Friday, June 22, 2012

Going No Contact with Narcissistic Boyfriend

You fell in love with him because you couldn't say no to yourself. He was handsome, had an air of total confidence; he was very successful and bright and he had turned his attention to you--only you. Narcissists know how to woo and seduce--they are masters of the chase. They don't take no for an answer and they plan just how they are going to get you into their lives. Their gaze is penetrating. They are listening to you so intently you can feel the pulses in your temples. They tempt you in every way--gifts, special treatment, magnificent dinners.  You feel their allure like a physical force that cannot be resisted. You want them. You try to bring yourself back but it is very difficult. In the early stages it is great living fantasy..  You are high on the sexual chemistry between the two of you. He wants to possess you and knows all the right moves.

There comes a time when the magic lifts. There are too many flare ups of his temper for no reason. He picks away at you for the tiniest reason. He criticizes how you look. He starts to demean your background and education. His eye starts appraising other women in your presence. You are still in his thrall and make up every excuse you can to stay with him. There is a short honeymoon period followed by an ugly scene. He becomes dismissive and takes you for granted. The rages begin and scare you. You go through several of these cycles and decide that you have to get off of this merry go round. You find out that he is involved with several women and that this has been his pattern for years. You are very hurt. You trusted him (You can never trust narcissists--They lie, cheat, steal the lives of others for their own gain and narcissistic supply).

Many women stay with the narcissistic man for long periods of time despite the horrendous stress, psychological and emotional pain that they cause. Others are fortunate to come across information about this severe personality disorder and decide to leave them for their own good. Those who leave and go no contact often have a difficult time Excellent psychotherapy (be sure to do your research and interview several) can help you to make the final break and sever the relationship and have no further contact with the narcissist of any kind. This is a tremendous challenge but can be done. There are many successful life stories of women who have freed themselves of a narcissistic partner.  They move forward to free their creative energies, to move toward becoming the person they were meant to be and to increase the power and depth of their awareness. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my

Linda Martinez-Lewi,Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

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