Monday, November 8, 2010

Narcissists-Consummate Users

Narcissists with their smooth often perfect exteriors and social skills know how to work almost anyone. They can be impressive with their professional accomplishments (often bloated) and connections. Narcissists are always searching their environments for people who will be of use to them. Narcissists are incapable of genuine relationships since their major focus in on themselves. If they appear to be interested in you, even riveted---they are sizing you up to determine how you will or will not fit in to their special circle. Once they know that you are of no use to them, you become non-existent, a cipher.

Some people put themselves in the role of exploitee. They don't have a strong independent sense of self. At their core they always feel emotionally fragile, holding on to some one's hand as they move through life. Inside they are like small children who need direction and have great difficulty taking initiative and following through. Others in their role with the narcissists are narcissistic themselves and have come along for the ride, hoping that the spotlight, power and fanfare that accompanies will become a part of their lifestyle with him.  
The narcissist focuses only on those who will serve his purposes and needs which take different forms---monetary, power, sexual, adulation. Narcissists are inclined to choose attractive people who will reflect their impeccable image. Many narcissists spend much of their time becoming indispensable to the affluent and wealthy. This leads to higher more lucrative and influential social and business connections. Along the way the narcissists exploits those who are psychologically vulnerable and believe that the narcissist is an honest broker, a fine human being.

Some victims of narcissistic exploitation, especially ex-spouses have their lives turned inside out--financially, psychologically and emotionally ravaged. In some cases the narcissist obtains sole custody of the children, not because he loves them but as chess pieces in a monstrous game of revenge. How far will a narcissist go to psychologically and financially destroy another human being? Further than most people can imagine.

To avoid become a victim of the narcissist's exploitive vengeful game, study this personality disorder so that you can recognize these individuals quickly and know with whom you are dealing from the beginning. Pay attention to your intuition (It always speaks the truth.) respect and enforce your psychological boundaries and insist that you be respected as an individual through the company you keep. The stronger you are psychologically and the more solid your sense of self, the more successful you will be at avoiding corrosive narcissistic entanglements. Visit my website:

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: and amazon kindle edition

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