There is a dance that narcissists and their partners perform over and over again. You have gone through the initial "falling in love or lust" period. You know that this is the "One" you want to spend your life with. There is no question in your mind. You have succumbed to him and can't let go. He appears to adore you and is making all the right moves. But something goes very wrong in this deluded paradise. He starts his picking arguments, make cruel remarks, lashes out at you for no reason. You make excuses and say to yourself that he is under too much pressure. You try harder and things go smoothly for a while. Then it starts up again---the demands, screaming fits, accusations out of nowhere, humiliations in front of your friends. You are confused and very hurt. Now you know that this is not going to work. Then there is a rapprochement---a deep understanding ( from your perspective) He is sorry. He makes promises to be different. He realizes he has been wrong and wants you back. He may even weep convulsively. You believe him and take him back. You find out he has been lying to you and leads more than one life. He compartmentalizes his life. Maybe he isn't even divorced yet. You find out and are shocked and highly distressed. You can't sleep at night and have trouble working -------but again he comes back and snares you again. Do you want to continue to live like this???? Is it worth it to be going up and down on this out of control teeter totter?
Think about it carefully. He is a narcissistic personality. He is not going to change--ever! Why should he. Perfection is his middle name and he can easily replace you. That's what narcissists do. You can retrieve back your life by researching the narcissistic personality and by going no contact with this Janus faced scoundrel. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life