Narcissistic Family Members Always Deny Truth

If you a member of a narcissistic family--whether you are the child of a narcissistic mother or narcissistic father or both, or the brother or sister of a narcissistic sibling or are married to a narcissist, always remember that you hold the truth. Narcissists live in a state of  grandiose delusion of their making. More powerful and influential narcissists in the family put pressure on those who are more dependent personalities to convince them to go along to get along with them. I have had contact with many victims of narcissistic family abuse who have spent years at the mercy of their narcissistic families, including their spouses. For years and even decades those individuals in these pathological families who are free of delusion and know and speak the truth are ostracized and become the target of disdain, humiliation and shunning. Often their family members let everyone know that they have a very sick and confused person in their midst. They spread rumors about you when you are the only one who knows the truth about yourself and them and their multitude of secrets and treacheries. In other cases the narcissists in the family pretend that you don't exist and make you invisible and non-existent in their minds and through their actions.

Narcissists turn reality upside down and sideways and spin it in continuous circles of lies, deceptions, cruelties and betrayals. What they hate the most is the truth because deep in their unconscious they are psychologically empty, filled with rage and self hatred. They are incapable of self understanding or introspection or empathy. Their identity is a charade, a false self that developed when they were very young and will never change.

Remarkably, there are individuals who persevere, research, work through through their personal insights, develop practices that lead them to deeper awareness who come from these highly toxic families and marriages. They gain greater strength and thrive as they extricate themselves from their pathological relationships. It is a different path that they take and a difficult one. So often they feel completely alone. No one understands them or will listen. But they don't give up. They pursue the pathway less traveled that leads to an ever evolving consciousness, increased creativity, a deep wish to share their truth with others who are receptive. I have deep respect and a special place inside for those who have won this battle for the truth. They are heroic extraordinary individuals. You are not alone. There are so many others who share you life experiences. Be receptive to finding these individuals. I have found that as the society becomes more narcissistic and even sociopathic, there are people whom you will meet that have a high consciousness that always seeks the truth, that welcomes it in you and with whom you can communicate deeply. Trust your intuition to know who these individuals are. Their numbers are growing. You will find them. Work with the loving parts of yourself and appreciate who you are every day, each moment. You are precious and no one like you will ever come into existence again. You are a singular human being. Celebrate this; use every part of yourself. You have resources deep inside that are waiting to be tapped, creativity that is spun gold and a heart that is both receptive and strong. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Don't Let Narcissist Get His Selfish Way

Narcissists are bullies that come in different styles. Some are socially sophisticated and make you feel torn inside out. Others are openly menacing and show their canine teeth. Concealed narcissists sabotage you with passive aggressive ploys, pretending they are humble and good.One way or another a narcissist will take advantage of you, even when he tells you he adores you and you are the most important person in his/her life.  Narcissists convince most people that they are telling the truth. Narcissists are chronic liars. The words rolling off of their tongues are designed to deceive you so they can get their way. They have no sense of limits, nor do they  have a conscience. Narcissists wear many masks and have multiple lives--many of them secret. Their moral compass is based on how much narcissistic supply they can get for themselves--image, money, power, social and business contacts, etc.

Narcissists go beyond the limit with people, causing tremendous emotional and psychological stress. This is particularly the case when it involves their spouses and children. Narcissists don't care whether they hurt your feelings, demean you, humiliate you, make you feel sick or even put you in the hospital. With a narcissist you can never count on them to have empathy---ever. They effect a pseudo empathy which can be convincing. Once they get what they want they are back to their old ways of exploitation, duplicity and manipulation.
Many narcissists are like volcanoes--always in a state of endless blowing off rage. They are not like Old Faithful where you can time when the great steams will rise in the air. They are unpredictable which sets your nervous system on constant edge. Living with a narcissist you are always in the sympathetic nervous system ---the fight or flight system of survival. Being the recipient of this kind of treatment puts you on constant edge, always waiting for the next vituperative eruption.

