Don't Capitulate to the Narcissist---You Are Whole and Strong

You are and were meant to be whole and strong human beings. Many of you have had a very rough ride in life, often too much to bear. I know of those who have been almost at the breaking point with narcissists'  deceptions, betrayals and horrendous cruelties. Their secret psychological tortures are performed out of public notice when no one but the victim is their target. Even children don't suspect how horrendous and overwhelmingly painful a non-narcissistic spouse has suffered under unspeakable pain and chronic distress---But we must talk about them---these narcissists who are becoming normalized by our current society---bring them out into the open, pin them down, wriggling, with the truth of our words and our lives.

The narcissist is a clever deceiver. Most people believe him/her, even professional psychotherapists, judges on the bench, and too many of those in authority who wield the power to make life changing decisions. (custody of children for starters) Too often those who sit in judgment favor the narcissist's twisted stories, packs of well constructed layered lies and traps that they lay for those whom they plot to ensnare and vanquish. Each one of us---victims of narcissistic cruelty--daughters and sons of narcissists, spouses of narcissists, siblings of narcissists, family members can start by learning in detail as much as they can about the ways these individuals operate beneath the radar (when they are off stage), the family dynamics that mold these clever impostors, the many ways that today's society accepts this severe personality disorder and discounts the emotional and psychological devastation of other human beings that narcissists always leave behind them. That is the tragedy that we must face, acknowledge and start to communicate directly so that the voices of the victims of narcissistic abuse are heard through every medium possible. The Internet is a powerful source for truth telling and the global distribution of vital information----instantaneously. I communicate with too many of those who have suffered too much for too long and are still at the mercy of narcissistic abuse in their daily lives or through past cruelties that still resonate within them.

Know that you will heal. The human psyche, mind and soul is always in the process of healing. This is a vital aspect of human nature and all of life. When we are receptive to the deepest parts of ourselves and can attune to the stillness, the straight truth that speaks directly to us, we become aware of the forces of healing that are waiting for us to say: "Yes, I am whole, free and strong"! Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com  

Psychological Devastation One Narcissist Can Wreak

Narcissists cause multiple psychological train wrecks in the lives of others, particularly family members---spouses, ex-spouses, children, in-laws.Always on the hunt for narcissistic supplies which includes a feverish search for people they can exploit, the narcissist can deleteriously affect a wide swath of people including close family members, business and social circles. Exploitative, duplicitous, at times treacherous, highly manipulative, dangerously secretive, the narcissist never stops his hunt for the ultimate narcissistic supplies: praise, adulation, social status, wealth, business connections, spouses and partners that will enhance his/her image of perfection.

I have seen families decimated in the aftermath of the narcissist's vicious, repeated dark deeds. Having neither shame nor conscience, a narcissist, particularly a sociopathic narcissist thinks absolutely nothing of leaving an ex-spouse and his children with no financial support or security while he or she moves on with a new fresh partner to marry again and begin a new family. Narcissists don't stop. Just when you think that they have mellowed, changed or slowed down, they will surprise you with finding another way to obstruct your life. If you share custody with a narcissistic ex you understand how exhausting, anxiety provoking and exasperating, these individuals can be. They want everything for themselves. If they have to deplete psychologically, emotionally, mentally and physically in the the meantime, that is your problem. You are taking life too seriously. Narcissists will never take responsibility ever for the damage that they do. Never wait for an apology or reparations from them. They view themselves as perfect--You have the problem.

Become highly informed about the narcissistic personality. This is a powerful offensive to bring into your life. Today we are surrounded by narcissists. Much of society give them a wink and a nod. Often they are praised and emulated. It is time to become knowledgeable and assertive. You will become a master of this subject and narcissists will be quickly identified, dealt with and out of your life. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

Narcissistic Psychotherapists-Identify Them and Keep Your Distance

There are many excellent psychotherapists who help individuals, couples and families to identify, work through and resolve psychological and emotional issues in an ethical and competent manner.

