Narcissists--Obsession with Money Destroys Their Families

Narcissists who function in the high stakes world of obsessive money making are riding on this track day and night. Being married and having children is secondary to their extreme preoccupation with accumulating more and more wealth. It is done with stealth, cunning, duplicity and deceit. I communicate with victims of narcissists, especially, spouses, who have not only been severely psychologically wounded by the narcissist, but who are left with no financial resources or security. The narcissistic spouse has worked day and night, plotting in secret to take each financial asset, that is either community property or that belongs to the spouse separately. The financial security of the victimized spouse is removed piece by piece without their knowledge. Often it is too late for any legal recourse since the victimized spouse has been left without the resources for legal defense. The non-narcissistic spouse has put her trust in her husband, not knowing that he is a treacherous narcissist. These money machinations occur frequently.

The narcissist, after eviscerating his family emotionally and financially, moves on to his next life with someone else who was previously chosen in secret. Like a conqueror who circles the medieval world, destroying and pillaging everything in his path, the narcissist races onward toward his next conquest. Our current narcissistic society with its emphasis on "winners", huge money makers who cleverly defraud others using legal loopholes are applauded. Young budding narcissists have taken them as models for their visions of ultimate success. Shut your mind and ears to the "I'm going to change fabrications." They are pure fiction and designed to make you captive to them once more.

Stop the narcissistic spouse in his tracks before you are financially devastated. First, identify this individual as a narcissist . Once you know the severity of this fixed, unchanging personality disorder, you will not be vulnerable to his bag of tricks, his method acting brilliant performances or his "I am a victim, hear me roar" themes that are played to everyone you know. Watch for his vilification of you and don't stand for it.

Work on maintaining your psychological and emotional distance from this individual by keeping yourself strong, detached psychologically and by building up yourself. Make an agreement with yourself that you deserve to lead a different life, unencumbered by the psychological and monetary assaults of the narcissist. Create a zone of calm and healing. Practice gentle hatha yoga with emphasis on the breath, meditation--walking and sitting.  Do regular cardiovascular exercise that works the best for you. You are a separate, valuable individual. You are entitled to use all of your creative gifts and to create an environment of deep inner peace. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website: the narcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Psychologically Detach From Abusive Narcissistic Spouse

Narcissistic spouses are all abusive in one way or another. They operate in a climate of psychological intimidation. They have different communication styles. Some make constant demands. They expect to get what they want immediately on the spot. If they don't receive the perfect solution or answer, they start screaming at the top of their lungs. Narcissists have very strong lungs and steel vocal cords. That could be because they have so much practice. Most spouses are very disturbed by these abusive non stop demands. The narcissist is not going to change. This is a severe fixed personality disorder. Some spouses believe that they can compromise with the narcissist. This is not going to happen. Narcissists are completely arbitrary. They must have it their way without exception.

While you are endeavoring to make a decision about staying with a narcissistic spouse or to leave them, learn how to psychologically detach from them.  Focus on your own needs and develop a stronger sense of self entitlement. Work with yourself. Learn to calm your body and mind. This can be done with certain practices like gentle hatha yoga and forms of meditation--sitting and walking meditation. Learning to quiet the mind through a regular practice strengthens your capacity to experience yourself as separate from the narcissist. You learn to go deep inside by consistent practice. Consistency is the key. Dedication and discipline work alongside intention to gain all of the benefits of these practices. As the capacity to quiet your mind strengthens and steadies, you will find that you are more in tune with yourself and much less vulnerable to the theatrics and ruses of the narcissistic spouse. These ancient practices are highly applicable today in developing a sense of steadiness and psychological detachment and increase your capacity for mindfulness and clarity of focus. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Men---Using Sexual Connections to Reach the Top

Narcissistic men and women are sexually predatory. There is a special kind of narcissist--very good looking, more cocksure confident than intellectually bright, silk smooth with women (especially wealthy ones) and a masterful seducer. The best set up for this man is a woman of great wealth several decades his senior. It doesn't matter to him if she is married or single. All this narcissist needs to know is that she has plenty of money and he's going to get ahold of it. This type of narcissistic man has been seducing women all of his life. He can't count the number of young woman and older ones with whom he has had sex for minor and major rewards--from small favors and social privileges in the beginning to setting up business connections, leading to the highest levels of corporate power. The handsome, super confident risk taking narcissist knows one thing---He can meet, seduce and establish business alliances with women who become sexually and psychologically dependent and reward him with unlimited amounts of wealth. This is in exchange for his intimate services and his masterful role in becoming an indispensable part of this woman's life. She wouldn't make a move, especially a business decision without him. This method has been working for narcissistic men for centuries and continues to rake in hundreds of millions of dollars to male narcissists who are at the top of this ruthless game. Protect yourself psychologically, emotionally and financially by studying the narcissistic personality disorder in depth. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Conversations with Narcissists---How Superficial Can It Get

