Narcissistic Brothers and Sisters Impose Cruelty Upon their Siblings

There's nothing worse than a narcissistic sibling (except a narcissistic spouse, narcissistic mother or narcissistic father.) You find out very early in your life that you are under the control and siege of one of these insufferable brothers and/or sisters. Of course, mom and dad go along with this reign of terror because one or both of them created these psychological monsters. Starting very young the narcissistic sibling screams, shouts, kicks, accuses, demeans, taunts-------his sibling. He or she makes sure that the non-narcissist gets all of the blame for what he or she has done. This happens in families but with narcissists they take it to the extremes. Bent on destruction a narcissistic sibling can turn a mother or father against his own child. The child who wears the household crown rules. If you are not with him or her, you are the enemy and must constantly duck for cover or hide. This sets up feelings of terror and shame inside of the victimized child. He never feels safe, even inside himself. There is no one he/she can go to for relief. No one believes that the narcissistic sibling is perpetrating a kind of psychological torture. In fact everyone looks up to him. He is the charmer, the bright one, the achiever----Everyone else is inferior. Some children in these families become like little servants to the narcissistic ogre. They bow and scrape in order not to be bullied and kicked psychologically and at times physically. These horrific scenes are played out in the home where a narcissistic sibling lives countless times.

Growing up in this way is brutal and highly stressful. As adult survivors many individuals are still feeling shaken and unsure of themselves. Sometimes they marry narcissists and repeat with them the childhood pattern of abuse.
Fortunately, many of these psychologically beaten children wake up and realize that they never deserved this kind of treatment, that their parents were complicit in these "crimes of the heart" or so disturbed themselves that they walked through life in a mindless fog. Those who gather themselves up and recognize that they can recover from these abusive backgrounds, grow strong and steady on every level. It is not an easy path but it is sure. They rename themselves as individuals who have prevailed over unjust and cruel family scenario. Some of them benefit from high quality psychotherapy. Others develop ways of working with their creative gifts and share the depth and beauty of imaginations with others. Many of those recovering get back in touch with the lovely child who is still deep inside of them that never lost hope, who is capable of loving deeply.  Celebrate the beginning of a new life. The inner part of yourself, the most precious and meaningful has been waiting all of your life to unfurl the beauty and strength of your individuality. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, etc.
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com


 

Leave the Narcissist's Golden Circle

What price will you pay to remain a part of the golden circle with whom the narcissist surrounds himself/herself.
This is a group of individuals who have been hand picked by the narcissist to enhance his image, maintain and grab more worldly power, to substantially inflate his grandiosity and extreme feelings of self entitlement. As the spouse of a narcissist you are head cheerleader. Many spouses are willing to play this role in exchange for an easy carefree lifestyle where one's needs are fulfilled, you are waited and treated with great deference, You are looked upon as a special person because of the tremendous prestige of your spouse. This is good news and bad news. If you are looked upon as  prominent, special person due to your choice of marital partner and your position in the family, you are treated with special care not because of yourself as an individual but solely due to your close association and relationship another person.

All of those within the golden circle--spouses, children, siblings, close business associates, decorative venerating friends---know how they must obey to remain part of this highly select group. Some members are truly mesmerized by the narcissist, believing that he can do no wrong and that his powers of persuasion and manipulation are limitless.

If you have been enraptured by your role in the golden circle of the narcissist as spouse, child or professional associate and finally recognize that this person is unfair, manipulative, incapable of empathy, deceitful and exploitive, this is your opportunity to take leave of this role to find yourself as an individual. Spouses become highly stressed and disgusted with the control of their lives by the narcissist. Some of them do research and discover that they are married to a duplicitous, severe personality  disorder. If the spouse has children with this individual he or she may be very concerned about the negative influence of having a narcissist as a parent.

