Image Mad Narcissists

Narcissists are rampant these days. Their "values" of materialism, outer image, greediness, hubris are often accepted in the media as positive attributes or at the most idiosyncrasies that must be overlooked because they are so successful. It doesn't matter that they have abandoned all of their children, except the new born baby that the newest wife forty years younger has just presented as the latest narcissistic supply to "daddy." It's not important that narcissistic mothers and fathers are never home to take care of their children because they are wedded to their careers and abandon babies to nannies and sitters when the child is too young to hold up his/her head. It's of no concern when children of narcissists don't develop a conscience and become holy terrors. It's inconsequential that narcissists as parents are disasters. All that matters is that the impeccable outer shell of an image of perfection is maintained. Most of the public accepts the elaborate mask of the narcissist as long as he or she is beautiful, handsome, a high placed celebrity, has wealth, style and charisma and is entertaining.

It is the children of narcissists who suffer the most. They are the ones who see, hear and experience the dark side of these so-called parents. Every day they endure the criticisms, mockings, ridicule and humiliations meted out by these severe personality disorders. Then there is the complete lack of attention, the dismissiveness of these parents. They are either physically absent or when they are home, have nothing to do with their children. They are too busy with gratifying themselves with their latest material possessions, incessant parties and meetings that revolve around them. Narcissistic parents are usually in a rush. They don't have time for their children. Children take time and our attention----Quality time----five minutes a day doesn't cut it. It never will. 

I frequently hear painful stories of adult children who were psychologically abandoned by their narcissistic parent(s) since they were infants. They know they were never loved. Some of them are suffering to this day. They can't believe how this happened to them. It is so sad and disheartening to witness and hear their stories.

Many children of narcissistic parents reverse their perceptions of themselves, recognize their authenticity, realize that these people who gave them their DNA could not parent and find ways to heal themselves. Some benefit from quality psychotherapy; others use healing modalities like yoga, meditation, guided meditation. It is remarkable how far they have come and the quality of their empathy is striking. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

My Older Sister-Narcissist Supreme

I have been told this story too many times. "When I was little I looked up to my older sister. She was so smart and very pretty. I liked to watch her and always wanted to be like her. She treated me pretty well when I was very young but then she became very involved with her friends and forgot about me completely. I was not born pretty.I did ok in school but I was not a superior student like my sister. Mom constantly asked me why I couldn't be more like her. "We don't know what to do with you. Susan (my older sister) is such a great role model.  She is superior at school and very popular with the kids. What's the matter with you. You don't see to have any friends and your grades are only fair."

On and o these wounding words go to the daughter who is not golden or chosen and who is constantly bombarded by the narcissistic mother telling her how inferior she is.

As the narcissistic sister grows, her ego gets bigger, her ruthlessness harsher, her vanity greater, her sense of superiority tremendous.

Often narcissistic mothers of these star daughters join forces to make the non-narcissistic daughter' life absolutely miserable. These forgotten and abused daughters want to disappear on the spot. They are so ashamed of themselves, feel so inferior.  This not their fault. This is the extreme cruelty of the narcissistic mothers and older sister duo and their dirty work.

Some non-narcissistic daughters find their way out of these psychological prisons. Others don't.  They keep blaming themselves for not being perfect, not being good enough , not being their older sister.

If your are this younger daughter, recognize and appreciate the struggle you have been through. You have survived. Now it is time to claim your individuality, your creative gifts, to resonate with yourself as unique and valuable. Healing modalities like gentle yoga and meditation are practices that calm the mind and nervous system so you are in touch with a self that is at peace. Some benefit from high quality psychotherapy.  Choose your therapist after a lot of research and interview several until you find the right one.  Expand and deepen your unique self. Learn to love yourself.  Treat yourself with respect and bring joy into your life.  Expand and deepen your consciousness and your horizons.  You deserve to lead a life that belongs to you. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Stepmothers-Ultimate Nightmare for their Step Children

There are tales of wicked stepmothers going back hundreds of years. Ancient fairy tales tell the truth of their nature. There are step mothers who are wonderful parents to their step children. I am talking about those who are narcissists.