In this post I am speaking about narcissistic psychotherapists---including psychiatrists, psychologists and various counselors who have narcissistic personalities and can cause psychological and emotional harm to their clients. This is  particularly the case if the client is in a chronic state of crisis, emotionally dependent, lives in continual fear of abandonment and has severe symptoms of clinical depression and/or anxiety. Some clients live in a state of mental confusion and are delusional in their thinking. These people are particularly vulnerable in the outside world. There are narcissistic therapists whose major goal is to create and expand their business empire. For them only the bottom line that matters---how many patients will pay them at the highest fees possible for their services. Some therapists keep clients for monetary gain over periods of years rather than referring them to a professional or group that can be helpful. .

To protect yourself from narcissistic psychotherapist, watch for these character traits and behaviors in your psychotherapist:
Poor eye contact. The therapist is distracted and restless.
Taking telephone calls or initiating them during a session.
Constant self reference--therapist talks about himself and his family rather than focusing on his patients
Pattern of changing appointment times
Therapist displays behaviors of grandiosity and extreme self  entitlement
Therapist does not listen and is not attuned to the client's feelings, thoughts, fantasies, fears, worries.
Therapist does not make himself/herself available during times of crisis
Argumentativeness and defensiveness--The therapist is always right; the patient is always wrong.
Therapist's lack of empathy.

It doesn't matter how many degrees, clinical internships, books authored or prestigious universities a psychotherapist has attended. With all of the perfect credentials a psychotherapist can still be a narcissist especially if this is a smooth well rehearsed convincing role.

To protect yourself from narcissistic psychotherapists, do your homework. Referrals from professional people whom you trust is important. This does not guarantee that this is the right therapist for you. Pay very close attention to your intuition. If you are getting the impression that this therapist has narcissistic issues, regardless of his/her educational and clinical experience, listen carefully to this message. Don't respond to any pressure a psychotherapist places on you to enter treatment. Interview several therapists. You are hiring someone to work with and help you. You are in charge of this decision. There are many excellent psychotherapists who are highly competent, knowledgeable, clinically and personally fit and highly empathic. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book:amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com



                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  ]


































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]successful in their practices are high level narcissists. For many clients, they appear to be genuine and empathic. They appear to be attuned to you and your emotional pain. They seem to be listening. Other narcissistic therapists are obviously disinterested and bored with seeing patients. It's like a routine that they have repeated so many times. They have it down pat.
Their motive or seeing clients is predominantly financial. Some narcissistic therapapists foster a deep dependency on clients to keep the "therapy" going indefinitely and as a result, their paid fees mounting. When clients are extremely dependent, anxious and depressed there is a tendency for them to surrender their powers of judgment on to the therapist. They psychologically fuse with this professional person, making him/her the focus of their lives.

Freeing Yourself from Your Narcissistic Mother

Even if you have long severed your relationship with your narcissistic mother, there can be residues of feelings that remain.Some children of narcissistic mothers after many years of estrangement, still believe that they can renew their relationship with mother and that this time it will be different. They tell themselves that in the passing years, mother has mellowed, softened. She may even be capable of insight. She could even say that she is "sorry." Many of these children with whom I have had contact find that the narcissistic mother has not changed. She is still blaming her son or daughter for everything that doesn't work perfectly for her. She accuses these children of abandoning her, when for many decades, from early childhood on, she has made her sons and daughters lives, unbearable. She has been unrelenting in her criticisms, venomous projections, cruel betrayals, pitting one child against the other, insisting that her child must follow a specific profession that will bring honor and prestige to the family. These children are not allowed to choose their own personal destinies. The narcissistic mother is the ultimate controller. Some of these mothers choose partners and career paths for their sons and daughters. Children in the family who show an independence of mind are  are hounded and criticized. The narcissist child in the family, the individual who moves synchronistically to mother's choreography, is venerated like a member of royalty in the family. Mother cannot stop obsessively praising this child, openly comparing him/her with the other children.  

