Sunday, November 14, 2010

Saying NO to the Demands of Others

As small children we are highly influenced by parental conditioning---in survival, sink or swim mode. As we grow older we begin to have our own independent thoughts, feelings, inspirations and creative ideas. Some children have a difficult time with this if their parents are severely punitive and rigid.

Those who are married to or partnered with narcissists need to learn how to say NO to their demands on their time, energy, creativity, even their most private thoughts. One avenue is that of learning the art of relaxation. Many people have no idea of how it feels to be truly relaxed---steady and calm. Learning to relax requires discipline. There are a variety of ways to relax. One ancient form is  hatha yoga with emphasis on nostril breathing and gentle poses. Another is learning how to breathe through the diaphragm which activates the relaxation response--the parasympathetic nervous system. Meditation in all of its forms offers a pathway to relaxation and healing on all levels.

As you practice any of these disciplines notice how you are changing despite the presence of narcissists and others who would try to disrupt your inner peace. Feel the core of strength in your body, mind and psyche that grows with your practice.

Another aspect of changing your life is learning to say YES to what you love each day---reading,walking,cycling, sketching, writing---your choice. Appreciate the small moments--like listening to the call of a bird from a distance---a cardinal, blue jay or mockingbird. You are hearing the song of everpresent hope.  Allow this song to resonate deep within you as you move forward one step at a time, growing, individuating, creating---now and for the rest of your life. Visit my website:

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: and amazon kindle edition

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