Psychoanalyst Carl Jung speaks about projections: " A man who is unconscious of himself acts in a blind, instinctive way and is in addition fooled by all the illusions that arise when he sees everything that he is not conscious of in himself coming to meet from outside as projections upon his neighbor." Primitive projections are powerful psychological weapons used by the narcissist to weaken those closest to him/her. A projection is an unconscious defense mechanism the individual uses to eject powerful aggressive feelings and impulses that he cannot tolerate on to some one else. The receiver of these projections feels stunned, shocked and wounded on impact. The unconscious and unexpected properties of the projection is what makes it so potent and poisonous. Recently I was on the receiving end of one of these psychic assaults from a stranger. Fortunately I was in a public venue which slightly softened the blow. I remember getting a first impression of this person as off center. She was very self absorbed, appearing needy and too nice. I could sense that she was distanced from herself---unknown to herself. She presented herself as helpless and innocent. There was a muted but persistent voice inside of me that said: "Don't go near her. She is concealing her real self. She has boundary issues. Keep your distance." I waved off this intuitive warning because the situation appeared to be so innocuous. I had been in conversation with a friend nearby and we were being jovial and silly (but not disruptive to others).
Out of nowhere this woman blasted me with a sharply barbed comment which she repeated. She tried to cut me down by making a swift clipped cruel observation about my outward appearance. It translated as "You're ugly and useless"! Without dropping my jaw, I felt a pump of adrenaline, then rage, then shame. I answered back with a humorous quip. This Ms. Innocent---Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth babe" thought she had landed a mortal wound. I certainly felt the punch. Her repetition of this insult meant that she had every intention of hitting me with a psychological body blow. This projective mechanism was unconscious on her part. It resonated inside of me for some time. Even with all of my training and clinical experience it was bruising and I had to work hard to re-group.
The middle name of a narcissist is projection----all of the time. (Some people use projection as a defense mechanism who are not narcissistic.) There is much to be learned that is invaluable in these situations. First, stay tuned to your 24 hour a day intuition channel----It is always telling you the truth, even when it comes in a quiet voice. Second, be kind to yourself when someone has blasted you in this way. It's a psychological belly blow. And, steer clear of these people. They don't have boundaries---Keep your distance from these individuals. We will visit this topic again. Primitive projections are constantly flying through the air, awaiting the next victim. Take great care of yourself. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Showing posts with label intuition. Show all posts
Showing posts with label intuition. Show all posts
Friday, November 19, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Nine Steps toward Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist
We cannot change the narcissist. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a fixed psychopathology that is very unlikely to change. What can we do if we are married to, partnered with or the adult child of a narcissist. We begin by making a resolve to strengthen ourselves on every level: psychologically, physically, mentally and spiritually (in the way that has meaning to you).
1. Research and study the best sources of information on the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. There are many excellent books, blogs, articles that are filled with quality information on this disorder. Be selective and choose the material which you recognize has the highest quality.
2. Strengthen you body with a form of cardiovascular exercise that works for you. Walking is one of the best options. Make sure that it is medically safe for you to exercise. If you don't feel like exercising, join the club. It is essential in whatever form it takes for you. Exercise includes a form of stretching (gentle yoga, for example) that keeps the body supple, flexible and youthful.
3. Get the sleep and rest that you need and deserve. People who brag about only needing two hours of sleep at night are exceedingly rare, taking naps, bending the truth or narcissists telling everyone that they are superhuman. Sleep is a magnificent healer. For example--between 11 pm and 1 am the body is rejuvenating the kidney functions. Between 1 am and 3 am the liver functions are restoring themselves. If you need to sit down, put your feet up and stop for a few minutes--do it. Don't feel guilty about not being in a constant swarm of activity. Some of our most creative moments occur when we are quiet and appear to be "doing nothing."
4. Take time each day--the amount of time is up to you--it can be short--two minutes--to practice stillness. You can do a formal meditation, chant, pray, read spiritual literature--whatever you find that calms your mind and slows down the thoughts. It takes a while to quell thousands of thoughts, sensations, feelings and memories that swirl through the mind. This is not the absence of a meditative state. Don't make judgments about how you are doing. Making the effort to sit and be is a great accomplishment.
5. Develop a support group of individuals who are empathic listeners and kind human beings. They are the "what you see is what you get" kind of people. They are not concerned about "image"--they are transparent.
6. Write each day whatever comes to mind. Writing is mysterious and healing. When we write we let go of what we are withholding from ourselves, afraid to hear or ashamed to give voice to. The amount doesn't matter. Don't make any judgments about the quality of the writing. These are to be "No Editing" sessions.
You will be amazed at what you find on the page. Writing has a magic, restorative quality.
7. Practice the art of intuition. Intuition is a kind of knowing that is faster than intellectual thought. We don't have to study to become intuitive. It is an art and a mystery. The more you exercise your intuition, the stronger it becomes. Intuition is our creative and protective companion throughout our lives.
8. Be kind to yourself. Hold yourself like a loving mother with her beloved child.
9. Tune into your creative gifts. You possess more creative energy than you can ever imagine. Creativity is occurring inside of you every moment. Express it your way--feel free and whole.
Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
1. Research and study the best sources of information on the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. There are many excellent books, blogs, articles that are filled with quality information on this disorder. Be selective and choose the material which you recognize has the highest quality.
2. Strengthen you body with a form of cardiovascular exercise that works for you. Walking is one of the best options. Make sure that it is medically safe for you to exercise. If you don't feel like exercising, join the club. It is essential in whatever form it takes for you. Exercise includes a form of stretching (gentle yoga, for example) that keeps the body supple, flexible and youthful.
3. Get the sleep and rest that you need and deserve. People who brag about only needing two hours of sleep at night are exceedingly rare, taking naps, bending the truth or narcissists telling everyone that they are superhuman. Sleep is a magnificent healer. For example--between 11 pm and 1 am the body is rejuvenating the kidney functions. Between 1 am and 3 am the liver functions are restoring themselves. If you need to sit down, put your feet up and stop for a few minutes--do it. Don't feel guilty about not being in a constant swarm of activity. Some of our most creative moments occur when we are quiet and appear to be "doing nothing."
4. Take time each day--the amount of time is up to you--it can be short--two minutes--to practice stillness. You can do a formal meditation, chant, pray, read spiritual literature--whatever you find that calms your mind and slows down the thoughts. It takes a while to quell thousands of thoughts, sensations, feelings and memories that swirl through the mind. This is not the absence of a meditative state. Don't make judgments about how you are doing. Making the effort to sit and be is a great accomplishment.
5. Develop a support group of individuals who are empathic listeners and kind human beings. They are the "what you see is what you get" kind of people. They are not concerned about "image"--they are transparent.
6. Write each day whatever comes to mind. Writing is mysterious and healing. When we write we let go of what we are withholding from ourselves, afraid to hear or ashamed to give voice to. The amount doesn't matter. Don't make any judgments about the quality of the writing. These are to be "No Editing" sessions.
You will be amazed at what you find on the page. Writing has a magic, restorative quality.
7. Practice the art of intuition. Intuition is a kind of knowing that is faster than intellectual thought. We don't have to study to become intuitive. It is an art and a mystery. The more you exercise your intuition, the stronger it becomes. Intuition is our creative and protective companion throughout our lives.
8. Be kind to yourself. Hold yourself like a loving mother with her beloved child.
9. Tune into your creative gifts. You possess more creative energy than you can ever imagine. Creativity is occurring inside of you every moment. Express it your way--feel free and whole.
Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
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