I am always blown away by the surface level of conversation with some narcissists. There are others who hold forth on intellectual and business topics and understand and communicate their expertise with great flair. They don't let you get a word in, of course, because this is a performance, not a conversation.

The narcissistic style in this case is a running commentary of their life. I have clocked them at an hour and running  and I'm sure they are capable of longer narratives. Every detail of what they own, what they are planning to do with their free time, important people who are their friends, every accolade and award they have ever received---This is the essence of the subject matter. Sitting there you are a living receptacle for their grandiosity.
You have moments when you say to yourself "What the hell am I doing here!" You don't want to be rude but enough is enough.

Finally, you set yourself free, make a quick polite excuse and leave the scene. The narcissist is incapable of introspection or self analysis. He/she is completely disinterested in you, unless you can give him something of  value or he can wrench it from you. If you can keep your distance from a narcissist, do so. If not, it is valuable to be able to identify them quickly. Once you have done this, you view them with a clear mental eye. You experience their essence----Surface, Surface, Surface!  Meanwhile, move on with your life, knowing that you can go deep into yourself, have insight, are capable of empathy---You are an authentic unique human being. I celebrate you. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists are Envious of You ----You are Real--- Narcissist is Fraudulent

Envy is an emotion that is not discussed openly. People are secretive about their envy---This is a feeling of resentment that an individual has about wanting to possess the qualities of another person or what they control and own.  As they puff themselves with circulating narcissistic supplies: adulation, praise, social status, professional achievement--the narcissist holds his envy close. After all, he/she is perfect, unsurpassed. Why should he care about you and your petty achievements. Much of this envy is driven by his unconscious feelings of dark emotional emptiness. He has no resources to go inside himself and feel solid, secure and authentic. The narcissist is always competing with others to better them and defeat them. He views those who are perceived as more successful as his enemies. If they won't capitulate to his will, he will obliterate those who stand  in his way. These ruthless endeavors are played out in many divorce procedures where narcissists are involved.

Recognize that the narcissist is a vindictive human being who will not change. These individuals suffer from a severe personality disorder. Remove yourself from relationships with these individuals. This may mean divorcing a narcissist or separating from them permanently. No matter how many years, effort and time you have taken to improve your relationship with a narcissistic spouse, you are better off not colluding with this level of pathology. Wash you hands of these disturbed people so that you can be free to lead your own life, , expand and deepen your creative gifts and seek and achieve the inner peace. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation:  United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself  from the narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Extreme Verbal Abuse---How Much More Will You Tolerate

Those who are married to narcissists are subjected to unending verbal abuse of various kinds: bottomless rage, emotional digs, insulting remarks, demeaning accusations, shaming techniques, silent treatments that can last for weeks, threats and intimidations.  Each non-narcissistic spouse is victimized in a unique way but there are many common elements to this abuse if you are married to a narcissist. I have heard spouses tell me that the verbal abuse hit them as hard as a physical blow. Besides the direct salvos, the narcissist talks behind your back, especially to relatives, spreading lies and defaming your character and causing estrangements within the family. You would think that a relative who has known you all of your life would believe you. This is often not the case. The narcissist is silver tongued and very convincing. An aspect of the verbal abuse is the narcissist's constant lying. This is automatic for the narcissist; he has been perfecting this dark skill all of his life.

Some abused spouses with children don't realize the traumatic effects the narcissist's blow-ups, screaming fits and loud demands and continual agitation has on their children. The young child requires a predictable emotional environment that is nourishing and loving. It is only human for us to lose our tempers from time to time but when a narcissistic parent is constantly in a state of siege and full-throated rage, this has a profound negative impact on a child. There is never any peace in this household.The spouse keeps telling herself/himself that this is a bad cycle and the narcissist will come out of it and gain a sense of emotional control and apologize for his disruptive and frightening behaviors. Most narcissists never apologize for anything they have done. They reflexively blame everyone else, especially their spouse.


