Detoxification and Renewal from the Narcissistic Mother

In this post I am speaking about the psychological and emotional detoxification and self renewal from the narcissistic mother. The first step is the recognition and awakening by the child that this individual is a narcissistic personality disorder who will not change. This realization often occurs in adulthood and is a difficult realization. The child cannot believe that his/her mother can be so cruel and cold and dismissive of someone so close to her biologically. In the next stage the child of the narcissistic mother goes through a process of releasing and cleansing many emotions---loss, anger, rage, regret, guilt and many others--as part of the process of healing. In the last phase the child separates and individuates from the parent and is-identifies from this person. In this phase there is a re-discovery of your unique identity, creativity, energy, stamina, intellectual curiosity. Engaging yourself with the world of Nature if one of the great pathways to healing. Practices such as gentle yoga, guided meditation, meditation, the support of close friends will allow to steady your mind and to develop a sense of deep inner peace. Here's to your full recovery. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists---So Good at Making Spouses Feel Badly

I have had many communications with spouses of narcissists who have suffered emotionally and psychologically from these unions. Decade over decade they have stayed with these punitive often sadistic individuals. Why? for a variety of complex reasons. Some spouses have become so psychologically dependent on the offending spouse that they are afraid to leave.  They worry about being alone. Often the narcissist has control over the finances and when the spouse asks for information, the narcissist flies into a classic rage. Narcissists don't like being questioned. They are the rulers of their households.Spouses become uncomfortably accustomed to obeying to the letter their own spouses. As long as you are sharing you life with a narcissist, your world is fixed. You feel trapped. You try to distract yourself with movies, food, reading, frenetic shopping, casual friends. This works but only temporarily and there you are again staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night.

Reclaiming your life from the narcissist isn't easy but it is worth it. Think carefully about all of your options. If you decide to sever your relationship legally, make sure you choose the finest attorney possible. Interview lawyers until you have found one who is highly experienced at family law and understands the tricks and games of the narcissist and their incredibly believable charm filled acts. Start thinking about the life you deserve to lead each day. Begin to calm your nervous system with relaxation, gentle yoga, aerobic exercise and meditation. Stay in contact with a friend whom you can trust (I'm talking about someone you can call at midnight and will be there for you). You are the author of your life---not the narcissist. As a result use all of your creativity, stamina, steadiness and perseverance to create the life that you deserve. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Deflecting the Narcissist's Poisonous Projections

The narcissist is a projection machine. Rather than internalizing, introspecting or encouraging insight, the narcissist is always in the process of externalization. He/she is either basking in his perfection or plotting the next move that will weaken, topple or destroy a real or imagined enemy. 

Projection is an unconscious defense mechanism an individual uses to protect himself from intolerable feelings of worthlessness, self loathing and forbidden impulses. The narcissist is continually projecting his/her venom on to others. This is particularly painful and harmful to his family---spouses and children. 

Learn to deflect the narcissist's projections. This person is constantly externalizing, reeling out one projection after another. You cannot control the narcissist's impulses but you can be in command of yourself. A daily practice of stilling the mind and gentle forms of yoga that emphasize focus on the breath provide  a steady mental and psychological foundation. These practices are thousands of years old and have served yogis and layman in a profound way. Learn to access the parasympathetic nervous system, that part of yourself that is calm, relaxed, at peace. Find consistent activities that help you to let go and feel the refreshing reduction of stress. A master acupuncturist whom I know reminds her patients after she places the needles: "Let yourself go down and settle." She is speaking about the innate part of ourselves that naturally seeks peace in the body, mind and psyche. Learn to access these states. Be consistent and these practices will become part of your daily life. 

When it is possible, minimize contact with narcissists. This is a tall order since many people in positions of power are narcissists. If you have to be in their presence, try to be in the company of another.  Being alone is the best opportunity for the narcissist to pounce. When the projection comes remind yourself that this shred of debris is emerging out of him/her. It does not belong to you. You are impervious to his attempts at ambush or one on one combat. Beneath it all, the narcissist is a coward---hitting and wounding others when they are down, feeding off of vulnerabilities and weaknesses, setting bait and traps that will harm and even destroy other human beings. These people are often despicable. With today's narcissistic society giving them a pass (because so many of them are successful in the world) look to yourself. You are not alone. I hear from those who have been victimized by these predators and have prevailed over them. Wisdom is eternal---He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still." ---Lao-tsu
Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife,com 

Daughters-Healing from Narcissistic Mothers

One of the most difficult roles in life is to be the daughter of a narcissistic mother.  There are many styles of narcissistic mothers. Although they are emotionally unattached to their daughters, they provide the basics of food and shelter to their children. These mothers lead selfish lives and do not offer their daughters any affection or emotional warmth. Some narcissistic mothers are actively abusive, verbally and sometimes physically. They are envious of their daughters, intimidating and highly critical. Some narcissistic mothers are obsessed with creating narcissistic clones of themselves. They don't permit any individuality in their daughters and other children. They choose one or even two daughters and mold them into a perfect facsimile of themselves.