Waking up from the delusion of believing in the narcissist as a raison d'etre represents a positive shift that provides an opportunity to lead your life, using all of your creative gifts, protecting your children, living with deep inner peace. I have communicated with those who have left the golden circle, especially spouses. Although it can be difficult, these life shifts away from the psychological imprisonment to freedom , this is a positive life choice. With the help of quality psychotherapy, the encouragement and compassion of a strong support group and a deepened understanding of the true nature of the narcissist and all of the psychological nightmares they impose on all of those close to them, this represents ultimately a turn to emotional freedom and re-instituting your own life. Those who achieve this goal deserve our congratulation. They now can make all of their own life decisions---small and large, can move through expansive pathways of creativity and spirituality (in the way that this has meaning for you.) I hear very hopeful reports and a stories of gratefulness and victory when freedom has now become a realization. We celebrate your great accomplishment. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, etc.
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Sociopaths-Sexual Predators Getting Away With It

Narcissistic sociopaths have no sense of limits, no empathy, no decency, morals or ethics.They are driven by their impulses to achieve maximum power and wealth. When they reach the higher levels of worldly acclaim and all of the social and professional perks that are attendant with these heady roles, they get away with perpetrating sexual assaults on women who move through their lives. This applies whether they are married or not. For a sociopath, abiding by the marriage vows is a formality. These fellows stay married to a one at particular time because it burnishes their image. May she is from a prominent family, has royal lineage that has been passed down through generations, is connected with an auspicious family that can become very lucrative to the narcissist's climb to the highest rungs of professional power and prestige. Some narcissistic sociopaths are always hitting on one woman or another. They believe they are irresistible.If they are in a position of power and this woman works for them, she often gives in to their advances and allows the sexual interaction to take place to save her job. In some cases these sociopaths sexually force themselves on women whom they know are vulnerable and will keep their mouths shut. This is especially true if the female victim is in lower social and professional status position. Sometimes, narcissistic sociopaths pay hush money if the female victim threatens to talk. And then, there are men who commit rape---a serious crime and never get caught. For some the sadistic act of forcing a woman to have sex creates a sexual thrill that the sociopath indulges in to prove that he has ultimate power over females. These men hate women and are dangerous. I despise thinking of how often predatory narcissistic sociopaths are committing these crimes against women over and over again and slipping away like it never happened. The female victim is perceived as an object to be used as a receptacle for the perpetrator's sexual perversions and crimes.

Many female victims keep quiet about these crimes perpetrated on them. They are afraid of recriminations--losing their jobs, being told they were to blame, not being believed. Women must wake up to the attributes of the narcissistic sociopath. You may be married to one and not know it. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble. com, Barnes and Noble stores, etc
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Drop the Narcissists-Create the Life That You Deserve

Even if you are married to a narcissist, this person doesn't own you---how you feel, think, how well you sleep at night, what worries you, your creative gifts, your choice of close friends---your life's destiny--That belongs to you and no one else. It is difficult to buck the narcissists who are in our families including parents and siblings, in-laws and especially spouses. I hear so many life stories filled with deep emotional pain. They know that the narcissist has taken over and commandeered even their thoughts and in some dire circumstances the last shreds of hope that they will be able to escape the narcissist's grip and take back the life that they deserve as separate individuals.

Do not live by fear. I know this is very difficult if you have been under the psychological and financial yoke of the narcissists for decades or even beginning as children in a narcissistic family. The narcissistic personality is not going to change. You can dance to every tune that they play and it will never be good enough. Some spouses stay with the narcissist for the lifestyle, for the prestige of "sharing" their lives with someone who is notable and financially very successful. When you live with a narcissist there is no sharing. THEY TAKE! And you give, sometimes more than you can bear. What this kind of relationship does to your children is very destructive. It tells them that one person can harm another emotionally and psychologically and have complete control in a household with no mercy and empathy and that is OK. You who know who the narcissist really is must come forward and tell the truth by your act of separating yourself in some significant way from this highly disruptive and disturbed person. Forget those, including relatives who are pressuring you to stay with the narcissist. He or she only shows his good side to them. Also they don't want to hear anything that is negative. They are too accustomed to not being capable of dealing with the truth. They live in delusion. As long as people's lives have a gilded image on the outside, that fine with them. They are not interested in what goes on, the nightmarish scenarios that take place every day inside the confines of a house where those victimized by narcissists are held psychologically captive. If you hold the truth, that is all that matters even if hundreds of others are deluded. We live in a time when the society is ready and even thrilled by the narcissistic style. The externals of life have replaced what the heart and intuition know to be the truth. Hold on to the truth no matter who disagrees or tries to whittle you down. They are seeing through a glass darkly. Know this and remain strong in your perception.

