Narcissists take us on a perilous ride, especially if we are married to them. After the initial months with the narcissist who acts like a perfect partner, you begin to notice deepening cracks in the magnetic charm and "I adore you' scripts. On stage in his professional and social life, the narcissist is pure perfection. Some narcissists fulfill this role for themselves by hosting elaborate parties, soirees and small intimate dinners. These narcissists are very grandiose extroverts. The cuisine is often very elaborate with many intricate courses. These parties are like stage productions in which the narcissist can show off his residence to the best advantage. Every object--furnishings, finishings, art work, landscaping has been designed and executed at the highest level of craftsmanship. Often these narcissists are in a constant whirl of re-doing and perfecting a home that is already outstanding. This obsessive improvement behavior is a way the narcissist can let all of those who visit that he/she is superior in his daily lifestyle.
There is a dark side to this opulent picture. When all of the guests have left and the narcissist is alone with his spouse, the underside, the negative unconscious makes its sinister appearance. Sometimes it is fueled by the narcissist's excessive alcohol intake. The verbal pounding begins with one criticism on top of the other. The volume turns up quickly--the recriminations begin and never end. The narcissistic spouse has turned on you with full fury. He may get close to your face and threaten you. "You were bored with my stories. I saw the ugly expressions on your face." "You were a dreadful hostess tonight with no energy. I know that our guests sensed that you were preoccupied." "Why can't you dress with more style. I knew I should have picked out your outfit." "By the way, you've gained a few extra pounds around the middle and it is absolutely disgusting."
These seizures of rage can go on for hours nonstop. The extreme stress these behaviors have on the non-narcissistic spouse is devastating. In some cases it affects the physical health of the partner, can cause sever depression and anxiety attacks.
This roller coaster emotional stress cycle with the narcissist becomes intolerable. Remembers, these individuals have no sense of limits. They dish it out---You are expected to take it, even if you feel like you are going in implode or explode from the torment of these constant volleys of abuse. Some spouses stay on the narcissistic roller coaster.Others decide they must get off. They have had enough and are willing to walk away even if they are risking leaving some financial assets on the table. This decision is a wise one for those who are finally compelled to lead their own lives and become separate, independent and free of the narcissistic psychopathology of their spouse. I hear positive reports from those who have gotten off of this insane ride and are now the authors of their own lives. They have reclaimed their real selves, are thriving in mental freedom and psychological inner peace. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Marinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition