Healing after Divorcing a Narcissist--Self Care

Many ex-spouses of narcissists are so exhausted after their battle to get out of their marriage that they don't think about their own personal healing. Living so long with an abusive, ultra demanding, critical, self absorbed narcissistic spouse, the former partner is still living in the fight or flight mode. That has been this person's life as long as she/he was married to this classic personality disorder. The ex-spouse is accustomed to being screamed at, not being heard or understood and of course a complete lack of empathy.

One of the challenges of healing after the narcissist is to learn self care. If you have never practiced this throughout your life when you were growing up and then moving into a destructive relationship, it is difficult to realize that you deserve to be kind and protective of yourself in every way. As you adjust to finally having freedom from the narcissistic spouse there are a number of ways that you can practice self care.

Get a sufficient amount of sleep each night. The exact hours vary with each individual but learning to check in with your body will tell you the proper rhythm of your sleep/ wake cycles.

Eat balanced meals including protein, vegetables, good fats like avocados and nuts. Do not let your insulin levels spike up or plunge down by eating sugars or high fructose foods.

Learn to say "No" to people who are pressuring you because they are overpowering personalities. You have a right to make your own decisions about whom you will associate with and activities you will attend. Many of those married to narcissists have become accustomed to taking orders and being intimidated by a dominating personality. You no longer are in this situation.  Learn to appreciate your freedom in every way: your thoughts, visions of the future, your creative ideas, free expression of your feelings, time to be alone and enjoy your own company.

Many individuals are helped by setting up a daily routine of essentials that works for them. For example, starting in the morning with a quiet time for meditation, gentle yoga, listening to calming music, etc.
Developing an exercise program that you tailor to your needs to become stronger. Learn to go at your own pace. Appreciate how exercise makes you feel more grounded, calmer and clear minded.

Take time to be in Nature even if it for a short time. Listen to the birds, feed them if you want to, notice the night sky and appreciate its magnificent beauty, watch the movement of ever changing clouds, enjoy the company of animals. If you have a dog or cat, this can be a tremendously gratifying and healing part of your life. Our animal companions contribute immeasurably to our state of inner peace and our feeling of their unconditional love toward us. They teach us how to love more deeply and to experience each moment.

If it appeals to you, spontaneous writing or sketching is a source of freeing up the imagination and a great pleasure if done without editing or self criticism. 

Listening to music--our favorite kind puts away obsessive thoughts and carries us into new worlds that provide bursts of energy and inspiration. Appreciate your laughter and sense of humor and the freedom to express your silliest thoughts. This is a joyful experience. Don't miss it!

Learn to appreciate your original self, the person you were meant to be. As you become more familiar with this self you will know instinctively that you are grounded and feel more secure within. Here you will continue to grow and evolve in every facet of your inner and outer worlds. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Healing and Growing after Divorcing a Narcissist

Divorcing a narcissistic spouse can be one of the most challenging and daunting experiences. In many cases the narcissist takes the bit in his/her mouth and goes for all of the marbles. He/she insists on financial resources and property that are owned in common. The narcissistic spouse suddenly decides that he wants access to his children most of the time. He throws out lies constantly, makes every effort to destroy the personal and professional reputations of his former spouse. With the assistance of an attorney who specializes in family law and who understands the ruthless, controlling behaviors of the narcissistic personality you will be guided through this often arduous process.

For so long, often decades, your life---every aspect of it has been eclipsed by the selfish, duplicitous,  controlling, enraged of a severe personality disorder. When you are free from this constricted way of life, you will begin to recognize that you can make your own decisions, expand and deepen all of your creative gifts, find ways of encouraging your inner peace through a variety of modalities---forms of calming the mind and body--meditation, gentle hatha yoga, joining support groups that focus on healing after divorce.

The mind and body are designed to heal. When we provide ourselves with the right internal and external environments and individuals who are supportive of the process we are going through, we will grow, taking back our identities as unique individuals. Your confidence will return. Your creativity will be re-launched. Your life goals will become a source of hope and great anticipation. You have begun a new cycle of life---a hopeful and encouraging. You have prevailed. Celebrate this new beginning. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com