Whether you are the son or daughter of a narcissistic mother or father, the spouse of a narcissist or the sibling of a narcissist you have been through a painful ordeal that caused you psychological and emotional pain. You cannot erase this reality but you can heal and move forward with your life. You are entitled to feel secure, independent, hopeful, inspired, calm and in charge. As you unloosen the mental and psychological chains that have bound you--step out and appreciate your true true self, the person you were always meant to be.
Self Care is the beginning of healing after the narcissist.
1. Take time each day to be with yourself in solitude in the way that you define it. Set this time aside for yourself so that you will not be interrupted. Learn to quiet your mind for a few minutes at a time consistently through meditation, gentle yoga poses, listening to calming music, prayer and other activities that bring you inner peace.
2. Make an effort to get the sleep that you need. You will be rewarded with a clear mind and an increase in your physical and mental stamina.
3. Learn to say "No" to those who would take advantage of you--narcissists in particular. You have already had this painful experience. Your days of being manipulated and exploited are over.
4. Become less concerned about what others think of you when you activate your independent thinking. You are free now to express your own opinions.
5. Eat healthy foods that nourish all of your body systems including that part of the nervous system that keeps us feeling calm.
6. Express your creativity in ways that appeal to you---writing, painting, dancing, singing, cooking, gardening, designing, etc.
7. Form a support system of a few individuals whom you can count on anytime. This can take time. Be receptive to those who cross your path whom you think are possible candidates.
8. Take your sense of humor out of cold storage (if that is where it has been while you were under the control of the narcissist) and let her rip---If you are silly, go for it. If you are inclined toward dry wit, let's hear it. Each person has a unique sense of humor which is delightful. Humor saves us. This life is not easy and we must have humor as our constant companion.
9. Pay close attention to the messages of your intuition. Intuition is a gift we have as human beings. The more often it is used, the greater its power to guide us through life.
10. Practice receiving the affection and love that others offer to you. Embrace it and feel the warmth.
Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Showing posts with label practice self care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label practice self care. Show all posts
Friday, September 6, 2013
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Healing after Divorcing a Narcissist--Self Care
Many ex-spouses of narcissists are so exhausted after their battle to get out of their marriage that they don't think about their own personal healing. Living so long with an abusive, ultra demanding, critical, self absorbed narcissistic spouse, the former partner is still living in the fight or flight mode. That has been this person's life as long as she/he was married to this classic personality disorder. The ex-spouse is accustomed to being screamed at, not being heard or understood and of course a complete lack of empathy.
One of the challenges of healing after the narcissist is to learn self care. If you have never practiced this throughout your life when you were growing up and then moving into a destructive relationship, it is difficult to realize that you deserve to be kind and protective of yourself in every way. As you adjust to finally having freedom from the narcissistic spouse there are a number of ways that you can practice self care.
Get a sufficient amount of sleep each night. The exact hours vary with each individual but learning to check in with your body will tell you the proper rhythm of your sleep/ wake cycles.
Eat balanced meals including protein, vegetables, good fats like avocados and nuts. Do not let your insulin levels spike up or plunge down by eating sugars or high fructose foods.
Learn to say "No" to people who are pressuring you because they are overpowering personalities. You have a right to make your own decisions about whom you will associate with and activities you will attend. Many of those married to narcissists have become accustomed to taking orders and being intimidated by a dominating personality. You no longer are in this situation. Learn to appreciate your freedom in every way: your thoughts, visions of the future, your creative ideas, free expression of your feelings, time to be alone and enjoy your own company.
Many individuals are helped by setting up a daily routine of essentials that works for them. For example, starting in the morning with a quiet time for meditation, gentle yoga, listening to calming music, etc.
Developing an exercise program that you tailor to your needs to become stronger. Learn to go at your own pace. Appreciate how exercise makes you feel more grounded, calmer and clear minded.
Take time to be in Nature even if it for a short time. Listen to the birds, feed them if you want to, notice the night sky and appreciate its magnificent beauty, watch the movement of ever changing clouds, enjoy the company of animals. If you have a dog or cat, this can be a tremendously gratifying and healing part of your life. Our animal companions contribute immeasurably to our state of inner peace and our feeling of their unconditional love toward us. They teach us how to love more deeply and to experience each moment.
If it appeals to you, spontaneous writing or sketching is a source of freeing up the imagination and a great pleasure if done without editing or self criticism.
Listening to music--our favorite kind puts away obsessive thoughts and carries us into new worlds that provide bursts of energy and inspiration. Appreciate your laughter and sense of humor and the freedom to express your silliest thoughts. This is a joyful experience. Don't miss it!
Learn to appreciate your original self, the person you were meant to be. As you become more familiar with this self you will know instinctively that you are grounded and feel more secure within. Here you will continue to grow and evolve in every facet of your inner and outer worlds. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
One of the challenges of healing after the narcissist is to learn self care. If you have never practiced this throughout your life when you were growing up and then moving into a destructive relationship, it is difficult to realize that you deserve to be kind and protective of yourself in every way. As you adjust to finally having freedom from the narcissistic spouse there are a number of ways that you can practice self care.
Get a sufficient amount of sleep each night. The exact hours vary with each individual but learning to check in with your body will tell you the proper rhythm of your sleep/ wake cycles.
Eat balanced meals including protein, vegetables, good fats like avocados and nuts. Do not let your insulin levels spike up or plunge down by eating sugars or high fructose foods.
Learn to say "No" to people who are pressuring you because they are overpowering personalities. You have a right to make your own decisions about whom you will associate with and activities you will attend. Many of those married to narcissists have become accustomed to taking orders and being intimidated by a dominating personality. You no longer are in this situation. Learn to appreciate your freedom in every way: your thoughts, visions of the future, your creative ideas, free expression of your feelings, time to be alone and enjoy your own company.
Many individuals are helped by setting up a daily routine of essentials that works for them. For example, starting in the morning with a quiet time for meditation, gentle yoga, listening to calming music, etc.
Developing an exercise program that you tailor to your needs to become stronger. Learn to go at your own pace. Appreciate how exercise makes you feel more grounded, calmer and clear minded.
Take time to be in Nature even if it for a short time. Listen to the birds, feed them if you want to, notice the night sky and appreciate its magnificent beauty, watch the movement of ever changing clouds, enjoy the company of animals. If you have a dog or cat, this can be a tremendously gratifying and healing part of your life. Our animal companions contribute immeasurably to our state of inner peace and our feeling of their unconditional love toward us. They teach us how to love more deeply and to experience each moment.
If it appeals to you, spontaneous writing or sketching is a source of freeing up the imagination and a great pleasure if done without editing or self criticism.
Listening to music--our favorite kind puts away obsessive thoughts and carries us into new worlds that provide bursts of energy and inspiration. Appreciate your laughter and sense of humor and the freedom to express your silliest thoughts. This is a joyful experience. Don't miss it!
Learn to appreciate your original self, the person you were meant to be. As you become more familiar with this self you will know instinctively that you are grounded and feel more secure within. Here you will continue to grow and evolve in every facet of your inner and outer worlds. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
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