After all of the insults, betrayals, brutality--mental, physical, psychological, exploitations, duplicity, uncontrolled bouts of rage or other abominations, I have found that most daughters of narcissistic mothers are highly empathic. They are capable of feeling and understanding deeply what another person is experiencing. Despite all of their ongoing, unending pain and maternal deprivation in childhood and beyond these daughters care deeply about others and have great insights into the painful experiences of those close to them and many whom they know and don't know.
I have the deepest respect and feelings of closeness to these forgotten daughters. I think of their life stories, their courage each day, facing a malicious, cold and psychologically dangerous mother whom they never deserved. Some still blame themselves for not being adequate daughters.....Please stop putting the blame on your shoulders. You are a beacon, a bright light to all of those daughters who still struggle to survive and break free of the emotional bonds of the dark cruelties of the narcissistic mother. You didn't ask to have this mother. It was part of your destiny. You survived and became an extraordinary human being. That is an enormous accomplishment. You give to others out of the depth of your heart. That is one of the reasons why we are here on earth.
Learn to give back to yourself. Take small steps. You will get in touch with the lovely child inside of you. She is waiting to be held and cherished by you. There are many pathways to healing. Discover what works for you. Gentle yoga with emphasis on breathing through the nose, activates the parasympathetic nervous system---All healing begins here in the calmness of the depths of this part of our body/mind. Listen to music that you love and helps you to feel calm. Deeply enjoy the presence of friends whom you trust. If you like to write, do so spontaneously with joy and abandon. Sketching and writing is a wonderful way of experiencing what is happening in the moment. Some find peace in the garden where they see tiny insects going about their work, buds that have opened and promise to blossom, the scent of the rich soil that speaks of our deep connection with the earth--the eternal mother. Some find great pleasure in cooking--engaging the senses in a special way. The colors of food are glorious. Preparing food is a form of meditation and creation for those who love it. Spending some time each day in quieting the mind in the way that works for you that is as pleasant as you can make it, is healing to the heart. It loosens fear long held, entrenched self doubts, terrors of long ago, sadness that haunts the body/mind. The power of meditation in the form that works for you cannot be underestimated but make sure that you are doing what is best for you. Here, there is no judgment---only the angels of encouragement and inner peace. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life