Narcissist's Projections are Psychologically Abusive

A projection is an unconscious defense mechanism in which the  individual ejects aggressive, negative feelings and thoughts on to another person. Most people are unaware of their projections. If they get upset or angry they simply let it spew out on those closest to them---children, spouses, business associates, siblings.

Narcissists are constantly projecting feelings that they cannot tolerate out rather than turning inward, identifying that they are projecting and owning what they have done. The narcissist creates his own world. Everything revolves around him/her. He believes that he is the initiator and master of his personal and professional domain. Everyone has a role and that is of serving him and his specific purposes. This characterlogical structure is not going to change; it is rigid and unyielding. Besides the narcissist is never wrong. He automatically blames others when anything goes wrong. It is very stressful to be the recipient of narcissistic projections. The sheer force of the narcissist's accusations and recriminations are stunning and disorienting. No one deserves to be accused, demeaned, humiliated and treated like an inferior human being.
When we are children and have a narcissistic parent we have no choice and must learn how to survive these abusive conditions. As adults we have a choice. We can confront the narcissist in a civil manner and communicate that we have personal boundaries and that this person has stepped over them. In expressing these thoughts it is important to remain emotionally detached from the narcissist's reaction. He/she is waiting for you to cower when he comes back with a counter-attack.

It is vital that you learn to protect yourself from narcissistic abuse. You are in control of your reaction to the narcissist. You cannot change his/her personality structure but you are capable of stating clearly that you deserve to be treated with respect. You expect nothing less. Narcissists feel so entitled and would never believe that you would disagree with them. They are so delusional, thinking that they are superior to everyone else, they know that you will cave in to their demands and threats of recrimination.

Respond to the narcissist's psychological abuse by practicing ways  to remain calm, separate, mentally clear and discerning and focused in dealing with these individuals. Consistent meditation practice is a form of keeping the mind calm and strong. The practice of yoga is another way of deflecting narcissistic abuse. The discipline of these practices builds a flexible, grounded, intuitive and compassionate human being. You are a solid separate human being. You stand on the ground of your authenticity. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation:United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Healing from A narcissistic Sibling

You may have spent your childhood trying to get the respect and affection of  one of  your siblings. With an older brother or sister, the younger child often looks up to this individual as a model. The small child wants to be just like their older sibling. Some parents encourage this kind of veneration, especially if the parent(s) are grooming the older child as a golden boy (or girl) narcissist. This child is looked upon as superior. This is often the case if the selected individual is very bright and the parents idolize academic achievement. In these homes getting the highest grades and honors is considered absolutely essential in these families. There is an obsessiveness about academic achievement and professional success that begins when children are very young. Even in the womb some mothers are already planning where their child will attend college and what are the best professions for him/her to pursue. Physical attractiveness is another inherent trait that is revered by narcissistic parents and along with this the child who is magnetic, outgoing and confident. As these golden siblings grow up they are treated differently from the other siblings. They are treated with great deference. Parents believe that they are so special that they don't have to follow the rules required by their other siblings. They can treat brothers and sisters with great cruelty and get away with it. There is  a no limits attitude--do what you want, dear, attitude that pervades in these households.

Sharing your life with a narcissistic brother or sister or two siblings can be hellish. The non-narcissistic siblings feels very isolated. This child is often very sensitive and intuitive. He or she is not understood by the narcissistic parents. No one is interested about their thoughts, feelings, creative ideas. If they are fortunate they form positive relationships with good teachers and classmates with whom they can share their insights. 

At home the non-narcissistic sibling is victimized---always being put down, laughed at, , in some cases, threatened with physical abuse. In some cases the narcissistic sibling routinely subjects his younger brother or sister to physical blows and then swears this terrified child to secrecy or there will be horrible revenge.
The narcissistic sibling often turns the other siblings on the scapegoated child and everyone, even the parents, chime in to demean, humiliate and even laugh at him/her. These chronic patterns of abuse are very traumatic. The child has no one to turn to, to speak with , to comfort him. These victims often grow up to be anxious adults who feel unentitled and insignificant.

You would think that the adult narcissistic sibling would grow up and start treating his brothers and sisters with affection and respect. This is not the case. They keep getting their digs in, reminding you that you are inferior and less than.