After all of the psychological pain of not having a mother who is genuinely capable of love find ways to heal themselves through quality psychotherapy and a number of modalities including meditation, hatha yoga, tai chi, etc. Many find support groups of other individuals who have suffered from having a narcissistic mother. Some find comfort and peace through learning how to still the mind through meditation, practicing yoga, tai chi, qi gong and other healing practices. The process of individuation--becoming a resourceful whole separate human being is lifelong. We are always a work in progress--- bringing intellectual curiosity to our activities, developing mental and spiritual steadiness, working with our unique creativity and reaching out to others who will be comforted by our kindness and receptivity to them.  Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com  

Narcissistic Siblings-Secret Cruelties-Hair Raising Terrors

The psychological pain that can lead to post traumatic stress suffered by those who grow up with narcissistic siblings is often overlooked. No one will talk about it. If the mother is a narcissist and raising a golden boy or girl or one of each her focus is on the molding a perfect clone of herself.  This child is a living gift to the parent(s) and the world. Day by day golden children are never corrected for their misdeeds, lack of conscience or physical and verbal abuse. "Mother always made excuses for my sister, no matter how mean she was to me and the other children." "There were so many scary ways my sister threatened me. She used to lock me in the closet when mom wasn't home---sometimes for hours because I refused to respond to one of her demands."  "My older sister knew I was petrified of the dark. At night she turned off all the lights in my room and would come in and make animal noises and taunt me. She knelt beside my bed and whispered in my ear: "if you make a sound I'll come back in the middle of the night and scare you to death." This imposition of terror by the narcissistic child is not uncommon in these families. The narcissistic parent either ignores or writes off the non-narcissistic children. They are treated like inanimate objects or the continuous target of verbal abuse, humiliations, false acquisitions, name calling  and shaming. The narcissistic mother may even join forces and lead the cruel bombardments and threats. This behavior is highly sadistic and many victims of narcissistic sibling abuse suffer from psychological trauma years after these cruelties are perpetrated. The more chronic and violent the verbal and physical abuse is the greater the chance of the scapegoated child for development of post traumatic stress. Very  young defenseless children are more inclined to be severely traumatized by persistent sibling bullying. These terrors are perpetrated in secrecy which makes their aftereffects long lasting and deeply etched on the growing psyche.

Those who are recovering from the cruelties and personal transgressions of narcissistic siblings, often learn that they must sever their relationship with these toxic individuals. In many cases this means ending contact with the narcissistic parent as well. Some victims work with and heal their psychological wounds in psychotherapy. Others process their traumas through a combination of modalities: meditation, yoga, journaling, prayer, support groups. Never underestimate the emotional and psychological damage a narcissistic sibling can perpetrate upon his/her brother or sister. Know that you can heal by learning about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder and recognizing that you are a valuable separate human being who has unique gifts, talents and intrinsic value just the way you are. Visit my website: http://www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com/

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com  

Sociopathic Narcissists-Getting What They Want at Your Expense

Narcissists are frequently given a pass for their multitude of misdeeds, transgressions, cruelties and brutalities. Part of this is occurring because the narcissistic style--self absorption, rank materialism, extreme self entitlement, ruthlessness and treachery--have become acceptable behaviors throughout much of our current society. The cult of celebrity has created an obsession of instant stardom, public sensationalism . through various forms of communication and entertainment vehicles. People are responding to the contagion of the narcissistic style. In some families the narcissistic style is highly rewarded, even expected.

The behavior of many narcissistic personalities blurs into sociopathy, meaning that concerns about the harm they perpetrate upon others, especially family members is non-existent. There is no conscience here at all within these individuals. Although they might not harm you physically in a direct way, they will do everything they can to wear you down and even devastate your life if they believe that's what it takes to pull you under and win. Narcissists never look back. They are always pushing forward at top speed in a rush to reach their ultimate goals and triumphs. The narcissist lives his or her life in the fast lane. Narcissists are very high maintenance. They often find mates who will do all of the hard work, and take the beatings, which includes being the frequent recipient of raw, constant criticism and demeaning humiliations.

