Sunday, June 9, 2013

Heal from Narcissistic Sibling--Bane of Your Existence

Narcissistic siblings curse our lives if we don't make a decision to deal with them and become self entitled to lead our own lives. Since babyhood you had a narcissistic sister or brother who hated you from the beginning. She taunted you in your crib. She pinched your little arms and laughed as you screamed in terror and pain. Susie (let's call her) made sure that neither parent was there when the torture began. In some cases the mother was narcissistic and allowed the narcissistic sibling to cause you physical pain and emotional trauma. The golden boy or girl had the run of the house---no rules for this child--no boundaries, no manners or consideration of others. Under this roof the narcissistic child is cruel to his/her siblings and gets away with it.

The sibling victimized by the narcissistic brother or sister becomes hyper vigilant to every movement, gesture, sound, smell or cue in the environment when his enemy is near. If the mother is narcissistic she encourages this dreadful abuse by always coming to the defense of her cruel hateful narcissistic child. Fathers in some instances are chosen by narcissistic women for their psychological weakness. They disappear into their work and are totally unavailable for protection or psychological support. Others are non-fathers and act like small children themselves, controlled by the overwhelming mother.

When you are an adult, the narcissistic sibling still attempts to make your life miserable. Whenever you see this person, he or she is critical, sarcastic, petty and vindictive. An opening gambit could be: "Well, what are you doing with your life? You squirm inside and don't know how to answer because regardless of what you say, you will be criticized and demeaned. Then the narcissistic siblings goes through litanies of his/her accomplishments, career triumphs, investments that turned into goldmines, gorgeous perfect children and wonderful spouses, descriptions of an idyllic life that says:" I have arrived. I am so successful no one can surpass me." "This stupid sibling is a waste of my time..... He/she is only good for making comparisons about my superiority and brilliance."

Exit this role--you don't deserve this kind of treatment or to  live with these painful memories and other insulting occasions to come. You cannot change your narcissistic sibling. The meanness will not stop; the horrible competitive attitude to wipe you out at all costs will persist. Make the break--sever the relationship. 

You can and will heal from the perpetual abuse of this narcissistic sibling. You will be surprised at how much lighter you feel emotionally and psychologically. You will grab the reins of your own life. If other family members are confused by your decision, it is none of their business. You don't need to make explanations. This is between the old you that had to survive and put up with this dreadful treatment and the authentic self, the one you were always meant to be. Embrace your creative gifts. Develop and nurture relationships with individuals who appreciate your authenticity and spontaneity. You are looking straight ahead now, riding the winds of freedom.  Visit my

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

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