Covert Narcissists-Hardball Wearing Velvet Gloves

Covert narcissists are often effusive with those whom they need to impress. Compliments flow from their mouths; they praise those whom they need to influence. They pay attention to you, anticipating your needs and desires. They place themselves as servant.   

The reasons behind these heavy theatrics is that you are their ticket to power access, first rate connections that will place them on a steep trajectory toward high level success. You are not an individual to them---you are a vehicle, a conduit to the top of the mountain.

The covert narcissist has a special style. He is highly articulate and convincingly self effacing, even humble The covert narcissist is watching you. They know when you are at a low ebb—depressed, feeling flat, disliking yourself, had too many obstacles and too few solutions and are overwhelmed by your current life.

The covert narcissist, at your very worst moment, comes on the scene unannounced—it’s the ambush play, the shock treatment. He or she pretends to care about you. Some people make the classic mistake of telling the covert narcissist that they are suffering----This is a very bad idea---it plays into their feelings of superiority, their competition with you, needing to be on top of life at all times. They enters stage left in full regalia---looking perfect from head to toe---The nonverbal give them away. The covert narcissist is exceedingly pleased with himself. He is up; you are down. He is luxuriating in the perfection of his life and the ruin of yours. This is clearly implied in his or her gestures and facial expressions. The covert narcissists moves through a series of throw away lines about himself—he just met one of the biggest movers and shakers in his profession and has been selected to head up a project that will pay a hefty sum. In a month or two a long trip is in the works. His children are all top students and excelling in every field of endeavor in which they are involved. These bits of information are communicated like quick asides that indicate their lack of importance. But they are the message: I am powerful, perfect, very successful, and very attractive. My life is going swimmingly—all horizons endlessly clear and open. What the hell’s the matter? You worthless failure!.

Covert narcissists are just as psychologically dangerous as their brothers and sisters of the grandiose variety, at times more so, since they operate as double agents. If you suspect that a spouse , family member or co-worker is a covert narcissist, tune up your intuition and study in detail every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder. When people make too nice, feel the hair on the nape of your neck rise and pay attention. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book:Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com