Sunday, February 13, 2011

Deflecting the Narcissist's Poisonous Projections

The narcissist is a projection machine. Rather than internalizing, introspecting or encouraging insight, the narcissist is always in the process of externalization. He/she is either basking in his perfection or plotting the next move that will weaken, topple or destroy a real or imagined enemy. 

Projection is an unconscious defense mechanism an individual uses to protect himself from intolerable feelings of worthlessness, self loathing and forbidden impulses. The narcissist is continually projecting his/her venom on to others. This is particularly painful and harmful to his family---spouses and children. 

Learn to deflect the narcissist's projections. This person is constantly externalizing, reeling out one projection after another. You cannot control the narcissist's impulses but you can be in command of yourself. A daily practice of stilling the mind and gentle forms of yoga that emphasize focus on the breath provide  a steady mental and psychological foundation. These practices are thousands of years old and have served yogis and layman in a profound way. Learn to access the parasympathetic nervous system, that part of yourself that is calm, relaxed, at peace. Find consistent activities that help you to let go and feel the refreshing reduction of stress. A master acupuncturist whom I know reminds her patients after she places the needles: "Let yourself go down and settle." She is speaking about the innate part of ourselves that naturally seeks peace in the body, mind and psyche. Learn to access these states. Be consistent and these practices will become part of your daily life. 

When it is possible, minimize contact with narcissists. This is a tall order since many people in positions of power are narcissists. If you have to be in their presence, try to be in the company of another.  Being alone is the best opportunity for the narcissist to pounce. When the projection comes remind yourself that this shred of debris is emerging out of him/her. It does not belong to you. You are impervious to his attempts at ambush or one on one combat. Beneath it all, the narcissist is a coward---hitting and wounding others when they are down, feeding off of vulnerabilities and weaknesses, setting bait and traps that will harm and even destroy other human beings. These people are often despicable. With today's narcissistic society giving them a pass (because so many of them are successful in the world) look to yourself. You are not alone. I hear from those who have been victimized by these predators and have prevailed over them. Wisdom is eternal---He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still." ---Lao-tsu
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Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist
Buy the book: and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife,com 

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