You can't change the narcissist but you can change yourself. Recognize that you are a separate valuable human being. Develop practices that lead to calming your nervous system--gentle yoga, a form of meditation that works for you, listening to music, going to tai chi classes, doing cardiovascular exercises that lower stress and get your endorphins working and that strengthen your immune system. Develop a support system of people whom you can trust. They don't have to understand the narcissist in your life but if they are truly empathetic they will help as they listen and care deeply about you. Do what you love--photography, sketching, writing each day with freedom and lack of judgment, spending time in Nature, gardening, cooking--whatever appeals to you and introduces beauty into your life.

If you are married to a narcissist it is possible that you will make the decision to divorce this person. Often it is impossible to live with this kind of psychopathology. If the narcissist is a mother, it may be necessary to sever the relationship and go no contact. This is your decision. Remember, now is the time to finally think about your own needs. You have never done this in your life before. Take very good care of yourself. You are entitled. To learn about the narcissist in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Get Out of the Narcissistic Spouse's Clutches

Some narcissists remind me of carnivorous creatures who are called ambush predators. They ingeniously use camouflage to blend into their environment. The stone fish lies on the ocean floor and takes on the look of a rock. Fish swim too close by him and are bitten and inflicted with deadly toxins.

The narcissist is filled with psychological toxins that are dangerous to everyone, especially those who are vulnerable to his charm, grandiose promises, fulfillment of old dreams of being adored and taken care of. It is difficult for many of us to acknowledge that we have been waiting to be rescued. As children many individuals are neglected, discarded, made scapegoats, and severely abused. It is not unusual when we look at these life histories to understand how someone can so easily become enraptured by a narcissistic personality and become trapped by leading his/her life not their own. The narcissist takes you as a possession. Everything belongs to him. He/she decides the trajectory of your life. I have seen very capable and accomplished women drop their creativity, talents and drive to seek and find a man who will take care of them in every way. They are willing to eclipse their lives because of these early deep psychological needs.
As time moves forward the spouse of the narcissist either deludes herself that she is very happy to be waited on and taken care of and have whatever she wants or she begins to recognize that she is trapped with a very demanding, overwhelming, enraged man who views her as his possession.

Those who wake up and realize that they are imprisoned and that their lives are eclipsed, have strong misgivings about their marriages to narcissists. The fairy tale has faded. It has become tawdry, painful --" full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." (Shakespeare, Macbeth) Recognizing that this person is controlling your life has hit you in the face. You know that you must get out of his/her clutches.

You deserve to lead a life that is free, creative, loving and unencumbered by the cruel delusions of narcissists. Find the help that you need. Some individuals free themselves in various ways: highly skilled psychotherapy, gentle yoga, regular exercise that works for you, times of solitude, finding your own creative pathway, meeting people whom you can trust and who are genuine and have empathy.To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com  

You Don't Deserve Punishment from Narcissistic Spouse

Remember the old threat from years ago: " If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about." Those two sentences ring through the decades, spoken by mothers, fathers and spouses in so many different ways. When you are married to a narcissist, you have something very legitimate to cry about, scream about, rage about. As have stated before and you know from real life experience, these individuals are impossible.

Children of narcissistic mothers are particularly vulnerable to marrying narcissistic men and women. Being punished is a daily routine in the narcissistic household. Whether it is covert--lying about you behind your back, subtly stripping away your self confidence, demeaning you in front of your siblings. The imprint of the psychological pain is always there. If you get out of line and express your true feelings, watch out--you can hear the words in your mind: "You're going to get it." After years under the roof of a severe narcissistic personality disorder starting as a small child, it is not unusual that you would believe that you are "bad" and deserve to be punished. You have internalized this false belief about yourself.

Years later, enter the charming narcissist filled with magnetism, high level confidence, success. He finds you irresistible and you believe him. Who wouldn't. Very few people can ward off one of these brilliant method actors, especially when they have all their lights turned on.

Before very long you are married and ready to share the rest of your life with this person. The real self of the narcissist is carefully hidden at first but the day comes when his darkness reveals itself in all of its ugliness. The narcissist doesn't make mistakes according him. He is impeccable. You are the one who is deficient. Whatever you create is imperfect and filled with flaws. You are inherently defective---That 's what the narcissist believes about you and screams at you frequently. You believe him because that is what you have been told all of your life. Deep down regardless of your accomplishments--personal, professional, creative--it doesn't matter. You are an inadequate human being that cannot change. This is the message projected on you. The childhood and adult messages fuse and resonate and reinforce one another. So many children of narcissists who marry narcissists believe this about themselves. They suffer horrible emotional pain. Many of them finally start to search for answers and discover that they are married to a narcissistic personality and that their parent(s) is a narcissistic personality disorder. It all comes together. The puzzle has been solved. What is left is the healing. You can heal and restore the real genuine self that has been waiting for so many years to be loved and cared about.

