Sunday, July 31, 2011

Narcissistic Brothers and Sisters Impose Cruelty Upon their Siblings

There's nothing worse than a narcissistic sibling (except a narcissistic spouse, narcissistic mother or narcissistic father.) You find out very early in your life that you are under the control and siege of one of these insufferable brothers and/or sisters. Of course, mom and dad go along with this reign of terror because one or both of them created these psychological monsters. Starting very young the narcissistic sibling screams, shouts, kicks, accuses, demeans, taunts-------his sibling. He or she makes sure that the non-narcissist gets all of the blame for what he or she has done. This happens in families but with narcissists they take it to the extremes. Bent on destruction a narcissistic sibling can turn a mother or father against his own child. The child who wears the household crown rules. If you are not with him or her, you are the enemy and must constantly duck for cover or hide. This sets up feelings of terror and shame inside of the victimized child. He never feels safe, even inside himself. There is no one he/she can go to for relief. No one believes that the narcissistic sibling is perpetrating a kind of psychological torture. In fact everyone looks up to him. He is the charmer, the bright one, the achiever----Everyone else is inferior. Some children in these families become like little servants to the narcissistic ogre. They bow and scrape in order not to be bullied and kicked psychologically and at times physically. These horrific scenes are played out in the home where a narcissistic sibling lives countless times.

Growing up in this way is brutal and highly stressful. As adult survivors many individuals are still feeling shaken and unsure of themselves. Sometimes they marry narcissists and repeat with them the childhood pattern of abuse.
Fortunately, many of these psychologically beaten children wake up and realize that they never deserved this kind of treatment, that their parents were complicit in these "crimes of the heart" or so disturbed themselves that they walked through life in a mindless fog. Those who gather themselves up and recognize that they can recover from these abusive backgrounds, grow strong and steady on every level. It is not an easy path but it is sure. They rename themselves as individuals who have prevailed over unjust and cruel family scenario. Some of them benefit from high quality psychotherapy. Others develop ways of working with their creative gifts and share the depth and beauty of imaginations with others. Many of those recovering get back in touch with the lovely child who is still deep inside of them that never lost hope, who is capable of loving deeply.  Celebrate the beginning of a new life. The inner part of yourself, the most precious and meaningful has been waiting all of your life to unfurl the beauty and strength of your individuality. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in depth, visit my

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book:, Barnes and Noble, etc.


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