Psychological Ambush by Covert Narcissist

Many of them go unnoticed at social events. They appear to be self effacing with a low grade ego. Meet the covert narcissist---that individual who is a narcissistic personality disorder without the elaborate persona. The covert narcissist seems to blend in like a chameleon. They fool a lot of people with their practiced pseudo empathy and fake humility. Covert narcissists are low key but watch their moves. They are highly competitive, manipulative, intensely secretive and willing to mow you down to get what and whom they want  like their
grandiose cousins. Covert narcissists like to play the role of "ordinary" or "don't make a fuss about me" or I'm not important; you are." That's another one of their ruses. They put themselves at your feet, at your service. Their motive is to win you over and gain your trust. Watch out---you're about to be ambushed.. You think you have a genuine relationship with one of these individuals. You have confided in them. You trust them. Then you find out that they have spread your personal information like a virus. Covert narcissists are exceedingly envious of those whom they view as rivals. They cunningly whisper rumors about "your past"---spreading downright dirty lies about your character. They often get away with this because they appear to be impeccably innocent and perpetually unsuspected.

Learn to tune into the cues of this type of narcissist. If you sense an effusiveness toward you, be wary. Using your powers of observation and your keen intuition will always lead you to the truth about a person's intentions toward you. Be ready for the psychological ambush---this is a signature tactic of the covert narcissist. They are friendly, helpful, your biggest cheerleader, etc. You let down your guard and wham--You get the rude inquiries:  "How are you doing with your stocks?""How much money do you have invested in the market?" "Do you have a pension plan?" "I thought you inherited money from your family--Is that true?" "How old are you?"  "Do you rent or own your home?"  These are only a few of the thousands of questions that fling out of the mouths of covert narcissists. These questions are designed to put you off balance, to humiliate you, to make you feel anxious and unable to think clearly. The bottom line is that the covert narcissist feels superior at your expense. It is difficult not to overreact to outrageous questions and comments that are not only rude and impolite but purposely structured to fracture your composure, leaving you feeling helpless and inadequate.

To protect yourself  from the covert narcissist, study every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder. Remember that these individuals are false selves filled with rage, highly manipulative, duplicitous, cunning, psychological stalkers of those whom they sense are vulnerable. Covert narcissists get a thrill out of disturbing your sense of peace. They revel in putting you in an emotional tailspin. They are hardened to their own feelings, incapable of empathy and seek to weaken your sense of self.

You can learn how to deal with covert narcissists by understanding every aspect of their psychopathology. Become keenly aware of their game playing. Learn to detach yourself so that you will not overreact to them. That's what they're waiting for you to do. Meditating regularly is one of the many ways that you can still the mind and body. As a result of this practice your concentration is honed, your focus on every detail in the moment is clear and your nervous system is calm despite nasty verbal volleys thrown at you.

You are in charge of yourself and your reactions to others. You don't owe anyone an answer to his/her  question. You are no one's possession. You are a unique human being who will never be replicated. Knowing this and renewing your promise to be faithful to your true nature, keep peace and stillness  inside of you. They are your touchstones.  Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Covert Narcissists-Hardball Wearing Velvet Gloves

Covert narcissists are often effusive with those whom they need to impress. Compliments flow from their mouths; they praise those whom they need to influence. They pay attention to you, anticipating your needs and desires. They place themselves as servant.   

The reasons behind these heavy theatrics is that you are their ticket to power access, first rate connections that will place them on a steep trajectory toward high level success. You are not an individual to them---you are a vehicle, a conduit to the top of the mountain.

The covert narcissist has a special style. He is highly articulate and convincingly self effacing, even humble The covert narcissist is watching you. They know when you are at a low ebb—depressed, feeling flat, disliking yourself, had too many obstacles and too few solutions and are overwhelmed by your current life.

The covert narcissist, at your very worst moment, comes on the scene unannounced—it’s the ambush play, the shock treatment. He or she pretends to care about you. Some people make the classic mistake of telling the covert narcissist that they are suffering----This is a very bad idea---it plays into their feelings of superiority, their competition with you, needing to be on top of life at all times. They enters stage left in full regalia---looking perfect from head to toe---The nonverbal give them away. The covert narcissist is exceedingly pleased with himself. He is up; you are down. He is luxuriating in the perfection of his life and the ruin of yours. This is clearly implied in his or her gestures and facial expressions. The covert narcissists moves through a series of throw away lines about himself—he just met one of the biggest movers and shakers in his profession and has been selected to head up a project that will pay a hefty sum. In a month or two a long trip is in the works. His children are all top students and excelling in every field of endeavor in which they are involved. These bits of information are communicated like quick asides that indicate their lack of importance. But they are the message: I am powerful, perfect, very successful, and very attractive. My life is going swimmingly—all horizons endlessly clear and open. What the hell’s the matter? You worthless failure!.

Covert narcissists are just as psychologically dangerous as their brothers and sisters of the grandiose variety, at times more so, since they operate as double agents. If you suspect that a spouse , family member or co-worker is a covert narcissist, tune up your intuition and study in detail every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder. When people make too nice, feel the hair on the nape of your neck rise and pay attention. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book:Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Covert Narcissists-Hiding in the Weeds

When we visualize a narcissist we imagine him or her at center stage, all eyes riveted. High level narcissists, those who are highly successful in the world, come with great fanfare. They announce their presence. Everything about them is impeccable: their clothing, physical attractiveness, smooth social skills and personal magnetism. These narcissists are natural salesmen and extroverts. They obsessively talk about themselves, their auspicious achievements, superiority, etc ad nauseam. At times they focus on someone whom they know they can control and manipulate for their purposes. Then the narcissist focuses his attention specifically on the chosen person who will fulfill some goal or wish for the narcissist. 

We have another style of narcissist---the covert narcissist. He appears as a humble, low key individual,  ready to serve, caring individual. The covert narcissist firmly believes he has a sterling character and convinces others of this dreadful lie. In the beginning you feel like the covert narcissist will do anything for you. Some of them put themselves in the role of servant to you. Despite their purported servant status covert narcissists eventually display their sharp teeth. If they believe that you are competing with them for money, status or some one's affections, they will take you on: spread lies about you, think nothing of ruining your reputation, disburse all of your confidential information and employ any number of tactics to vanquish you.
The covert narcissist, after perpetrating all of this psychological damage, returns to his/her above reproach, even holy image until the next time he is driven to win at all costs. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com