Always know that you are entitled to be treated with respect and that you deserve to lead your life in inner freedom and to use all of your creative gifts and talents. Many spouses sever their relationship with the narcissistic spouse and find that they have begun to restore their lives. It is a process that requires patience with yourself and perseverance. Appreciate each step that you take. When you have a setback, don't blame yourself. Remember you don't deserve to be punished anymore by anyone. Find friends who are capable of empathy and have the capacity to listen. Part of the healing is to find out what creates relaxation and calmness inside of yourself. For some it is practices like gentle hatha yoga, walking or sitting meditation, journaling, sketching, dancing, listening to music. You are healing one moment at a time. Visit my website:thenarcissitinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Beware-Don't Marry a Sociopath

Sociopaths live among us as "normal" individuals. Often they are exceedingly successful in the world. In the last few decades narcissists and even sociopaths, if they behave with smooth social graces and know human nature (not their own) can travel far in their careers and be considered as pillars of their communities. Much of this is caused by the veneration of material success in our current societal mode. Many people make the mistake of equating external achievements with a fine character. They have nothing to do with one another.

When you meet the man or woman with whom you want to formally share your life in marriage, be sure that you are not choosing a highly socialized sociopath. Observe carefully. Look beneath the charm, charisma and his/her intense focus on you and your perfection together with all of his extraordinary promises.

Notice how he treats those who do not possess his level of education, monetary success or social status. Is he dismissive with them? Does he humiliate them in subtle ways? Do you get an intuitive sense that your prospective spouse is restless inside. Does he insist that everything must be perfect at all times. Is he self absorbed and fanatical about his outward appearance. Is he overly self entitled? Have you caught him in dozens of lies that he cleverly covers up? Do you hear from others who warn you about his past cruelties to those in his personal life. Do you have a clear sense from time to time that he is leading a double life. Do you see rage in his eyes when you catch him making up clever stories to cover himself?  Is he nonchalant and proud of ignoring the law? Does he treat these illegal acts like some kind of game that he will always win. Is he secretive about his past and wave it off by smoothly changing the subject. Do you at times feel keenly that you don't know this man at all? Ask yourself these questions and any others that come through your wise intuition. You will get the right answers to them. Once you have made up your mind that this man/woman is a sociopath, don't marry him. Sever the relationship and do not let his circling around you to have another chance, tempt you to take it.  Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Rage and Restlessness--Narcissist's Constant Companions

A narcissist is always boiling with rage at some level. One incident real or invented takes him over the top and the malevolent projections begin. They are directed mainly at his spouses and children. These unconscious projections cause their recipients great emotional pain. Volley after volley comes out of their mouths. They are unstoppable. Fulminating is one of the narcissist's frequent activities. Being the child of a narcissist unsettles every nerve in your body. You are living in a war zone. Bombardments of volcanic rage are coming at you. Living under these circumstances as a small child is bewildering and traumatizing. If there is another parent who can shield you from these torrents of rage that is very fortunate. Many children are able to go to the other parent for comfort. However, if the other parent is terrified of the narcissist then the child has to find ways to deal with the onslaught. Some numb themselves emotionally and learn to freeze themselves and feel nothing. Others hide and make themselves invisible.

Along with the chronic rage is the narcissist's restlessness. The minds of these individuals are never still. They jump from one activity to the next, conjuring their plots and plans to make sure that they remain superior to everyone else. When they are not scheming, they are running about traveling, buying, spending time making themselves look even more perfect going to spas for the latest youth enhancements.

When you are talking with a narcissist you can detect that while their eyes may be on you, they are thinking about a million other things. They are not present. They will focus if you are their newest source of narcissistic supply--money, adulation, praise,  social status. Then their attention works like a laser; they can't take their eyes or attention off of you. You are the Great Rainmaker.  If you do not have these credentials, they wave you off and flee from your presence like a genie.

