Wednesday, November 17, 2010

A Narcissist's Dram Poisons the Well

The word dram comes from the Greek, meaning a small amount. I have watched one narcissist poison his/ her family and narcissists within families disrupt and decimate generations of families. It is very difficult to recognize and actually know the truth about the destructive power of the narcissistic personality disorder. Many of these individuals are feted, touted, emulated and even adored as the most brilliant, talented, influential members of our society today. With an exterior that poses and speaks perfection, dynamic energy that is endless, a magnetism that cannot be resisted---almost no one can say NO to them. They have infiltrated our daily lives. The narcissistic style is now accepted as normal, even expected. If you are not ruthless and self promoting, you have not succeeded. If you look at most individuals at the top tiers of power in every strata of society today you will find a plenitude of narcissists. There are incredible exceptions of highly successful people who are at the top of their game who are not narcissists. Thank god for them.

In families where you have a parent or parents who are both narcissists, the children have a very difficult time fending off the proclivity to become narcissistic or the psychological injuries of becoming a target for the narcissist's constant spewing of psychological venom, criticisms, demeanments, humiliations----a pounding of the psyche, ear shattering verbal abuse.

It is amazing to discover that so many people who contact me have survived these homes from hell. They recognized early that their parent or parents were disturbed. They learned to protect themselves, to create inner lives that were separate from the dram of narcissistic poison. Other children were molded and became narcissists. Their story is a tragic, not only for them but for all of those whom they encounter, especially their spouses and future children.

It is essential at this particular time of rising societal narcissism that we inform ourselves very specifically about this fixed personality disorder that does not change. Work hard at becoming more aware and accepting of your unique individuality--embrace it. You are not to blame for all of the projections foisted on you by your narcissistic spouse, parent or sibling.

Use the tools that you need to separate and individuate out of the pathological narcissistic system that has bound you. Many find comfort and transformation in practices of hatha yoga, stilling the mind, accessing their creativity, physical exercise that keeps you strong and steady, strengthening the power of your intuition, finding others with whom you can communicate the truth and are deserving of your trust. There is no perfect time to separate yourself from the narcissist's poisonous dram--Do it now. Trust yourself, trust your inner knowing---It will lead you to a less traveled road that is simpler, calmer, loving, expanded, creative and life re-enforcing. Visit my website:

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: and amazon kindle edition

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