To the sociopathic narcissist every person is expendable and interchangeable. If you have devoted your life to a narcissistic spouse and no longer fit in with their revised grandiose sense of self, you will be discarded-- often without any funds for the most basic needs. I have communicated with a number of individuals who have been psychologically and financially severely harmed by the immoral and illegal workings of the sociopathic narcissist. These individuals are cunning and cover their tracks. They work in secret, make deals behind the scenes--always at your expense. With the sociopath narcissist there is no peace, no feeling of psychological security.

Learn to recognize and protect yourself from the sociopathic narcissist. Study the narcissistic personality disorder in detail and master the material. It is in your best interest to learn to identify these severely disturbed individuals quickly. Be clear with yourself that no one ---no one will get what they want at your expense. Bolster your own sense of self entitlement. Work on steadying your mind and emotions. Respect your solid sense of self, your separateness and insist on maintaining your psychological boundaries. Visit my website: http://www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com/

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Spouses of Narcissists-Let Your Light Shine

I am in communication with many spouses who are struggling and suffering in their relationships with narcissistic spouses. Some of them knew before they got married that their prospective mate had some serious psychological issues but they just couldn't put their finger on it. They were swept up with the charm, magnetism and sexual chemistry of the moment. They believed that all of these portents of problems would dissolve once they were married. Everything would right itself with their mutual love. You know if you are married to a narcissist that this is not the case. Narcissistic traits are immutable. They do not seek professional help and if they are roped into it, they will sabotage the therapy either by using their winning personality to fool the therapist (Yes, this does happen quite often) or by pretending to participate and then leaving the therapy. Why should a narcissist subject himself/herself to psychotherapy---These individuals believe they are perfect. It is the partner who is carrying all of the pathology, not them.

If you are coping with a narcissistic spouse, despite everything, let you light shine. You can achieve this in  variety of ways. First, maintain your physical health and strength through good nutrition and exercise. Find a practice that helps you to calm yourself. This can be a form of meditation, visualization, journaling (make sure that this is private-for your eyes only) gentle hatha yoga. A really devoted friend whom you can trust without exception and who will listen is of great support. Explore in your mind your many gifts. Expand your consciousness and recognize that you are a talented, valuable, empathic human being. You have a life that is separate from your spouse. Many individuals discover gifts, talents and capacities they didn't realize they had. Human beings are by nature creative. You possibly have a decision to make about staying in your marriage to a narcissist. The tendency for them is to try to eclipse our lives. You cannot let anyone do that to you. In some cases, the non-narcissistic spouse decides that he/she must sever the relationship in order to preserve their sense of self and to lead the life that they deserve. You are growing and learning. The narcissist is not going to change-----ever! So let your light shine brightly like the planet Jupiter we see each night in the autumn skies. Visit my website: http://www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com/

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Learn to Detach from Narcissist's Outrageous Projections

Narcissists are constantly projecting their unconscious psychological venom on to others, especially spouses, children, siblings and other family members. Inside the privacy of the home, those who revere the image that the narcissist presents in the outside world have no inkling just how ugly the narcissist's personality can be. For those he/she is impressing to obtain narcissistic supplies, this person becomes a source of adulation and veneration.

For those who live with him behind closed doors, the narcissist is a living nightmare. He is constantly demanding, spoiled, insisting on perfection from others. When you do something perfectly he/she finds a flaw and starts picking away at you. When narcissist's don't get from you what they say they want, they are inclined to scream like two year olds with greatly enhanced volume. They are relentless insisting that they are right, you are wrong and that there is something psychologically and mentally askew with you. You need professional help. The reverse is true---this individual has a severe personality disorder that is not going to change.

