Monday, July 18, 2011

Narcissists-Seeking Pleasure and Escape-Causing You Pain

Narcissists are consummate pleasure seekers (Each narcissist defines his/her idea of pleasure). They are also escape artists. Bottom line---They are running to these diversions to escape from themselves. This is done on an unconscious level. Narcissists are extremely restless people, always plotting and planning their next business coup, the downfall of a competitor or bete noire, the seduction of a new romantic partner, an escape to a private paradise where no one, except their golden circle of admirers, can find them. Meanwhile if you have been married to a narcissist and are in the process of divorce or an ex, your life and your person have been deeply wounded psychologically during the years you have shared with him/her. The divorce battles are often the final blows that the narcissist inflicts on the man or woman who has become his prime enemy.

Some narcissists lead more than one life simultaneously. They "do a lot of business traveling" meaning they go on boondoggles and become intimately involved with co-workers. All of this is explained by the narcissist to the spouse as part of their legitimate professional roles. Some spouses accept these flimsy, see through excuses over decades. They cannot believe that their narcissistic spouse would ever betray them. This is tragic to be deceived over and over again. The emotional pain sustained by discovering each time that you spouse is lying again. I have known narcissistic spouses who are willing to overlook this reprehensible behavior because they are too intimidated by the narcissistic partner. They worry about the financial implications if the marriage is formally severed. I understand that we must be realistic and practical but staying married to a narcissist can cause extreme emotional and mental stress and in some cases, physical illness. Staying married to a narcissist is devastating to the children in the family. In some cases, one of them will follow in the footsteps of the narcissistic parent and become a narcissist. I hear from ex-spouses whose children have become narcissists due to the powerful influence of a narcissistic spouse. These life stories are very painful.

First, recognize that you spouse is a narcissistic personality disorder. There are many excellent sources for doing research into the narcissistic personality in-depth through books, blogs, video, etc. When you have identified this person as a narcissist, know that he or she is not going to change. This is a fixed disorder. The narcissist has no reason to change. Everything is going perfectly for him at everyone else's expense. If you are married to one, consider a divorce or separation.Do you homework, call upon your small loyal support group. Take good care of yourself. Do cardiovascular exercise, practice gentle yoga which calms the nervous system and clarifies the mind. Take a short period of time each day to meditate. Find the method that works best for you. Meditation steadies the mind and body and deepens the capacity for insight and intuition. Above all, recognize the value of your life and your uniqueness. You are entitled to live in peace with a strong sense of optimism about the present and future. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website:

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph..D.
TELEPHONE CONSULTATION:United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: and amazon kindle edition

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