Pay attention to the level of rage and the swirl of restlessness on those you suspect are narcissists. They will have other traits like grandiosity, extreme self entitlement and lack of empathy. Then you will know that no matter what irresistible gifts they are laying at your feet, you've got their number and will say "No" to them.
Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissitinlyourlife.com

Nightmare of Having Children with a Narcissist

Marriage, especially these days, is usually not for life. It is not unusual for people to marry a second or third time. Divorce has become more prevalent in the last few decades. Many people have close partnerships and decide not to get married. These relationships are as deep and meaningful as those who are formally married.

Today we have an increasing number of narcissists in our population.  The qualities of the narcissistic personality are highly prized and richly rewarded in many professions and found to be socially popular. They involved great charm, social magnetism, tremendous self confidence, well developed pseudo empathy, articulateness, the ability to schmooze a person in a very convincing way, a gift for taking charge as a leader. Narcissists are so pervasive today that it is not surprising that women and men are discovering them as likely marital partners.  The narcissist can be irresistible. They know how to size you up. They are masters at seduction. Once they have decided that you are the one (of the moment of course) they fixate on you as the one that they adore. They buy you gifts, sweep you off your feet. They appear to read your mind, knowing what you want and desire. This occurs in the first stages of the seduction. It is living magic. You are mesmerized and out of your ordinary frame of reality. 

Going through a divorce without having children is very painful and difficult. But when we have children that is a different matter. Having our children is forever. Every moment of our lives from then on will never be the same. We have brought individual lives into the world. We are responsible for them. . The same cannot be said about divorced wives or husbands.

I hear so many life stories of the dreadful nightmare of leading your life, sharing your children with a narcissistic spouse. When the marriage unravels, a decision is made to either stay with the narcissistic spouse or seeking a divorce. Those who stay with the narcissist have a tough road ahead. In some cases the spouse is gone much of the time due to their career. The primary parent is the one that raises the children. However, this is not always the case and the non-narcissistic spouse must cope with this very difficult situation that involves the lives of her/his children.

The cautionary tale here is to become highly informed about every trait of the narcissistic personality. Take you time to do the research. You don't want to marry a narcissist if you can possibly avoid this. Once you are married and realize that your spouse is narcissistic, it is your decision to stay or leave. I strongly recommend that if you know that your partner is a narcissist, do not have children with this individual if you are informed. If you didn't realized that you were having children with a  narcissistic spouse, don't blame yourself. You couldn't have known who this person really was. When you discover the truth about the true nature of the narcissist, make a wise decision. Often this option is divorce. You will be sharing custody with the narcissistic parent. This is very challenging. Your children know how much you love them. That is the most powerful truth of all. It is possible to navigate the tough road, sharing custody with a narcissistic ex.

So if there is any way that you can avoid having a child with a narcissist, do it. Be pro-active. Arm yourself with the truth. To learn more about the narcissistic personality, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Pay Attention to Your Intuition Dealing with Narcissists

Intuition, a deep knowing that moves through us faster than a lightening strike is with us throughout our lives. This is one of the most valuable gifts we can develop as individuals. We are all capable of being intuitive. In some families it is encouraged; in others it remains unknown and unvalued. Seeking the truth and developing high levels of intuition are closely related to one another. Small children are highly intuitive. Even babies will cry when they feel someone around them whom they sense they cannot trust. I am not talking here about a stage of stranger anxiety.

When you are dealing with a narcissistic spouse and especially going through a divorce, intuition is your constant companion and source of wisdom. It moves so quickly that it can be dismissed easily or rationalized away. Learn to be receptive to the ways that your intuition is communicating with you. Some people hear a quiet voice that tells them what to or say. Others will see something special in their mind's eye. Some dream about what move to make next. Intuition is a source of wisdom. The more you use it, the greater its power and easier it is to access. It is part of our true nature. I have found that many people are not open to accepting this gift as a reality. Others, however, embrace their intuition and use it throughout their lives.