Narcissistic step mothers cause emotional chaos and psychological distress within the family. When they have children with their new spouse, they often cut off the original family, the children of their spouse's first family. Narcissistic step mothers are cunning and clever, appearing to be considerate and cooperative with the new family constellation. But they have the upper hand over their spouse. The narcissistic wife slows turns turns very ugly. She has hatched a plan to rule over all of the children and to ultimately control her husband. She caters to this man to making sure that she is indispensable to him, that he cannot make decisions without her. Eventually, these husbands capitulate their control and decision making. They go along with their wife's wishes on the children of the second marriage. When the husband is highly successful, the second or third wife becomes obsessed with the heady lifestyle, controlling money properties and all assets. The narcissistic stepmother is exceedingly greedy. She favors and give her biological children with her spouse every material advantage. The children of the first marriage have to fend for themselves without the aid of their parent. The narcissistic step mother has won the battle. She is now in charge of everyone.

Don't wait for the narcissistic stepmother to change. This is a pathologically fixed personality disorder. Study these individuals intently. It is vital that you protect and separate yourself from them. Work changing yourself. Respect your strengths, creativity, the blooming of your potential and every aspect of your unique personality. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Siblings Can Sabotage Your Life

Are you the the brother or sister of a narcissistic sibling---that golden child that was picked early to be the king, queen, emperor of the household. For many it started very early. The narcissistic mother or father focused on one child who seemed to have it all: good looks, a sharp mind, athletic skills, artistic talent, a winning personality--whatever it was that made this child a standout for the narcissist. Mother and/or father ignored the other children or treated them with punishments, disdain, humiliation and all kinds of cruel behavior. They were the inferiors in the family. In some cases the grandparents chime in and get in line with the parents. The narcissistic household is a war zone. It is pure hell to live in this so-called home. It doesn't get better when you grow up. The sabotage continues and for some becomes impossible. There is so much pain inflicted that some people cannot tolerate it. Some scapegoated children are haunted by their narcissistic siblings well into adulthood.

The best way to deal with narcissistic siblings is to become independent and strong yourself. Learn how to detach yourself from these destructive human beings. Learn everything you can about the narcissistic personality disorder. Give yourself credit for surviving this very difficult narcissistic family constellation. Be kind and supportive of yourself and find friends whom you can trust. And above all, honor yourself as you look forward to a life of creativity, productivity and inner peace. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Men are Fickle and Duplicitous with Women

High level narcissists are expert jugglers of the women in their lives. Like the great acrobats at the cirque d' soleil they are capable of juggling from one relationship to another without creating a stir or a suspicion. Many of them are married several times. That doesn't satisfy them. They have girlfriends on the side and one night stands for the thrill, brief affairs. It's a wonder they can remember the names of the women they entertain and bed. The pursuit of the woman or women who give them a sexual rush is the thrill that they are seeking. They are entranced for a while, then move on. In some cases a special woman will come into their lives whom the narcissist views as a source of ultimate narcissistic supply. She is wealthy, has high level business and social connections, very attractive if not downright gorgeous and has come to adore the narcissist. This is a winning combination for him.  It often propel him into a second, third or fourth marriage especially if this beauty is a lot younger than he. The stage is perfectly set to create another family that will create an image of the narcissist as vital, virile and youthful. Many of these men have children from previous marriages that are older than the current new wife. Narcissists are shameless. They luxuriate in the pleasures of younger flesh and a new adoring woman who will worship at their throne. The children produced are a great source of narcissistic supply, providing the narcissist with a deluded sense that he will live forever.

Today's society reinforces these behaviors if the narcissist is a prominent figure. The media is thrilled to photograph the new chosen woman. Media is all about image as is the narcissist. They are happy partners with one another.

Protect yourself from becoming charmed by the narcissist to the point that you are enthralled enough to give your life to him. It is worth studying this pathological personality disorder in detail. These insensitive, infantile, fickle character disorders are growing within a current society that has become more shallow, materialistic, self absorbed and unempathic. You deserve so much better--a man who is genuine, has insight and compassion and is capable of real love and devotion. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com  

Free from Your Narcissistic Mother -True to Yourself

Good mothers allow their children to be themselves---to be authentic and real. They are not threatened by a child who does not agree with the parent's every thought and opinion. Narcissistic mothers vary in their styles---not in their natures and basic characters. They are solely obsessed with their perfect image, getting all of their needs and desires met, being the center of attention and controlling others. These traits are the opposite of being a good mother. When you are the small child of a narcissistic mother, you have to go along with the demands placed on you in order to survive. Despite a child's age, he or she is often able to detect that their is something fundamentally wrong with mother. She is demanding, cold, distant, manipulative and unwilling to allow her children to be genuine and free to express their true selves. Small children in these situations are virtual prisoners in their own homes.