You don't deserve to be treated with humiliation and cruelty by anyone, especially your siblings. If you have been chronically abused in one of these family constellations, you can free yourself of this dysfunctional psychological system.

Acknowledging and appreciating that you are a unique human being is the beginning of your healing. Your life has intrinsic value. You can take the reins of your destiny and choose new directions at any age. You don't have remain stuck in a pathological family pattern. Learn to relax your mind and body. This boosts your physical, emotional and psychological health. Some people do a meditation practice consistently. This provides tremendous capacities for thinking mindfully and developing deep insights. Consistent meditation allows us to detach psychologically from what we have suffered as children and to put our live in perspective.
Surround yourself with a small support group of people who care about you and are empathic. Stretch your creative muscles; use your imagination, listen to your intuition. Learn to appreciate you spontaneity and be sure to appreciate your delightful sense of humor. to learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website:thenarcissitinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Rage-from Deep Freeze to Volcanic Eruptions

Living with a narcissist there is no psychological climate control. The narcissist seethes at different temperatures. Talk about the cold shoulder, narcissists put you in the deep freeze, ignoring that you exist or giving you the drop dead glare. Some slam doors, thunder like a wildebeest on the bathroom floors. You have done something wrong, very wrong and you're due for punishment. That's what these very disturbed individuals believe. They demand perfection from their spouses and if you don't deliver (and even if you are impeccable in your performance) it's time for retribution. Narcissists rage in Mount St. Helen's style, blowing their tops. This doesn't bother them at all. They can return to their magazine or paper or work as if this eruption never happened. This leaves you shivering with adrenaline rushes and a roiling gut or roaring headache.

Narcissists never think for one moment about the deleterious effects they are having on their spouses or children. Children are terrified by these vituperative outbursts or having to tiptoe around the house when mom or dad is giving everyone the ice treatment. These deep freeze periods can go on for weeks while everyone else in the house is holding  his breath and trying to be invisible.

Many spouses conclude that they cannot be tortured any longer and that their children are being traumatized by these pathological behaviors. They make the decision to end the marriage. I hear positive reports from those who have made the decision to permanently end the marriage to the abusive narcissist. Going through the process of divorce isn''t easy but the end result is restoring yourself and your children to a life of freedom.
The psychological and emotional temperature has reached a healthy, consistent range. Here, inner peace is possible, creativity blooms and faith in the present is restored. You can now lead you life on your terms-----Fly-glide----enjoy the glorious view. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists-Greedy-Greedier-Greediest

Greed is an unquenchable desire---a bottomless pit of wanting that never ends. Narcissists ruthlessly strive, plan and connive for what they want and must have. They will destroy the professions and lives of other human beings, including members of their own families, to reach their goals. When a narcissist fulfills some of his/her desires--- professionally, romantically, financially through ruthlessness and cunning, he is satisfied briefly. But the compulsion to have more takes over and his obsession awakens. This occurs in situations when he/she is striving to roll over others to reach the highest levels of power and influence. The narcissist will betray anyone--spouses, siblings, their own children, treating them like objects who have neither value nor feelings.

Deep inside the unconscious, the narcissist is psychologically empty. No matter what he attains materially or the power he wields, or those who adore him, or whom he can intimidate---the narcissist, beneath it all is always desperate and hungry. He cannot be fully human because he/she lacks empathy and compassion. Learning about the narcissistic personality in depth will help you to identify and deal with the narcissists you encounter. Visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists-Big Hypocrites Concealing their True Natures

Most Narcissists are obsessed with their image---impeccable physical appearance, professional reputations,  societal standing, important connections, their superiority and their need to have others look upon them as wonderful human beings. Narcissists put on such convincing acts that they deceive professional observers like psychotherapists, attorneys and judges.

I have been in communication with family members of narcissists who are shocked at split in the narcissist's presentation of himself in the world and in his private life. Those inside his charmed circle and cheering circle are entranced with this man or woman who appears to be capable of achieving anything he puts his mind to. These accomplishments are often built up by the narcissist, putting himself in the role of leader and hero. Narcissists are gifted story teller. They can spin yarns that are full of holes, exaggeration and made from whole cloth and  audiences will be hanging on their every word. Narcissists often take credit for the achievements of others.

In private narcissists act with malicious cruelty, withering ongoing criticism and a steel fist attitude about controlling their family members. Some spouses, siblings and  children of narcissists are treated with great disrespect. Many of them are never home and lead secret lives with their mistresses and girlfriends.