Intuition tells us when we are dealing with a narcissist. If we pay close attention we avoid entanglements with narcissists by listening to this source of wisdom. If we have been married to a narcissist and have made the decision to sever the relationship, using intuition puts us on the right pathway to freedom. It helps us through every single step. You will meet others who are very familiar with this gift. They are a source of comfort and reassurance. Intuition is more powerful than intellectual thought since it travels at greater speed and gets to the central truth instantaneously. Learn to be receptive to the inner messages that are speaking to you. Listen to these guides. They are a sources of protection, security, creativity and transformation. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com  

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Why Couples Therapy Doesn't Work with Narcissists

When marriage to a narcissist is going very badly, the suggestion is made that the husband and wife participate in couples therapy to save the relationship. Narcissists don’t take well to therapy. Remember, they believe they are perfect so if there are issues in the partnership, they are yours not his/hers. If the narcissist is pressured into therapy, he will sabotage it every time. The first few rounds may appear to be promising but wait for the saboteur to step on to stage center. The narcissist explains to the therapist that the reason the two of you have come is to get you “fixed.”  You are shocked but keep quiet. This man/woman has been driving you into a downward psychological spiral for years and you are paying a therapist because of the pathology your husband has found in you. This is a non starter however the wife takes the so-called pathology on her shoulders and feels that there is something intrinsically wrong with her. This is most unfortunate but does occur all the time.
In some cases the narcissist in couples therapy with all of his charm and magnetism wins over the therapist to his/her point of view. The spouse has become the identified patient who needs to work through her deep-seated childhood issues. The narcissist compliments the therapist just enough to keep her/him on board. You are left with the psychiatric diagnosis and the narcissist is set free to do whatever he damn wants.
Narcissists are false self grandiose personalities who can never face the truth about themselves. They live a delusional life of their own making. They are incapable of introspection, self-analysis or insight.
Come to the recognition that this person is not going to change–ever. This realization can be very painful. It is better to face the truth than to live you life in delusion with the narcissist who treats you like an objects that is expendable and can be discarded at any time.
Look squarely at yourself and who you really are–a unique, talented, warm, caring individual who is waiting to bloom fully. Be free, speak you own words, sing your own song, be spontaneous, embrace life and feel it resonate within you.
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Severing Relationship with Narcissistic Mother Your Healing Begins

We didn't make a request to have our particular mother. She was bestowed on us by a complex act of fate. Small children may sense that there is something fundamentally wrong with mother. She doesn't hug them or give them kisses. Her body is stiff when she is near; her gaze is hard and at times menacing. We are afraid of her but know that on some deep level that we must survive this person. Often these mothers are exceedingly strict and cruel. Some are completely disinterested in their kids and palm them off on babysitters and other caretakers so that "mother can lead her own life." "She is entitled after all."  The child cannot give this behavior a name but it doesn't matter because her/his emotional and psychological needs are not being met. Yes, mother makes sure that the child is fed (not always--there are children of narcissistic mothers who have to fend for themselves in the hunger department and are severely deprived) and clothed and sent to school but there is no real communication. Mother is always distracted with how she looks and feels. Her moods are often erratic. Narcissistic mothers are known for their sudden fits of rage that are projected on to their children and spouses. Some children witness dreadful scenes between their parents of verbal abuse and in some cases, physical assault. The ugly arguments and vicious scenes are traumatizing to a small child. The narcissistic mother always wins, degrades the father, leaving him feeling worthless. The child does not have a strong father on whom he can depend. Some fathers are workaholics and spend most of their time away from the house. They are not involved in the raising of their children. They escape into their work, other women, alcohol, anything that will remove them from this she-devil of a wife.
It can take decades to find out that your mother is a narcissistic personality. You do research and dig for the truth about this person who has made your life so unbearable. Finally you know the disorder. Some children have been blaming themselves or thinking they were crazy all of this time. Other siblings may not have the powers of observation or objectivity to recognize who mother really is. In fact some of them are psychologically fused with her and will defend her to the end. These mothers enjoy turning one child against the other in defense of her. You may be the only one in the family who knows the truth about this woman.
If you are a truthseeker and acknowledge that you can no longer lead your life tied to non mother who has only brought you psychological pain, then you make the decision to sever the relationship.  This is a rough road if you  siblings and other family members are standing in her court. But you value yourself and the life that you want to lead. At this moment your healing begins. You have untied yourself from the toxic knots that have bound you to a narcissistic mother. You now swim freely in the ocean of life. You can be yourself fully. You have respite, rest and the capacity to dream and create--unencumbered. Your nervous system switches from fight or flight to relaxation mode. Your creativity soars. You keenly feel your capacity to give and receive love. Along the way you will meet other daughters and sons of narcissistic mothers and your words and empathy will help them to begin the healing process.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Spouses Addicted to Pornography