As children of narcissistic mothers grow and become aware that they are being treated with cruelty and dismissiveness, recognize that this environment is psychologically unhealthy. They find outlets of study, good friends whom they can trust and spend time away from the home which has become a  lock down prison.

As adults some daughters and sons of narcissistic mothers repeat the patterns of childhood by marrying narcissistic spouses. This is most unfortunate but does occur quite often. Those who have been able to preserve enough mental, emotional and psychological independence are capable of thinking for themselves. They clearly recognize that they can no longer blame themselves for being the child of a narcissistic mother. These children follow their powers of observation, the pain of their maternal experiences and the need to know the truth about themselves and their disturbed parent. Many of them come to the conclusion that there is nothing they can do to change the narcissistic mother. This is clinically the case.

Some children have sufficient psychological and emotional stamina and will to separate and distance themselves from the narcissistic mother. They find other adults who are protective of them and respect and honor their authenticity. These are often adult family members who protect the child from the corrosive effects of narcissism. Many children grow up and finally recognize that they were never allowed to be their true selves, that they were manipulated and treated cruelly as a result of their psychologically disturbed parent and that this is not their doing or their fault. Some seek quality psychotherapy and heal the narcissistic mother wound. They now stand on the strength and grounding of their authenticity. They have come full circle---free from the obstructive oppression of the narcissistic mother and now true to themselves. This is a great victory that deserves our respect and understanding. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 








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Narcissists have Sadistic Relationships

Being sadistic is deriving pleasure from cruelty. It is difficult for many people to understand how this is possible.
There are narcissistic personalities who not only must always win, weaken the most vulnerable, cause psychological and emotional pain in order to win and vanquish another human being. Then there is that treacherous narcissist who is sadistic and gets pleasure from inflicting emotional and psychological pain, especially upon those close to him/her: spouses, children, siblings, in-laws. Narcissists often choose spouses who are psychologically compliant, dependent, fragile and frightened to live an independent life. They are swept up in the narcissist's elaborate persona, grandiose visions and the dream of sharing their lives with an individual who is highly successful, confident to the max, has smooth social skills and tells them they are the most important person to them on the face of the earth. Early into many marriages to narcissists, the mask begins to slip and the non-narcissistic partner is subjected to his/her partner's volcanic rage, outrageous demands, demeaning humiliations.  The non-narcissistic partner believes that it is her/his fault that the narcissistic partner has suddenly changed. They don't that the first personality was a well rehearsed seamless act.  As the relationship goes further down this dark road, the narcissist not only causes psychological and emotional harm (and in some cases physical injury) to his partner, but experiences pleasure and enjoyment in watching this person suffer horribly. These sadistic behaviors become chronic and threaten the psychological health of the partner. Some non-narcissistic spouses remain victims of these treacheries for the rest of their lives. They pay a very high price to remain at the side of the narcissist. Narcissists understand cruelty. For many, it is their middle name. This is the way they control others by beating them down, keeping them on edge, threatening to leave them without any financial resources and where there are children involved, promising that they will remove them from the household, wrenching them away from the injured spouse.

With narcissistic siblings there is a great deal of pain. From childhood through adulthood, these individuals continue to perpetrate acts of cruelty upon their brothers and sisters. They must always win regardless of the harm they cause to members of their own family. Being in the presence of a narcissistic sibling is painful if not intolerable.

There are adult narcissistic parents who continue to perpetrate sadistic acts upon their children, especially those who are highly sensitive and vulnerable.

Once you recognize that you are in a familial relationship or marriage with a sadistic narcissist, it is your decision whether to continue to meet and communicate with this person, limit your association or sever it completely. Know that the narcissist is never going to change---this is a fixed pathological disorder that is highly fixed. Learn to protect yourself from these sadistic relationships. First learn to recognize these individuals quickly by studying the narcissistic personality disorder in depth. Severing your relationship from the narcissist is the best course in most cases. Those who take this step are free to lead their own lives and become fully separated and individuated with the use of their creative gifts, talents and the inner peace that they deserve. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com