If you are staying with the narcissist while you are making a decision about your future, learn how to detach yourself emotionally from these individuals. Developing a meditation practice, yoga practice, learning how to still the mind, takes consistent discipline but it is well worth the effort. When we achieve a level of objectivity about the outrageous behaviors and verbal slings of the narcissist, we are able to distance ourselves from them . We recognize often in the moment that what is happening is that this person is unloading all of his rage and blame on to us. The discipline of learning to own what is ours psychologically ours and what belongs to someone else is invaluable in dealing with the corrosive, volcanic and unpredictable behavior of the narcissist. We see and hear a person who is not more than two years of age, screaming, squirming, red faced and throwing himself/herself about because they must have what the want now. If we can view this from a psychological distance, we grow stronger on every level. For some spouses it is necessary to sever the relationship because of its toxicity to them and their children. Learning how to detach and building a stronger solid sense of self and your own entitlement are key to dealing with this personality disorders. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: http://www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com/

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Sociopathic Narcissists-More Dangerous than You Think

The narcissistic style has been co-opted by a growing part of the American population.  The media and entertainment business, the powerful influence of peers on growing children and the lack of true quality time given to their children by parents are all part of this equation. People do not have to have children today. They can make the choice to live without producing children or choosing marriage. These are respectable and truthful decisions individuals can make. There is still a residue of scorn and even suspicion felt toward those who make these decisions.  "Why doesn't she/he get married? What's the matter--Is there some secret reason behind it? 

There is a collective self absorption and selfishness that has become the norm in many circles. There is an absence of sensitivity to the needs and suffering of others, especially those who are judged as not fitting in to an elite group. Their differentness is derided and scorned  through gossip and shunning. 

There is a deep fissure, a social and psychological divide that is growing exponentially. If you are materially successful, have all the right contacts, and present an image of external perfection, you are preferred even chosen.  If you don't have the impeccable image, the high professional status, you don't make the cut.  Large swaths of today's society have been taken over by narcissists and their deluded followers.

Grandiosity, lack of conscience, ruthlessness, lack of empathy, deception and manipulation have become tools rather than bad character traits. This is especially the case with sociopathic narcissists--those individuals who have the narcissistic personality structure and also share many characteristics of the sociopath. These traits include a careless disregard for other human beings, including chronic extreme verbal abuse and stress perpetrated upon spouses and children. Sociopathic narcissists purposely seek out ways to delude and control those who will profit them materially, socially and professionally. They are gifted at leaving others "holding the bag" while they abscond with the profits of some else's labors. Leaving another person's life in shambles or even their entire family is of no concern or interest to the sociopathic narcissist who has adroitly moved ahead to his/her next cycle of acquisition and control.

I am in communication with a number of victims of narcissistic abuse. There is a callousness in sociopathic narcissists that overrides any authentic human feeling. In fact if you get in their way, don't pay attention to the cues that are speaking to you clearly, they will cut you down professionally and emotionally. Sociopathic narcissists are rarely brought to justice. They surround themselves with covens of cunning attorneys who do their bidding around the clock.

Human nature is both dark and sublime. There are individuals alive today who are giving, selfless, warm, empathic and such a joy that they bring a great light into our lives. We are psychologically held by their deep authenticity and boundless personal generosity. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists Can't Have Real Relationships

Authentic relationships ask us to make an emotional and psychological investment in another person. They require that we are capable of empathy and have the capacity to put ourselves psychologically in their place. Narcissists are incapable of empathy. They can be very convincing that they care deeply about us but this is a well rehearsed act that the narcissist has perfected. A narcissist can be enthralled with someone but this doesn't last particularly when he/she discovers that you are no longer the source of his narcissistic supplies for praise, adulation, or in many cases monetary or societal supplies. Real relationships require commitment, loyalty and truth. The narcissist does not have these traits. The narcissist is psychologically empty inside. He/she is constantly hungering and seeking people and situations that will gratify his ego. Many are fooled and believe that they are "the one". The narcissist is parasitic, feeding off of others. When the individual source is all use up, he moves on to the next human supply. Narcissists do not change; they are fixed personality disorders. When we throw our destinies in with narcissists, we give part of our lives away to them.