There are many individuals addicted to pornography who are not narcissistic personalities.  I have come across a population of narcissistic personalities who are. Some of them are obsessed with it--day and night.
This causes additional problems for the spouse of the narcissist. If there are children in the picture this complicates the matter. Narcissists are very blase' about these addictions, thinking nothing of them. They are not concerned about protecting their children from exposure to images and sounds that could be shocking and disturbing to them. They do not genuinely love and care about their children. Their concern is about getting caught and having their perfect image impaired in some public way. That is the worst punishment for them. Narcissists have no sense of limits so if they want to watch porn, they deserve to enjoy it and not be disturbed by anyone else in the household. I have heard of cases in which a child was sick, the mother was very concerned but the narcissistic husband and father was too "busy" with his extensive porn collection to offer support or even attend to his child's physical pain. In some instances, the child had to be taken to an emergency room by the mother and dad stayed home with his favorite pastime. This illustrates how infantile and unempathic these individuals are. It illustrates their extreme sense of self entitlement and no limits or boundaries beliefs about themselves.

Eventually there is a time of reckoning with the narcissistic spouse. As the only responsible adult and parent in the family, it is up to you to make the call about severing the marriage and seeking a divorce. Some spouses are unable to make this decision and drag out the emotional and psychological pain to themselves and their children. Once the truth about the narcissistic spouse is clearly in your  mind together with all of the damage he has done and knowing that he will never change, step forward, make you plan to sever the relationship. I hear from those who have made this decision and they feel that they have started living again.
They are motivated and act to make the final shift from being a victim to leading a full solitary creative life for yourself (and if you have children for them). To understand the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Back from the Brink--Separating from Narcissistic Husband

Those who have been married to a narcissistic husband for a few years are beginning to feel the psychopathology of these individuals more keenly each day. You may still be fooling yourself and that happens to so many people, but the chinks of light are finally coming into your eyes. You are feeling the psychological stings and blows of being married to someone who expects you to be perfect, who constantly lies to you, who is likely to have another relationship going although he is married to you, who is secretly paranoid, who is filled with envy when you are successful, who goes into infernal fits of rage over the tiniest matters and who completely lacks empathy. Slowly you are wearing down and after decades with this man, you feel literally sick of this arrangement. He is the Taker; you are always the Giver and it is never enough for him.

Bring yourself back from the brink.Acknowledge that you are married to a serious character disordered personality who cannot and will not change. You will never be treated with respect or be able to lead your own life. Understand the narcissist's true nature and you will bring yourself back from the Brink. When you do, congratulate yourself. You now feel entitled to lead your own life, form healthy relationships and pursue your dreams and develop your creative gifts to the fullest. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Sociopathic Spiritual Teachers Cause Psychological Harm

Narcissistic sociopaths, especially "spiritual teachers" are among the most cunning, compelling and psychologically corrosive individuals. Many of them build large movements. Some of them develop into cults that involve mind control. The leader is often highly attractive in every way: physically, intellectually, has tremendous charisma, even psychic powers. They have command of themselves and know how to determine if a person is "ripe" to be brainwashed into their movement or special community. There are spiritual groups that are very sincere and have a high consciousness. I am talking about the newly imaged, hip, smart bearer of truth, insights and epiphanies. They are often announced with great fanfare. There closest devotees treat them with reverence. Their eyes glow with true believer allegiance. They smile their ways through the perfect trance of their newest delusion---the belief that their leader is divine. They are hooked and fused with this person. Many have paid thousands of dollars numerous times to attend weekend retreats with their holy teacher. They don't blink an eye at the expense they are in such a state of bliss.  Some sociopathic spiritual teachers present themselves in an ego dropped, simple manner--just plain old me. Don't be fooled. This is convincing act that can be irresistible to many who are spiritual seekers and feel that something vital is missing in their lives.

