of holiness."
Say it, believe it and you are transformed. This kind of thinking appeals to many who live in this age of short attention spans and instant gratification. Pseudo spiritual narcissists..."will always be with us, as long as we believe and follow those who promise us peace and enlightenment as if it is a package of instant pudding---add milk and stir." (from Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life, pg. 59)
Growing spiritually is neither instant nor easy. It can be a bumpy ride of many tests. Sometimes we wonder why we went down this road less traveled. Those who take this pathway arrive at a point where they cannot turn back. They see clearly through their own delusions and those of others. They feel the vibrations of inner peace, their heart core has opened. As they heal themselves, they heal and comfort others. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Monday, January 3, 2011
Sociopathic Narcissists-Relentlessly Cruel
In a current society that accepts pathological narcissism as a norm in many circles, you wonder where there is a limit to the cruelties perpetrated on spouses, ex-spouses and family members. There is a continuum in pathological narcissism. Some narcissists are worse than others in the profoundly devastating effect they have on others. Every narcissist is strictly out for himself/herself and there is absolutely no empathy within them. They are all ruthless and self absorbed. But there is a group of these individuals who are committed to devastate the lives of others, especially those close to them: siblings, children, spouses. There are sociopathic narcissists who will not be satisfied until their "enemy" is completed vanquished---emotionally, psychologically, financially. They seek revenge, not for what has been done to them, but what they perceive in a highly deluded way, what has been done to them. Narcissists are never wrong--they are incapable of mistakes because they truly believe that they are perfect. They are capable of persuading even intelligent people that they are the good guy and their victim is the culprit. With the use of a fake charm, dynamism, sexual wiles, they fool most individuals. A sociopathic narcissist will tear you to shreds psychologically until you've got their number.
Never underestimate the extremes of the cruelties and treacheries---They don't care a damn about the damage that they create even on small children or helpless individuals.
Learn everything you can about the narcissistic personality disorder--study hard and understand these individuals like the back of your hand.
If you think they are finished hurting you, think again. The best thing that can happen to some people is to be discarded by a narcissist. This way they are out of your life and you can begin to recover.
Sociopathic narcissists provide us with opportunities to be tough, steady and consistent. We must use all of our mental discipline in dealing with them.
Use your intuition---that quiet voice that always speaks the truth---to guide your words and actions.
Keep yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually strong (in the way that you understand this concept.)
Know that you will succeed. You survived your childhood. You can prevail now.
Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Never underestimate the extremes of the cruelties and treacheries---They don't care a damn about the damage that they create even on small children or helpless individuals.
Learn everything you can about the narcissistic personality disorder--study hard and understand these individuals like the back of your hand.
If you think they are finished hurting you, think again. The best thing that can happen to some people is to be discarded by a narcissist. This way they are out of your life and you can begin to recover.
Sociopathic narcissists provide us with opportunities to be tough, steady and consistent. We must use all of our mental discipline in dealing with them.
Use your intuition---that quiet voice that always speaks the truth---to guide your words and actions.
Keep yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually strong (in the way that you understand this concept.)
Know that you will succeed. You survived your childhood. You can prevail now.
Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Narcissistic Psychotherapists-Toxic Projections
Psychotherapy clients are often very emotionally vulnerable. They are seeing a therapist because everything else they have tried to alleviate their psychological pain has failed. Some have waited years to get professional help. Many individuals still feel ashamed about sharing the personal lives with someone they don't know personally. Even after you have done substantial research on finding an excellent psychotherapist, including personal referrals, it is your judgment call. Psychotherapists are flawed human beings like everyone else. If you get an excellent psychotherapist, he/she will have deep clear understanding of their primary psychological issues and have worked them through in their own therapy. When this is not the case, if the psychotherapist is a narcissist, the client suffers and may regress into a deeper depression, chronic anxiety, insomnia, more frequent manic episodes, deepening thought disorders.
Some narcissistic psychotherapists have serious psychological problems that have remained uncovered. There are therapists who were excellent students, completed internships, attended numerous seminars and clinical supervisions who are inadequate professionally and emotionally harmful to their clients. These therapists constantly unconsciously project their toxic feelings, impulses, thoughts on to their clients. They are incapable of listening to anyone but themselves---after all they are narcissists. Narcissistic therapists are obsessed with the money motive and feelings of power connected with their ability to manipulate clients, get them to feel emotionally dependent on them. I have seen cases in which clients have been with the same therapist for decades as a result of a strong dependence that the therapist has fostered. This is not therapy; it is a pernicious form of manipulation and exploitation. When you are in session with a narcissistic therapist, one on one, this is the time when toxic projections are most likely to occur. You will hear the "music" and the words. Often the tone is demeaning and meant to humiliate you. The therapist has placed himself/herself as an authority over you. You are in the subservient position from his perspective. Now he/she can pounce with impunity. I have heard some of the most outrageous statements and questions asked by narcissistic therapists. The unknowing client is caught off guard and assumes that the therapist is right and since and that he is wrong and ignorant. Never make that assumption. It doesn't matter how many degrees, internships, qualified specialties, years of experience that a therapist has had, if he/she is a narcissist, this person will not be able to help you. In fact you can become more psychologically wounded by continuing therapy with this individual.
You deserve respect and empathy. If you sense that the therapist you have chosen is a narcissist, terminate treatment. I have heard of prospective clients walking out of the session due to the cruel toxic projections of the narcissistic therapist. Good for them. They listened to the voice of their intuition and did their homework. There are excellent therapists available and highly qualified who are empathic, skilled and have your best psychological interests at the top of their minds. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
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