Think carefully about what is happening to your life each day as you step on egg shells, living with your narcissistic spouse. What impact is this continuous verbal onslaught having on you psychologically and emotionally. How much more can you take?  How is this chaotic, frightening environment affecting your children. What messages are you giving them by putting up with the abuse. Are you communicating to them that this is normal and to be expected? Are you asking them to put up with something they cannot bear?



Whether you have children or not, life with a narcissist grinds each spouse down emotionally. In some cases the spouse's immune system is weakened, making them vulnerable to physical illnesses.


You deserve to lead a life, using all of your creative gifts. You have a right to sleep soundly at night, to think about and express your thoughts openly and with receptivity by your spouse. You deserve to be with a spouse who is supportive of your personal growth in the directions that takes you. A worthy partner will always be there to support you when you are going through a family or personal ordeal to the best of their capacity. Take back your self entitlement, your respect and belief in yourself. Expand and deepen your vision of life. This will occur without the controlling, manipulative, exploitive narcissist. When you make the decisions to sever the relationship and all of the documents and agreements are sealed and you are on your way, you will look ahead with hope and a renewal, a rebirth of your self. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
 

Narcissistic Stepmothers--Taking Dad Away

There are innumerable stepmothers who are wonderful parents. They do the hard work of raising the children after an ugly divorce or a situation in which the biological mother abandoned the children.

I am speaking about the narcissistic stepmother who purposely plots her way into the heart and mind of a man who has minor children. These women are on the alert for a vulnerable man. If he is a widower, all the better. No ex-wife to get in her way. This is often the case if the man has considerable wealth. I call these gals--- One Bounce Women, meaning that the ink on the divorce papers is barely dry and they are presenting themselves as prospective playmates to these unsuspecting fellows. The narcissistic stepmother cleverly solidifies her powerful new role with the tried and true method ---Sex! First she is friendly and warm and very understanding of this man who is going through a tough ordeal. Next, she works her way into becoming his indispensable confidant. Add a generous measure of brilliant sexual moves to the mix and he's bagged.

Once the marriage is legally solidified, the stepmother breathes a luscious sigh. What next---dealing with the kids. Narcissists are gifted actors. When the marriage is new and everyone is on his/her good behavior, the stepmother displays a convincing devotion to his children. She is pleasant and courteous. She pretends to be interested in their social and school lives. Children under divorce circumstances are having a very difficult time adjusting to the fact that their parents are no longer married to one another. They may still feel shocked, confused and angry about this turn of events. When dad quickly remarries this adds to their psychological pain. Father is so carried away with his new love that his attention to the children flags. Kids pick up on his dismissiveness and distancing. They feel cheated and depressed. They've been replaced by a woman who is practically a stranger.

As the months and years pass by the stepmother's narcissistic attributes come fully to the surface. She is duplicitous in her dealings---warm, seductive, pseudo empathic with her husband and cold, critical and emotionally threatening to the children. She achieves this two faced role with great cunning. Because she has such a tight grip on her husband (As far as he is concerned his wife can do no wrong) the father will not believe his own children when they tell him they are being treated cruelly. The stepmother's psychological brainwashing on her spouse works like a charm. She continues to buttress her intimate relationship with this man. He's a keeper---too much equity there and a great lifestyle to let go of it now.

Children under these conditions are suffering horribly. Sometimes they band together for emotional support. Some kids spend less and less time at home. They are often at friends' houses where they feel welcome.
During the teenage years, it can get very derisive. Each time the dad sides with the stepmother, the child is left standing alone. In some cases children decide to live with the other parent and find a real home there. When no other parent is available, children leave the home early and make an effort to find their way solo or with friends. I have communication with adult children of narcissistic stepmothers who remember the ordeals they endured under her watch. They lost their childhoods and the deep caring and loving of a real father. Many of them still say that their narcissistic stepmother "took dad away" from them. Some of them go into psychotherapy to mourn the loss of the parent(s) and to deal with feelings of betrayal and abandonment.

The narcissistic stepmother has no pangs of conscience for alienating and in some instances destroying the relationship between the father and  his children. She has won. When the children are grown, she will celebrate again. Some of these stepmothers repeat this pattern with more than one man. When the money is no longer forthcoming and she cannot fool her husband any longer, she moves ahead to find her next male trophy. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com