Those who become deeply involved with the sociopathic spiritual teacher lose themselves and their identities chasing after the empty promises of this very disturbed individual. The psychological fusion that the devotee has with the "teacher" is very unhealthy. A deep dependency can develop and the person is unable to dis-identify from this person whom he views as savior. When the member finally leaves the group, he or she is psychologically damaged and financially compromised. Some members sign over their valuable possessions to these sociopathic leaders. After leaving the cult or sociopathic spiritual leader it is essential that the person receive highly skilled psychotherapy to help them sever their relationships and dependence on this person.

There are certain red flags that will tell you if a "spiritual sociopathic teacher" is in your midst. Ask yourself what is the money motive. Are they charging inordinate amounts of money? Are they insist that you return for the next group of sessions to get to a higher level? Is the teacher highly grandiose and making impossible promises about your healing and divine gifts that you will automatically receive if you sign up. Do they isolate people who attend their retreats so that they become more emotionally vulnerable. If you don't go along with their program, are you shunned or verbally criticized and humiliated. How much money is changing hands.I say always follow the money. True spiritual teachers are not focused on money but on helping you reacher higher consciousness, deep mental focus, a strong sense of innner peace and deep empathy.
Pay close attention to you intuition and it will always tell you if you are dealing with a narcissistic sociopathic spiritual teacher. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Spouse Ripping You to Shreds

Piece by piece, some small others large, your narcissistic spouse is ripping your apart psychologically and attempting to destroy your singular life. When we are married we expect some autonomy. This is not possible with a narcissistic partner. They are fused with husband/wife even when they are having affairs, ignoring your feelings, pretending like you don't exist. You are their possession to be used according to their delusional whims and obsessions. When you put you life's fate in with a narcissist you have made a deal with the devil. Many spouses who remain in these relationships decades later look back at what has become of their lives. They are worn out, depressed, lack energy and hope and feel desperate much of the time. Every once in a while they will have a crumb dropped on them out of the blue by the narcissistic partner. "Let's take a trip, dear." "I bought this outfit just for you." Let's go out to dinner, just the two of us." Often these are empty promises to bring you back into their camp---prison camp. Many go for this bait time after time.

The narcissist is not going to change---ever. You are married to a severe fixed personality disorder. You are the one who will make the decisions and the changes. You cannot trust the narcissist to do what he/she says in a moment of conjuring up the early days of glowing seduction and no limits life possibilities.

You now see through the delusion but are afraid to leave the narcissist. Many with whom I have been in contact, reach inside and make the decision to sever the marriage and reclaim their lives. This is a tremendous challenge but those who have made this step report that now they lead their own lives and are not overshadowed by the narcissist's possessiveness, intimidations, humiliations, betrayals and exploitations. Take heart, you can turn on to a different pathway and lead the life to which you are entitled. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists Expect Perfection--Yours

Narcissists are often obsessed with the perfection of the externals--how they look, what they wear, their eternal youth, flawless skin, no errant hair on the brows, sparkling teeth that startle the eye, perfect bodies, no wrinkles. When they walk in a room at a party they quickly survey the scene and know that they are the most beautiful or handsome person in the room. They are thrilled from head to toe, manic over their flawlessness. They go from person to person--exhibiting how lovely they are. They've got it all and they are advertising it to the hilt.

There are narcissists who are obsessed with their work perfection. Many of them do perform at a very high level. Others are delusional and believe that they are perfect. They are known for delegating to others and expecting them to do all the hard work. When a project is completed the slave laborer--sometimes a spouse--is berated and criticized even if the product is superior.  Their open mouthed screams can be heard down long hallways. They pick at you, like a vulture on a dead carcass. The problem is that you are alive---your adrenal glands are pouring out nor epinephrine, your intestinal tract is roiling, you have to go to the bathroom because you feel like throwing up, you cry and can't stop--Your tears make the narcissist livid and he/she turns up the volume and may even push you around--literally. You are a living slave to a narcissistic ego. How much more will you take? What are your options? How can you free yourself? You don't deserve to be treated this way. You need to learn to respect yourself. This is severe verbal and in some cases physical abuse. When the time of reckoning comes, many partners of narcissists take the step to separate from this horrendous way of life and leave the narcissists. There are many life stories of successful flights to freedom. To learn about the narcissist in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com