Narcissistic Extreme Verbal Abuse---How Much More Will You Tolerate

Those who are married to narcissists are subjected to unending verbal abuse of various kinds: bottomless rage, emotional digs, insulting remarks, demeaning accusations, shaming techniques, silent treatments that can last for weeks, threats and intimidations.  Each non-narcissistic spouse is victimized in a unique way but there are many common elements to this abuse if you are married to a narcissist. I have heard spouses tell me that the verbal abuse hit them as hard as a physical blow. Besides the direct salvos, the narcissist talks behind your back, especially to relatives, spreading lies and defaming your character and causing estrangements within the family. You would think that a relative who has known you all of your life would believe you. This is often not the case. The narcissist is silver tongued and very convincing. An aspect of the verbal abuse is the narcissist's constant lying. This is automatic for the narcissist; he has been perfecting this dark skill all of his life.

Some abused spouses with children don't realize the traumatic effects the narcissist's blow-ups, screaming fits and loud demands and continual agitation has on their children. The young child requires a predictable emotional environment that is nourishing and loving. It is only human for us to lose our tempers from time to time but when a narcissistic parent is constantly in a state of siege and full-throated rage, this has a profound negative impact on a child. There is never any peace in this household.The spouse keeps telling herself/himself that this is a bad cycle and the narcissist will come out of it and gain a sense of emotional control and apologize for his disruptive and frightening behaviors. Most narcissists never apologize for anything they have done. They reflexively blame everyone else, especially their spouse.


Think carefully about what is happening to your life each day as you step on egg shells, living with your narcissistic spouse. What impact is this continuous verbal onslaught having on you psychologically and emotionally. How much more can you take?  How is this chaotic, frightening environment affecting your children. What messages are you giving them by putting up with the abuse. Are you communicating to them that this is normal and to be expected? Are you asking them to put up with something they cannot bear?



Whether you have children or not, life with a narcissist grinds each spouse down emotionally. In some cases the spouse's immune system is weakened, making them vulnerable to physical illnesses.


You deserve to lead a life, using all of your creative gifts. You have a right to sleep soundly at night, to think about and express your thoughts openly and with receptivity by your spouse. You deserve to be with a spouse who is supportive of your personal growth in the directions that takes you. A worthy partner will always be there to support you when you are going through a family or personal ordeal to the best of their capacity. Take back your self entitlement, your respect and belief in yourself. Expand and deepen your vision of life. This will occur without the controlling, manipulative, exploitive narcissist. When you make the decisions to sever the relationship and all of the documents and agreements are sealed and you are on your way, you will look ahead with hope and a renewal, a rebirth of your self. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
 

Don't Capitulate to the Narcissist---You Are Whole and Strong

You are and were meant to be whole and strong human beings. Many of you have had a very rough ride in life, often too much to bear. I know of those who have been almost at the breaking point with narcissists'  deceptions, betrayals and horrendous cruelties. Their secret psychological tortures are performed out of public notice when no one but the victim is their target. Even children don't suspect how horrendous and overwhelmingly painful a non-narcissistic spouse has suffered under unspeakable pain and chronic distress---But we must talk about them---these narcissists who are becoming normalized by our current society---bring them out into the open, pin them down, wriggling, with the truth of our words and our lives.

The narcissist is a clever deceiver. Most people believe him/her, even professional psychotherapists, judges on the bench, and too many of those in authority who wield the power to make life changing decisions. (custody of children for starters) Too often those who sit in judgment favor the narcissist's twisted stories, packs of well constructed layered lies and traps that they lay for those whom they plot to ensnare and vanquish. Each one of us---victims of narcissistic cruelty--daughters and sons of narcissists, spouses of narcissists, siblings of narcissists, family members can start by learning in detail as much as they can about the ways these individuals operate beneath the radar (when they are off stage), the family dynamics that mold these clever impostors, the many ways that today's society accepts this severe personality disorder and discounts the emotional and psychological devastation of other human beings that narcissists always leave behind them. That is the tragedy that we must face, acknowledge and start to communicate directly so that the voices of the victims of narcissistic abuse are heard through every medium possible. The Internet is a powerful source for truth telling and the global distribution of vital information----instantaneously. I communicate with too many of those who have suffered too much for too long and are still at the mercy of narcissistic abuse in their daily lives or through past cruelties that still resonate within them.