There are narcissistic sociopathic mothers who expose their children to drugs, alcohol. The mother often has numerous sexual partners creating circumstances that endanger the daughter and expose her to sexual abuse by the men who are going in and out of the home environment and in some instances, rape. Some daughters learn to survive and navigate these highly chaotic and dangerous home environments.

Daughters of narcissistic mothers can learn how to heal. Acknowledge that your mothers suffers from a severe psychological disorder--narcissistic personality. You are not to blame. As a small child you had to do everything possible to survive. You cannot change your mother. Her unconscious self hatred has been projected on to you. She will always remain self absorbed, deceitful, manipulative and have a complete lack of empathy.

Learn to fully appreciate yourself as a unique individual who has survived a very difficult role as the daughter of a narcissistic mother. Awaken and celebrate your individuality, honor your self knowledge and special gifts. Understand the past, mourn it and move forward. We are always in the process of evolving. Discover and nourish friendships of empathy and understanding.
Study the body/mind/ spirit paradigm. Set up a program of cardiovascular exercise that takes the form that works for you. Try gentle yoga--it is very  healing to mind/body/spirit. Begin a spiritual practice that is right for you---prayer and meditation.  You are rediscovering and renewing your life.

To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

DeTox from the Narcissist in Your Life

Narcissists poison the wells of our humanity. They are highly touted and feted in current society. As they grow in numbers and gain more status and monetary heft in the world, remember that there are ways for you to protect yourself from narcissistic personalities. I communicate with many individuals who have been involved with and married to narcissists, are children of narcissists and are associated with narcissists in business. Their life stories speak of great emotional and psychological pain (often intolerable) that has been and is perpetrated on them by narcissistic personalities.

There are a series of steps you can take to protect yourself and continue to grow as a solid individual. It is invaluable to do research and study all facets of the narcissistic personality disorder. Many people still believe that these people are a bit self absorbed, somewhat selfish, vain and  manipulative at times. That is untrue. Narcissistic personality disorder is a serious personality disturbance. It begins when a child is very young. He or she is often molded by the parent(s) to be recognized as the perfect child, the crowning achievement of the parent's greatest ego yearnings. As a result the budding narcissist never learns to consider the needs, pain or individuality of another human being. He or she is left to do whatever they want. There are no restrictions on this child and the parents ignore the many cruelties that young narcissists perpetrate on their siblings and school mates. The narcissist does not develop a conscience. Everything is based on expediency--"What must I have to win?" This is the essential question. Everything else---feelings of others, emotional harm, humiliations and cruelties are not real for the narcissist. Being at the top, succeeding, pushing others aside are all part of the narcissist's style of dealing with fellow human beings. He views them as objects that he can use to achieve his goals. They are as disposable as some worthless inanimate object. When they no longer function to enhance the narcissist's hunger for ego supplies, they are permanently exiled as part of the perfect external image the narcissist has created.

If you have been involved with a narcissist in any role---especially if you have been married to or are partnered with a narcissist or are the child of a narcissist, it is time to detoxify and heal from this unholy union. These are some steps you can take to recovery:
1. Keep a psychological distance from the narcissist. In some instances it is necessary to also maintain a physical separation from these toxic individuals.
2. Build a solid self that sees clearly through the narcissist's delusion.
3. Get in touch with the calming, healing part of yourself through modalities such as gentle yoga and meditation that increase the power of the relaxation response, quiet the nervous system and provide you with a steady sense of internal emotional and psychological well being.
4.Develop and practice new routines that make you stronger on every level: physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. Cardiovascular exercise (what works best for you) makes the body structure strong and strengthens the immune system. Find routines that promote inner peace. This can be special reading, creative work, independent study of subjects that you love, spending more time with Nature.
5.Make decisions based on what you value most and what is in your best interest on every level. You will feel yourself changing gradually, becoming more expanded, at peace, engaged creatively, and spiritually progressing---in whatever way you define this concept.
To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder and how you can achieve the wholeness and peace that you deserve, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com