Strengthen yourself. Learn to detach and separate from the narcissist through quieting your nervous system and your mind. Find routine and practices that help you achieve a state of calmness. Do this regularly. Find practices that work for you: gentle yoga with emphasis on the breath, various forms of meditation, beginning with short period of meditation and nonjudgmental attitudes, walking and other cardiovascular exercise that increases in your stamina and vitality, drives the engine of the immune system and raises your moods. Find your creative path---Is it journaling, gardening, blogging, podcasting, photographing Nature around you, cooking---You will know what area of creativity is calling you. Watch yourself progress. The self is always evolving and moving forward. We provide it with the right environment inside and growth takes place. This is a natural process that we experience throughout our lives. You will find others who seek and know the truth.These individuals are invaluable. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
TELEPHONE CONSULTATION:UNITED STATES AND INTERNATIONAL
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, bookstores online, etc.
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Rising Strong and Steady After Divorcing Narcissistic Spouse

You have spent years denying that you were married to a narcissistic personality. Don't blame yourself. You couldn't have known. You were serious about building and preserving your marital union. You tried so hard. It would seem to work for a while, then the narcissist would become difficult, even impossible and blame you for everything that went wrong in his life. Narcissists only care about themselves. Everyone else including spouses and children are living narcissistic supplies that will get them to their goals of ultimate control and winning.

Now that you know that you were married to a narcissist and have gone through the painful divorce process, you life is beginning anew. You are in the process of healing. Every kind of healing---physical, mental, emotional, spiritual--takes place when we provide the right environment and receptivity to it. Develop routines that focus on your healing every day. Don't be judgmental. Be kind to yourself. Take time to be alone and quiet with yourself. You may want to meditate or write in a journal or do some gentle yoga poses. Listening to soothing music lifts us out of obsessional thought and feeling patterns and brings us into a  positive state where we can begin anew and feel refreshed. Find or create a small support group of people with whom you can share the truth and who care about you. Be appreciative of what you have been through. Work with your creative gifts which have been in cold storage during your marriage to the narcissist. Do a form of cardiovascular exercise that works for you.This increases endorphins, strengthens the immune system and helps you to sleep. Many find that gentle yoga is a source of calming, strengthening and healing the body/mind. Pay close attention to your intuition. It will speak to you and offer wise words or present you with pictures or ideas, indicating the way forward for you. You deserve deep inner peace---claim it. It's yours. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com


Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D>
TELEPHONE CONSULTATION:UNITED STATES AND INTERNATIONAL
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, barnes and noble and many others
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Women-Prowling for the Right Man

If you pay close attention you can spot a narcissistic woman who is after the Alpha Man in the room. First, they are dressed for action. They are wearing outfits that will get maximum male attention. It can be subtle but it is powerful and compelling to the male. Showing some leg if it is well sculptured and of course, the right amount of cleavage is part of the calling card. These women are obsessed with their looks and their figures. They literally watch themselves in the mirror regularly to size up how irresistible they are. Narcissistic femme fatales are often addicted to aesthetic procedures that keep them looking dewy and youthful. They don't talk about these secret obsessions that keep their bodies perfectly toned and their faces shining. Bottom line----they are looking to catch a highly successful, driven, confident Class A Man whether he is married or not. If they have a profession this is their vocation. I have watched these women work a room and they are "good." They have learned to display good manners on the surface. Slowly they place themselves next to the most desirable man in the room that fits their specifications--lots of money, properties, physically attractive, confidence. They gracefully swoop in. They get physically close to this fellow and use seductive but subtle eye contact and clever body undulations to maximize the impact. They know when they have snagged the guy. Men lock on and can't let go. These narcissistic women know how to keep these captives happy with sex, pandering to their egos, hanging on their every word, pretending that the man is in charge.