After years of  leading a very stressful life with a narcissists many partners simply cannot carry on this charade. When you awaken and discover that you are married to an ultimate hypocrite who is incapable of loving anyone but himself. Even if you have known this person for years , he is still criticizing you constantly, wearing down your nervous systems and your will and any sense of optimism,  This is absolutely not the truth. The narcissist turns reality inside out.

If you want to be free of this dreadful hypocrite, you have a decision to make---to stay or leave. This individual is never going to change. You can change your life and make it a lot better by letting go of the burden of sharing your life with this impossible individual. You now know that these individuals are hypocrites to the max. You are genuine and authentic and deserve to lead a life free from this rigid, deeply pathologically personality disorder. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Divorce the Sadistic Narcissist for the Sake of Your Children

Being married to an abusive partner, particularly a narcissist puts you in a constant siege of stress, emotional siege and fear. Your thoughts, imaginations and feelings are constricted by sharing your life with a narcissistic personality disorder. Some narcissists turn sadistic when they don't get their way and become angry when you have disappointed them. This means all of the time since the narcissistic has insatiable demands. Being married to a narcissist represents  a diminishment of your life, which is very sad and depressing. However, when you add children to this mix, we are talking about much more serious ramifications. Narcissists cannot love anyone. They allow children to be born because they are the ultimate narcissistic supplies whom they can brag about. They represent an expansion of their image as a good father or mother. They can be photographed, presented at family events and shown as perfect replicas of themselves. Living in a delusional world of the narcissist is a disaster for a child. It doesn't work psychologically for children. The child is often very intuitive. He or she knows whether he is truly loved for himself. He understands there is some kind of secret game going on and he is expected to play a part. When the ugly arguments start to fly between the parents, this creates a corrosive atmosphere for the children.

If you cannot decide to divorce your narcissistic spouse because you fear losing the secure financial arrangement and are concerned about your future, that is understandable. But when you have children, they must come first. Some spouses go back and forth making this decision. It is a difficult one for many men and women. I have communicated with many spouses who have struggled to make this decision. Most of them have decided they no matter what they can no longer subject themselves and their children to the sadistic narcissistic parent. They see the psychological harm this is doing to their children. With great courage they move forward, choose a highly skilled attorney. Some enter psychotherapy to see themselves through this process, build up their loyal support system and look forward to freeing themselves and their children of this psychological imprisonment. I hear many reports of success and personal transformation. These spouses are very grateful that they put their children first regardless of the fear of any other consequences. It takes courage and stamina to move forward in this way. But it is essential for the life that you and your children deserve.
Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Mothers-Where are the Grown-Ups

Some narcissistic mothers want to remain forever young even when they have daughters who are in their forties and fifties. I'm not talking about working to stay healthy, agile and strong. I speaking about physical appearance only. Narcissistic mothers are often jealous of how their teenage and young adult daughters are attracting a lot of men. With the aid of plastic surgery and many other youth enhancing procedures, it is possible for mature women to look as much as twenty years younger than their chronological age. Often I see mothers and daughters out together and it is very difficult to tell  who is the grown-up. Narcissistic mothers often dress inappropriately young for their age and role. They wear provocative clothing that is inappropriate in order to draw attention to themselves and away from their daughters. There are occasions when narcissistic mothers seduce their daughter's boyfriends--a horrible betrayal of trust. This is to prove that she is sought after sexually and that her daughter cannot win, not even a boyfriend whom she had trusted. The narcissistic mother often treats her daughter as an acquaintance of the same age. There are extremes in which the daughter plays the part of mother to her own mother. This is profoundly sad and highly pathological.  

Daughters subjected to this kind of abusive treatment throughout their lives find it impossible to continue these sick relationships. They often leave the family, become independent of the narcissistic mother and find their own way .  They have recognized that the narcissist cannot mother--love, protect, cherish, be proud of, her own child. This is a very sad realization that needs to be acknowledged and mourned. In the process of healing these daughters recognize their value as individuals and are grateful to be intact after growing up with such serious psychopathology.

These daughters are moving forward to embrace their lives as mature, empathic, productive and loving individuals who deserve all of the credit for doing the hard work of becoming the person they were meant to be. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com