Protect yourself from narcissistic abuse. You deserve to live fully, using your creative gifts, giving and receiving love, experiencing empathy from those who share your life. Learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Covert Narcissists - Ruthless Chameleons

The grandiose narcissist stands at stage center on all occasions. If a party is being given in someone else's  honor, the narcissist will steal the show, making sure that he/she is noticed, applauded and praised by every guest. He goes through his current life rundown--- recent business successes, excellent decisions that have put him on top, his adoring perfect family. I have heard narcissists speak about the special pedigree of their pets, which is always very rare and precious. God forbid that they would have a mutt or a shelter rescue pooch.

On the other end of the spectrum but possessing the same corrosive personality structure is the covert narcissist. The manner is often very polite and subdued. The covert narcissist is playing up your ego with a worshipful voice and endless compliments. They're throwing you off the scent, disarming you. You can go several rounds with a covert narcissist without realizing who they are and what they want. Their pseudo humility and low key personality style is clever camouflage. If you are working with one of these disguised narcissists, beware of their cunning. As they play up to you and earn your trust, they are talking behind your back, spreading lies about your personal life and your professional shortcomings, so they can leave you in the dust when promotion time arrives. This often happens when men or women are competing for partners. A covert narcissist thinks nothing of gaining access to your husband or wife, making herself/himself irresistible and destroying your marriage and family. When you look back you recognize that this person was always playing a role. There was no exchange of empathy. These clever predators move in and out of our lives. The numbers of narcissists are growing within a society that rewards them so handsomely. In some venues if you are not ruthless and amoral, you can't get ahead. The media and entertainment often applaud the narcissistic character, focusing their lenses on the perfection of the image rather than the solid individual who can be trusted, is honest about himself and who is deeply empathic. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com  

Protect Yourself from Narcissist's Primitive Projections

Psychoanalyst Carl Jung speaks about projections: " A man who is unconscious of himself acts in a blind, instinctive way and is in addition fooled by all the illusions that arise when he sees everything that he is not conscious of in himself coming to meet from outside as projections upon his neighbor." Primitive projections are powerful psychological weapons used by the narcissist to weaken those closest to him/her. A projection is an unconscious defense mechanism the individual uses to eject powerful aggressive feelings and impulses  that he cannot tolerate on to some one else. The receiver of these projections feels stunned, shocked and wounded on impact. The unconscious and unexpected properties of the projection is what makes it so potent and poisonous. Recently I was on the receiving end of one of these psychic assaults from a stranger. Fortunately I was in a public venue which slightly softened the blow. I remember getting a first impression of this person as off center. She was very self absorbed, appearing needy and too nice. I could sense that she was distanced from herself---unknown to herself. She presented herself as helpless and innocent. There was a muted but persistent voice inside of me that said: "Don't go near her. She is concealing her real self. She has boundary issues. Keep your distance." I waved off this intuitive warning because the situation appeared to be so innocuous. I had been in conversation with a friend nearby and we were being jovial and silly (but not disruptive to others).

Out of nowhere this woman blasted me with a sharply barbed comment which she repeated. She tried to cut me down by making a swift clipped cruel observation about my outward appearance. It translated as "You're ugly and useless"! Without dropping my jaw, I felt a pump of adrenaline, then rage, then shame. I answered back with a humorous quip. This Ms. Innocent---Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth babe" thought she had landed a mortal wound. I certainly felt the punch. Her repetition of this insult meant that she had every intention of hitting me with a psychological body blow. This projective mechanism was unconscious on her part. It resonated inside of me for some time. Even with all of my training and clinical experience it was bruising and I had to work hard to re-group.

The middle name of a narcissist is projection----all of the time. (Some people use projection as a defense mechanism who are not narcissistic.) There is much to be learned that is invaluable in these situations. First, stay tuned to your 24 hour a day intuition channel----It is always telling you the truth, even when it comes in a quiet voice. Second, be kind to yourself when someone has blasted you in this way. It's a psychological belly blow. And, steer clear of these people. They don't have boundaries---Keep your distance from these individuals. We will visit this topic again. Primitive projections are constantly flying through the air, awaiting the next victim. Take great care of yourself. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com