Narcissistic women don't care if their dream man is married or not. His wife can easily be dispatched. The narcissistic woman doesn't give a thought to the fact that she is breaking up a family. That's their problem. Actually, the NW believes that she is the best thing that ever happened to her chosen man. Some narcissistic women seal the deal after the new marriage by getting pregnant and having a couple of children with this guy to secure her power position financially. These women control everyone in this new family. They make all of the important decisions. The man relinquishes his free will to his narcissistic wife.

When the NW has wrenched every last narcissistic supply (homes, money, social connections, great lifestyle) from this man she often move on if she finds another victim who will provide her with a headier position of power. The NW moves often without looking back, even abandoning her children, to seek a wealthier, more generous new partner. Narcissistic women only care about themselves and their winnings. They play a ruthless game; they are truly predatory and can never be trusted. Preening themselves, they are always prepared to take the next step that will provide them with ultimate power over all the "right men."  To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
TELEPHONE CONSULTATION: UNITED STATES AND INTERNATIONAL
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, etc.
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Covert Narcissists---Their Sadistic Drive to Psychologically Injure You

Covert narcissists are so verbally adept. Know that when they call you something is up. They rehearse their lines. Actually, they have been deceptive for so long that trying to get the best of you is natural to them. Covert narcissists can be so subtle that if you tell someone else that you are being worked over by one of these vipers in disguise, they won't believe you. Don't wait to get agreement or even support from many people. They cruise about saying:"Oh, she is such a nice person; you must be exaggerating" or "Just ignore it. She doesn't mean it" or "You're overly sensitive. Toughen up. Don't take things so seriously." I hear from those who have been chronically victimized and shoved around psychologically by covert narcissists. I believe them---exactly what they are saying.

There are a number of covert narcissists and a growing number of narcissists sprouting every day in this superficial cultural environment. Many are just looking at the externals: how attractive is this person, are they making lots of money, how well educated are they and did they go to "right" schools, are they bright, are they popular. Responding in the correct way to these questions is often the measure a person takes of your value as a human being. How absurd and cruel!  Becoming keenly aware how to identify and deal with the covert narcissist will help you to protect yourself from them, to maintain clear boundaries from their toxicity and to independently go forward with your life, goals, relationships and personal growth.

Covert narcissists are control obsessed. They are masterful at the art of conversation, especially if they are trying to impress you or if they want something from you. If  you catch them off-guard the conversation can be very ugly. They will snipe away at you, pecking away bit by bit until they draw the psychological blood they have been seeking. They happily feed off of others. Don't become a victim of these bloodsuckers and below the belt punchers. Remember, they only live for themselves and those whom they have chosen for their inner circle of admirers. Admirers are brainwashed to believe that this covert narcissist is a close friend and confident. The covert narcissist glories in his/her circle. He controls them with the velvet glove----offering and fulfilling many of their wishes to keep them feeling good and to deepen their dependence on this person. This is like a small cult of personality. The members of the circle look to the covert narcissist as the leader and authority figure. For the covert narcissist this is an incredible source of narcissistic supply.





Regardless of their charm, their golden words and the favors they do for you, always remember that they are narcissists-----cold, calculating, ruthless, completely lack empathy, deceptive, clever liars, very secretive, exploitative.  If you get on their wrong side, watch out---they are filled with a roiling chasm of volcanic rage that never ends. They know how to wound and keep wounding you. Learn about covert narcissists in-depth. When you identify them, be fore warned. No matter how lovely, charming and magnetic they are---this is all a very convincing act. Keep you distance. You cannot have any kind of relationship with a covert narcissist.

Put the emphasis on your own psychological and spiritual (as you define it) development. Expand and deepen your creative gifts. You will find individuals who are not narcissists and are capable of deeply caring about and appreciating you as you are. Pay attention to your intuition---It is the source of truth. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com



Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
TELEPHONE CONSULTATION: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, etc.
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com