Know that you will heal. The human psyche, mind and soul is always in the process of healing. This is a vital aspect of human nature and all of life. When we are receptive to the deepest parts of ourselves and can attune to the stillness, the straight truth that speaks directly to us, we become aware of the forces of healing that are waiting for us to say: "Yes, I am whole, free and strong"! Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com  

Sociopathic Narcissists-More Dangerous than You Think

The narcissistic style has been co-opted by a growing part of the American population.  The media and entertainment business, the powerful influence of peers on growing children and the lack of true quality time given to their children by parents are all part of this equation. People do not have to have children today. They can make the choice to live without producing children or choosing marriage. These are respectable and truthful decisions individuals can make. There is still a residue of scorn and even suspicion felt toward those who make these decisions.  "Why doesn't she/he get married? What's the matter--Is there some secret reason behind it? 

There is a collective self absorption and selfishness that has become the norm in many circles. There is an absence of sensitivity to the needs and suffering of others, especially those who are judged as not fitting in to an elite group. Their differentness is derided and scorned  through gossip and shunning. 

There is a deep fissure, a social and psychological divide that is growing exponentially. If you are materially successful, have all the right contacts, and present an image of external perfection, you are preferred even chosen.  If you don't have the impeccable image, the high professional status, you don't make the cut.  Large swaths of today's society have been taken over by narcissists and their deluded followers.

Grandiosity, lack of conscience, ruthlessness, lack of empathy, deception and manipulation have become tools rather than bad character traits. This is especially the case with sociopathic narcissists--those individuals who have the narcissistic personality structure and also share many characteristics of the sociopath. These traits include a careless disregard for other human beings, including chronic extreme verbal abuse and stress perpetrated upon spouses and children. Sociopathic narcissists purposely seek out ways to delude and control those who will profit them materially, socially and professionally. They are gifted at leaving others "holding the bag" while they abscond with the profits of some else's labors. Leaving another person's life in shambles or even their entire family is of no concern or interest to the sociopathic narcissist who has adroitly moved ahead to his/her next cycle of acquisition and control.

I am in communication with a number of victims of narcissistic abuse. There is a callousness in sociopathic narcissists that overrides any authentic human feeling. In fact if you get in their way, don't pay attention to the cues that are speaking to you clearly, they will cut you down professionally and emotionally. Sociopathic narcissists are rarely brought to justice. They surround themselves with covens of cunning attorneys who do their bidding around the clock.

Human nature is both dark and sublime. There are individuals alive today who are giving, selfless, warm, empathic and such a joy that they bring a great light into our lives. We are psychologically held by their deep authenticity and boundless personal generosity. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissist's Damaging Verbal Abuse-No More Excuses

I have communicated with many women who have been subjected to severe chronic verbal abuse from their narcissistic husbands. Surprisingly a number of these women are willing to tolerate these verbal bombardments on a regular basis. Narcissists scream right into your face. They threaten with their gestures. They lose control of themselves and fulminate with nasty words and accusations. Spouses are constantly tip-toeing around their narcissistic partners. When I ask some of these victims why they continue to put up with this brutal treatment, they suddenly underplay the effect it is having on them. "Oh, He just goes off once in a while." "He's like a little kid; I know how to quiet him down." "He was in one of his moods; it won't last forever." (There are many verbally abusive narcissistic wives).

When someone is continually screaming, raging, accusing and demeaning you, it takes a tremendous toll on your body, mind and psyche. These irrational eruptions course through the body which is placed in a state of terror and hypervigilence. The spouse always wonders when the next blowup is going to happen. He or she cannot let down for a moment---even when they try to sleep. For many it is reminiscent of a childhood in a highly dysfunctional, emotionally chaotic home with parents detesting one another, arguing constantly, spitting out their hatred of each other, spreading misery throughout the household on to the children. We can become so accustomed to abuse that we expect it. It's what we know and understand. Our sense of reality and expectations about life can be deeply colored by the verbal abuse to which we were exposed as children and then again as adults.

No one deserves to be treated with such vile cruelty, terror and disrespect. The narcissistic personality is never going to stop his or her verbal abuse, screaming, accusations and in your face threats. If you are the victim in this marriage with a narcissist, learn everything you can about this personality disorder. If you are under continuous stress as a result of sharing your life with a narcissist, you can benefit from quality psychotherapy to help you clarify your need to justify and remain a victim of verbal abuse. You can change your sense of self and feel entitled to and worthy of living in a psychologically healthy environment where you feel at peace and are appreciated as an individual---free to be genuine, spontaneous and loving. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com